


the dysfunctional family

by pressq



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 00 liners, 2tae - Freeform, China Line - Freeform, Crack, Cussing, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Group chat, Light Angst, Luwoo, M/M, Pining, Roasting, Texting, WINKUN, actually this might be angsty than light angst oops, but will join in yuwin, chensung - Freeform, dojae, first time tagging dont mind me, johnten, kun is single, markhyuck, nct china??????, norenmin, ot18, other lines-, people are whipped for each other, probably slow updates, rookies will appear soon, some poly ships, taeyong just wants a normal family, the good tea, this is a mess, woocas, yuwin, yuwinkun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2019-06-18 15:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 99,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15488631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressq/pseuds/pressq
Summary: taeyong just wants a normal family.





	1. dammit taeyong

**Author's Note:**

> jisung: not this shit again
> 
> taeyong: who the fuck taught this kid to cuss

taeyong has created a group chat

taeyong has added taeil, chittaphon, youngho, yoonoh, and 13 others in the group chat

taeyong has renamed the group chat to "nct family"

 

dongyoung: what the fuck is this

 

donghyuck has renamed the group chat to "dysfunctional hell"

 

taeyong: 

taeyong: i'm starting to regret this

taeil: ... you should

mark: goddammit donghyuck

donghyuck: :)

jisung: not this shit again

taeyong: who the fuck taught this kid to cuss

chittaphon:

youngho:

donghyuck:

mark:

jisung: to be fair taeyong hyung, you're also cussing as well

yoonoh: someone tell me again why this group chat is created

yukhei: who's yoonoh and youngho

mark: .........

chittaphon: youngho is johnny and yoonoh is jaehyun

yukhei: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yukhei: WHY DID YOU ALL DIDN'T TELL ME OF THIS

yoonoh: oops?

jungwoo: yukheiii

yukhei: cOMING OVER

yuta: whipped as fuck

sicheng: you got no room to say that

donghyuck: AHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

renjun: why do i have over 20+ notifs i just woke up

chenle: it's 3 pm??

renjun: your point???

jeno: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

jaemin: dammit jeno

taeil: oh god what now

jaemin: he accidentally pricked his finger with the cactus

taeyong: MARK WHY ARE YOU NOT LOOKING AFTER THE DREAMIES

mark: I THOUGHT THEY WOULD DO FINE

donghyuck: what

donghyuck: the

donghyuck: FUCK

sicheng:

dongyoung: i'm not surprised

chittaphon: hey johnster remember the time-

youngho: 1. never call me that 2. yes. it was painful

yuta: what did he do?

chittaphon: youngho one time slipped on a chair and fell backwards

chenle: did you help him?

chittaphon: nope

chittaphon: i got the video tho

donghyuck: SEND IT TO ME I NEED IT

jungwoo: can i also have the video

taeyong:

kun: what the fuck is happening-

kun: dammit taeyong


	2. how to not die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vroom vroom: YOU BITCH
> 
> vroom vroom: I WILL FUCKING VROOM YOU

**dysfunctional hell**

 

jisung: so

taeyong: the fuck you doing staying up

jisung: and you wonder who taught me to cuss

chenle: what were you about to say jisung??

jisung: i was about to say that we should change our names since its boring but someone interrupted me

taeyong: i did not raise you to be like this

jisung: technically you didnt

jaemin: SHIT

taeil: my headache is coming

jaemin: sHIT

chittaphon: what now

jaemin: MY LIP IS SO GLOSSY AS FUCK

jeno: so i gave him chapstick

taeyong: good because he needed one

taeyong: even fans said he needed chapstick

jaemin: HOLY FUCK MY LIPS ARE S O F T

jaemin: WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS

jisung: a chapstick?

kun: hoes

kun: bitches

kun: why are all of you up

youngho: cheetah is the hoeist out of everyone

chittaphon: did you just

youngho: yes

donghyuck: wHAT THE FUSKCK

taeil: oh god

mark: oh no

donghyuck: I WANTED A GLASS OF WATER

donghyuck: AND I PASSED THE LIVING ROOM

donghyuck: AND SAW LUWOO CUDDLIGNG ON THE C O U CH SLEEPING

donghyuck: MARK WHY CANT WE BE LIKE THEM THE FUCK MAN

mark: BITCH YOU KICK ME IN YOUR SLEEP

donghyuck: YOUR POINT

sicheng:

renjun: poor hyung

yuta: oh hey sicheng

yuta: what are you doing still up?

sicheng: i woke up from my phone dinging to the 16th nOTE BECAUSE OF YOU ALL FUCKHEADS

yuta:

yuta: anyways

yuta: do you want t

chittaphon: gay

yuta: LET ME FUCKING FINISH

yuta: ANYWAYS do you want to come over to watch anime with me until we fall asleep

sicheng: yeah sure

sicheng: you fuckheads better not break my phone from spamming

donghyuck: can't guarantee that

dongyoung: you have no room to say that

dongyoung: shit i sent it late

yoonoh: you slow fuck

taeyong: true

mark: to which

taeyong: both of them

jaemin: PFFFFTTTT

jisung: so can we

renjun: i just realized everyone except luwoo are up @ 3 am

jeno: spoopy

renjun: no

jaemin: no

jisung: GUYS

kun: nani

jeno: si

jaemin: nani

donghyuck: hwta

mark: ^

dongyoung: you called

yoonoh: ouioui

youngho:

taeyong: yes jisung?

jisung: TAEIL HYUNG YOU BITCH GET ON

taeil: I DO NOT DESERVE THIS DISRESPECT

chenle: you do

taeil: WHY DID HE NOT GET YELLED AT TO GET ON

chenle: im in his room w him

jisung: anyways

jisung: how about we change our usernames

donghyuck: GREAT IDEA

 

donghyuck has changed his name to 6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth

 

mark: what the fu-

taeyong: very creative i must say

mark: i'll give him points for that

mark: but it's fucking long

chittaphon: just like your

taeyong: CHITTAPHON

chittaphon: debut title and the amount of times you've been busy with no sleep

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has changed mark's name to overworked 24/7

 

overworked 24/7: wow hyuck wow

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has changed yukhei's name to DREAM CHASER

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has changed jungwoo's name to jungowo

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has changed yuta's name to yutata

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has changed sicheng's name to sriracha 

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: you know what i just realized

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: sriracha is spelled with another r that is after the s

overworked 24/7: you dumb fuck

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: um rude

jisung: the rest of y'all better be alive to change y'alls names

jeno: since when were you a southerner

jisung: what i cant say y'all because im korean bitch

jaemin: well jesus

 

taeyong has changed his name to febreze the savior

 

jisung: fuck the rest of you stop being dead

 

jisung has changed taeil's name to nine taeils

jisung has changed chittaphon's name to *disgusted*

jisung has changed youngho's name to chicago rat

jisung has changed yoonoh's name to you know

jisung has changed chenle's name to le

le has changed jisung's name to ji

 

le: aw we have matching names

ji: mmhm

renjun: fucking gay and disgusting

ji: hey just because you dont have anyone else doesnt mean you can be spiced

renjun: BITCH

dongyoung: im alive i just dropped my phone in the cabinet

kun: how the

 

dongyoung has changed his name to vroom vroom

 

vroom vroom: its 3 am and you know what that means

*disgusted*: HELL NO

yutata: what the fuck guys i checked my phone and theres over 30+ notifications

vroom vroom: hi im glad you decided to join us in our vroom vroom talk show

yutata: fuck no im going im not dealing with this 

yutata: did i ever mentioned yor talk show is shitty as fuck

vroom vroom: YOU BITCH

vroom vroom: I WILL FUCKING VROOM YOU

ji: FUCKTARDS I CAN SMELL YOU PEOPLE BEING ALIVE GET ON NOW AND CHANGE YOUR NAMES

jeno: OK GOD

 

jeno has changed jaemin's name to gaymin

gaymin has changed jeno's name to gayno

gayno has changed renjun's name to shoulder_gangster

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: you fucking gays

gaymin: actually jeno is str8

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: oh hell no

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: have you even see yourselves

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: the fuck you mean straight

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: no one is straight when they enter this group chat of HELL

chicago rat: so i lost connection

nine taeils: tragic

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: was it from being in the sm basement for too long

chicago rat: LOOK HERE

shoulder_gangster: i agree

 

shoulder_gangster has changed kun's name to mom of the china line

 

mom of the china line: i feel appreciated

nine taeils: lucky bitch

overworked 24/7: oh shit

febreze the savior: LANGUAGE

overworked 24/7: fuck you ANYWAYS

febreze the savior: gasp

overworked 24/7: i just realized smth

vroom vroom: what

overworked 24/7: arent we gonna have 3 more members

overworked 24/7: theres 3 new rookies

febreze the savior: oh my fucking god

febreze the savior: i have to already deal with you shitfucks and now i have 3 more

shoulder_gangster: FUCK YEAH CHINA LINE WILL FUCKING RISE BITCH

le: HELL FUCKING YES

le: WE WILL TAKE OVER

sriracha: I HEARD CHINA LINE HOES

yutata: SICHENG GO BACK TO SLEEP AND HOW THE FUCK

sriracha: YOU NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE CHINA SENSE

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: oh shit man

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: if china line is gonna rise imagine the snake entertainment

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: literally puts mark in the china unit

gayno: well i mean one time we saw that jaemin and i were in the china unit for some reason

mom of the china line: tf

sriracha: time to learn chinese you FUCKASSES

yutata: siCHENG PLEASE

you know: every second our vocabulary grows even more colorful

you know: and we drift away from god

nine taeils: tragic

*disgusted*: tragic

febreze the savior: youre the one whos drifting away from god each 0.1 seconds ten

*disgusted*: who needs god when you got every sins you have committed and you're about to go to hell

febreze the savior: i

ji: you fuckheads need to go to sleep

ji: please

ji: its now 5 am

ji: and we have schedules 

gaymin: since when does a fetus order us around

vroom vroom: since now

vroom vroom: and youngho lost connection again btw

*disgusted*: how sad

vroom vroom: and yoonoh already fell asleep and somehow luwoo are still asleep

vroom vroom: oh and i checked yuta's room and yuwin are asleep

overworked 24/7: isnt that great

overworked 24/7: they dont have to deal with this bullshit

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: oh how sad

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: now come over here and sleep with me or else i'll strangle you

overworked 24/7: arent you still gonna do it either way

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: yes

gaymin: thats just sad

shoulder_gangster: it is

le: ^^

nine taeils: why are we not discussing how jisung

nine taeils: the maknae

nine taeils: told us to go to bed when taeyong shouldve done that job since he's the leader

febreze the savior: im busy trying to fucking run away from this dysfunctional family

mom of the china line: well fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaa hello hello sorry that i didn't update this for a whole week or two or more i was busy;; also i probably mightve made mistakes so yeah. anyways here's the list of usernames!!
> 
> usernames:  
> taeil - nine taeils  
> taeyong - febreze the savior  
> chittaphon - *disgusted*  
> youngho - chicago rat  
> yoonoh - you know  
> dongyoung - vroom vroom  
> yukhei - DREAM CHASER  
> jungwoo - jungowo  
> yuta - yutata  
> kun - mom of the china line  
> sicheng - sriracha  
> mark - overworked 24/7  
> renjun - shoulder_gangster  
> donghyuck - 6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth  
> jeno - gayno  
> jaemin - gaymin  
> chenle - le  
> jisung - ji


	3. a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DREAM CHASER: i've been meaning to ask this but
> 
> DREAM CHASER: who is dongyoung

**dysfunctional hell**

 

DREAM CHASER: so i just woke up

jungowo: why are there there over 60+ messages?

febreze the savior: i'm tired as fuck

ji:

ji: yeah about that

ji: we were spamming the chat in the middle of early morning

shoulder_gangster: why does it feel like someone is gonna come into this group chat

shoulder_gangster: and start screaming-

yutata: YOU ASSWIPES BROKE MY PHONE

mom of the china line: um

yutata: sorry that was sicheng

yutata: his phone actually broke

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: he needs a new phone

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: even taeil's puny phone can handle the spams

nine taeils: the fuck you say about my phone

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: nothin

yutata: ok but seriously how am i supposed to explain this to the manager

vroom vroom: just say that you dropped it in the toilet

yutata: i'm not that clumsy you bunny food

vroom vroom: hoe-

chicago rat: that should be for chittaphon

*disgusted*: YOU FUCKER I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: welcome back how was the basement

chicago rat: it was great to return to the basement

chicago rat: :,)

you know: huh wonder where the others are

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: so mark passed out

febreze the savior: WHAT

febreze the savior: I KNOW I HATE THAT SHITHEAD BUT WHAT

febreze the savior: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: brownies?

shoulder_gangster:

shoulder_gangster: so this is what cocaine is

mom of the china line: rENJUN

yutata: WHO THE FUCK

yutata: WHAT THE FUCK

*disgusted*: i knew those brownies were suspicious

chicago rat: what is it like you had cocaine before

*disgusted*:

le: tAEYONG HYUNG IS ABOUT TO GET A STROKE

febreze the savior: nope

febreze the savior: noep[ im gfffinme

le: NO YOURE NOT

jungowo:

overworked 24/7: hi im alive

febreze the savior: WB AHYTA THE FBYUCK M,AEK

shoulder_gangster: to be fair the brownies were left outside of our dorms and we were hungry

febreze the savior: DOESNT MEAN YOUN FUCKINH TAEKE FOOD OUT OF ENOWBGERE

febreze the savior: HWTA IF IT WAS POSIONOUS

febreze the savior: JESUS FUCKIN G CHRIDT

you know: taeyong is screaming over here

yutata: yuta here and currently sicheng is trying to talk to the manager about his phone

vroom vroom: what's currently happening

yutata: "so my phone broke" - sc

yutata: "how did you break your phone" - m

yutata: "well let's just say my phone crashed and then bro-" - sc

yutata: "jesus fucking christ kid" - m

nine taeils: tragic

jungowo: hope sicheng gets a new phone!!

DREAM CHASER: aww

DREAM CHASER: also

mom of the china line: what

DREAM CHASER: i've been meaning to ask this but

DREAM CHASER: who is dongyoung

vroom vroom: i'm dongyoung?

chicago rat: oh thats doyoung

DREAM CHASER: wait

DREAM CHASER: so you're telling me

DREAM CHASER: you guys never told me this

vroom vroom: well we didn't think it would be important anyways

DREAM CHASER: NO

DREAM CHASER: IT'S IMPORTANT

DREAM CHASER: I ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOUR NAME IS DOYOUNG THIS ENTIRE TIME

DREAM CHASER: AND YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELL ME YOUR REAL NAME

jungowo: to be fair-

DREAM CHASER: I FEEL FUCKING BETRAYED

DREAM CHASER: THEY CALL MY TRUST ISSUES VERY SERIOUS FOR NOTHING

gaymin: jeno just fell off of the stairs

shoulder_gangster: i was there as well

gayno: yOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS

*disgusted*: more importantly

*disgusted*: did anyone get a video

le: i got the video

*disgusted*: great send it to me in pms

le: how do you do that

*disgusted*: i

nine taeils: wonder how yuta and sicheng are doing

you know: dongyoung just-

gaymin: wait what did he do

gaymin: gimme the tea im thirsty

you know: so you know how we have separate rooms in the dorms and the u and 127 dorm are near

ji: si

you know: so basicasnjlrnkgnt

jungowo: ..?

nine taeils: did he die

chicago rat: nah dongyoung tackled him

you know: YOU WILL NOT FUVKINT TELL HEWM

you know: shiT==ITR

shoulder_gangster: what a wonderful day

le: it's-

shoulder_gangster: shut it

le: .-.

vroom vroom: ok anyways

you know: I WALKE DIN ON DONGYOUNG TWERKING AND HE LEGIT LOOKED LIKE A BUNNY

vroom vroom: SON OF A BITCH

nine taeils: tragic

febreze the savior: are you literally going to keep saying that

nine taeils: despacito

gayno: THIS IS SO SAD ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: not lying but

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: he actually played despacito once

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: OH FUCK NO HE'S BLASTING IT

yutata: what the fucc guys

sriracha: hi i have a new phone

shoulder_gangster: yay

sriracha: smh

jungowo: you know what i realized

jungowo: yukhei has been obsessed with the dreamies lately

DREAM CHASER: SO WHAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN

DREAM CHASER: CAUSE WE HOT AND WE YOUNG

jungowo: 

overworked 24/7: someone collect that crackass he's about to come over to our dorms

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: c r a c k a s s

overworked 24/7: as if you can't make better insults

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: yes i can you bitchfuck poppy

overworked 24/7: why the fuck

*disgusted*: my nap has been broken by screaming

mom of the china line: currently recording taeil trying to drag yukhei away from the dreamies dorm

mom of the china line: i have my china kids with me

febreze the savior: good luck with having 3 more

mom of the china line: good luck trying to be a good leader and look after 21 of us

febreze the savior:

ji: i leave and i get over 80+ notifs

jungowo: now you feel me

le: this is tragic for yukhei

DREAM CHASER: NO LET ME BE WITH THE DREAMIES IM 19

overworked 24/7: yeah and im an adult too bitch im gonna be out of dream soon

overworked 24/7: and guess who will be the next leader

shoulder_gangster: um i dont think so

overworked 24/7: fuck no you are gonna be the leader and thats final

overworked 24/7: and you will deal with being harassed by the young ducklings

le: how dare we are grown ducks

ji: smh

overworked 24/7: bitch y'all are 8

overworked 24/7: AND NO THE GO CONCEPT DOESNT COUNT

yutata: i'm still shook from the comeback even if it was months ago

nine taeils: why must you remind me

you know: where's yukhei

nine taeils: i threw him in the basement with youngho

chicago rat: I DONT DESERVE THIS

mom of the china line: *war flashbacks*

chicago rat: I DID NOT SPEND MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE TO PRACTICE

chicago rat: TO GET MY NAME SPELLED WRONG AND TO BE HARASSED BECAUSE IM THE BASEMENT KING

sriracha: imagine the one out of the 3 rookies get stuck in the basement

chicago rat: this shit is a magnet

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: good thing i got vocals and vocaled my way out of the basement wrath

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: feel bad for youngho tho

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: at the same time not

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: alexa play

ji: BITCH I SWEAR TO GOD I DONT NEED 2 DESPACITOS TO PLAY

ji: JENO WON'T STOP BLASTING DESPACITO AND I WANT TO SKIN MYSELF ALIVE

gayno: hey what happened to the honorifics

ji: YOU FUCKTWATS DONT DESERVE HONORIFICS

gaymin: *drinks tea*

ji: HOW ARE YOU OK WITH THIS

gaymin: obviously i'm his bro and plus i've heard worse

vroom vroom: i can legit hear despacito playing in the distance all the way from here

nine taeils: tragic

nine taeils: us 127 dorms can literally hear it LOUD AND FUCKING CLEAR

nine taeils: SO STOP FUCKING WHINING

yutata: damn

febreze the savior: damn

*disgusted*: damn

you know: damn

overworked 24/7: DAMN

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: we felt that

jungowo: did youngho lost connection again?

chicago rat: haha how sad

chicago rat: FUCK

chicago rat: MY MESSAGES WONT SEND

chicago rat: FUCKING HELL THE INTERNET CONNECTION IS SHITTY DOWN HERE

you know: well now they got sent

DREAM CHASER: is this what it feels like to be in the basement

chicago rat: yes

yutata: yes

sriracha: yes

febreze the savior: yes

*disgusted*: yes

vroom vroom: yes

gayno: DESPACITO QUIERO RESPIRAR TU CUELLO DESPACITO

gaymin: DEJA QUE TE DIGA COSAS AL OIDO

gayno: PARA QUE TE ACUERDOS SI NO ESTAS CONMIGO

DREAM CHASER: DESPACITO

mom of the china line: what the

ji: STOP WITH THE SHIT IT'S SO TERRIBLE FUCKING STOP WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING PARENTS

ji: DON'T YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE LYRICS MEAN

overworked 24/7: well let's see

overworked 24/7: i've seen the meaning of the lyrics and it's really

overworked 24/7: *coughs*

le: ??? what does despacito mean?

jungowo: i used google translate and it means slowly?

yutata: what the fuck

yutata: it's something what the 127 would sing

yutata: have you seen whiplash and cherry bomb

sriracha: i feel ashamed to be in 127

mom of the china line: FEEL GRATEFUL THAT YOU GET TO DEBUT IN A FUCKING UNIT

mom of the china line: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO DEBUT

sriracha: i would rather not

sriracha: i have to deal with our concept and having some people being clingy and touchy with me

yutata: you know you like it

sriracha:

*disgusted*: HAHAHAHHAHA HE DIDNT EVEN DENY IT

shoulder_gangster: someone help us dreamies we are being consumed by despacito

gayno: D

gayno: E

gayno: S

gayno: P

gayno: A

gayno: C

gayno: I

gayno: T

gayno: O


	4. where yukhei officially hates mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DREAM CHASER: where's mark
> 
> overworked 24/7: you called
> 
> DREAM CHASER: YOU MOTHERFUCKER

**dysfunctional hell**

 

nine taeils: hahahhahahahahahhahaha

nine taeils: hahahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahaha

nine taeils: hahaha ha ah ahaa

nine taeils: ha

nine taeils: h a

febreze the savior: A H A H A H A H A H A HhhHhHHh

chicago rat: oh shit

*disgusted*: shit indeed

sriracha:

mom of the china line:

vroom vroom: alright shitfaces what is wrong

yutata: why does everything seem tense?

febreze the savior: you know what the fuck is wrong?

febreze the savior: [attached image]

mom of the china line: what the fuck

mom of the china line: WHAT THE FUCK

mom of the china line: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY FUCKING CHINA BABIES

mom of the china line: WHERE THE FUCKITY FUCK

yutata: oh shit the china line mom has FUCKING SNAPPED

jungowo: um hello?

febreze the savior: oh hello!

jungowo: why is everyone spamming the chat in the middle of 10 in the morning?

nine taeils: WELL YOU SEE-

nine taeils: [attached image]

jungowo:

jungowo: o h

jungowo: oh dear i can't imagine when yukhei sees this,,

vroom vroom: oH FUCK

chicago rat: FUCK

you know: SHIT

nine taeils: well fuck

febreze the savior: i cant take this anymore

*disgusted*: *sips tea*

sriracha: so what the fuck happened to them

sriracha: specifically renjun and chenle

yutata: sichengie calm th y s el f-

nine taeils: ok where the fuck are the dreamies

you know: they're sleeping?

vroom vroom: hey wait, jungwoo

jungowo: yes?

vroom vroom: is yukhei still asleep

jungowo: yes

chicago rat: hahahahaha shit

yutata: brace yourselves

mom of the china line: and i'm ready to have a talk with my fucking children

febreze the savior: same

febreze the savior: dont fucking care if mark is in charge of the dreamies

febreze the savior: im about to

ji: good morning

febreze the savior: ah

febreze the savior: j i s u n g

you know: ten do you have any tea

*disgusted*: yes

ji: ??

febreze the savior: so

febreze the savior: [attached image]

febreze the savior: what

febreze the savior: in 

febreze the savior: the

febreze the savior: name

febreze the savior: of

febreze the savior: fucks

febreze the savior: happened to you and everyone

nine taeils: ok what the fuck is the deal we the older members have to deal

nine taeils: WITH THIS COMPLETE BULLSHIT WITHIN A BULLSHIT

nine taeils: AND WITNESSED

nine taeils: THE DREAMIES 

nine taeils: DOING A GO CONCEPT

nine taeils: OH AND NOW??? GO UP???? UM??

ji: uh

le: what's happening?

yutata: fuck SICHENG NO-

febreze the savior: get the others on now

febreze the savior: dont even fucking ask

ji: what the fuck @overworked 24/7 @shoulder_gangster @gayno @gaymin @6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: bitch the fuck i was sleeping

overworked 24/7: FUCK

febreze the savior: mark

overworked 24/7: FUFK 

 

overworked 24/7 has left the group chat

 

febreze the savior: I THINK THE FUCK NOT YOU TRICKASS MOTHERFUCKER

 

febreze the savior has added overworked 24/7 into the group chat

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: uh oh

jungowo: um

nine taeils: LETS HAVE A TALK SHALL WE?

overworked 24/7: PLEASE ITS EARLY IN THE MORNING

nine taeils: OH BUT EARLY ENOUGH TO ATTACK US ALL HUH?

sriracha: SHITFUCKS @le @shoulder_gangster

yutata: SICHENG

sriracha: NO

shoulder_gangster:

le:

gayno: oh no

gaymin: guess we cant escape this

vroom vroom: everyone besides the figure moms are huddled in my room sipping tea

*disgusted*: jesus fuck this is great

you know: it'll get good when yukhei comes in

chicago rat: ur right

febreze the savior: JISUNG, JENO, JAEMIN, DONGHYUCK, AND MARK COME OVER HERE NOW

ji: BUT WE'RE FUCKING TEXTING

febreze the savior: I SAID TO GET THE FUCK OVER HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH

gayno: WHAT THE FUCK

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: we all will die together

overworked 24/7: I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS SHIT

 

**china line - the c in china stands for cool**

 

mom of the china line: **renjun, chenle**

shoulder_gangster:

le:

sriracha: **WE NEED TO HAVE A FUCKING TALK NOW**

sriracha: **NOW LOOK THE FUCK HERE**

sriracha: **YOU GUYS ALREADY HAD A FUCKING COMEBACK SEVERAL MONTHS AGO**

mom of the china line: **which is go**

mom of the china line: **oh and we DIDNT APPRECIATE THE CONCEPT NOR THE FUCKING**

sriracha: **DISRESPECT**

mom of the china line: **NOW TELL US WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS DECIDED**

mom of the china line: **TO FUCKING UPLOAD TEASERS**

sriracha: **WHAT THE FUCK CHENLE YOU HAVE GREEN HAIR. GREEN!!!**

sriracha: **AND YOU**

sriracha: **WHAT THE FUCK??**

siracha:  **WHERE THE FUCK DID MY FETUS SNAGGLETOOTH CHILD GO WHAT THE SHITTY FUCK SACK**

shoulder_gangster:  **um-**

mom of the china line:  **NO**

mom of the china line:  **RENJUN NO JUST NO YOU HAVE NO EXPLANATION TO EXPLAIN YOURSELVES**

le:  **but-**

sriracha:  **NO MEANS FUCKING NO**

sriracha:  **WHY CANT YOU GUYS**

mom of the china line:  **GO BACK**

sriracha:  **TO BEING**

mom of the china line:  **FUCKING**

sriracha:  **FETUSES**

le: **i-**

shoulder_gangster: **well to be fair**

shoulder_gangster: **we're just starting new concepts since all we did were cute concepts**

shoulder_gangster: **and some people were bothered by our concepts how 16 year olds are constantly**

shoulder_gangster: **doing cute concepts to represent youth**

shoulder_gangster: **well i mean some people kinda hate us**

shoulder_gangster: **since we're just chewing gum 7 year olds and all but like**

shoulder_gangster: **there are other ways to represent youth besides being cute and all**

shoulder_gangster: **and i believe we all will just grow up soon and graduate from nct dream**

shoulder_gangster: **and the next people will be the next nct dream**

sriracha: **WHAT THE FUCK RENJUN YOU DID NOT HAVE TO HIT ME BACK TO REALITY LIKE THAT**

le: **i agree what he said, we'll grow up out of nct dream**

mom of the china line: **hold up back track**

mom of the china line: **renjun you said some people hated nct dream?**

shoulder_gangster: **yeah, why**

mom of the china line: **ok THATS THE FUCKING LINE.**

sriracha:  **MOTHERFUCKERS ARE HATING ON OUR CHILDREN**

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: WHAT THE FUCK GUYS WE ARE JUST

febreze the savior: NO FUCK NO YOU GUYS JUST FUCKING-

gayno: whAT DID WE EVE RDO 

nine taeils: FUCKING GROWING UP AND DOING MORE MATURE CONCEPTS

ji: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT

nine taeils: LOOK HERE YOU BITCH

nine taeils: WE WATCHED YOU GUYS GROW UP FROM CHEWING GUM KIDS

nine taeils: TO LITERAL REBELLIOUS TEENAGERS

nine taeils: AND THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

gaymin: BITCH

overworked 24/7: BUT IM

febreze the savior: SHUT FUCK THE UP

febreze the savior: I DONT CARE IF YOURE FUCKING IN OUR UNITS INCLUDING YOU DONGHYUCK

febreze the savior: YOU SHITBAGS ARE NOT OFF THE HOOK

mom of the china: **HOES GUESS THE FUCK WHAT**

yutata: WHAT THE FUCK WE CANT SPEAK CHINESE

sriracha: THEN LEARN CHINESE THEN YOU OSAKASS OF A SON OF A FUCKING

vroom vroom: CALM THE FUCK DOWN KUN HAS SOMETHING TO SAY

mom of the china line: [attached image]

mom of the china line: [attached image]

mom of the china line: [attached image]

mom of the china line: LOOK AT THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT

mom of the china line: OUR FUCKING KIDS

mom of the china line: OUR FUCKING LITERAL CHILDREN

gaymin: oh yeah that

nine taeils: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS COOL WITH IT

ji: we're used to it lol

febreze the savior: WHAT.

febreze the savior: IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO STRANGLE THOSE BITCHES

*disgusted*: well holy shit the tea is hot

DREAM CHASER: so i just finished rereading the chat

DREAM CHASER: 1. what the fuck

DREAM CHASER: 2. what in the fuck

DREAM CHASER: and third

DREAM CHASER: where's mark

overworked 24/7: you called

DREAM CHASER: YOU MOTHERFUCKER

overworked 24/7: WHAT DID I FUCKING DO

DREAM CHASER: YOU ARE LEGIT AN ADULT AND YOU'RE STILL IN FUCKING DREAM

DREAM CHASER: HAVING SOME COMEBACK AGAIN WITH THE DREAMIES

DREAM CHASER: WHAT THE FUCK MAN

DREAM CHASER: WHY THE FUCK ISN'T SM PUTTING ME IN NCT DREAM

you know: now he's getting borderline obsessed with nct dream

yutata: jesus fuck

yutata: i'm currently dealing with an angry sicheng

overworked 24/7: NOT MY FAULT SM IS ALL LIKE

overworked 24/7: SM: OH HEY LETS PULL OFF ANOTHER COMEBACK

overworked 24/7: SM: AND THIS COMEBACK WILL HAVE MARK IN IT BEFORE HE LEAVES

DREAM CHASER: BITC

jungowo: calm down, yukhei

DREAM CHASER: okay

*disgusted*: ha what the fuck gay

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: hmmm you have no room to say that

*disgusted*: listen here hoe

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: i'm not a mirror

ji: OH SHIT

le: AHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHA

vroom vroom: what the fuck

vroom vroom: we young was playing on my spotify and when mark began to sing

vroom vroom: HE WAS SINGING IN CHINESE

vroom vroom: LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THIS HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE TIME

vroom vroom: BECAUSE I ALWAYS THINK ITS THE KOREAN VERSION

ji: we young chinese version is a fucking bop

gaymin: yeah because you get to hear chenle singing in chinese

ji: shut fuck thre huop

gayno: HA

shoulder_gangster: i still feel bad for jaemin :((

gaymin: nah it's fine

chicago rat: are we seriously getting off topic

you know: oh they're just planning their murder 

you know: i can hear them they're literally plotting it in the basement

chicago rat: oh wow

yutata: and sicheng fell asleep after exploding in anger

yutata: jesus fuck

yutata: what about kun?

shoulder_gangster: he's currently cooking his stress away atm

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: can i just say i'm glad the talks have ended jesus fuck

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: we barely made out alive on this one rather than the last one

overworked 24/7: fucking agree

DREAM CHASER: YOU'RE STILL NOT OFF THE HOOK MARK

jungowo: what did i say

DREAM CHASER: i'm sorry

le: hmmmm speaking of which

le: nct china is happening!

overworked 24/7: fucking hell i will slit sm if they put me in the china unit

shoulder_gangster: hahahahaahahahhahaha

overworked 24/7: shut hell the up rnejun

overworked 24/7: i'm always overworked and it's so fucking stressful

overworked 24/7: honestly i can barely get any sleep or free time to myself since i'm in 3 units

overworked 24/7: sure it seems great but it's literal hell

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: mark..

shoulder_gangster:

shoulder_gangster: i'm sorry

overworked 24/7: no it's okay renjun, i've been stressed lately

overworked 24/7: hyuck, can i come over?

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: sure

gaymin: damn i teared at that

gayno: ikr

ji: jesus

ji: i just really fucking hope he can at least be in 2 units so he less the stress

le: same

*disgusted*: that was emotional

shoulder_gangster: **i still feel bad..**

le:  **it's okay, you didn't mean to**

mom of the china line:  **you guys are a mess**

mom of the china line:  **anyways i made homemade chinese food, want some?**

le:  **sure!**

shoulder_gangster:  **yeah, i miss the taste of china**

*disgusted*: can someone translate that

gayno: no

gaymin: no

ji: wow

 

**7:49 PM**

 

sriracha: wow i feel tired

yutata: yeah after fucking exploding

sriracha: hey it's not my fault

yutata: ik

DREAM CHASER: i still fucking hate my 99 bro

*disgusted*: and yet

DREAM CHASER: shut

mom of the china line: the dreamies are currently busy so they can't participate in the chat

mom of the china line: well until sometime tomorrow

vroom vroom: let's have a civilized conversation

yutata: no

*disgusted*: no

chicago rat: no

you know: no

sriracha: no

mom of the china line: no

DREAM CHASER: no

jungowo: no

nine taeils: no

febreze the savior: no

vroom vroom: well damn ok

vroom vroom: well since the dreamies are busy

vroom vroom: LET'S REVIVE VROOM VROOM TALKSHOW

DREAM CHASER: nah

DREAM CHASER: mine is way better

DREAM CHASER: it's all about FOODCAS

chicago rat: tbh his is way better

vroom vroom:

vroom vroom: bitch

febreze the savior: i feel dead

mom of the china line: aren't we all

sriracha: im bored

nine taeils: aren't we all

yutata: im still yodeling over nct celeb

yutata: like

yutata: im actually crying

chicago rat: it would be a fucking miracle if yukhei keeps a straight face

chicago rat: while dancing to i wanna be a celeb

*disgusted*: he can't keep a straight face cuz he gay

DREAM CHASER: you absolutely have no room to say that

febreze the savior: i just realized something

febreze the savior: why the fuck am i the single motherly mom out of everyone and the leader

vroom vroom: at least you didn't have to actually experience divorce

vroom vroom: just like junmyeon did and literally lost a husband and two kids

febreze the savior: bitch what the fuck

febreze the savior: i swear to fucks i dont care if we will eventually have 40+ members

febreze the savior: no one in this fucking household will leave nct

febreze the savior: because we will FUCKING STICK TO EACH OTHER

*disgusted*: mmmmmmmm doubt it

nine taeils: DO NOT FUCKING JINX IT

sriracha: honestly i dont think i can stand if someone leaves out of the pact

yutata: aw

jungowo: why are we getting sentimental again?

jungowo: let's brighten the mood

DREAM CHASER: ^^^^^^

you know: as always, jungwoo is always the savior

you know: looks like your febreze ain't a savior anymore

febreze the savior: i think the fuck not

febreze the savior: do you know how much MU FUCKING FEBREZES MEANS TO ME

mom of the china line:

you know: now he is ranting about his febreze

chicago rat: you should regret it

you know: i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i'm not ready for the dreamie's mini album go up hshhsj
> 
> have you guys seen the teaser photo??


	5. jisung needs help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ji: guys
> 
> ji: guys
> 
> ji: i need h e l p

**mature bubble gums**

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: who the fuck is creating tension in the air

shoulder_gangster: not me

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: and i know mark isn't

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: and the gay pairings are playing video games in the dorm

ji: wONdeRfUl dAY We'rE haViNG

le: but it's 11 pm?

 

**le, ji**

 

le: jisung, are you okay?

ji: yeah im

ji: fine

le: doesn't sound too convincing?

ji: i swear im fine

le: okay...

 

**mature bubble gums**

 

overworked 24/7: this burger is cold

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: then use the microwave you dumbass

shoulder_gangster: if he cant cook eggs then i dont think he can use the microwave

overworked 24/7: what kind of fucking disrespect is this

overworked 24/7: this is way worse than being in the main group chat

gaymin: jisung and chenle have been quiet lately

shoulder_gangster: they're probably talking to each other

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: ok but like

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: i can still sense the tension???

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: its so tense and awkward as fuck

 

ji has removed le from this group chat

 

ji: guys

ji: guys

ji: i need h e l p

ji: it's fucking urgent

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: damn you didnt have to kick him out

ji: THAT IS THE ISSUE

ji: I NEED HELP AND IT'S ABOUT CHENLE

gayno: do you suppose

gayno: that you have a crush on chenle?

ji: NO I HAVE A CRUSH ON A BURRITO

ji: OFC ITS CHENLE

ji: i mean honestly idk how this started

ji: when i first met him i mean he was cool and all

ji: and we became friends obviously

ji: but for some reason i started to catch these heart fluttering feelings

ji: and at that moment i fucking knew i have a crush on my own friend

ji: AND I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO DO

gaymin: woah slow down there buddy

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: hm

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: so basically you have a crush on chenle and you dont know what to do abt it

ji: YES

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: well let's see

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: try to confess to him?

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: i mean im sure the friendship between you guys wont change

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: and plus im sure that maybe chenle also likes you back?

ji: with a question mark

ji: yes very assuring.

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: do you want fucking help you little shit

gaymin: how long have you been pining??

ji:

ji: i cant count

gayno: oH MY FUCLING-

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: BITCH DOES THAT MEAN

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: YOU HAVE BEEN PINING FOR 2 FUCKING YEARS

ji: ..

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: WHAT THE FUCK JISUNG

ji: lOOK-

shoulder_gangster: chenle is asking me why he got kicked out of the group chat

shoulder_gangster: hurry up

overworked 24/7: this burger is good

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: NOW IS NOT THE TIME

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: WE ARE CURRENTLY DEALING WITH A FETUS WHO PINED FOR 2 YEARS

overworked 24/7: wtf

gayno: well? what are you gonna do about it jisung

gayno: i recommend you take donghyuck's advice and just confess

ji: but

gaymin: no buts you gayass 

gaymin: CONFESS ALREADY

ji: OK GOD

shoulder_gangster: so can i add him back in

ji: yeah

 

shoulder_gangster has added le into the group chat

 

le: so uh why was i kicked out?

ji: oh it was nothing

ji: it was on accident and i didn't know how to add you back so renjun had to do it

le: ok?

 

**ji, 6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth**

 

ji: I CANT FUCKING DO IT

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: FUCKING DO IT ALREADY

ji: BUT IM FUCKING SCARED OUR FRIENDSHIP WILL NOT BE THE SAME AGAIN

ji: YEAH SURE YOU ASSURED ME THAT IT WONT

ji: BUT THIS IS 21ST CENTURY

ji: AND THIS GENERATION IS BEING INTRODUCED TO NEW SEXUALITIES

ji: I KNOW I TRUST CHENLE AND THAT WE WILL ALWAYS BE FRIENDS

ji: BUT YOU CAN'T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO BE CALM ABOUT IT AND CONFESS TO HIM LIKE IT'S NOTHING

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: LISTEN HERE HOE

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: I AM SURE THAT YOUR FRIENDSHIP WILL REMAIN THE SAME

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: SURE IT MIGHT GET AWKWARD

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: BUT WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER AS DREAMIES FOR LIKE 2 YEARS

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: AND I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT CHENLE

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: WON'T END THE FRIENDSHIP JUST BECAUSE HIS FRIEND LIKE LIKES HIM

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MAN UP BITCH

ji: YOU HAVE NO FUCKING ROOM TO SAY THAT SHIT

ji: YOU HAVEN'T EVEN CONFESSED TO MARK YET

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: THAT'S FOR ANOTHER TIME

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: NOW THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: YOU MUST FUCKING CONFESS YOUR UNDYING CRUSH/LOVE TO HIM

ji: YOU KNOW WHAT FINE

ji: I FUCKING WILL

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: jisung seriously whatever happens, we will try to fix it

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: if chenle doesn't feel the same way we can cry together

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: and we will fix the friendship

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: okay?

ji: thanks

ji: even though you're shitty you're still a great person to talk to

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: take that back you bitch

 

**ji, le**

 

ji: hey uh chenle?

le: yes?

ji: i have something to tell you

ji: it's really important

ji: and honestly please, whatever you fucking do just keep... an open mind. okay?

le: ?? sure

ji: okay so here i go. sorry that i kinda acted weird and made the atmosphere kinda tensed, awkward, and just tensed in general. thing is, i actually have a thing for you. and no, by that i mean i actually have feelings for you. i actually like you and no not platonically but romantically. you're just a great person to be with and you're an amazing friend. i admit, when i first saw you i thought to myself, "hey he seems like a fun guy, although he's kinda shy, but he's cute though" and i actually didn't expect that the feelings would grow stronger into something that makes me pine for years and want to hug and hold you tightly and just say i love you over and over again. i honestly like your personality because it;s something new i have ever seen and you're also cute and your dolphin laughs are adorable as well and i'm just gETTING overly emotional just texting these because i just want to appreciate your being and confess my love- or crush i had for 2 years but the thing is im really scared that our friendship won't be the same. i talked to donghyuck about this but it's just that i dont really feel assured enough to believe that it will go fine. yeah i get that this may seem weird to you having another boy like you but i cant help it. however if youre bothered by it i can stop and push my feelings aside because i dont want to make you uncomfortable and probably think over my confession and probably feel stressed and pressured to either accept me or reject me but i dont really care i just want to get this off of my chest. the last thing i ever want is to have a broken friendship and us being distant from each other. also sorry for rambling and such i cant help it. anyways overall, i had a crush on you for 2 years and i like you.

le: oh jisung

le: you know i wouldn't break off this friendship because of your feelings for me

le: that would be honestly quite dumb and stupid

le: to throw a 2 year worth friendship away

le: anyways, jisung, i also like you too. i was about to confess but guess you beat me to it

ji: wait

ji: really..? you like me?

le: of course, silly! 

le: so since we confessed, what should we do now?

ji: do you... want to be my boyfriend

le: HSDJDSDSD OF COURSE!!

ji: i'll talk to the manager about this

ji: hopefully he will accept our relationship

le: okay!! good luck

ji: also since we're now boyfriends, do you want to tell the others about it in the main group chat tomorrow??

le: sounds perfect. i wouldn't want to get killed for being up past our bedtime 

ji: true

 

10:36 AM

**dysfunctional hell**

 

ji: guess who the fuck has a boyfriend

febreze the savior: wait a fucking second

febreze the savior: WHAT

vroom vroom: what the hell did we miss

overworked 24/7: a lot

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: wait

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: JISUNG YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TELLING ME

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: YOU ABSOLUTE SHITTY ASS

ji: CHENLE AND I AGREED WE WOULD TELL EVERYONE IN THIS GROUP CHAT SO YOU CAN KISS MY ASS

yutata: WAIT WHAT JISUNG WHO'S YOUR BOYFRIEND

le: hello

sriracha: WHAT THE FUCK

sriracha: CHENLE IS JISUNG'S BOYFRIEND????

le: mhm

sriracha: I CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE GROWING UP

sriracha: IM SOBBGIGRB

yutata: he's actually sobbing

yutata: also i can hear screaming probably from taeyong

shoulder_gangster: chenle you didn't even bother telling me

shoulder_gangster: i feel so betrayed

le: it has to be done

le: but hey!! now jisung and i are boyfriends

le: he talked to the manager abt it 

chicago rat: i'm surprised

nine taeils: same

nine taeils: all the manager did was told us to shut up or even tell mark to stop laughing

febreze the savior: the nerve

febreze the savior: we were doing an acapella and im fuckign mad

jungowo: congratulations, jisung and chenle!

le: thank you!

ji: i feel so happy imactuallycrying

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: he is

le: aw, ji

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: ok now he is crying even more

gaymin: i'm soft

mom of the china line: isn't everyone

*disgusted*: it's fucking official

*disgusted*: chensung is sailing and being active

you know: speaking of which

you know: do we have any more relationships?? i mean johnten happened

*disgusted*: i bet my ass that everyone else are being bunch of pussies and are probably pining each other and wont fucking speak up

nine taeils: well DAMN

mom of the china line: well you see

mom of the china line: im a single pringle

DREAM CHASER: -and ready to mingle

ji: hey donghyuck

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: NO

ji: donghyuck

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: FUCK NO

*disgusted*: do i sense someone being an UTTER PUSSY

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: THE FUCK NO

ji: DOnGhYucK You goTta

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: NO WAY IN THE HELL

overworked 24/7: ???

gaymin: OH SHIT I SMELL AN INTERESTING TEA

gayno: but why

yutata: OH FUCK I KNOW WHAT'S UP

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: LITTLE BITCH

ji: :)

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: i hate you

ji: love you too but not as much compared to how much i love my amazing dolphin boyfriend

le: dawww

jungowo: i just bust a fucking uwu

nine taeils: what the fuck is an 'uwu'

jungowo: uwu

shoulder_gangster: i can feel the uwu im finna bust it UWU

le: uwu

sriracha: uwu!!!!!!!!

vroom vroom: why are they-

you know: don't question it

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: meanwhile they uwu their ass out

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: IM GONNA RUN AWYA NOW AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS

ji: I THINK THE FUCK NOT

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has left the group chat

ji has added 6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth into the group chat

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has left the group chat

ji has added 6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth into the group chat

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has left the group chat

ji has added 6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth into the group chat

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: MOTHERFUCKER STOP AND LET ME LEAVE AND RUN AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS

ji: I FUCKING RAN AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS AND GUESS WHAT

ji: I FUCKING DECIDED TO STOP BEING A PUSSY AND DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM

ji: SO NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO DEAL YOUR PROBLEM YOU SON OF A BITCH

febreze the savior: WHAT THE FUCK I JUST GOT BACK FROM SCREAMING OVER MY BABY HAVING A BOYFRIEND

febreze the savior: AND WHAT

febreze the savior: ANOTHER ONE OF MY KIDS GONNA GET A BOYFRIEND???

mom of the china line: DEAL WITH IT YOU FUCKER

febreze the savior: FUCKING. OFFENDED.

chicago rat: calm down ladies

mom of the china line: WE'RE NOT FUCKING LADIES

chicago rat: y'all act like one

febreze the savior: do you want to fucking get roped into the basement

chicago rat: HELL NO I VALUE MY FREEDOM

 

1:55 PM

 

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6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: I AHVE OVER 30+ NOTIFS

ji: HELP

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: WHAT THE FUCK NOW

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: ALSO WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO BE BUSY AND IM THE ONE HAVING TO DEAL THE SPAMS

ji: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HELP ME

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: THE FUCK YOU NEED HELP ON

ji: CHENLE IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: YES AND

ji: HE'S SLEEPING ON MY BED AND IM ABOUT TO SHRIEK ON HOW ADORABLE AND SOFT HE LOOKS

ji: LIKE OH MY FUCK

ji: HOW CUTER CAN HE FUCKING GET

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: YOU FUCKING WHIPPED GAYASS 

ji: SHUT THE FUCK UP

ji: NOT LIKE YOU WILL ALSO ACT WHIPPED FOR ****

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: FUCKING BITCH DELETE DELETE

ji: DID YOU FORGET THAT EVEN IF I DELETE IT THE OTHERS WILL STILL SEE IT

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: YOU FUCKING-

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU I GET THIS

ji: IM HELPING YOU SO SHUT UP

 

4:43 PM

 

nine taeils: why the fuck do i have over 50+ notifs


	6. 1 weeb with a side of tea and bunch of messy shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yutata: HOLY SHIT
> 
> yutata: BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS THE REAL SHIT
> 
> sriracha: boku... what?

**fucked up hell but not too fucked up?**

 

chicago rat: it has been 5 chapters and maybe we should change our names

febreze the savior: excuse me what?

yutata:  **you just broke the damn fourth wall you dumb shit**

chicago rat: anyone care to translate that

yutata: LEARN JAPANESE YOU ABSOLUTE FUCK

vroom vroom: BUT WE FUCKING-

yutata: CHAIN DOESN'T COUNT

overworked 24/7: DAMN IT

overworked 24/7: NO WAY IN HELL I HAVE TO LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE I GOT CHINESE AND JAPANESE IM FINE WITH KOREAN AND ENGLISH JESUS FUCL

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: so i translated that absolute japanese shit and all i got is "you broke the wall of your fourth shit"

yutata: AHAHHAAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK GOOGLE

nine taeils: what did i just woke to

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: WHO DAT WHO DAT WHO DAT BOY

overworked 24/7: SHUT THE FUCK UP HYUCK

chicago rat: ok anyways

chicago rat: we should change our users bc they're getting old

febreze the savior: i like mine though

chicago rat: too bad

febreze the savior: you fucker

you know: yeah maybe we should change our names

you know: later

vroom vroom: ok im bored

nine taeils: tragic

vroom vroom: STOP SAYING THAT

sriracha: they're fucking longer than my lines

sriracha: because some people are hogging nearly all the lines

febreze the savior: look-

sriracha: no

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: where did yuta go

overworked 24/7: idk

chicago rat: wait a fucking second

chicago rat: WHAT THE FUCK MY EARDRUMS

vroom vroom: THE ABSOLUTE BLOODY FUCK

chicago rat: WHO THE FUCK IS BLASTING SOME JAPANESE SONG

yutata: FUCK YOU ALL

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

you know: SOMEONE FUCKING HELP US

yutata: HOLY SHIT

yutata: BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS THE REAL SHIT

sriracha: boku... what?

yutata: THE DAY HAS COME

overworked 24/7: i can fucking hear it all the way from the dream's dorms

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: you're not alone

mom of the china line: im so confused

*disgusted*: yuta is being a weeb again

yutata: I HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW ANIME TO WATCH

yutata: IT'S STILL ONGOING

yutata: AND HOLY FUCK I HAVE TURNED GAY FOR TODOROKI

febreze the savior: HE'S FUCKING 15

yutata: NOTHING WRONG WITH TURNING GAY FOR AN ANIME CHARACTER LEAVE ME ALONE

yutata: wHO NEEDS A BOYFRIEND WHEN YOU GOT ANIME

sriracha:

yutata: everyone needs to watch this with me i'm already on season 2

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: how the fuck

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: it takes me centuries to finish 1 episode of something

nine taeils: never underestimate the power of an otaku

yutata: HELL YEAH

shoulder_gangster: brb

 

**china line - the c in china stands for cool**

 

mom of the china line: **sicheng, are you okay?**

sriracha: **yeah i'm fine**

mom of the china line:  **you don't sound okay**

sriracha:  **seriously i'm fine**

shoulder_gangster:  **hyung, you're not. does this have something to do with yuta?**

sriracha:

shoulder_gangster:  **i'll take that as a yes**

le:  **hyung, you know yuta hyung didn't mean it. he was just joking**

DREAM CHASER:  **he has been talking to me how he wanted a boyfriend**

DREAM CHASER:  **so don't take it to heart that he doesn't need anyone. well just because he has anime doesn't mean he will still feel the emptiness within him**

sriracha:  **you're right**

sriracha:  **but i cant help it?**

sriracha:  **i really love yuta hyung but it's just?? i feel worthless?? like i dont think i deserve him he's just so out of league for me**

shoulder_gangster:  **listen here you motherfucker if you think yourself as worthless then think again because i swear to fucks you're the best hyung in the china line and we love you and appreciate you and it hurts to see you like this. plus i'm sure that yuta likes you back maybe the both of you are just pining.**

mom of the china line:  **jesus fuck renjun**

le:  **wow**

le:  **also this is so rare to see yukhei to be serious**

DREAM CHASER:  **shhhhh us china bros must stick together**

sriracha:  **i fucking love you guys so much im actually crying**

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

gaymin: repeat that again

yutata: I JUST SAID IT AT LEAST 4 TIMES NOW IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND THE PLOT OF THE ANIME

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: IT'S NOT FUCKING SIMPLE

mom of the china line: oh

febreze the savior: these fucking breads are stale

overworked 24/7: what the fuck is this thing

overworked 24/7: [attached image]

shoulder_gangster: oh shit that's mine

overworked 24/7: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE PORK ORGANS IN MY ROOM

shoulder_gangster: GIVE THE DAMN ORGANS BACK

vroom vroom: ok so apparently one of the dreamies likes to eat pig organs

shoulder_gangster: they're good tho especially with bread

le: holy shit they are good

ji: bitch what the fu-

shoulder_gangster: speaking of which i need to learn methods on how to grow tall

le: ahahahhahahahaha

 

**yutata, sriracha**

 

yutata: hey, are you feeling alright?

sriracha: fucking dandy

yutata:

yutata: did something happen?

sriracha: nothing happened

yutata: well the fact that you just cussed when i just asked you a question, seems as if something happened

sriracha: mmmm

sriracha: yeah i guess something happened

yutata: do you want to talk about it?

sriracha: i dont have to maybe you should go back watching your weeb shit

yutata: what the fuck sicheng just talk to me

yutata: being a pissy teenager girl wont help whatever situation we're in

sriracha: did you just compare me to a teenager girl you fucking imbecile

yutata: sure did because you act like one

sriracha: ok you know what

sriracha: no fucking wonder you dont have a boyfriend

sriracha: all you fucking do is be inside your room and do your thing rather than try to actually find your love life

sriracha:  **have a good fucking day.**

sriracha has blocked you

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

yutata: WHAT THE FUCK SICHENG DID YOU JUST FUCKING BLOCKED ME

gaymin: do i sense tea

*disgusted*: i can hear it sizzling

 

sriracha has left the group chat

 

yutata: oh my fucking god

 

yutata has left the group chat

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: well shit

ji: shit indeed

gayno: um maybe we should not interfere whats happening with yuwin so we should focus on the more positive aspect

gaymin: aw how responsible of you even though you fucking fuck yourself up nearly every time i keep my eyes off of you

 

gaymin has changed gayno's name to responsible but fucks up

 

responsible but fucks up: I DONT FUCK UP THAT OFTEN

gaymin: sure thing sweaty

vroom vroom: *sweetie

gaymin: shut

 

responsible but fucks up has changed gaymin's name to plasticc ccotton ccandy

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: why is my name long like yours

*disgusted*: long like my

 

febreze the savior has removed *disgusted* from this group chat

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

 

overworked 24/7 has removed 6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth from this group chat

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has joined the group chat

 

overworked 24/7: HOW THE FUCK

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: im a hacker bitch

 

**yutata, sriracha**

 

yutata: sicheng  _not sent!_

yutata: please  _not sent!_

 

 

yuta sulked and shut his phone off. he was conflicted with the current situation he was in. he wasn't really sure what he did wrong. out of all the possibilities, what could he have done? it's not like he purposely wanted to hurt his crush and it just hurts him to have the blame put on him and that he was the reason of him hurting. yuta sighed and laid down on his bed. he never wanted to hurt sicheng, he loved him very much and he didn't want this kind of bond to be forever broken.

 

the best thing he can do at the moment is confront him and talk to him, if he even allows him. he pushed himself up off from his bed and walked out of his room, each step making him anxious.  _shit, what if the damage is already done? will sicheng even listen to me at this point?_ all these thoughts ran through his head. before he knew it, he was already in front of sicheng's door. he took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock on the door, but he stopped.

 

_what if i hurt him again?_

 

yuta thought to himself as he hesitated to knock on the door. his heart felt burdened, his thoughts felt overwhelming. it _hurts_. the japanese boy lowered his hand, away from the door, away from trying to confront the weeping boy.  _maybe he's right. of course. why else would no one romantically love me? i just hurt people around me, even without me realizing._

 

he chuckled to himself and glanced at sicheng's door sadly before locking himself up in his own room.

 

3:33 AM

**dysfunctional hell**

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: any of you bitches up

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth: guess not

 

6.09×1012 km2; 12,000 × earth has changed his name to energy drinks

energy drinks has changed le's name to dolbitch

energy drinks has changed ji's name to geese-sung

energy drinks has changed shoulder_gangster's name to small asswipe

energy drinks has changed overworked 24/7's name to marknae™

energy drinks has changed mom of the china line's name to pros and kuns

energy drinks has changed jungowo's name to HEWWO BITCHUWU

energy drinks has changed DREAM CHASER's name to LOOSE (C) ASS

energy drinks has changed vroom vroom's name to d is for disease

energy drinks has changed you know's name to y.1

energy drinks has changed nine taeils's name to spicy cocktaeil

energy drinks has changed febreze the savior's name to pregantante

energy drinks has changed chicago rat's name to y.2

energy drinks has changed *disgusted*'s name to classic hoe

 

energy drinks: and my work here is done

energy drinks: besides yuta and sicheng

energy drinks: ok is seriously no one up the fuck

marknae™: here's this thing called sleep and SOME people need them

marknae™: NOW GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO SLEEP AFTER A LONG DAY

energy drinks: mmmmmmmmmmmmm nah

marknae™: also why in the hell did you change everyone's users

energy: why not

marknae™:

marknae™: ok but why the fuck

marknae™: HALF OF THE USERNAMES I CANT

marknae™: renjun's definitely gonna kill someone

energy drinks: to be fair he is small

energy drinks: fuccing shorter than chenle

marknae™: aren't you the same height as renjun though

energy drinks: at least i LOOK taller than him so shut hell the up

marknae™: k

marknae™: anyways i need sleep now

energy drinks: bABE DONT LEAVE ME ALONE

marknae™: since when tf was i your babe

energy drinks:

energy drinks: since now

marknae™: goOD fUcKiNg BYe

 

10:11 AM

 

pregantante: who the fuck changed my user

classic hoe: i like mine

y.2: of course you do

y.1: wait why do we have similar usernames

d is for disease: wait a fucking second i cant tell which one is who

LOOSE (C) ASS: what the fuk

y.1: pretty sure the other is youngho

y.2: no maybe im not

y.1: what

geese-sung: whomst the fucketh

dolbitch: thanks hyung

energy drinks: no problem everyone 

HEWWO BITCHUWU: why is my username. .

spicy cocktaeil: donghyuck (the little shithead)

pregantante: anyways aside from all of this

pregantante: im getting worried over yuta and sicheng i haven't heard anything from both of them

LOOSE (C) ASS: o shit he isn't even messaging in our china line group chat

pros and kuns: well fuck

 

6:23 PM

 

pregantante: im actually worried as fuck and i cant take it

small asswipe: i just checked the group chat and whoever changed my user will die in hell

small asswipe: also im crying at the same time

dolbitch: I DOTN FEEL OK W EFINDIHDED RECOIRDNING DEAR DREAM AND IM SOBBGIGN OS =SO ARDHAES OVER MARK YUGHYUGN

geese-sung: BITHFC SAME IMC RYUG

energy drinks: ha you fucking weaks

plasticc ccotton ccandy: you have no room to say that you're crying as well

energy drinks: THE HELL IM NTO

marknae™: aw

responsible but fucks up: my heart hurts

classic hoe: well that's great the dreamies are crying over mark and we are still having crisis over yuwin

classic hoe: jesus fuck the bestest tea i've ever had but they are being stubborn as FUCK

y.2: both of them have never left their room ever since the drama

spicy cocktaeil: well shit

pregantante: are you fucking saying both of them haven't eatenand they just starved themselves IN THEIR ROOM

y.1: well

d is for disease: holy fuck taeyong is about to get a heart attack and wreck everything

pros and kuns: this is a fucking mess

HEWWO BITCHUWU: these motherfuckers better get out of their room or else i will fucking

LOOSE (C) ASS: jungwoo what are you doing- JUngwoO NO

spicy cocktaeil: oH SHIT JUNGWOO IS ON A RAMPAGE

marknae™: i'm still dealing with bunch of crybabies

small asswipe: SHUT THRE FUVK UPN HUGYYUNG YIURE YFRNG AS WELL SYT THE HELL UP AND LET US CRY OVER YOUR GRADUATION  FORM NCT DREAM YST SHUCJ THE FYCM UP AND LET US CYR

marknae™: JESUS FUCK GUSY

geese-sung: can we just fucking take this into the dream groyp chat pelase

 

**mature bubble gums**

 

geese-sung: jesus fucks mark hyung why do you have to fucking graduate

marknae™: LOOK HERE BLAME SM FOR PUTTING ME IN THIS UNIT IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO

small asswipe: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP WITHOUT YOU IN THIS NON-FIXED UNIT I DONT THINK ANYONE HERE WOULD'VE BEEN SUITABLE TO BE THE LEADER

small asswipe: I DOTN FUVKING CARE

small asswipe: LIKE YES YOU'RE IN 3 UNITS AND I KNOW ALL OF US ARE WEEPING OVER YOUR GRAUDATION BUT AT LEAST YOU HAVE LESS STRESS FROM FUCKING SM

geese-sung: we all have been together for a long time (excluding renjun hyung and lele) but it just fucking hurts us that you have to leave us and graduate like yes i know you'll still be in nct but we won't be able to see each other tHAT often. but it's just that it wouldn't be the same without you

energy drinks: listen here shithead we love you and we show it through teasing and harassing you

energy drinks: you're literally the best fucking leader ever

marknae™: guys im crying stop-

dolbitch: even though renjun hyung and i haven't been around that long compared to all of you, we will still miss you once you graduate after go up is released

plasticc ccotton ccandy: holy shit jeno is sobbing and literally soaking my entire shirt

plasticc ccotton ccandy: anyways yeah i agree with all of them

plasticc ccotton ccandy: but all of us will graduate soon enough and will join with you

responsible but fucks up: NO IM NOT

plasticc ccotton ccandy: [attached image]

plasticc ccotton ccandy: this picture says the opposite

responsible but fucks up: HSUT

marknae™: guys im actually sobbing i'll miss you all oh my fuck i love you guys so much

marknae™: i hope you guys will manage by yourselves when im gone 

geese-sung: HYUNG STOP I JUST STOPPED CRYING AND NOW IM CRYING AGAIN

geese-sung: WHY MUST WE GROW UP

dolbitch: there there

energy drinks: we're all in pain

small asswipe: PRETTY EXPLANATORY

geese-sung: oh lele did i ever mentioned how FUCKING FINE YOU LOOK IN GREEN HAIR AND WHEN ITS STYLED UP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda been awhile since i've updated!
> 
> usernames (excluding yuwin bc you know, drama, but still remains the same):
> 
> taeil = spicy cocktaeil  
> taeyong = pregantante  
> chittaphon = classic hoe  
> youngho = y.2  
> yoonoh = y.1  
> dongyoung = d is for disease  
> yukhei = LOOSE (C) ASS  
> jungwoo = HEWWO BITCHUWU  
> kun = pros and kuns  
> mark = marknae™  
> renjun = small asswipe  
> donghyuck = energy drinks  
> jeno = responsible but fucks up  
> jaemin = plasticc ccotton ccandy  
> chenle = dolbitch  
> jisung = geese-sung


	7. jungwoo has had enough of the drama and the dreamies are yodeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> d is for disease: what the hell did you do jungwoo
> 
> HEWWO BITCHUWU: nothing (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)
> 
> LOOSE (C) ASS: translations: i threw both yuta and sicheng into one room so they can make up because i have had enough of their shit drama uwu
> 
> d is for disease:
> 
> pros and kuns: well damn okay

jungwoo has had enough of their shit. honestly, he has had enough. it has been a few days and there is already a couple drama. jungwoo carelessly threw his phone at his bed and slipped his feet in slippers before walking to the 127 dorms. first, he went to sicheng's room. instead of gently knocking the door like he usually does, he kicked the door down and grabed sicheng by the ear and dragged him to yuta's room.

"what the hell are you doing, jungwoo?" sicheng tried to pry off from jungwoo's death grip. jungwoo sweetly smiled at him that sent the chinese boy shivers down his spine.

"doing you a goddamn favor."

after he kicked yuta's door down, he grabbed yuta by his ear with his other hand. if anyone witnessed this, anyone would start questioning why a sweet boy is dragging two boys by the ear. after a few minutes of walking and dragging two pain in the asses, he found a spare room that can lock from the outside.

"alright, you shitheads. it's time for you two to make up and if you don't i'll skin you alive," jungwoo tossed the two into the spare room and locked the door from the outside. he walked back to his room and sat on his bed while turning his phone on.

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

d is for disease: what the fuck is happening

d is for disease: i can hear several crashing sounds

y.1: idk

marknae™: how the fuck and what the fuck

marknae™: it's 9 am and it's too goddamn early

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ( ´･ᴗ･`)

energy drinks: mark it's 9 it's not that early

marknae™: YEAH BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS FUCKING ALL NIGHTER

d is for disease: jungwoo

HEWWO BITCHUWU: yes? ( ´･ᴗ･`)

d is for disease: do you happen to know what happened outside

HEWWO BITCHUWU: no ( ´･ᴗ･`)

LOOSE (C) ASS: i HAVE RECIEPTS

d is for disease: what the hell did you do jungwoo

HEWWO BITCHUWU: nothing (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

LOOSE (C) ASS: translations: i threw both yuta and sicheng into one room so they can make up because i have had enough of their shit drama uwu

d is for disease:

pros and kuns: well damn okay

pros and kuns: do you think they'll be alright

pros and kuns: what if they're at each other's throats

HEWWO BITCHUWU: then i'll slit each other's throats if they do

marknae™: WELL DAMN OKAY

classic hoe: is this how he acts when he is done with someone's shit

LOOSE (C) ASS: i have experienced it so yes

pregantante: what the hell is happening i just woke up

marknae™: did you justfucking slept through the crash

pregantante: im training myself to sleep through ruckuses so yes

spicy cocktaeil: he would probably even sleep through world war 3

marknae™: oh yeah speaking of ww3

marknae™: america nearly got fucking nuked by north korea

geese-sung: why the hell did america voted for that racist orange with a fake weave like goddamn are they stupid

pregantante: now now kids-

energy drinks: wait why are we even caring about donald tank trumpet or whatever is goddamn name is

y.2: what the hell he nearly nUKED MY HOME

y.2: BITCH SOMEONE EXECUTE THAT ORANGE

d is for disease: can we fucking not talk about politics they give me headaches

d is for disease: furthermore, we must focus on the plot that we are in rn

pregantante: excuse me what plot

d is for disease: i mean

energy drinks: damn it we have another one

spicy cocktaeil: what

classic hoe: what the hell is a plot

y.2: bitch how do you not

classic hoe: i lost brain cells from snake entertainment ok

marknae™: I SHOULD BE THE ONE WHO'S LOSING BRAINCELLS

marknae™: AND MY FUCKING LIFE SPAN

pros and kuns: jesus fucks

energy drinks: where the fuck are the others

geese-sung: i killed them

LOOSE (C) ASS: WHAT

energy drinks: dw they're still asleep because those bunch of asswipes decided to stay up late to play mario kart

pregantante: and how the shitty fucks did i not hear them play it

y.1: it's either they were very quiet or you're just dead asleep

pregantante: to be fair im tired of everything

geese-sung:

geese-sung: ok

 

the silence between the two boys eventually became unbearable. it's been a few days that they have avoided each other. sicheng looked at the japanese boy and studied his features. slightly hollowed cheeks, a few tear streaks on his cheeks, dark eye bags, empty eyes, and messy locks. his heart broke at such sight. he didn't mean to hurt him to the point he couldn't sleep soundly at night. guilt rushed through his system.

"um.. hyung...?" the chinese boy slightly whispered. the other boy only hummed as in a response, but it felt empty. "i'm... i'm sorry for lashing out on you. i kind of overreacted."

yuta sniffled a little and shook his head, "no, it's kind of my fault for hurting you even further. i kind of got angry when you lashed out on me."

"i don't know what's wrong with me for lashing out on you. i guess.. when you joked about not needing a boyfriend something just made me... snapped? i don't know, i just always have this feeling of worthlessness, including in my childhood. but i don't think that will back up my actions because what i did was unacceptable. so um... i-i'm sorry..." sicheng looked down at his lap as tears started to fall from his eyes. he knew he wouldn't forgive himself, for what he had done to yuta. the japanese boy looked at him with sad eyes and shifted to his side. he put an arm around the crying boy and soothed him. "shh... i forgive you. i understand why you lashed out. whatever happens, you will never be worthless, okay? i'm sorry for making a joke like that."

"t-thank you," the chinese boy wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. maybe it's the perfect time to ask yuta something that he had been meaning to ask him, "if you don't mind me asking, hyung, but do you happen to like anyone? as in... like-like."

yuta hesitated to answer the question. sure, he liked sicheng, but he didn't want to ruin the friendship any further. plus, what if he doesn't like him back? he might be disgusted and weirded out. the best way to do it, he takes the safe route, "oh, i sort of like someone? but i don't think they will feel the same way."

there was a sharp pang in sicheng's heart. of course, he likes someone else. it's not like he would ever like a worthless and a useless trash like him. he was right, he  _is_ out of the league for yuta. he clenched his fists on his lap, preventing himself from crying. why is he feeling this way? he should be supportive of who yuta likes. it's not like he owns him, he has rights to whoever he likes. after having an internal conflict with himself, he decided to support yuta. it doesn't matter if his heart shatters every single time because what only matters is yuta's happiness.

"ah, well maybe that person will also like you back. i mean you're an amazing person with a great personality and you're gorgeous. i fully support you, hyung," sicheng smiled at him, but the smile felt empty. he decided to push his feelings away because he wanted to make him happy, "anyways... are we still friends? after what happened..."

each word hurt. both of the boys' hearts felt a pang.

"yes, we're still friends. why would we throw this friendship away over this?" yuta pulled his signature smile. maybe it's for the best that they remain as friends. the japanese boy pulled out his phone, "also, can you unblock me, you shithead?"

 

**yutata, sriracha**

 

yutata: finally jesus fucks

sriracha: wait

sriracha: who's gonna add us back into the group chat

yutata: i'll go ask jungwoo

 

**yutata, HEWWO BITCHUWU**

 

yutata: hey

yutata: we made up

yutata: can you unlock the door and add us back into the group chat

HEWWO BITCHUWU: alrightie! also i'm glad you two made up!

yutata: also one question

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ?

yutata: what the fuck is with your username

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

pros and kuns: i'm still wondering if those two made up

marknae™: come on i bet they did it's like 11 am now they should be able to

LOOSE (C) ASS: hopefully

small asswipe: GODDAMN DONGHYUCK WE'RE UP

small asswipe: AND THAT WAS UNNECESSARY TO THROW ME OFF FROM MY BED

energy drinks: actually it was

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU has added yutata and sriracha in the group chat

 

pros and kuns: oH MY FUCKS

pros and kuns: MY BABY ARE YOU OK

marknae™: holy shit finally

HEWWO BITCHUWU: :D

d is for disease: welcome back

pregantante: BITCH

pregantante: HAVE YOU GUYS MADE UP FOR REAL AND SETTLED EVERYTHING

pregantante: DO I NEED TO GO TO A CLUB AND CRY OVER THE CONTINUOUS DRAMA

yutata: slow down

yutata: anyways yes we made up

sriracha: yeah we good now

energy drinks: since you guys are back

energy drinks: you must now join us

yutata: wym

y.1: oh no

geese-sung: rip yuta and sicheng hyung's users

sriracha: wait what

 

energy drinks has changed yutata's name to gay weeb

energy drinks has changed sriracha's name to FLEX TAPE®

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: what kind of name are those

FLEX TAPE®: did you just seriously

energy drinks: yes i did

gay weeb: im fine with mine

marknae™: im getting a dejavu

responsible but fucks up: BY NU'EST W

plasticc ccotton ccandy: JE-NO

responsible but fucks up: JE-YES

d is for disease: goddammit i forgot what i was supposed to say

classic hoe: good

d is for disease: you shut the fuck up midget

classic hoe: no you

gay weeb: wait

gay weeb: who's who again you guys keep changing fucking users

HEWWO BITCHUWU: im pretty sure you can tell who's who by users

gay weeb: true

gay weeb: like i know classic hoe is ten

classic hoe: bitch

small asswipe: i still hate my user

pregantante: i have a far worse username so you shut the fuck up you small asswipe

small asswipe: fight me

dolbitch: woah no no 

dolbitch: no fighting

HEWWO BITCHUWU: no violence in general

spicy cocktaeil: there is no such thing as no violence in this hellhole

spicy cocktaeil: have you even seen the other groups' group chat

geese-sung: no but i would be terrified to

y.2: [attached image]

 

3:26 PM

 

marknae™: oh hey the app updated so now it can display pictures instead of links

spicy cocktaeil: good now i dont need to fUCKIGN click on the picture link just to see the picture EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME

responsible but fucks up: oh wow really

responsible but fucks up: let me try to send smth

responsible but fucks up:

 

responsible but fucks up: oh wait shit wrong one

energy drinks: ooh la la

energy drinks: since when did you have pictures of dear renjun in your phone, jeno?

responsible but fucks up: sHUT

classic hoe: you gay ass

responsible but fucks up: SHUTJIR

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy has saved responsible but fucks up's photo

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: wait

plasticc ccotton ccandy: SHTI

energy drinks: AHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA

marknae™: so im guessing it also tells you who saves your photo

FLEX TAPE®: HMMMMMM

dolbitch: my ship radar is tingling

geese-sung: tf is that

dolbitch: i can sense norenmin slowly building

y.2: wow

y.2: looks like we have a poly ship

classic hoe: tf is that

y.2: There is a common misconception that a polyamorous  **relationship**  is really no different from an open- **relationship**  agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word "polyamory," by definition, means loving more than one.

gay weeb: did you just copy and pasted that

y.2: basically ive learned this back at chicago and it's basically instead of 2 ppl in a relationship its more than 2

y.2: i mean i forgot most of it but as long as everyone has their consents, then for example, norenmin can happen bc everyone is fine with having a poly relationship

pregantante: well thats nice

plasticc ccotton ccandy: oh wow

responsible but fucks up: i can hear you squealing

plasticc ccotton ccandy: no you dont

small asswipe: what did i miss

responsible but fucks up: dONT SCROLL UP

energy drinks: no scroll up

responsible but fucks up: NO

energy drinks: YES

small asswipe: well ok

small asswipe: well im too tired anyways

dolbitch: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

d is for disease: is he ok

geese-sung: this is normal

dolbitch: wow ive missed a ton of stuff in my lfe

dolbitch: i have ascended to a new level of life

dolbitch: and it's the internet and ships

spicy cocktaeil: like a boat? cruise?

LOOSE (C) ASS: but why would he suddenly talk about those

dolbitch: tsk tsk you uneducated swines

dolbitch: this term "ship" is basically like a relationship. if i were to say i ship something it means i would like them to be in a relationship or see them in a relationship

dolbitch: and holy fuck you guys are missing out on everything

energy drinks: so i just realized nctzens made fanarts of us

y.2: what do you expect

y.2: they're fans

gay weeb: **yeah we're basically being shipped by fans and for the people who reads this probably ship some of us and as well as the person behind the laptop writing what we do for the plot and everything**

FLEX TAPE®:

FLEX TAPE®: did you just

gay weeb: no

pros and kuns: so i just translated and this is what i got

pros and kuns: "Yes, we are basically sent out by fans, and for those who are reading it, maybe we and a few people behind the laptop know know that we"

spicy cocktaeil: im pretty sure that's 100% wrong

gay weeb: and this is why you should learn japanese you hoes

 

6:21 PM

 

dolbitch: /inhale/

dolbitch: /INHALE/

dolbitch: fuck you jisung park

geese-sung: ??

geese-sung: what did i do?

dolbitch: 

dolbitch: that

dolbitch: my heart cant take it jesus fucks fucK YOU PARK

geese-sung: you honestly have no room to say that

energy drinks: calm down y'all

dolbitch: nO

dolbitch: MY WEAVE NEARLY GOT BURNT???

dolbitch: AND YOU D A R E TELL METO CLAM COWEJ

geese-sung: what's a weave-

dolbitch: SILENCE

responsible but fucks up: i still dont feel ok with jaemin and his goddamn stylist

responsible but fucks up: LIKE HOW FUCKING DARE

responsible but fucks up: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WORE A SLEEVELESS SHIRT AND O VE R  LALS

plasticc ccotton ccandy: jeno-

marknae™:

energy drinks: can we just talk about how in the beginning mark tried to imitate a tiger's roar

energy drinks: honestly that was the most disgusting cute shit i've ever seen

marknae™: i dont get how you danced with a straight face

energy drinks: more like gay face

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy has removed small asswipe from this group chat

 

dolbitch: wtf jaemin

plasticc ccotton ccandy: someone get me an inhaler

geese-sung: why

plasticc ccotton ccandy: y'all know how we uploaded we go up vid

energy drinks: yeah

responsible but fucks up: OH SHIT I KNOW WHTAT HES TALKIG AOUT

plasticc ccotton ccandy: SO I DECIDED TO REWATCH IT A FEW TIMES

plasticc ccotton ccandy: AND REALIZED RENJUN SHOWED HIS ABS

plasticc ccotton ccandy: AND HOLY FUVK

marknae™: gay ass

responsible but fucks up: you have no damn room to say that you whipped canadian maple syrup

marknae™: look

energy drinks: #mark_the_gay_ass

marknae™: iM NOT GAY

energy drinks: sure sure you fake het

dolbitch: in this damn household everyone is gay or at least under the umbrella term of gay

geese-sung: when are we gonna add renjun back in

responsible but fucks up: after we finish having a stroke

 

geese-sung has added small asswipe into the group chat

 

small asswipe: what the fuck guys

 

9:54 PM

 

pregantante: what in the fucking names of fuck just happened with the toddlers

geese-sung: we're not toddlers

pregantante: yes you are now shut up

LOOSE (C) ASS: im still mad im not in nct dream

d is for disease: they have grown up so fast

d is for disease: i can hear red velvet sobbing over jisung

gay weeb: HOLY SHIT REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS SHORT COMPARED TO RED VELVET

classic hoe: yeah and now he decided to grow like another damn foot tall

y.2: you're just short man

classic hoe: take that back you titan

gay weeb: AttaCk ON tITaN?

FLEX TAPE®: yuta no

gay weeb: yuta yes

FLEX TAPE®: no

gay weeb: yes

gay weeb: speaking of anime

gay weeb: sicheng do you want to binge watch boku no hero academia with me???

FLEX TAPE®: sure

gay weeb: you might cry

FLEX TAPE®:

FLEX TAPE®: probably

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ooh, may yukhei and i join?

gay weeb: sure

pros and kuns: im cOMING OVER

gay weeb:

gay weeb: WAIT MAKE SURE TO BRING SNACKS AND POPCORN

pros and kuns: GODDAMMIT HOLD ON I'LL GO COOK SOME SNACKS

FLEX TAPE®: but-

pros and kuns: Y'ALL ARE GONNA EAT HEALTHY SO SHUT

LOOSE (C) ASS: wait im not even good at-

HEWWO BITCHUWU: dont worry, i'll help translating!

LOOSE (C) ASS: you're so sweet GDKSDHSLDLDFKFDJ

y.1: this is what happens when i leave

spice cocktaeil: basically

classic hoe: ha yukhei be gay

LOOSE (C) ASS: you got no room to say that mate

pregantante: since when the fuck were you australian

marknae™: im getting war flashbacks to the one vlive

energy drinks: yeah you laughed ridiculously hard

energy drinks: also lets not forget he almost died from laughing when he was on it's dangerous beyond blankets

marknae™: oH DG,MY GOF

energy drinks: oh fuck he just fell off his bed and started laughing

y.2: what have you done

pregantante: mARK STOP LAUGHING YOURE GONNA DIE

pregantante: Yes it's possible to literally die from  **laughter** —not from the joke itself, but from the body's reaction to it. Among the many possible medical ways that  **laughing too hard can kill you**  - - Ruptured brain aneurysm, Cardiac arrest, Collapsed lung, Strangulated hernia, Gelastic seizures, Stroke and Asphyxiation.

marknae™: oH SHTU

marknae™: bUT I CATN

gay weeb: what the fuck im setting up our binge anime night and mark is busy dying over there

FLEX TAPE®: arent those cables supposed to go there

gay weeb: OH FUCJ

HEWWO BITCHUWU: currently we're setting up yuta's laptop to the big screen tv

gay weeb: this is gonna be great also someone get tissues 

LOOSE (C) ASS: on it

pros and kuns: ok i got snacks

spicy cocktaeil: the tissues are in the cabinets

LOOSE (C) ASS: which cab- oh wait found them

y.2: i heard a crash

y.1: oh god

d is for disease: yUKHEI WHAT DID YOU DO NOW THERES MOUNTAIN OF TISSUE BOXES ON THE FLOOR

LOOSE (C) ASS: WHO THE FUCK KEEPS A POUND OF TISSUE BOXES IN THE CABINET

LOOSE (C) ASS: I NEARLY GOT A CONCUSSION

pregantante: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO OPEN THE CABINET CAREFULLY AND TAKE THE TISSUE BOXES FROM THE TOP YOU DUMBASS I WORKED HARD

energy drinks: what a big mess

spicy cocktaeil: tragic

FLEX TAPE®: what even

gay weeb: jesus fuck just get how many tissues we need

classic hoe: im posting this on twitter

LOOSE (C) ASS: BUT I NEARLY GOT A CONCUSSION WHY

energy drinks: in this household pain is our only entertainment

plasticc ccotton ccandy: and tea

energy drinks: where the fuck did you come from

plasticc ccotton ccandy: hell

energy drinks: someone collect him

pros and kuns: are there any foldable tables or whatever they're called i think i kinda made a lot of snacks

gay weeb: the binge will be long mate

pregantante: let me go get them they're in the basement

y.2: good luck with the basement

pregantante: im sure nothing will happen

y.1: that's what they all say but something bad does happen

pregantante: stop jinxing it you ass

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ok we got 40 tissue boxes

LOOSE (C) ASS: im still wondering why we have this much tissue

pregantante: oh that's because we have few kids who have allergies in springs

geese-sung: it's called the "we don't want to go outside and don't want to get pollens everywhere even though we're not allergic to pollens but we hate sunlight" alllergy

d is for disease: the sun is good for you y'all need vitamin d's

dolbitch: we would rather play mario kart

small asswipe: outside is a bitch that's what

responsible but fucks up: ^

pregantante: why the fuck are you kids suddenly

geese-sung: actually we have a lot of tissues because we usually have bunch of movie days and like

dolbitch: we pack a punch with tears

responsible but fucks up: holy fuck i cried a lot

plasticc ccotton ccandy: you nearly drowned us

small asswipe: you even got my moomin plushie soaked

LOOSE (C) ASS: ok we have the tissue boxes in the far corner of yuta's room

FLEX TAPE®: we finished hooking the laptop to the tv

pros and kuns: where the fuck is taeyong 

y.2: the basement got him

spicy cocktaeil: nah

pros and kuns: stop fucking joking around my arms and hands literally hurt

pros and kuns: I NEEDTHE DAMN TABLE TO PUT THE SNACKS DOWN

y.2: no seriously the basement got him

spicy cocktaeil: our basement is cramped so it would take him time to find the foldable table

classic hoe: i would laugh if taeyong gets stuck in the basement

d is for disease: he would strangle you if he saw the texts

marknae™: ok im done laughing

energy drinks: finally

marknae™: shut up its your fault you brought it up

pros and kuns: you know what im just gonna leave the snacks on the counter

small asswipe: wow that's a lot of snacks

gay weeb: we can just give the leftovers of the snacks to the others if they wanna eat them

geese-sung: im hungry

dolbitch: aw the baby is hungry

geese-sung:

gay weeb: oh yeah by the way

FLEX TAPE®: ?

gay weeb: you all would also need to read the manga as well

LOOSE (C) ASS: but i cant read

gay weeb: i found a website where you can read the manga online

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ok good because i wouldve been exhausted continuously translating word for word because jesus christ

LOOSE (C) ASS: wow ok ok

LOOSE (C) ASS: but hey at least im improving

y.1: yet ou can barely speak your own language

LOOSE (C) ASS: look

marknae™: bitch where

small asswipe:

small asswipe: looks like we oughta tutor

LOOSE (C) ASS: i barely have brain cells left

classic hoe: same

marknae™: same

energy drinks: same

responsible but fucks up: same

plasticc ccotton ccandy: same

geese-sung: same

d is for disease: this is just fucking sad

spicy cocktaeil: ^

y.2: we're not a genius like you smarty pants so shut up

d is for disease: knowledge is power

classic hoe: ew

energy drinks: ew

d is for disease: no wonder y'all are dumb

classic hoe: excuse me but im a qualified hoe

dolbitch: im starting to wonder where taeyong is

y.1: he'll be fine

y.2: im telling y'all the basement got him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again i have another update! i had to rewrite everything because i accidentally published the unfinished chapter and me being dumb i didnt copy and paste it somewhere but i kinda changed stuff a little.
> 
> anyways! here's the full list of usernames with yuwin in them
> 
> usernames (full version with yuta and sicheng):
> 
> taeil = spicy cocktaeil  
> taeyong = pregantante  
> chittaphon = classic hoe  
> youngho = y.2  
> yoonoh = y.1  
> dongyoung = d is for disease  
> yukhei = LOOSE (C) ASS  
> jungwoo = HEWWO BITCHUWU  
> yuta = gay weeb  
> kun = pros and kuns  
> sicheng = FLEX TAPE®  
> mark = marknae™  
> renjun = small asswipe  
> donghyuck = energy drinks  
> jeno = responsible but fucks up  
> jaemin = plasticc ccotton ccandy  
> chenle = dolbitch  
> jisung = geese-sung


	8. taeyong is stuck in the sm basement and nct dream are wildin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> geese-sung: i still dont feel fucking ok
> 
> dolbitch: do yall hear me CHOKING on my own TEARS
> 
> small asswipe: thats a shameless promo man

**dysfunctional hell**

 

pros and kuns: where in the fuck is taeyong

y.2: oh i dont know

y.2: MAYBE STUCK IN THE GODDAMN BASEMENT

spicy cocktaeil: for the last time

spicy cocktaeil: he

spicy cocktaeil: is

spicy cocktaeil: not

spicy cocktaeil: stuck

spicy cocktaeil: in

spicy cocktaeil: the

spicy cocktaeil: goddamn

spicy cocktaeil: basement

gay weeb: ok seriously we need to start binging

gay weeb: just get a spare table that's in the closet

pros and kuns: ok

FLEX TAPE®: we should get blankets in case we end up binge watching the anime late at night

gay weeb: good idea

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i'll go get the blankets

LOOSE (C) ASS: i swear if you

LOOSE (C) ASS: did you fucking seriously

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i think this is enough blankets

FLEX TAPE®: that's a lot

spicy cocktaeil: did i just hear someone scream

plasticc ccotton ccandy: oh that was jeno he accidentally dropped a hammer on his foot

responsible but fucks up: THAT SHIT HURT

small asswipe: AHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CLUMSY FUCK

responsible but fucks up: STOP LAUGHING AND GET ICE PACK FOR ME FOR GODS SAKE IT HURTS

d is for disease: why does he even have a hammer

plasticc ccotton ccandy: bc he a dumbass

classic hoe: mark please collect your kids

marknae™: THEY'RE NOT MY GODDAMN RESPONSIBILITY

geese-sung: oh hey once mark graduates from nct dream that means we can do all the illegal things we want

dolbitch: HELL YEAH

marknae™: HELL NO

marknae™: YOU FUCKERS ARE NOT GONNA

marknae™: YOU ASSFUCKS DID YOU LITERALLY LOCK ME OUT OF THE DREAM DORM

energy drinks: yes we fucking did honey

geese-sung: man ive always wanted to try wine

marknae™: FUCK SHIT NO JISUNG PUT IT DOWN PUT THE DAMN WINE DOWN STOP

y.1: pretty sure taeyong will explode once he sees this

y.1: also what's taking him so long

y.2: *INHALE*

energy drinks: holy shit i see flying flamingos fucking the lamp

marknae™: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SMOKE

small asswipe: crack

marknae™: WHAT THE FUCK

marknae™: YOU BETTER OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR BEFORE I KICK IT DOWN

dolbitch: *snorkels water*

marknae™: CHENLE NO

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i found cotton candy in the drawers

responsible but fucks up: OH HEY THAT'S WHERE IT WENT

plasticc ccotton ccandy: how old is this

responsible but fucks up: like 2 years

plasticc ccotton ccandy: EW GET THIS NASTY SHIT AWAY

gay weeb: poor mark

FLEX TAPE®: but you're laughing

gay weeb: exactly

d is for disease: where in the fuck

d is for disease: who the fuck is even watching over the kids

small asswipe: responsibilities who i dont know that hoe

FLEX TAPE®: renjun why

small asswipe: renjun why not

marknae™: LET ME THE FUCK IN YOU SHIT EATING ASSES

pregantante: iM STUCK IN THE GODDAMN BASEMENT

pregantante: hE L

d is for disease: OH FUCK

classic hoe: is it just me or do i hear banging noises from the basement

y.2: WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU

classic hoe: jo-

y.2: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID I TELL YOU PEOPLE

spicy cocktaeil: that taeyong is stuck in the basement

pros and kuns: what kind of fucking mess is this

pros and kuns: also i found the spare table im coming over

gay weeb: great

LOOSE (C) ASS:are you guys seriously not gonna care abt the fact taeyong is stuck in the basement

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i don't think you would care either

LOOSE (C) ASS: o shit u rite

marknae™: FUCKING SHITHEADS I HAVE MY KIDS DOING ILLEGAL STUFF IN THE DORMS

marknae™: THAT'S IT IM BREAKING IN

spicy cocktaeil: speaking of which

spicy cocktaeil: jungwoo how did it go with the doors

HEWWO BITCHUWU: great

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i just had to reattach the doors, not hard

gay weeb: I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KICK MINE DOWN

FLEX TAPE®: same

FLEX TAPE®: i was busy moping

gay weeb: fucking hell come here and let me smack love into you

FLEX TAPE®: that's not how it works-

classic hoe: young love

y.1: so how's it going over there with taeyong and the basement

y.2: well y'see im trying to jam the basement door open

energy drinks: holy fuk

energy drinks: i think im high as fuck

marknae™: HYUCK WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

energy drinks: is this how it feels like to be high because holy fuck it feels good

marknae™: HYCUJ

pros and kuns: i think he's about to get a stroke

marknae™: NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE TO BE TAEYONG

d is for disease: well since this mess is slowly unfolding, i guess i'll start my talkshow

classic hoe: how about no

spicy cocktaeil: how about no

d is for disease: where the fuck is my microphone

d is for disease: WHO THE FUCK TOOK IT

y.1:

d is for disease: YOONOH

y.1: what im eating yogurt

d is for disease: oh

dolbitch: oh oops 

d is for disease: WHERE;S MY MICROPHONE CHENLE

dolbitch: i gave it to donghyuck and now he's applying makeup on it

geese-sung: is he that high

small asswipe: seems so

small asswipe: OH FUCK EW WHAT DID I JUST WALK INTO

small asswipe: JESUS FUCK AT LEAST DO IT PRIVATELY SOMEWHERE ELSE MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD NOW I HAVE TO GO SHAMPOO MY EYES BYE CIAO

energy drinks: quelle la baise

marknae™: WHEN THE FUCK HVE YOU EVER SPOKE FRENCH HYUCK

classic hoe: are we not gonna question what renjun saw

plasticc ccotton ccandy: oh

plasticc ccotton ccandy: nothing

geese-sung: donghyuck just passed out from being too high

geese-sung: OH SHIT MOVE IS ON

dolbitch: he's literally dancing to move rn

gay weeb: what in the fuck is going on over there

marknae™: EVERYTHIGN

y.2 ok i got taeyong out

y.2: he was a dumbass and locked himself in by accident in the DARK

pregantante: WELL IM FUCKING SORRY IT WAS THAT DARK

pregantante: AND WHAT THE FUCK MARK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WATCH OVER THE DREAMIES

marknae™: IM SORRY THEY LOCKED ME OUT

spicy cocktaeil: lowkey enjoying this

responsible but fucks up: wow

energy drinks: bien matin

FLEX TAPE®: i thought he passed out?

energy drinks: toi putain de pensee

y.2: why is hyuck speaking in french

energy drinks: il semble comme si je ne veux pas parler connerie

classic hoe: someone fucking please translate that

classic hoe: this is why i fail at life

y.2: no wonder

classic hoe: you cuntass i thought you loved me

plasticc ccotton ccandy: isthis a dejavu im witnessing

geese-sung: SHUT IT JENO

responsible but fucks up: I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING I BREATHED DAMN

geese-sung: I SENSED YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING SO SHUT HELL THE uP

small asswipe:.....

small asswipe: speaking of up..

pregantante: NO FUCK DON'T GO THERE DONT FUCKING GO THERE STOP STOP IT NOW STOP

responsible but fucks up: FUCK IM CRYING GODDAMMIT RENJUN

marknae™: why

marknae™: why

marknae™: but hey at least someone will be the responsible leader here once im gone

small asswipe: WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN

dolbitch: doesn't that mean we have to kick mark out of the dream chat

plasticc ccotton ccandy: yes

marknae™: oh

small asswipe: oh my fucks that means i have to be  _responsible_

 

 

2:23 AM

 

energy drinks: what the fuck my head hurts

HEWWO BITCHUWU: this anime is great

FLEX TAPE®: FUCKING HELL IM SOBBING SOMEONE HOLD ME

gay weeb: warned you

LOOSE (C) ASS: im not crying you are

HEWWO BITCHUWU: you big baby

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i love how we are ignoring the fact that hyuck just woke up after passing out for the 2nd time from being high

energy drinks: that shit was good but now i feel terrible

energy drinks: also why is this microphone on my bed with makeup on it

d is for disease: well lets see

d is for disease: you fucking put makeup on my microphone

energy drinks: oh

FLEX TAPE®: B BTICH WHY IS THISS SO EMOTIONAL I CANT EVEN I THOUGTB THIS WAS SUPPSOED TO BE HAPPY

pros and kuns: there there

geese-sung: are we still locking mark out

small asswipe: yes

pregantante: wait a second

pregantante: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDS STILL UP (EXCEPT THE ONES WHO ARE BINGE WATCHING)

responsible but fucks up: why not

pregantante: wait why is dongyoung up

d is for disease: oh i had to use the bathroom

d is for disease: now im gonna go back to bed and mute this goddamn hell

plasticc ccotton ccandy: pssssssssssssssssst jeno

responsible but fucks up: you do realize everyone can see this

plasticc ccotton ccandy: shut

dolbitch: oh shit m8 i got some snapchat notifs

marknae™:

marknae™: really chenle

dolbitch: JISUNG LETS CONTINUE OUR STREAKS

geese-sung: ok

small asswipe: how long have you guys been keeping up your streaks

dolbitch:

dolbitch: to the point we get no sleep

energy drinks: what the fuck

energy drinks: MARK WHY CANT WE BE LIKE THEM YOU SHITASS

marknae™: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT IN KEEPING STREAKS

geese-sung: i cant believe we have over 889 streaks

energy drinks: WHAT

pregantante: why do you kids have snapchat

small asswipe: why not

small asswipe: the filters are somewhat cute so i dont look like an ugly ass dirt when taking selfies

responsible but fucks up: i will literally smack you upside on the head if you ever call yourself ugly

plasticc ccotton ccandy: YOU FUCKER YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL YOURSELF UGLY SMH

marknae™: 

dolbitch: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

energy drinks: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

small asswipe: aw you guys are sweet

small asswipe: but im a literal street rat compared to you gorgeous gays

geese-sung: i cant believe we are still up while everyone is asleep (excluding the binge watchers)

marknae™: can we just like rewatch this teaser

marknae™: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxwM9DaDLtQ>

geese-sung: i still dont feel fucking ok

dolbitch: do yall hear me CHOKING on my own TEARS

small asswipe: thats a shameless promo man

plasticc ccotton ccandy: we can literally hear you crying

small asswipe: SHUT UOP

small asswipe: IM CRYING OVER HAVING TO TAKE RESPOSIBITUYES

plasticc ccotton ccandy: oh great now jeno is sobbing all over on my shirt

energy drinks: good

marknae™: what have i done

geese-sung: this is what you get for doing a shameless promo btifvhc

energy drinks: hey guys lets go to a bar

small asswipe: our asses will be kicked by every adult 

dolbitch: great idea

dolbitch: i'll go make the fake ids

plasticc ccotton ccandy: rich ass

dolbitch: uwu

geese-sung: are we seriously

geese-sung: we're legit gonna get grounded

marknae™: you right

marknae™: you guys will be grounded while i wont be

responsible but fucks up: why are we even

plasticc ccotton ccandy: who has a car

marknae™: i'll go get the car

small asswipe: in the meantime, i'll be picking out everyone's outfits

energy drinks: and i'll make sure everyone is asleep

 

4:55 AM

 

energy drinks: ok everyone is asleep i made sure yuta and the others are asleep as well bc they fell asleep

marknae™: everyone ready i got the car ready

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i love how this took us like 2 hours to prepare

small asswipe: it takes a lot of preparation do you know how hard it is to choose outfits suitable for a bar

geese-sung: why are we going to a bar again

dolbitch: for mark's departure??? and for our teaser being dropped???

marknae™: we're so gonna get killed

responsible but fucks up: agreed

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i just realized we have been texting our plan in the ot18 group chat

plasticc ccotton ccandy: now everyone will see it by morning

energy drinks: QUICK DELETE EVERYTHING

 

7:18 AM

 

gay weeb: AH FUCK WHICH EPISODE WERE WE LEFT ON

FLEX TAPE®: idk

HEWWO BITCHUWU: my back hurts

pros and kuns: im gonna clean all of this up jesus fuck

d is for disease: found my microphone

pregantante: i feel weird

y.1: what

spicy cocktaeil: what

pregantante: something feels off

classic hoe: oh please its probably nothing

classic hoe: unless you're pregnant

pregantante: IM A FUCKING MALE I CANT GET PREGNANT

d is for disease: wow

y.2: in fanfics you can

pregantante: excuse me what

gay weeb:  **stOP**

classic hoe: not gonna bother translating that

LOOSE (C) ASS: speaking of which

LOOSE (C) ASS: everything seems quiet

FLEX TAPE®: maybe they're asleep??

pros and kuns: idk

d is for disease: wait a fucking second i just backtracked AND NO ONE IS IN THE DREAM DORMS

pregantante: WHAT

pregantante: W H A  T

pregantante: WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY

y.1: woah wait

spicy cocktaeil: what the fuck

FLEX TAPE®: MY CHILDREN ARE MISSING

FLEX TAPE®: SOMEONE CALL 911 OH YM FUC

gay weeb: CALM DOWN

pregantante: WHERE IN THE FUCK ARE  _MY_ CHILDREN

y.2: im scrolling up and i dont see their text messages after jisung's text about some shameless promo

pregantante: wait a fucking- they were up at 2 am so its either they got kidnapped, got held hostages, KIDNAPPED, or went somewhere- oh my god i will kill them all

pros and kuns: im pretty sure they didnt get kidnapped

FLEX TAPE®: WHAT IF THEY FUCKING DID MY PRECIOUS KDIS

LOOSE (C) ASS: lets calm down-

pregantante: FUCK NO MY CHIDREN ARE GOEN

HEWWO BITCHUWU: let's discuss this and be civilized and calm everyone

d is for disease: currently checking for clues or traces and i see that they have missing clothes and some makeup on a table

classic hoe: did they fucking seriously

FLEX TAPE®: WHAT TEN WHAT SPIT IT OUT

classic hoe:

classic hoe: well you see

classic hoe: the last thing i remebered was them talking about a bar before someone knocked me out to sleep

pregantante: WHAT THE FUFK

spicy cocktaeil: calm dow-

pregantante: THATEXPLAINS WHY WE WERE SHORT ON ONE CAR

pregantante: WE ARE FUCKING GOING TO THE BAR AND FIND THEM

gay weeb: but we dont have a fucking clue which bar they went

small asswipe:  **holy fuck this tequila is good as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck**

FLEX TAPE®: **WHAT THE FUCK RENJUN WHERE ARE YOU GUYS**

energy drinks: PUTAIN DE

pregantante: OH FUCK NO NO NO

responsible but fucks up: DESPAAAAAAAAACITO

plasticc ccotton ccandy: PASITO A PASITO

FLEX TAPE®: WHAT IN THE FUCK

pros and kuns: he just fainted

marknae™: [attached video]

spicy cocktaeil: not even a second in and my ears are already ringing

gay weeb: what in the fuck all i can hear is chenle screaming

marknae™: jisung passed out from a sip of alcohol

small asswipe:  **how MANY WOOD CAN A WOOD CHUCK CHUCK**

pros and kuns: i think you got it wrong

energy drinks: AHAHAHAHA PUTAIN DE POIDS LEGERS

pregantante: YOURE ALL FUCKING GROUNDED

y.2: mark why

y.2: just why

marknae™:  **im tipsy bro shut hell fuck up**

y.1:  **mark you have made the most stupidest decision ever holy fuck**

spicy cocktaeil: excuse me but can we aLL SPEAK IN ONE LANGUAGE THAT WE ALL KNOW

classic hoe:  **hell nah**

plasticc ccotton ccandy: jenooooooooooo where are yooouuuuu

energy drinks: MERDE66666666

pregantante: that's it we're coming to collect you

d is for disease: the manager is gonna kill us and ask us why the dreamies are literally drunk

 

11:11 AM

 

pregantante: im disappointed in you shitheads

energy drinks: oops

small asswipe: can i just say that my eyes have been tainted

marknae™:

dolbitch: my throat hurts

dolbitch: also jisung is still passed out

energy drinks: fucking lightweight

small asswipe: actually

small asswipe: my eyes have been tainted 2 times and i want to jump off a lake *intensely looks at markhyuck and nomin*

FLEX TAPE®: you motherfuckers made me faint holy god

plasticc ccotton ccandy: wHAT DID WE EVER DO

small asswipe: well you see

HEWWO BITCHUWU: the poor couch 

energy drinks: oh oops

pregantante: BITCH THE FUCK

y.1: wow they're growing up so fast

y.2: agreed

d is for disease: jesus fuck at least do it at your room

d is for disease: now i cant sit on the couch

LOOSE (C) ASS: the dreamies are wildin'

pros and kuns: damn right

spicy cocktaeil: damn right

gay weeb: damn right

pregantante: DAMN RIGHT

FLEX TAPE®: DAMN

FLEX TAPE®: FUCKING

FLEX TAPE®: RIGHT

pregantante: mark you're losing your privilege to drive for 5 months

marknae™: oh the pain

responsible but fucks up: all i can remember is despacito playing

responsible but fucks up: also who even blasted chewing gum

dolbitch: oh that was me

energy drinks: i think we were the loudest ones at the bar

classic hoe: damn right you kids are my ears hurt

marknae™: my poor car privilege

pregantante: fuck all of you

geese-sung: my head hurts

pregantante: i'll go make you some soup and give you medicine

pregantante: jesus fuck guys please never do that again

energy drinks: i can still remember mark choking on rum

marknae™: thats the only thing you REMEMBER 

energy drinks: yes

 

**energy drinks, geese-sung**

 

energy drinks: holy fuck i cant believe i did that

energy drinks: also i dont think he remembers

geese-sung: what did yall even do

energy drinks: we fucking made out thats what

energy drinks: but only a bit since both of us were drunk

geese-sung: wow time to blackmail you

energy drinks: i think the fuck not you trickass BITCH

geese-sung: screenshot

energy drinks: BITCH I WILL FUCKING BLACKMAIL YOU BACK WITH YOUR FUCKING LONG ASS CONFESSION TO CHENLE TRY ME BITCH TRY  _ME_

geese-sung:

energy drinks: that's what i thought you little bitch

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU: yuta can we still watch the anime?

gay weeb: yeah sure

FLEX TAPE®: but didn't we lost track since we fell asleep

gay weeb: shit u rite

LOOSE (C) ASS: all i can remember are the dorms that class 1a were gonna be staying in

gay weeb: OH THAT EPISODE maybe we left off from there

pros and kuns: when are we gonna binge it

gay weeb: like now

gay weeb: let me go set up my laptop again

 

**plasticc ccotton ccandy, responsible but fucks up**

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: should we tell them?

responsible but fucks up: i mean..

plasticc ccotton ccandy: we dont need to but just suggesting since we seem kinda.. obvious

responsible but fucks up: ok


	9. equal line distributions and nomin slowly rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> geese-sung: holy fuck
> 
> geese-sung: i can't believe i actually have lines

**dysfunctional hell**

 

pregantante: HOLY SHIT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER STREAM THE DREAMIES COMEBACK I SWEAR TI FU CKS

marknae™: what the fuck did i just entered into

classic hoe: well you see

pregantante: I FUCKING WAITED FOR THIS SHIT AND HOLY FUCK

pregantante: MY BABIES ARE GROWN MEN

pregantante: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING JESUS FUCKING IM CRYING

d is for disease: i think it is time to accept that they are men now

spicy cocktaeil: *YOUNG men

d is for disease: shit you right

gay weeb: they aint real men yet once they

pregantante: DHUT THE FUCK UP YOU JAPANESE FUCK WE ARE NOT GOING THERE

FLEX TAPE®: excuse his mouth

gay weeb: OW FUCK WHAT WAS THAT FOR

FLEX TAPE®: to be fair once they're at least 20 they willbe considered as real men

small asswipe: but i thought we are fucking men

classic hoe: as in "we _are_ fucking men" or "we are  _fucking_ men"

 

pregantante has removed classic hoe from this group chat

 

responsible but fucks up: how sad

responsible but fucks up: alexa play despacito

geese-sung: STOP IT

geese-sung: whoever thought it was a good idea to order alexa will recieve a beating

energy drinks: excuse the fuck me you're like a big baby you cant

energy drinks: remember the throwbacks to when you were shorter than mark

marknae™: im sad now

geese-sung: fuck yeah because now ive grown

dolbitch: even if you will be considered as a man

dolbitch: you will always be a baby in my precious heart uwu

plasticc ccotton ccandy: jisung be like "BADUMP BADUMP B A D U M P"

geese-sung: stut hell the up

geese-sung: anyways gsshdjjdjds

marknae™: you broke him

small asswipe: how sad

spicy cocktaeil: tragic

d is for disease: i swear to fucks

geese-sung: you know what i just realized

geese-sung: summer homework is a pain in the ass

y.2: wow im glad we're adults now

energy drinks: summer homework who?? i dont know that bitch

pros and kuns: well damn you guys dont seem fond of summer homework

d is for disease: it's not that bad back in my days

geese-sung: look here

geese-sung: i alreayd had enough work but NO lets just have SCHOOL give you MORE work over the summer because why the fuck not jesus fucks??????

dolbitch: where are the others??

pregantante: im making them stream the comeback youre welcome hoes

marknae™: w o w

responsible but fucks up: i just realized ten was kicked out

small asswipe: you just fucking-

 

responsible but fucks up has added classic hoe into the group chat

 

classic hoe: thank you

pregantante: THE FUCK YOU DOING STREAM THE GODDAMN COMEBACK

classic hoe: BITCH I GOT IT

 

**mature bubble gums**

 

dolbitch: can i just say how aesthetic our mv is

small asswipe: you aint wrong

geese-sung: im fucking happy that our line distributions are equal

dolbitch: im glad too because you have lines!!

geese-sung: holy fuck

geese-sung: i can't believe i actually have lines

energy drinks: damn i checked our line distributions and im shocked

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i look good

small asswipe: you are actually like holy fuck your rap parts are just

energy drinks: hM

 

**dolbitch, small asswipe**

 

dolbitch:  **you're being too obvious oh my god**

small asswipe:  **IM NOT**

small asswipe:  **ITS CALLED COMPLIMENTING SOMEONE**

dolbitch:  **hoe i know you like him and jeno**

small asswipe:  **SHUT**

dolbitch: **nah**

dolbitch: **i got a boyfriend and now i can tease you to death until you get some**

small asswipe:  **you bitch yOU BETTER STOP**

small asswipe:  **I WILL LITERALLY EXPOSE YOU I HAVE ALL THE RECEIPTS IN MY FUCKING FOLDERS**

 

**mature bubble gums**

 

responsible but fucks up: ok but honestly i didn't expect donghyuck would take some rap parts

marknae™: i felt attacked honestly

energy drinks: um no

energy drinks: i should be the one feeling attacked

dolbitch: um more like I SHOULD BE THE FEELING FUCKING ATTACKED

dolbitch: I FELL OFF A COUNTER WHEN JISUNG RAPPED

geese-sung: it's not that big of a deal?

dolbitch: IT IS SHUT UP

marknae™: i just realized smth

marknae™: where's jeno and jaemin?

plasticc ccotton ccandy: you called?

energy drinks: nah we called for pizza delivery

plasticc ccotton ccandy: bitch

responsible but fucks up: can you snorkel cocaine if you put it in a balloon and blow it and put it in your nose and deflate the balloon and start snorkeling

small asswipe: um.. what the hell?

plasticc ccotton ccandy: babe, no just no

energy drinks:

energy drinks: 'babe'?

energy drinks: BABE???????

dolbitch:  **SINCE WHEN THE FUCK**

geese-sung: ily but can you text in korean 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: SHIT

responsible but fucks up: JAEMIN WHY

plasticc ccotton ccandy: I ACCIDENTALLY SENT THAT

marknae™: honestly i thought jeno would be the one who would accidentally expose some relationship going on

responsible but fucks up: wow thanks

energy drinks: DAMN WE GOT A NEW SHIP

responsible but fucks up: originally we were gonna announce about our relationship but sOMEONE did it sooner than i thought

plasticc ccotton ccandy: iM SORRY

marknae™: how long has this been going on

plasticc ccotton ccandy: uhhh ever since i came back from my hiatus

dolbitch: wait a fucking- 

dolbitch: when and how did you guys-

responsible but fucks up: we sometimes text or facetime each other and we just kinda confessed over texts

responsible but fucks up: so we tried to act like bros being gays as if we weren't in a relationship yet

geese-sung: im fucking shook i had to collect my glasses

dolbitch: he actually dropped them and spent 5 minutes trying to get them

energy drinks: tragic

marknae™: oh god you're becoming taeil

energy drinks: ew

marknae™: by the way why are these french toasts cold even though i microwaved them

energy drinks: dumbass you didn't microwave them long enough

plasticc ccotton ccandy: so im assuming everyone is fine with our relationship

marknae™: yeah

marknae™: and im pretty sure our manager gives no shits about it 

responsible but fucks up: @small asswipe so are you fine with it?

small asswipe: hell yeah who do you think i am

small asswipe: i honestly support you two because all you gay shits have been doing is acting gay every day

small asswipe: so dw

 

**dolbitch, small asswipe**

 

dolbitch:  **renjun :((**

small asswipe:  **chenle you don't need to worry im fine**

dolbitch:  **that's what they all say**

small asswipe:  **you shithead, im honestly fine**

small asswipe:  **if they're happy then im happy**

dolbitch:  **stop making me feel emo for you**

small asswipe:  **how the fuck am i**

dolbitch:  **hoe shut up**

 

**mature bubble gums**

 

responsible but fucks up: anyways not sure if we are ready to announce it in the main group chat

marknae™: i think it's best to wait until tomorrow or smth because taeyong might get another stroke that his kids are in a relationship

plasticc ccotton ccandy: true

geese-sung: i had to have a talk with him it was terrible

dolbitch: what kind of talk

geese-sung: he told me how i should be a good boyfriend and LITERALLY gave me a book guide on how to be a good boyfriend and i just want to chuck this into a fireplace

energy drinks: AHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

dolbitch: oh wow

small asswipe: im gonna go sleep im tired

plasticc ccotton ccandy: but it's like 5?

small asswipe: shut im not like you guys im actually tired and about to fall off my bed

responsible but fucks up: oh ok, sweet dreams!

small asswipe: thx

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

gay weeb: are we done streaming we have been doing this for the past 6 hours

marknae™: what the fuck guys

FLEX TAPE®: i cant feel my fingers

classic hoe: i think i lost more brain cells

y.2: you never had any in the first place

classic hoe: rude

spicy cocktaeil: tAEYONG PLEASE I THINK WE HAVE STREAMED ENOUGH

pregantante: i think the fuck not

geese-sung: why in the fuck are there devices in the fridge 

geese-sung: ALSO WHY ARE THEY EVEN IN MY ROOM

dolbitch: may or may not have been bribed into buying more phones and laptops and any devices to stream our comeback

geese-sung: LELE WHY??

d is for disease: i cant get out of my room because there are DAMN LAPTOPS AND PHONES IN THE HALLWAY

LOOSE (C) ASS: why is there a phone in the toilet

dolbitch: oh that one is a waterproof phone

FLEX TAPE®: chenle what the fuck

y.1: i think we have streamed enough

pregantante: nO

energy drinks: someone knock him out he needs sleep he's about to go crazy

HEWWO BITCHUWU: done

classic hoe: the hell did you do

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i accidentally smacked him with a metal pan so i think he'll be unconscious for two days?

LOOSE (C) ASS: 

marknae™: please collect your boyfriend

LOOSE (C) ASS: i am and will

spicy cocktaeil: is it just me or do i see a big bump on taeyong's forehead

gay weeb: HOW HARD DID YOU EVEN HIT HIM

HEWWO BITCHUWU: like i said i hit him accidentally

responsible but fucks up: probably hard enough to actually put him unconscious for two days

pros and kuns: i shouldnt be laughing

gay weeb: ok great that means we can stop streaming

FLEX TAPE®: hyung can you help me i cant feel my fingers

gay weeb: k

d is for disease: how the FUCK 

dolbitch: i'll go collect everything

dolbitch: jisung do you have your bag

geese-sung: yeah

energy drinks: um what the fuck that bag is big

geese-sung: yeah i bought it in case if we somehow killed someone and if we needed to hide a body

marknae™: jisung just why

marknae™: i dont think we're capable to kill someone

classic hoe: chenle is probably capable of it because he can scream loud

spicy cocktaeil: my ear still rings from the video

y.1: pretty sure you would be deaf if you were at the bar

spicy cocktaeil: you think

dolbitch: oops

 

8:44 PM

 

pregantante: oh yeah where's renjun?? he hasn't been on for like 3 hours

dolbitch: oh he's still asleep

responsible but fucks up: for that long?

plasticc ccotton ccandy: he must've been that tired

geese-sung: who wouldve thought

plasticc ccotton ccandy: shut

plasticc ccotton ccandy: he usually would still be up even at 3 am

dolbitch: yall dont need to worry he has had an exhausting day

y.1: can someone change our users because this is still confusing

energy drinks: fine

 

energy drinks has changed y.1's name to yoonoob

energy drinks has changed y.2's name to this is the SEO

 

yoonoob: why the fuck

 

yoonoob has changed his name to gayhyun

 

energy drinks: very creative 

gay weeb: i can honestly hear the sarcasm

energy drinks: because it is

this is the SEO: i honestly expected to be named either jhonny or some cringey roblox name or HERE'S JOHNNY but no you just fucking had to

energy drinks: mhm

energy drinks: be glad you're not taeyong because back in our 127 chat

pregantante: hell no we are not gonna talk about the ty track all over again

pregantante: yet again this one is way worse

d is for disease: i still dont understand why my user is this

 

energy drinks has changed d is for disease's name to dodoism

 

dodoism: did you just

energy drinks: yw

dodoism: this is fucking abuse

this is the SEO: you think you have it worse

dodoism: true

HEWWO BITCHUWU: you still havent given me your love ever since the vlive

dodoism: yOU DONT FUCKING ASK FOR SOMEONE'S LOVE ON A LIVE BROADCAST

HEWWO BITCHUWU: but you still havent given me your love

dodoism: you literally have yukhei

HEWWO BITCHUWU: but you never gave me your platonic love :(

LOOSE (C) ASS: who the fuck made my boyfriend upset

HEWWO BITCHUWU: it's nothing

marknae™: oh shit man things got REAL

energy drinks: i love how no one bothered to change the group chat name

pregantante: i would but you would change it back

energy drinks: :)

 

3:56 AM

 

small asswipe: what did i even miss jesus

energy drinks: oh hi

small asswipe: bye

energy drinks: bitch

small asswipe: i just woke up and decided it was a wonderful idea to listen to our comeback and now im just crying all over again

energy drinks: mood though

energy drinks: i would offer tissues but my ass is lazy

small asswipe: ofc

small asswipe: anyways what the hell did i miss

energy drinks: scroll up my friend

small asswipe: my fingers are lazy

small asswipe: im gonna go get tissues

energy drinks: ok so your fingers are lazy to scroll up

energy drinks: but your goddamn body isnt when getting tissues

small asswipe:

small asswipe: yes

small asswipe: anyways i need to go get tissues to clean my eye water thats leaking

energy drinks: relatable. also i think we're gonna get killed for spamming this group chat in the middle of 3 am which is almost 4

small asswipe: yup

 

4:01 AM

 

energy drinks: hoe how long does it take to get tissues

small asswipe: i ran out of tissues and had to steal jeno's

energy drinks: wow

small asswipe: and plus im lazy to sneak out in the kitchen to get tissues from the cabinets

small asswipe: anyways im bored

energy drinks: arent we all

energy drinks: sucks for everyone to be asleep

small asswipe: true

 

**energy drinks, small asswipe**

 

energy drinks: ok you little shithead what's wrong

small asswipe: ??

small asswipe: wym

energy drinks: you're acting weird

small asswipe: how the fuck am i acting weird i just woke up ofc i might act different for couple of minutes bc iM FUCKING TIRED from waking up

energy drinks: uh huh but you usually dont sleep at like what 5 pm to 3 am??

small asswipe: your point? im tired that's all

energy drinks: bitch

energy drinks: i swear to fucks i can practically hear you

small asswipe: but we're

energy drinks: exactly

energy drinks: now tell me what's wrong

small asswipe: there aint anything wrong with me you dingdong

energy drinks: 

energy drinks: renjun i swear you're always stubborn to tell me what's going on

energy drinks: especially being stubborn to chenle who is like your closest and bestest friend 

small asswipe: look there isn't anything wrong with me ok just drop it

small asswipe: if smth is wrong then i will tell

energy drinks: and that's what they ALLLL say

small asswipe: im getting some damn dejavu

 

5:21 AM

**small asswipe, dolbitch**

 

small asswipe:  **chenle im gonna go for a walk k? i just need some fresh air**

small asswipe: **also you dont have to worry i just feel overwhelmed with mark's graduation and all and the future for nct dream**

small asswipe:  **so i just need some fresh air**

 

renjun turned off his phone after telling chenle about his activity at five in the morning. he left his phone on his bed and grabbed a hoodie and a face mask. he threw his hoodie on and wore his face mask. he was a bit lazy to change into different pants anyways so he decided to keep them on. after slipping his shoes on, he pulled his hoodie up to cover his head and left the building. the chilly air hit his face, but it felt refreshing to be outside.

he sighed as he walked a couple blocks away from the building. eventually, he found a wooden bench to sit on so he decided to sit down and observe his surroundings. thirty minutes later, he got bored of sitting.

it was quiet, with a little of the rustling of nearby trees and bushes. it was a peaceful atmosphere to be in. what was the purpose of taking a walk? was it to run away from his problems? renjun sadly sighed. it saddened him when jeno and jaemin were officially a couple. it broke his heart that the two people he loved happened to be in a relationship. oh no, he didn't want to be selfish, but it still hurts. at first, he sort of hoped if they have room for him, but he started to doubt. after all, they looked happy together. he'll just be in the way if he were to be in the picture. his eyes stung just from the thought of it. he looked up at the sky, looking at the sunrise. truly beautiful, he thought to himself.

he continued to stare at the sunrise, thinking how it represents jeno and jaemin. two colors in the sky, blue and orange-red, perfectly blended together to create such art. it truly represented them because they are perfect for each other. them together is just... like art. of course, there can't be a third color added into the sunrise, just like him. he wouldn't fit, at all. he pulled up his right sleeve of his hoodie, revealing hideous scars from old cuts. however, they were painted over with fresh, new cuts that are still scarlet red.

his vision started to get blurry from the amount of tears that formed in his eyes. a drop of tear landed on his scarred arm.

 

_they'll be happy without me, it's okay._

 

9:00 AM

**dolbitch, small asswipe**

 

dolbitch:  **renjun?**

dolbitch:  **it has been 4 hours...**

dolbitch:  **you're not back yet**

dolbitch:  **i swear to god im worried about you..**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still cant believe i got the mv date wrong hsdhddjks
> 
> honestly we go up makes me so hyped up but also cry at the same time. make sure stream them!
> 
> usernames:  
> taeil = spicy cocktaeil  
> taeyong = pregantante  
> chittaphon = classic hoe  
> youngho = this is the SEO  
> yoonoh = gayhyun  
> dongyoung = dodoism  
> yukhei = LOOSE (C) ASS  
> jungwoo = HEWWO BITCHUWU  
> yuta = gay weeb  
> kun = pros and kuns  
> sicheng = FLEX TAPE®  
> mark = marknae™  
> renjun = small asswipe  
> donghyuck = energy drinks  
> jeno = responsible but fucks up  
> jaemin = plasticc ccotton ccandy  
> chenle = dolbitch  
> jisung = geese-sung


	10. chenle is pissed but worried and taeyong needs to stay away from hair dyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dolbitch: BITCH WHERE THE FUCK IS HE
> 
> marknae™: whomst
> 
> dolbitch: RENJUN THAT STINK SHIT
> 
> dolbitch: HE AINT HERE

**dysfunctional hell**

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i feel dead inside

energy drinks: OW FUCK MY JOINTS FUCKING HELL

marknae™: guys please it's too early for this

geese-sung: and no one ever pointed out your graduation was too damn early

classic hoe: damn bitch daMN

energy drinks: ok i think im good

energy drinks: FUCK NO IM NOT DAMN FINE

LOOSE (C) ASS: is he ok

dodoism: does it look like it

energy drinks: IM LEGIT SITTING ON MY BED AND I WANTED TO MOVE MY  _DAMN_ LEGS BUT NOOOO

energy drinks: MY LEGS DECIDED TO MAKE ME NOT MOVE BECAUSE MY JOINTS WILL CRACK AND THOSE SHIT HURT LIKE A FUCKER

gayhyun: what in the hell

energy drinks: DAMN YOU JISUNG

geese-sung: WHAT DID I DO

energy drinks: FOR NOT HAVING JOIT CRACKD

responsible but fucks up:  **HE NEEDS SOME MILK**

pregantante: youngho

pregantante: what the hell did i tell you about teaching english but using vines

this is the SEO:

marknae™: im fucking quacking my ass off

gay weeb: i just woke up to my phone falling off of my nightstand

FLEX TAPE®: this is why you mute the damn group chat

gay weeb: I WAS TIRED

spicy cocktaeil: can i just say donghyuck is such a big mood

classic hoe: i cant see my damn kybaord

this is the SEO: good

HEWWO BITCHUWU: 

pregantante: i just realized something

pregantante: did renjun and hyuck have a 4 am talk while all of us were asleep

energy drinks: yes

energy drinks: wait

energy drinks: where's renjun

FLEX TAPE®: maybe he's asleep

energy drinks: but he fucking-

plasticc ccotton ccandy: maybe he's that tired?

 

**dolbitch, small asswipe**

 

dolbitch:  **YOU MOTHERFUCKER**

dolbitch:  **WHERE IN THE FUCKS HELL ARE YOU**

dolbitch: **ITS LITERALLY ALMOST 10**

dolbitch:  **ANSWER YOU LITTLE SHIT**

dolbitch:  **RENJUN**

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

spicy cocktaeil: can i just say

spicy cocktaeil: taeyong is making me concerned

this is the SEO: bitch i think the hair dyes finally got into his brain

pregantante: wOOOOooOoOOOOoOOoOoOOOooOOoOooOo

dodoism: what in the fuck

dodoism: someone keep him away from hair dyes

pregantante: BITCH YOU CANNOT KEEP ME AWAY FROM MY HAIR DYES

geese-sung: i dont feel ok

gay weeb: me too

FLEX TAPE®: yuta

FLEX TAPE®: my dear hyung

FLEX TAPE®: what is going on w u ur worrying me

marknae™: i showed jisung this such thing called angst

geese-sung: what the fcuk is this shit

geese-sung: i feel damn emo

dolbitch: ^

 

geese-sung has changed his name to emo as fuck

 

emo as fuck: fucking hell never show me those angsty bitches again i swear

energy drinks: the only thing that's angsty is the amount of pining in this hell

gayhyun: you're not wrong

classic hoe: hmmmmmmm wonder who is PiNiNG

energy drinks: i wonder

dodoism: we're all looking at you hyuck

marknae™: whomst he pining

plasticc ccotton ccandy: good fucking bye

HEWWO BITCHUWU: dense motherfuckers

LOOSE (C) ASS: this is so sad

gay weeb: just like me

gayhyun: emo much?

FLEX TAPE®: hyung

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i cannot FUCKING believe someone is even more DENSER than JENO

responsible but fucks up: WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING ME INTO THIS

plasticc ccotton ccandy: BEFORE WE DATED 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: I USUALLY GET TOUCHY WITH YOU BUT WHAT DID YOU D O

plasticc ccotton ccandy: PUT ME IN THE FRIENDZONE AT LEAST 5 FUCKING TIMES

this is the SEO: ouch

spicy cocktaeil: that mustve been painful

responsible but fucks up: LOOK

plasticc ccotton ccandy: BITCH WHERE

pros and kuns: this is entertaining to watch

 

**FLEX TAPE®, gay weeb**

 

FLEX TAPE®: are you feeling okay??

FLEX TAPE®: did something happen?

gay weeb: no

gay weeb: and yeah im fine

gay weeb: just stressed lately?

FLEX TAPE®: are you sure?

FLEX TAPE®: you're making me worried you rarely smiled :(

gay weeb: to be honest ive been getting jealous lately and the fact im stuck in the friendzone  _not sent!_

FLEX TAPE®: are you sure?

gay weeb: yeah i'll be fine, sichengie :)

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

pregantante: i can smell colors

spicy cocktaeil: what the fuck taeyong

pros and kuns: 

pros and kuns: go to sleep you're high

this is the SEO: from the amount of HAIR DYES he has used

emo as fuck: couldn't agree any more

emo as fuck: also chenle is aggressively looking through the dream's dorm for the past 2 hours

energy drinks: it's 1 pm already

responsible but fucks up: *insert thinking emoji*

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i cant believe im dating a fucking furry roleplayer

responsible: IM NOT A GODDAMN FURRY

energy drinks: *eye emoji*

classic hoe: who in the fuck

classic hoe: we allow no furries in this damn hell

FLEX TAPE®: what's a furry?

gay weeb:

gay weeb: it is best to not know what it is

FLEX TAPE®: but

HEWWO BITCHUWU: no

FLEX TAPE®: :(

marknae™: 

marknae™: so i may or may not have set a toaster on fire

pregantante: WHAT THE FUCK MARK

gayhyun: ah there he is

marknae™: I JUST WANTED TOASTER STRUDELS

LOOSE (C) ASS: hey guys what does it mean to be a toaster strudel

classic hoe: *inserts dirty joke*

this is the SEO: we are not going back to the dirty jokes

this is the SEO: you already made a damn dick joke

gayhyun: he did?

classic hoe: yeah i did you were just busy sipping your fucking danish milkshake

gayhyun: those shit were good shut up

HEWWO BITCHUWU: you... you're just a toaster strudel?

gay weeb: you're just food

geese-sung: so i may leave a heads up

dolbitch: I CANT FUCKING FIND HIM

dolbitch: WHERE IN THE  **HELL** IS HE

pregantante: WHAT

pros and kuns: BITCH SAY WHAT

FLEX TAPE®: MY FUCKING CHILD IS MISSING???

dolbitch: BITCH WHERE THE FUCK IS HE

marknae™: whomst

dolbitch: RENJUN THAT STINK SHIT

dolbitch: HE AINT HERE

dolbitch: I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AROUND EVEN IN THE CEILING FOR THE PAST WHATEVER HOURS

dolbitch: YALL SERIOUSLY WHERE'S RENJUN

LOOSE (C) ASS:  **where and when was the last time you saw him?**

dolbitch: **it was like at 4 am?? and he said he would be taking a walk but bitch he aint back**

FLEX TAPE®:  **did he get lost? i swear to fucks**

pros and kuns:  **he shouldnt have walked blocks away from the building**

classic hoe: korean please????

 

right after he received chittaphon's text in the group chat, chenle heard soft footsteps. his phone was long forgotten when he threw it and rushed out of his room, his feet padding against the floor. he came and saw his hyung. his face brightened but also about to scold renjun, however, his face wasn't so bright when he saw the state renjun was in. he looked absolutely horrible with his slight dark eyebags and tear stains on his cheeks. chenle frowned at him.

"hyung... what happened to you?" he quietly asked. the other didn't respond and only looked away. few seconds later, he spoke. "nothing happened."

"i'm not buying it, hyung. we're gonna need to have a talk," the green haired boy replied, taking the other's arm. renjun only winced when his arm was grabbed. chenle froze and looked at him with wide eyes. "hyung... you didn't..."

renjun didn't respond. he only kept his head low, avoiding the younger's gaze.

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

this is the SEO: you kinky son of a bitch

classic hoe: no one fucking informed me that taeyong had a kink

gayhyun: it was damn obvious tf

energy drinks: alright shitheads what did i miss

gay weeb: kinks

energy drinks: oh hell nah

HEWWO BITCHUWU: what are kinks?

LOOSE (C) ASS: kinks

LOOSE (C) ASS: kinks are another name for a sickness

HEWWO BITCHUWU: oh?

HEWWO BITCHUWU: well i have a kink as well. im currently dying

classic hoe:

marknae™:

gay weeb:

this is the SEO:

pregantante:

spicy cocktaeil:

gayhyun:

dodoism:

responsible but fucks up: wait a fucking second

responsible but fucks up: mARK KNOWS WHAT KINKS ARE AND HE NEVER TOLD US WHAT THEY ARE

marknae™: look-

plasticc ccotton ccandy: what fucking trickery is this

plasticc ccotton ccandy: im fucking glad you're graduated because without being under your supervision-

emo as fuck: DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN SEARCH UP WHAT KINKS ARE

marknae™: BITCH NO

this is the SEO: you gotta let em they are growing up

marknae™: BITCH NO

gayhyun: i th

marknae™: BITCH N O

spicy cocktaeil: oh yeah i have a question ive been meaning to ask

spicy cocktaeil: ik mark's name was bolded in dear dream but how come jaemin's name was also bolded

plasticc ccotton ccandy: OH HELL FUCKING NO

marknae™: OH HELL FUCKING YES

FLEX TAPE®: i can hear renjun screaming in joy

plasticc ccotton ccandy: BITCH IM NOT GONNA BE THE LEADER OH HELL NO SATAN NOT TODAY BITCHES

plasticc ccotton ccandy: PEACE THE FUCK OUT

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy has left the group chat

pregantante has added plasticc ccotton ccandy into the group chat

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: BITCH NO

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy has left the group chat

marknae™ has added plasticc ccotton ccandy into the group chat

 

marknae™: BITCH YES

emo as fuck: ew jaemin is gonna be our leader

plasticc ccotton ccandy: i can smell the disrespect heading towards me

energy drinks: but you see you might or might not be the leader soooooooooo

plasticc ccotton ccandy: at least i can boss you hoes around

pros and kuns: someone petition renjun to become dream's leader

pregantante: idc who becomes the leader but yall will experience how it feels like to be a leader

emo as fuck: i read an angst where i finally became the leader of dream and im sobbign

emo as fuck: where's lele i need hugs

gayhyun: maybe he's busy?

classic hoe: doing his dolphin activities

responsible but fucks up: how do mermaids reproduce

this is the SEO: 

this is the SEO: we are not going to start this again

responsible but fucks up: but how do they

marknae™: well you see

dodoism: mermaids reproduce the same way as dolphin and whales do except they're eggs i believe

emo as fuck: what

spicy cocktaeil: then where the fuck do they reproduce at

dodoism: BITCH I SAID IT'S THE SAME WAY AS DOLPHINS AND WHALES

energy drinks: so you mean they fucking reproduce in the middle of their tail in the front

responsible but fucks up: but theres no

 

plasticc ccotton ccandy has removed responsible but fucks up from this group chat

 

emo as fuck: MY FUCKING EYES

pregantante: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO

emo as fuck: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE SEARCH THAT UP OH MY FUCK MY EYES

energy drinks: did he just fucking-

this is the SEO: goddammit jeno

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU has added responsible but fucks up into the group chat

 

responsible but fucks up: thank you

plasticc ccotton ccandy: **BEGONE THOT**

pregantante: now who the fuck taught him that

marknae™:

this is the SEO:

gayhyun:

pregantante: i will fucking ground you 3

classic hoe: haha fuckers

this is the SEO: you sly motherfucker

classic hoe: sly as a fox bitches- and you'll never catch me alive taeyong

 

"hyung, please. tell me what's wrong," chenle looked at renjun with worry in his eyes. the older male only sighed and pulled the sleeve of his hoodie down. "chenle... i really don't know what's wrong with me. i guess pining for this long led me to this. i just think that they might not-"

"hyung, stop it. i'm sure they will have a room for you too, you just have to talk to them about it," the green haired boy shifted over to his side to give him a hug, comforting him. the honey blonde haired boy cried into his shoulder, pouring out his feelings from his heart. pouring out all of his sorrows and sufferings.

"i-it's just... they look happy when they're together. just... putting myself into the picture w-will just.. just ruin i-" the younger only shushed him, letting him to continue pouring all of his emotions out.

 

**mature bubble gums**

 

energy drinks: man i wanna fucking drown myself in wine

emo as fuck: *eyes emoji*

marknae™: why the fuck

plasticc ccotton ccandy: same though

responsible but fucks up:

energy drinks: y'see

energy drinks: i may or may not 

emo as fuck: he likes someone and they're in the same company

energy drinks: YOU BITCH I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY SIDE HOE

emo as fuck: im helping you bitch

responsible but fucks up: guys its been 2 hours wheres chenle and renjun

responsible but fucks up: i can hear the hyungs worrying

emo as fuck: they're prob in chenle's room doing smth. i checked and the door was locked

plasticc ccotton ccandy: *thinking emoji*

marknae™: maybe they're just having their small meeting

energy drinks: you have been watching too many movies stop n o w

small asswipe: what in the name of fucks did i miss

responsible but fucks up: RENJUNNIE

small asswipe: yes hi what did i fucking miss

dolbitch: everything

marknae™: including crisis

marknae™: also taeyong got high from hair dyes

small asswipe: ah

energy drinks: man you missed a lot of good shit

plasticc ccotton ccandy: agreed

small asswipe: oh yeah

small asswipe: has anyone listened to lay hyung's sheep w/alan walker

small asswipe: its amazing shjsjsdks

dolbitch: HOE YOU DIDNT TELL ME HOW FUCKING FSRDARE

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

classic hoe: got 99 problems and the last one is this

this is the SEO: i feel hurt

pregantante: i agree with this hoe

pregantante: bc im starting to regret being the leader

gay weeb: imagine we just walk into a show with over 40 members and like over 20+ units

marknae™: oh hell to the fuck no if im gonna be in all of those units

marknae™: i already had to participate in everything when we last visit weekly idol

energy drinks: boohoo honey

FLEX TAPE®: i will fucking fight mark if sm adds him into nct china and still gives him more lines

FLEX TAPE®: I WILL LEGIT THROW FUCKING HANDS 

small asswipe: i would laugh my damn ass off

LOOSE (C) ASS: by the way

LOOSE (C) ASS: can someone inform me on the rookies' names and their REAL names

dodoism: go check google

LOOSE (C) ASS: but im cuddling with jungwoo

emo as fuck: nasty cuddly shits

gayhyun: wow

 

"fucktwat, you gotta stop pining. confess to him," jisung slapped donghyuck on the shoulder. the other hissed in pain and glared at him. "i will, i'm just not ready yet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh im so sorry for not updating, i was busy with some work and today school started??? jsjddjjd
> 
> usernames:  
> taeil = spicy cocktaeil  
> taeyong = pregantante  
> chittaphon = classic hoe  
> youngho = this is the SEO  
> yoonoh = gayhyun  
> dongyoung = dodoism  
> yukhei = LOOSE (C) ASS  
> jungwoo = HEWWO BITCHUWU  
> yuta = gay weeb  
> kun = pros and kuns  
> sicheng = FLEX TAPE®  
> mark = marknae™  
> renjun = small asswipe  
> donghyuck = energy drinks  
> jeno = responsible but fucks up  
> jaemin = plasticc ccotton ccandy  
> chenle = dolbitch  
> jsung = emo as fuck


	11. is jeno a furry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moist furry: GUYS WHAT THE FUCK IM NOT A FURRY
> 
> ugly mineral: fucking lies
> 
> ugly mineral: i saw you doing a furry roleplay

**dysfunctional hell**

 

marknae™: hyuck what the FUCK

energy drinks: THE HELL DID I DO I JUST FUCKING BREATHED YOU HOE

emo as fuck: oh no he's just being a jealous bitch

marknae™: LISTEN HERE YOU MTOHER FUCEKR

responsible but fucks up: who in the FUCK gave PERMISSION for HYUCK to FEEL renjun's A B S

responsible but fucks up: ESPECIALLY FEELING HIM UP

pregantante: wait a fUCKING MINUTE

classic hoe: excuse me but what

classic hoe: WHOMST

small asswipe:

dolbitch: MMMMMMMMMMMM

FLEX TAPE®: please it's 6 in the morning i need my beauty sleep

gay weeb: then go back to bed

dolbitch: wait a fu-

 

**dolbitch, small asswipe**

 

dolbitch:  **YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT MEANS**

small asswipe:  **what**

dolbitch:  **JENO AND JAEMIN ARE F U C C I N G JEALOUS**

small asswipe:  **your point**

dolbitch:  **YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER**

dolbitch:  **IM PRETTY SURE A FRIEND WOULDNT GET JEALOUS IF ANOTHER FRIEND FELT THEIR FRIEND'S ABS AND FELT HIM UP**

dolbitch:  **YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING MEANS???**

small asswipe:  **that they are jealous because they didnt get to fee-**

small asswipe:  **BITCH**

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

LOOSE (C) ASS: i still wanted to be on weekly idol with dream

this is the SEO: no

marknae™: BITCH WE'RE ALL GONnA LOOK LIKE DAMN FLOWERS WHILE YOURE THE TREE JUST LIKE YOU DSIAD IN THE VLVIE

energy drinks: he's crying someone help him

marknae™: oh yeah

marknae™: SHITHEAD IM NOT JEALOUS

emo as fuck: are too

marknae™: AM NOT

pregantante: BITCH WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP LET US FUCKING SLEEP FOR THE BELOVE OF FUCKING GOD TAKE YOUR GODDAMN ISSUE INTO YOUR DREAM GROUPCHAT YOU PIECES OF SHITS THAT I BIRTHED OUT

gayhyun: well damn

emo as fuck: well technically-

pregantante: SILENCE

 

**mature bubble gums**

 

energy drinks: i just realized we're no longer bubble gums

emo as fuck: ARE TOO

marknae™: AM

marknae™: FUCKING

marknae™: NOT

marknae™: YOU

marknae™: LITTLE

marknae™: WITTY

marknae™: BITCH 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: what in the fuck i was going to put my face mask on

 

energy drinks has renamed the group chat to "WE GO UP UH UH UH GO UP"

 

small asswipe: yall calm your asses down

emo as fuck: NO

marknae™: NO

small asswipe: LITTLE SHITS PUT YOUR DAMN ASSES DOWN AND CALM THE F U C K DOWN BEFORE I FUCKING SHOVE YOUR HEADS INTO CEMENT AND BURN YOU ALL

emo as fuck:

energy drinks:

dolbitch:

marknae™:

plasticc ccotton ccandy:

responsible but fucks up:

small asswipe: good

energy drinks: damn whats got your panties in a twist man

small asswipe: YOU FUCKING WANNA DIE I GOT MY DAMN BUTTER KNIFE

responsible but fucks up: WHO IN THE HELL GAVE HIM A BUTTER KNIFE

marknae™: FUCKIGN RUN

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

pregantante: WHO THE FUCK

pregantante: I HEAR SCREAMS IN THE DREAM DORM

LOOSE (C) ASS: they wildin

marknae™: UFKCIG HELP

marknae™: RNEUN AHS A BUT RFNIFK

classic hoe: this is amazing

classic hoe: [attached video]

pros and kuns: who in the right mind gave him a butter knife

FLEX TAPE®:

FLEX TAPE®: where did he even get a butter knife um

dodoism: guess someone will die today

dodoism: SEE BITCH I WAS DAMN RIGHT WITH MY FORTUNE TELLING

this is the SEO: who the fuck does fortune telling

spicy cocktaeil:

gay weeb: you absolute fucking loser

spicy cocktaeil: at least i dont spend my time watching anime and cosplaying

gay weeb: LOOK EHRE

emo as fuck: IS ANYONE GONNA HELP US WE'RE GONNA DIE

small asswipe: GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE LEE DONGHYUCK

gayhyun: oh fck he used his full name

HEWWO BITCHUWU: why do i always wake up to this

LOOSE (C) ASS: shh go back to sleep

energy drinks: I GUESS SOMEONE IS ON THEIR PERIOD BECAUSE JESUS FUCKS

small asswipe: TAKE THAT BACK YOU DAMN TOOTSIE ROLL

dolbitch: i just fucking lauged

small asswipe: FOUND YOU BITCH

dolbitch: OH FUCK

plasticc ccotton ccandy: wait

plasticc ccotton ccandy: WHERE DID JENO GO

responsible but fucks up: you will never find me

FLEX TAPE®: wtf

 

8:01 AM

 

classic hoe: i have so many videos and theyre so fucking hilarious

marknae™: youre laughing at us suffering

marknae™: thanks hyung

energy drinks: bitch im scarred

energy drinks: i got taped on the ceiling

dolbitch: that wasnt even bad

energy drinks:

plasticc ccotton ccandy: what the fuck chenle

dolbitch: ive seen worse

small asswipe: :)

emo as fuck: what the

emo as fuck: im scared now

small asswipe: that was only 25% of hell you brats

dodoism: can you send them to me ten

classic hoe: yeah sure

pros and kuns: who wants cake

small asswipe: MOVE OUT THE WAY BITCHES IM GETTING THE BIG SLICE

energy drinks: fucking pig

small asswipe: not your damn mirror hoe

this is the SEO: OH SHIT 

pregantante: who taught him to be this way

energy drinks: i fucking got a war flashback when jisung

emo as fuck: :D

 

5:09 PM

 

dodoism: i bought a new microphone

dodoism: wait where the fuck did it go

this is the SEO: oops

dodoism: FUCK YOU

this is the SEO: no thanks i have ten

classic hoe: haha bitch

energy drinks: has anyone seen my urban dictionary

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ohhh that blue book that was in my room?

energy drinks: yeah where is it

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i thought it was an old book so i threw it out, im sorry :((

energy drinks: oh no, hyung, its ok

marknae™: why the fuck does he forgive jungwoo if he does smth

LOOSE (C) ASS: 

┏┓   
┃┃╱╲ in  
┃╱╱╲╲ this  
╱╱╭╮╲╲house  
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we  
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲   
      all love jungwoo  
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲   
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

spicy cocktaeil: oo how do you do that??

this is the SEO: it's copy pasta

emo as fuck: i thought it was creepy pasta

energy drinks: dumbass

emo as fuck: your damn fault for showing me this fuckign scarring image

emo as fuck:

pros and kuns: WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT UGLY PIECE OF SHIT

responsible but fucks up: mY EARS ARE RINGING FROM CHENLE SCREAMING

gayhyun: what in the ABSOLUTE HELL

marknae™: you're fucking kicked out of the dreams dorm hyuck

energy drinks: no im not

energy drinks: im not the one graduating am i

marknae™:

energy drinks: exactly

gay weeb: my damn eyes

spicy cocktaeil: taeyong choked on his wine

classic hoe: damn, ive seen way worse

FLEX TAPE®: of course you have

plasticc ccotton ccandy: jisung why do you have to share it onto here

emo as fuck: you all will suffer just as much i suffered

dodoism: fuck this im gonna go order another microphone

energy drinks: haha bitches i have his 2 spare microphones

energy drinks: 

dodoism: GIVE MY SPARE MICROPHONES BACK

gayhyun: do

gayhyun: you have a lot of them though??

 

7:11 PM

 

dodoism: 

dodoism: you shits dare enter my lair and steal these because i fucking ordered all of them for the past 1 hour

classic hoe: what the shit

pregantante: dongyoung

pregantante: why must you

energy drinks: i still need my urban dictionary

plasticc ccotton ccandy: what is even the urban dictionary

small asswipe: hell

marknae™: he's not wrong

energy drinks: those shit were good as well

HEWWO BITCHUWU: :(((

LOOSE (C) ASS: aw come here

HEWWO BITCHUWU: :)))

gay weeb: that is some soft shit right there

FLEX TAPE®: you know what's also soft

FLEX TAPE®: your hair (｡^‿^｡)

classic hoe: i just choked on some disgusting soft shit

gayhyun: you're just jealous that your relationship involves sex 24/7 and kinky shit

this is the SEO: no lies in that

pregantante: excuse you there are children here

dolbitch: no there isn't

emo as fuck: no there isn't 

plasticc ccotton ccandy: no there isn't

marknae™: no there isn't

small asswipe: no there isn't

responsible but fucks up: no there isn't

energy drinks: no there isn't

pregantante: DAMN OK I KNOW

gay weeb: my tears are soft as fuck

pros and kuns: ^

pregantante: you know speaking of which

dodoism: oh yeah didn't their album release a few days ago

gayhyun: yes you smartass

marknae™: uh oh

spicy cocktaeil: the fuck you mean 'uh oh'

pregantante: WHOEVER WROTE THE FUCKING LYRICS FOR DRIPPIN' WILL GET A FUCKING WOOPIN'

dolbitch:

marknae™:

pros and kuns: wait what

pros and kuns: send the link

emo as fuck: theres this thing called spotify

FLEX TAPE®: oh wow why am i getting flashbacks to whiplash and baby dont stop

FLEX TAPE®: wait a fucking minute

small asswipe:  **run**

pros and kuns:  **YOU FUCKING- GET BACK HERE**

this is the SEO: what in the fu

responsible but fucks up: whos gonna drive we need to run from taeyong

marknae™: my car privileges were fucking taken away

emo as fuck: theres only one way

energy drinks: we  _rebel_

pregantante: NOT IN MY FUCKING HOUSEHOLD

responsible but fucks up: imma need my pringles

responsible but fucks up: OW FUCK I GOT THE SALT IN MY EYES

small asswipe: HOW IS THAT FUCKING PSOSIBE;

dolbitch: hE JUST RAN INTO THE WALL WHILE KUN HYUNG IS CHASING US

LOOSE (C) ASS: what in the tarnation

HEWWO BITCHUWU: is he ok?

responsible but fucks up: IM CHOKING ON FUCKING SALT HE ELP

energy drinks: YOU ATE PRINGLES HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO GET SALT IN YOUR EYES AND CHOKE ON THE DAMN SALT

marknae™: damn war flashbacks

marknae™: oh yeah

marknae™: TAEYONG IS COMING WITH A BROOM

emo as fuck: FUCKING RUN YOU SLOW ASSES

energy drinks: FUCKING CHRIST MARK GET THE CAR

marknae™: GET IN THE CAR

pregantante: NOT TODAY MOTHERFUCKERS

dodoism: did he just fucking

classic hoe: [attached video]

classic hoe: HE FUCKING JUMPED ON THE CAR

marknae™: SHIT SHIT SHIT

gay weeb: *sips green tea*

gay weeb: what a normal day

HEWWO BITCHUWU: im concerned for everyone

gayhyun: same here buddy same here

spicy cocktaeil: what did i fucking do

emo as fuck: YOU FLATTENED THE DAMN TIRES THATS WHAT

FLEX TAPE®: [attached video]

this is the SEO: can someone explain what is going on all i can hear is chenle screaming

LOOSE (C) ASS: a war zone thats what

small asswipe: ok i think im safe

pros and kuns: and you fucking thought wrong bitch

small asswipe: F UF FKCCKS

plasticc ccotton ccandy: and then there was 6

dolbitch: WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME YOU HOE NOW IM ALONE IN THE WAR ZONE

spicy cocktaeil: DID HE JUST FUCKING RAMMED THROUGH A WINDOW

dodoism: we're legit gonna get yelled at

dolbitch: GUYS TAKE ME WITH YOU

marknae™: THE TIRES FUCKING FLATTENED

marknae™: QUICK EVERYONE SCATTER IN THE BUSHES

pregantante: CAUGHT YOU BITCH

energy drinks: FUCK

 

9:39 PM

 

pregantante: now i believe we have learned a life lesson

marknae™: yes

marknae™: yes we did

emo as fuck: my fucking legs

small asswipe: my fucking face

gayhyun: damn

FLEX TAPE®: that harsh?

pros and kuns: yes

HEWWO BITCHUWU:

classic hoe: i can sense a jungwoo about to get a stroke from worrying over everyone

LOOSE (C) ASS: jesus fucks jungwoo

energy drinks: oh yeah while we were running away for the past 2 hours ive been looking through the urban dictionary on the internet

classic hoe: i can sense the good shit thats about to be spilled

small asswipe: ...

small asswipe: the fuck jeno

responsible but fucks up:

plasticc ccotton ccandy: what did he do now

small asswipe: my damn eyes?

plasticc ccotton ccandy: the hell did he do

responsible but fucks up:

energy drinks: anyways hoes ive searched up a few names

energy drinks: and holy shit i was teARING

classic hoe: share you little shit

energy drinks: ok so i decided to search up jeno's name in urban dictionary first and this was the definition

energy drinks: "furry, moist object that smells like raw fish"

small asswipe: WHAT THE SHIT

gay weeb: HOLY FUCK I JUST BUSTED A LUNG BITCH IM ON THE FLOOR

FLEX TAPE®: he actually is

gayhyun: i cant

this is the SEO: ive seen worse

spicy cocktaeil: of course you've have

responsible but fucks up: WHY DOES MY NAME FUCKING MEAN A FURRY MOIST OBJECT THAT FUCKING SMELLS LIKE RAW FISH BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

emo as fuck: im crying

dolbitch: IM YODELING

dolbitch: hOE IM

plasticc ccotton ccandy: im honestly not surprised *eye emojis*

 

energy drinks has changed responsible but fucks up's name to moist furry

 

moist furry: WHAT KIND OF USERNAM EIS THAT

pregantante: bITCH IM WHEEZING

energy drinks: HOLY SHIT JAEMIN

plasticc ccotton ccandy: what

energy drinks: yOUR DEFITNIROSN I M

energy drinks: "An ugly mineral used to hit bugs that are later used for food."

plasticc ccotton ccandy: BTICH

 

energy drinks has changed plasticc ccotton ccandy's name to ugly mineral

 

ugly mineral: im fucking beautiful wym

small asswipe: i can agree on that

small asswipe: i mean what

moist furry: he aint wrong tho

moist furry: just look at him

moist furry:

 

**small asswipe, dolbitch**

 

small asswipe:  **i dont feel fucking ok**

dolbitch:  **i can see that uwu**

small asswipe:  **im about to have a s t r o k e chnele**

dolbitch:  **good**

dolbitch:  **suffer**

dolbitch:  **:)**

small asswipe:  **son of a rich bitch**

dolbitch:  **;)**

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

moist furry: ok but like can someone change my user

ugly mineral: no

ugly mineral: bc u furry

moist furry: no im not

pregantante: its ok child

pregantante: we wont judge you

pregantante: we accept furries

gayhyun: ^

this is the SEO: ^

energy drinks: ^

gay weeb: ^

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ^

LOOSE (C) ASS: ^

emo as fuck: ^

dolbitch: ^

spicy cocktaeil: ^

dodoism: ^

pros and kuns: ^

classic hoe: ^

ugly mineral: ^

FLEX TAPE®: ^

marknae™: ^

moist furry: GUYS WHAT THE FUCK IM NOT A FURRY

ugly mineral: fucking lies

ugly mineral: i saw you doing a furry roleplay

moist furry: i

moist furry: I WAS CURIOUS WHAT IT WAS OK

ugly mineral: why am i dating a furry again

ugly mineral: anybody want to trade with me

emo as fuck: no thanks

classic hoe: no

LOOSE (C) ASS: hell to the nah 

dolbitch: lmao

small asswipe: ??????is ? jeno ? a ? furry??????

moist furry: iM FUCKING CRYING GUYS IM NOT A FURYR

ugly mineral: THEN HWY THE FUCK WERE YOU PLAYING SOME WOLF FURRY ROLEPLAY

moist furry: i wAS CURIOUS

HEWWO BITCHUWU: tsk tsk

LOOSE (C) ASS: he looks do disappointed right now

pregantante: jeno get me your laptop

moist furry: why

pregantante: bring me your laptop

moist furry: bUT WHY

pregantante:  _bring me your laptop_

moist furry: :,)

 

9:43 PM

 

pregantante: WHAT THE FUCK

moist furry: wHAT

gay weeb: HOLY SHIT IS THIS WHAT YOUVE BEEN INTO

gay weeb:

ugly mineral: im so fucking-

moist furry: BITCH TF NO

dolbitch: MY FUCKING EYES

emo as fuck: OUR FUCKING E Y E S

small asswipe: i am so done

ugly mineral: i cant believe youve been cheating on me with a booby furry

moist furry: iM LOYAL AS FUCK

ugly mineral: dOESNT SEEM LIKE IT

 

jeno tackled jaemin onto the floor, having their phones completely forgotten.

"you shithead," jeno hissed, making an angry expression which jaemin thought it was adorable. the boy on the floor giggled and smirked slightly. they stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes, despite the awkward position they were in. everything was silent until jaemin spoke. "you know... you can prove your loyalty right now."

jeno huffed and gave his boyfriend a small peck on the lips, earning a grin from the other. little did they know,  renjun was standing there the whole time, will a swelling heart of adoration but a pang of exclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> taeil = spicy cocktaeil  
> taeyong = pregantante  
> chittaphon = classic hoe  
> youngho = this is the SEO  
> yoonoh = gayhyun  
> dongyoung = dodoism  
> yukhei = LOOSE (C) ASS  
> jungwoo = HEWWO BITCHUWU  
> yuta = gay weeb  
> kun = pros and kuns  
> sicheng = FLEX TAPE®  
> mark = marknae™  
> renjun = small asswipe  
> donghyuck = energy drinks  
> jeno = moist furry  
> jaemin = ugly mineral  
> chenle = dolbitch  
> jisung = emo as fuck


	12. anti drama club shall commence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leader uwu: okay i have a perfect idea
> 
> classic hoe: if it involves breaking the drama then no
> 
> classic hoe: im enjoying the tea rn
> 
> leader uwu: what the hell i thought i kicked you out

**FLEX TAPE®, gay weeb**

 

FLEX TAPE®: hyung you've been acting weird lately

FLEX TAPE®: you haven't really been acting like yourself

FLEX TAPE®: im worried

gay weeb: sicheng, you dont need to worry about me

FLEX TAPE®: no im serious. im really worried

FLEX TAPE®: did i do anything wrong..?

gay weeb: no you didnt

FLEX TAPE®: do you want to watch anime together?

gay weeb: im tired but we can watch some later if thats ok

FLEX TAPE®: okay

 

**the snatch your baozi line**

 

FLEX TAPE®:  **yall this is an emergency**

FLEX TAPE®:  **also who the fuck changed the name**

LOOSE (C) ASS:

FLEX TAPE®:  **ok but anyways this is an em e r g e nc y**

dolbitch:  **is this about yuta hyung**

FLEX TAPE®:  **yes**

FLEX TAPE®: **he's been acting weird lately and im honestly worried**

FLEX TAPE®: **what should i do??**

small asswipe: **try to talk to him**

FLEX TAPE®: **i tried pming him**

small asswipe: **no you dumbass i meant face to face talk**

FLEX TAPE®: **but**

pros and kuns:  **talking to him in person would be the best choice, sicheng**

FLEX TAPE®: **alright**

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU: alright i can smell something

HEWWO BITCHUWU: what the fuck is happening in the dorms

LOOSE (C) ASS: babe calm-

HEWWO BITCHUWU: no im not gonna calm down

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i can literally sense calamity

pregantante: im tired and i dont need any more damn drama

classic hoe: damn im being provided well with tea

this is the SEO: goddammit

this is the SEO: where is the downgrade button

dodoism: wait why

ugly mineral: ^

this is the SEO: ten was actually a pure person in our rookie days but he became more hoe-y

classic hoe: um no thats because my inner self has been released bitch

emo as fuck: i can somewhat agree

classic hoe: ay no just because i seem very hoe like doesn't mean all of you aren't hoes

classic hoe: i've seen whiplash

classic hoe: baby dont stop

marknae™: but

classic hoe: shut it you maple boy

classic hoe: baby dont like it

classic hoe: and what is the last song missing in the hoe anthem

classic hoe: drippin

classic hoe: yall aint innocent nor special ya sinned buns

dolbitch: i can explain-

marknae™: actually we can explain-

classic hoe: thERES NOTHING TO EXPLAIN THE LYRICS TO DRIPPIN

classic hoe: WE ALL F U C K I N G KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN

moist furry: no no

moist furry: its talking about rain just like mark said

marknae™: yes

marknae™: r a i n

HEWWO BITCHUWU: ok seriously i can smell calamity in the air

energy drinks: oh that's just my weed that's burning

pregantante: BITCH THE FUCK YOU DOING WITH WEEDS 

small asswipe: who stole all of the waterbottles 

small asswipe: im lietrally choking on a piece of plastic

pros and kuns: my dear child

pros and kuns: why the fuck are you eating plastic

small asswipe: i was eating bread and there was plastic in the bread?

dolbitch: tf

small asswipe: can sOMEONE GET ME WATER

dolbitch: no you can suffer

small asswipe: i will sue you

small asswipe: actually i coughed it out dw

energy drinks: ew

HEWWO BITCHUWU: are we actually going to ignore something mustve happened between yuta and sicheng? >:(

spicy cocktaeil: im sure they're sorting it out atm

classic hoe: but my tea

dodoism: fuck your tea

classic hoe: bitch

dodoism: hoe

classic hoe: do i hear someone on their period

energy drinks: thats my fucking phrase 

gayhyun:

dodoism: yoonoh fucking got my hair stuck in a pin

LOOSE (C) ASS: honestly that's me

HEWWO BITCHUWU: not surprised,

marknae™: so uh its been half an hour

HEWWO BTICHUWU: :((

pregantante: hopefully they're doing ok

emo as fuck: i just realized something

emo as fuck: you start to forget the original layout of an app or smth because they update a lot and change everything

ugly mineral: bitch you right

dolbitch: thanks bc now im trying to figure out the original layout of snapchat

small asswipe: what even

moist furry: can you snorkel fog

ugly mineral: baby, no

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU has created a group chat

HEWWO BITCHUWU has added LOOSE (C) ASS, pregantante, and 3 others in the group chat

HEWWO BITCHUWU has renamed the group chat to "ANTI DRAMA CLUB"

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU: welcome

LOOSE (C) ASS: did you seriously-

HEWWO BITCHUWU: yes

pros and kuns:

pregantante: god may bless you jungwoo

dodoism: so what will we be doing today

HEWWO BITCHUWU: break up any dramas!

HEWWO BITCHUWU: i can sense 2 dramas boiling

spicy cocktaeil: 1. how 2. how the fuck

classic hoe: he has the 7th sense

HEWWO BITCHUWU:

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU has kicked classic hoe from this group chat

 

LOOSE (C) ASS: well damn

pros and kuns: are we going to not question how the fuck he got in here

LOOSE (C) ASS: hax

pregantante: ok so what are the 2 dramas we're dealing with

HEWWO BITCHUWU: yuwin and norenmin

dodoism: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

HEWWO BITCHUWU has changed his name to leader uwu

 

leader uwu: well lets see yuta and sicheng already had drama but im pretty sure this one isn't too intense

leader uwu: however im not sure with the trio

LOOSE (C) ASS: guys we're being tagged from the main gc

pros and kuns: oh dear fucking god

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

energy drinks: where are those old asses

energy drinks: @leader uwu @LOOSE (C) ASS @pregantante @pros and kuns @spicy cocktaeil @dodoism

pregantante: the hell you want satan

emo as fuck: we need more votes on whether or not if we should ban roblox

moist furry: BITCH ROBLOX IS THE SHIT YOU CANNOT BAN IT

ugly mineral: someone fucking tell me why im dating him

small asswipe: idk ask yourself that

dolbitch:  **chill with the fucking salt hyung**

leader uwu: hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

**ANTI DRAMA CLUB**

 

leader uwu: i can smell more drama

leader uwu: hmmmm

leader uwu: gasp

leader uwu: okay i have a perfect idea

classic hoe: if it involves breaking the drama then no

classic hoe: im enjoying the tea rn

leader uwu: what the hell i thought i kicked you out

classic hoe: mmmmbitch you thOT

 

leader uwu has banned classic hoe from this group chat

 

spicy cocktaeil: im cryigng

dodoism: whats your idea

leader uwu: i'll threaten them to make up or whatever shit they caused and you guys throw them into the sm basement :)

pregantante:

pregantante: why does everything involve threatening and locking someone in

LOOSE (C) ASS: leave him be

LOOSE (C) ASS: he's normally like this when he needs businesses to be done

pros and kuns: are you sure

LOOSE (C) ASS: si

leader uwu: anyways, chop chop! the plan shall commence

spicy cocktaeil: oh god

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

gayhyun: im starting to get concerned

this is the SEO: how so

gayhyun: i feel like jungwoo and the others are planning smth because they haven't texted here for the past 2 hours

classic hoe: i got banned from their group chat

this is the SEO: im still wondering how you hacked into the group chat

classic hoe: it runs in my thai blood

gayhyun: is it just the 3 of us on because everyone stopped being alive

this is the SEO: ig

classic hoe: i hear screaming

this is the SEO: *multiple screaming

energy drinks: MARK YOU FUCKHEAD WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR SANDWICH

gayhyun: ah, there they are

marknae™: I JUST WANTED A SANDWICH

small asswipe: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT THE PLATE IS ON FIRE

this is the SEO: mark what the fuck did you do

marknae™: LOOK

dolbitch: DGHF;G;FDHSHD

emo as fuck: hoW DO YOU GET THE SANDWICH OFF OF THE PLATE

energy drinks: OH FUCK THE PAPER TOWEL IS ON FIRE

ugly mineral: this is why we dont trust mark with making his own food

marknae™: i jUST WANTED A S A N D W I C H

emo as fuck: EVEN I CAN COOK CEREAL 

classic hoe: who tf cooks cereal

dolbitch: his cereal are good

gayhyun: everyone calm the fuck down

gayhyun: what even happened

energy drinks: he was just making his sandwich like a normal person but after leaving their for 2 damn hours

emo as fuck: it was stuck to the plate

moist furry: and he tried to get it off the plate by using a hair iron and the sandwich lit on fire along the plate

this is the SEO:  **mark why**

marknae™: **SHUT**

classic hoe: why tf

energy drinks: this is way worse than his fucking eggs

marknae™: LOOK

energy drinks: WHO THE FUCK IN THE RIGHT MIND WOULD COOK EGG WITHOUT OIL EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT

small asswipe: frying something in oil means a better transfer of heat than 'dry frying'. the surface of the thing to be cooked as well as the surface of the cooking utensil are not always uniform. a layer of oil conducts heat much more effectively through convection than does a layer of air, which is actually an insulator.

 

leader uwu has created a group chat

leader uwu has added small asswipe, moist furry, and ugly mineral in the group chat

 

leader uwu: yall better talk it out or else i will slit you all

leader uwu: anyways i have to go resolve yuwin bye (✿╹◡╹)

 

leader uwu has left the group chat

 

small asswipe:

moist furry: so um

moist furry: what do we talk about?

ugly mineral: 

moist furry: ok but honestly i think we should just confess?

ugly mineral: yeah sure

ugly mineral: who's going first?

small asswipe: ..

small asswipe: i have something to say

moist furry: we're listening

small asswipe: i

small asswipe: i like both of you guys. yeah, i know you guys are in a relationship but i just wanted to confess since i've kept these feelings for too long. i know, it's okay you guys don't have to feel burdened with my confession but i just wanted you guys to know.

small asswipe: i should go now since i kind of made this awkward..

ugly mineral: injunnie, please don't go. you didn't make anything awkward between us 

moist furry: we also have something to say, and we should've told you sooner but we both also like you too

small asswipe: but

small asswipe: you guys are in a relationship?

small asswipe: guys, seriously, don't pity me to make me feel better. 

ugly mineral: no we do like you. we didn't get to tell you since we were nervous and all. also, we're not pitying you, we actually like you as in we have feelings for you

small asswipe: ...

small asswipe: stop joking around. there's no way you guys like a piece of trash like me. even if you guys really do, i would only just invade and ruin the image.

 

small asswipe has left the group chat

moist furry has added small asswipe into the group chat

 

moist furry: listen to us injun, we're not joking around please stop doubting. there's such thing as polyamory 

small asswipe: but

ugly mineral: no buts. you will join us because it isn't complete without you

small asswipe: im sorry but that's so fucking cheesy

ugly mineral: ;)

moist furry: so.. would you like to be apart of us?

small asswipe: honestly i would love to.

small asswipe: also im sorry for doubting, it just seems like this would only happen in some kind of fanfiction

moist furry: dw though, we can work this out. just tell us if you feel left out

ugly mineral: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

small asswipe: by the way, what are we now?

ugly mineral: boyfriends obviousl- oh my gOD

moist furry: ??

ugly mineral: INJUNNIE HASNT GOTTEN HIS FUCKING FIRST KISS YET

moist furry: oH MY FUCK

small asswipe: if you guys think you can barge into my room to kiss me i will literally kick you guys in the ring ding dong

moist furry: too late we are already at your door

small asswipe: MY DOOR

 

both yuta and sicheng were locked in a room again. both of the boys sat in silence after jungwoo kindly told them to talk out whatever is happening between them. he may or may not have threatened them with a knife for extra measures. sicheng looked at yuta with concern. he shifted and sat in front of the japanese boy and cupped his cheeks so he's looking at him in the eyes. "since we're thrown into this room and locked in here until we 'make up,' do you want to tell me why you've been... acting weird lately?"

he received no response from the other and he sighed. he retracted his hands from yuta's cheeks and placed them on his lap. yuta was still silent and occasionally looked at something besides the chinese boy in front of him. he can tell he didn't want to talk just yet, so he decided he will be the first one to confess.

"since you won't talk, i guess i'll tell you something first, hyung," he nervously licked his lips and fiddled with his fingers, "before i tell you this, just keep an open mind on this. hopefully you don't feel weird or grossed out by me," the japanese boy looked at him with curiosity.

"i... i like you hyung. yes, feel disgusted all you want, you have the rights anyway. i know we've been friends for this long, but i've been afraid to confess to you like this but here i am? i-i mean i have reasons to like you. you're a wonderful and kind person and i feel comfortable around you. your smiles are so bright you honestly represent the sun that can always keep me happy, but seeing you like this made me feel the opposite. you don't have to feel burdened with my confession and all or feel forced to like me back. it's not like i will get hurt if you don't like me back, i'm way out of league for you after all. and it's just... i've been keeping this to myself and didn't bother telling you which lead to us this right now. i'm sorry... i just didn't want to ruin our friendship," tears started to overflow out of the chinese boy's eyes.

it felt relieving to confess to his crush but it also hurt him that his crush probably won't like him back. he will probably drift away from him and be disgusted around him. suddenly, he felt his face being cupped by soft hands and soft lips pressed against his. was... was yuta kissing him? he was very much correct when he looked at who was kissing him. yuta was closing his eyes as he was kissing him. eventually, the both of them pulled away from the kiss. sicheng saw the japanese boy lips curved into his signature smile.

"sicheng, i like- no. i love you too," he finally confessed which made the chinese boy's heart swell in happiness, relief, and acceptance. these were the feelings he was missing. oh, how much he loved these feelings because they felt amazing. he also loved the feeling of seeing the japanese boy finally smiling again. no, not a fake smile. but a  _real_ smile. the chinese boy wiped his wet cheeks and eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, but more tears started to form and overflow again which made the japanese boy panic. "w-what's wrong? did i do something wrong?"

"n-no, you didn't. i'm just... i'm just so happy to see you smile again," the chinese boy quietly sobbed and hugged the other, burying his head into his neck. yuta hugged him back, feeling his empty heart filling up again. after sicheng finished crying his eyes out (again), they both sat in comfortable silence, embracing each other.

"oh yeah, what are we now?" yuta suddenly asked. sicheng widened his eyes, completely forgetting their status.

"how about we are boyfriends?" he suggested.

"of course," yuta pecked him on the lips making the other giggle, "also i think our manager won't give a shit about it."

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

leader uwu: i think i cleaned the drama

pregantante: hopefully because i nearly got my skull kicked when we tried to manhandle sicheng

classic hoe: good

pregantante: bitch

 

gay weeb has changed FLEX TAPE®'s name to yeschengie <3

sichengie <3 has changed gay weeb's name to yutah <3

 

leader uwu: OH FUCK YES

LOOSE (C) ASS: wow

dolbitch: HOLY SHIT MY SHIP FINALY HAPPENED TAHK Y OU

dolbitch: ALL HAIL TO JUNGWOO HYUNG

gayhyun: so

gayhyun: another couple?

dodoism: yup

yutah <3: that's right bitches we are now boyfriends

yutah <3: ya pussies better start confessing

 

ugly mineral has changed small asswipe's name to small moomin

moist furry has changed small moomin's name to <3 small moomin <3

 

dolbitch: BITCH?????

energy drinks: WOAH WHAT THE FUCK

energy drinks: YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TELLING US??

<3 small moomin <3: pussies who?

pregantante: OH MY FUCK CONGRATULATIONS BABIES

spicy cocktaeil: he's crying

classic hoe: DAMMIT MY TEAS ARE GONE

pros and kuns: im about to get a stroke because now my 4 sons are getting some dicks now

<3 small moomin <3: MOM

dolbitch: MOM

yeschengie <3: MOM

LOOSE (C) ASS: MOM?????

this is the SEO: funny thing is they got dicks before kun could get any

pros and kuns: BITCH SHUT TH EFUCK UP JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT A HOE DICK DOESNT MEAN YOU HARASS ME SINCE I DONT GET THE DICKS

marknae™: what the hell did i just walked into

emo as fuck: this

moist furry: im still happy injun is with us now

ugly mineral: same

<3 small moomin <3:  **congratulations hyung!!!**

dolbitch:  **im fucking crying i feel so happy for you**

dolbitch:  **also to you too ge**

LOOSE (C) ASS:  **same**

pros and kuns:  **IM A FUCKING PROUD MOTHER.**

pros and kuns:  **GET THE JUICY DICKS SWEETIES**

yeschengie <3:  **guysstopimabouttofuckingcryiknowigotyutaasmyboyfriendbutcongratulatingmeaboutitwillmakemecry**

yeschengie <3:  **ALSO WHAT THE FUCK**

energy drinks: korean please?

classic hoe: KOREAN PLEASE

pros and kuns: no bitch

yeschengie <3: learn chinese you dickwards

marknae™:

<3 small moomin <3: no that doesnt count

marknae™: fucking-

emo as fuck: -donghyuck

energy drinks: BITCH

marknae™: WHAT

spicy cocktaeil: KEEP IT PG YOU SHITASSES

gayhyun: what a normal day we're having

this is the SEO: or night

leader uwu: im proud and im crying i cant believe i repaired 2 disasters im fucking- yukehi please cuddle me

LOOSE (C) ASS: ok just dont get my shirt wet

leader uwu: im f u c k i n g crying, yukhei

yutah <3: we stan such soft couples

dodoism: you are too

yutah <3: shut

yutah <3: also sicheng, do you want to watch anime w me

pros and kuns:  **get hIS DICK SWEETIE**

yeschengie <3:  **SHUT THE HELL UP**

yeschengie <3: yes i would love to ^.^

 

3:29 AM

 

energy drinks: we sure do love spam hours

<3 small moomin <3: not today bitch

dolbitch: HAVE YALL FUCKING SEEN THE REBORN EPISODES OF THE ROOKIES HOLY SHITTING FUCKS

pros and kuns: FUCKING PROFANITY

energy drinks: TAKE THIS BUSINESS IN THE DAMN CHINA LINE GROUP CHAT

<3 small moomin <3: how about n to the fucking o

LOOSE (C) ASS: im actually really excited

yeschengie <3: BITCHES IM READY FOR 3 MORE CHINESE MEMBERS

yeschengie <3: THE CHINA LINE MUST GROW AND TAKE OVER THE FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT

yeschengie <3: WE WILL JOIN FORCES AND TAKE OVER

dolbitch: hyung, please go to sleep

yutah <3: on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating!! school is a pain :,)
> 
> usernames:  
> taeil - spicy cocktaeil  
> taeyong - pregantante  
> chittaphon - classic hoe  
> youngho - this is the SEO  
> yoonoh - gayhyun  
> dongyoung - dodoism  
> yukhei - LOOSE (C) ASS  
> jungwoo - leader uwu  
> yuta - yutah <3  
> kun - pros and kuns  
> sicheng - yeschengie <3  
> mark - marknae™  
> renjun - <3 small moomin <3  
> donghyuck - energy drinks  
> jeno - moist furry  
> jaemin - ugly mineral  
> chenle - dolbitch  
> jisung - emo as fuck


	13. nct 127 the fixed unit while the dream's dorm is being destroyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> classic hoe: im still fucking triggered that nct 127 aint a fixed unit
> 
> classic hoe: dAMN YOU JUNGWOO
> 
> LOOSE (C) ASS: hey dont say that to my boyfriend

**dysfunctional hell**

 

classic hoe:

classic hoe: what the fucking hell

classic hoe: I THOUGHT NCT 127 WAS A FUCKING FIXED UNIT

leader uwu: :3

pregantante: well you see

classic hoe: NO

classic hoe: WHY CANT THEY ALSO ADD ME IN 127

classic hoe: ONE TIME YALL DID SOME INTERVIEW AT MUGIBOX W I T H O U T M E

classic hoe: BITCH I DESERVE RECOGNITION

this is the SEO: honey calm down

classic hoe: FUCK NO

LOOSE (C) ASS: im still happy :D

leader uwu: :D

emo as fuck: woah woah woah

emo as fuck: nct 127 isnt a fixed unit?

energy drinks: the fuck u think

energy drinks: by the time yall graduate yall might be added into 127

classic hoe: tHE SUPPOSINGLY FIXED U N I T

<3 small moomin <3: well

<3 small moomin <3: theres nct ch

energy drinks: WE GET IT

yeschengie <3: im fUCKiNg HYpEd

pros and kuns: i swear to fucks if my 3 new children get dicks before me

spicy cocktaeil: bItCh yOU would HavE A SAD LIFE IF THEY DO

pros and kuns: SHUT THE HELLUP

 

dolbitch has changed pros and kuns's name to dickless

 

dickless: BITCH I DONT DESERVE THE DISRESPECT

dolbitch: and we love you too :)

LOOSE (C) ASS: wow

ugly mineral: wait so 

ugly mineral: jungwoo is in nct 127 now?

leader uwu: yes uwu

moist furry: im shook

moist furry: i wonder what their comeback will be

yutah <3: hMMMMMMMMMMMMM

this is the SEO: HMMMMMMMMM

marknae™: hM

energy drinks: am i the only one whos getting vampire feelings from mark because holy f uc  k

marknae™: ?

<3 small moomin <3:  **this dense motherfucker**

dolbitch: **poor hyuck hyung**

LOOSE (C) ASS:  **ik he's my 97- or 99 bro (i cant count ok) but he fickin dense asf**

dickless:  **BItvchIMSHSHS**

<3 small moomin <3:  **he's literally crying**

classic hoe: korean

classic hoe: please

dickless: mmmmmmm no

dodoism: im p sure they are shit talking about mark

marknae™: the heLLDID I DO

dolbitch: :)

moist furry: its p obvious

moist furry: and me the dense person

moist furry: even notices it

ugly mineral: surprising

gayhyun: why is there a dildo under my bed

pregantante: 

pregantante: why the fuck do you have a dildo under your bed

emo as fuck: ew there are children here

pregantante: shouldnt i be the one saying that

gayhyun: why is there a dildo under my bed

classic hoe: oh

this is the SEO: ten why

yutah <3: im disgusted

yeschengie <3: youre not the only one

dolbitch: whats a di

dickless: no stop right there

dolbitch: i was about to ask whats dinitrobenzene

classic hoe: what the fuck chenle

emo as fuck:

emo as fuck: lele no please we dont need any more education in our lives

this is the SEO: was it because you guys learned sex since you guys are technically adults or at least nearing

energy drinks: we just watched the others suffer because mark and i already know of this

moist furry: never fucking again

ugly mineral: im still crying

<3 small moomin <3: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT AFUCKIGNG VAGINA WAS

dolbitch: whats dinitrobenzene

dodoism: dinitrobenzenes are chemical compounds composed of a benzene ring and two nitro group substituents. the three possible arrangements of the nitro groups afford three isomers, 1,2-dinitrobenzene, 1,3-dinitrobenzene, and 1,4-dinitrobenzene.

LOOSE (C) ASS: there goes my last brain cell

spicy cocktaeil: i thought you didnt have any

yutah <3: ^^

LOOSE (C) ASS: bitch-

emo as fuck: are we not gonna question how both mark and donghyuck know what the fuck sex is

leader uwu:

pregantante: i caught their little busted asses watching fifty shADES OF GREY

marknae™: WE WERE CURIOUS OK WE DIDNT EXPECT THEM TO FUCKING HAVE A KINKY SEX

dickless: BITCH MY CHILDREN ARE STILL PRESENT

pregantante: ^

energy drinks: oops

yutah <3: what in the fuck

yutah <3: that's even worse when i found out sex when i watched hentai for the first time

gayhyun: you watched what now

spicy cocktaeil: isn't that like porn but japanese

dodoism: im fucking concerned on why  _he_ knows

spicy cocktaeil: yuta made me watch it with him

yutah <3: DID FUCKING NOT

spicy cocktaeil: DID FUCKING TOO

spicy cocktaeil: HE WAS ALL LIKE "IM SCARED TO WATCH THIS HENTAI AND YOURE THE ONE IN MY ROOM SO YOU'RE GONNA WATCH IT WITH ME"

yeschengie <3: aw

LOOSE (C) ASS: aren't you concerned that your boyfriend watched hentai

yeschengie <3: it's normal by now bc there are fukin hormonal men in the 127 dorms

classic hoe: BITCH DONT LOOK AT ME

energy drinks: how the hell do you look at someone through a screen

moist furry: you look at their user?

ugly mineral: well you can direct your text that was meant for someone

emo as fuck: OW FUCK MY JAM IS ON

dolbitch: jISUNG PLEASE WE'RE CUDDLING

emo as fuck: YOU KNOW I HAVE TO

yeschengie <3: mY Child iS CuDDlIng wITh yOuR chILD

pregantante bItCh i KNoW rIghT

this is the SEO: i love how we got off topic

gayhyun: doesn't this happen everyday

dodoism: last time when we were @ america behind the cameras we were talking about the american air and suddely we were talking about how can flamingos fuck each other

energy drinks: dont look at me as if im the culprit

marknae™: honey

marknae™: you literally talked about flamingos when you were  _drunk_ and  _high_

marknae™: and you were the one who mentioned it

energy drinks:

classic hoe: you know speaking of subject change

classic hoe: im still fucking triggered that nct 127 aint a fixed unit

classic hoe: dAMN YOU JUNGWOO

LOOSE (C) ASS: hey dont say that to my boyfriend

pregantante: i thought we moved from that topic

classic hoe: looks like we didnt 

classic hoe: now fucking explain me why 127 aint a fixed unit before someone's ass will be handed over and be spanked with a cactus

this is the SEO: kinky

spicy cocktaeil: now isnt the time you kinky sons of a bitch

dickless: hahaha

dickless: dammit why did you guys die

<3 small moomin <3: we're all dead inside, mother

dickless: same though

moist furry: this is so sad alexa play despacito

leader uwu: what the fuck

ugly mineral: jeno i thought we were over this

moist furry: this is a special ceremony and renjun must suffer with you

 

7:49 PM

 

classic hoe: i never realized how fucking WHIPPED yukhei is

LOOSE (C) ASS: thanks man

 

marknae™ has changed LOOSE (C) ASS'S name to whipped pimp

 

whipped pimp: bitch i thought we were bros

marknae™: :)

spicy cocktaeil: i can smell anime betrayal

yutah <3: top 10 anime betrayals

yeschengie <3: hyung we're still watching your anime pls

 

whipped pimp has changed marknae™'s name to horny flower

 

horny flower: IM NOT HORNY

horny flower: AND IM NOT A FLOWER IM TALL

whipped pimp: um 

whipped pimp: hun youre literally shorter than me

emo as fuck: i will be the next prodigy and surpass everyone

this is the SEO: i think the fuck not

whipped pimp: i think the fuck not

pregantante: i think the f u c k not

<3 small moomin <3: who the fuck took my moomin plushie

<3 small moomin <3: im not mad but someone better speak up

dolbitch: he's mad and about to kill someone-

moist furry: it's 7 pls

<3 small moomin <3: no im gonna find the culprit who took MY moomin

<3 small moomin <3: no one is allowed to fucking leave this building until i find it

classic hoe: why are we being held hostages just because of a plushie

<3 small moomin <3: ITS NOT JUST A FUCKING P L U SH IE

dolbitch: no one tells renjun his moomin plushie is  _just_ a plushie

dolbitch: i mean no one unless youre asking for a death wish

energy drinks: looks like i have a death wish

horny flower: wait what

energy drinks:

<3 small moomin <3: YOU BITCH

emo as fuck: are you insane

energy drinks: yes

 

energy drinks has changed his name to insatane

 

insatane: time to die by a midget

<3 small moomin <3: YOU FUCKER OPEN THE DAMN DOOR

insatane: i wonder what will happen if this gets stained

<3 small moomin <3: BITCH DONT YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

<3 small moomin <3: LEE MOTHERFUCKING DONGHYUCK

 

7:50 PM

 

pregantante: what the FUCK is happening in the dream's dorm

horny flower: well you see-

dolbitch: world war 8 is happening

classic hoe: bitch im trying to get my beauty sleep

whipped pimp: im very concerned

leader uwu: shouldnt you feel lucky you're not in nightmare hell

yutah <3: nct dream who? we only know of nct nightmare

yeschengie <3: imfuckingcryingwhatisactuallyhappeningovertherechenle

dolbitch: explosion

dolbitch: knives

emo as fuck: destruction

moist furry: every

ugly mineral: where

dickless: im not surprised

pregantante: mark wYD DO SOMETHING YOURE GOING TO MAKE THE SM BUILDING COLLAPSE

gayhyun: i think the other groups in their dorms can hear this destruction

dodoism: you don't say

leader uwu: im gonna go take a look

whipped pimp: WAIT DONT

emo as fuck: [attached video]

spicy cocktaeil: BITCH ARE THOSE GRENADES

insatane: IM ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE AND GET MY ASS HANDED OVER TO A MIDGET WHY THE FUCK IS RENJUN DESTROYING EVERYTHING JUST FOR THE MOOMIN PLUSHIE

horny flower: jUST GIVE THE DAMN MOOMIN BACK

insatane: I CANT ILL GET MY HANDS CHOPPED OFF HE LITERALLY HAS A MACE AND A BUTCHER KNIFE

insatane: MY DOOR IS BEING TORN APART BY SEVERAL KNIVES THROWN INTO IT

ugly mineral: RENJUN WHAT THE FUCK

<3 small moomin <3: OPEN

<3 small moomin <3: THE

<3 small moomin <3: DAMN

<3 small moomin <3: DOOR

<3 small moomin <3: NOW

<3 small moomin <3: YOU

<3 small moomin <3: FUCKING

<3 small moomin <3: SON

<3 small moomin <3: OF

<3 small moomin <3: A

<3 small moomin <3: BITCH

<3 small moomin <3: BEFORE

<3 small moomin <3: I

<3 small moomin <3: SEND 

<3 small moomin <3: YOU

<3 small moomin <3: TO

<3 small moomin <3: YOUR

<3 small moomin <3: OWN

<3 small moomin <3:  _GRAVE_

yeschengie <3: mY CHILD STOP

dickless: its no use we cant stop hell unleashing from him

dolbitch: im just going to sit here as jisung records everything

emo as fuck: [attached video]

whipped pimp: WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID JUNGWOO-

this is the SEO: he's a goner now

dodoism: i think he's dead

whipped pimp: hE'S MY BOYFRIEND HE CAN'T DIE ON ME

pregantante: im about to get a stroke

spicy cocktaeil: should i call for a new door

insatane: bUY A METAL ONE AT LEAST

whipped pimp: MARK DO SOMETHING

horny flower: I CANT I JUST GOT THREATENED WITH A BROKEN EMPTY WINE BOTTLE

yutah <3: arent his boyfriends jeno and jaemin?

yutah <3: shOULDNt ThEy dO SomEThiNg

moist furry: well

ugly mineral: hyuck deserves to die this way

<3 small moomin <3: I WILL FUCKING NUKE THIS DORM IF I DONT GET MY MOOMIN BACK

insatane: HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING STOP TRYING TO EXPLODE MY DOOR AND I'LL GIVE IT BACK

<3 small moomin <3: I WILL GIVE YOU 2 SECONDS TO GIVE IT TO ME AFTER I STOP TRYING TO KILL YOU OR ELSE I WILL FUCKING GORE YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS AND STICK YOUR SLUSHIE EYEBALLS UP YOUR ASS AND RIGHT INTO YOUR LUNGS SO YOU FUCKING SUFFOCATE IN YOUR OWN EYE FLUIDS AS I SHOOT YOUR F U C K I N G SKULL  _APART_

insatane: BITCH I WILL GIVE IT BACK TO YOU JUST DONT SLIT MY HANDS OFF

classic hoe: i love how we dont even bother asking if jungwoo is ok

this is the SEO: im sure he's fine

dodoism: 

dodoism: hopefully

ugly mineral: all i see are glass shards everywhere and theres bunch of holes in several walls and spikey wires and just dynamites laying everywhere

horny flower:....

horny flower: renjun

horny flower: what the fuck 

<3 small moomin <3: i got my moomin back uwu

dolbitch: hyung, that was too far to destroy the entire dorm-

<3 small moomin <3: no it wasnt i only did a little bit of destruction

moist furry: [attached video]

moist furry: you call this a little bit

insatane: my fucking d o o r

gayhyun: what in the fuck-

spicy cocktaeil: lets be grateful we are away from the dream's dorm

whipped pimp: is my boyfriend ok-

leader uwu: i just woke up and i had the most craziest dream ever

leader uwu: renjun going crazy and exploding the entire dorm with dynamites and chucking knives at a door!

pregantante:

classic hoe:

gayhyun:

yutah <3:

spicy cocktaeil:

this is the SEO:

whipped pimp:

horny flower:

insatane:

moist furry:

emo as fuck:

dolbitch:

ugly mineral:

dickless:

yeschengie <3:

dodoism:

whipped pimp: ...yeah that seems like a crazy dream, woo

pregantante: im going to pretend the sm building never almost collapsed

yeschengie <3: renjun why

<3 small moomin <3: wym

insatane: fuck you guys for not controlling your destructive boyfriend

moist furry: np

ugly mineral: np

<3 small moomin <3: let's cuddle, im tired

dolbitch:  **yeahithinkyoushouldbetiredafterexplodingthedormsunder15minutes**

<3 small moomin <3: uwu

dickless: where are my insurances

insatane: where are my LIFE INSURANCES

insatane: jesus FUCKS

insatane: can i also mention mark was sipping wine while renjun was crumbling the dorms down into ashes

horny flower: the wine was nice

this is the SEO: you choked on wine once

horny flower: ok look

whipped pimp: never again will we step into the dream's dorm

horny flower: i thought you wanted to be in nct dream

leader uwu: why

whipped pimp: yeah but witnessing this live action was horrifying

pregantante: im fucking crying why is handling all 17 children this hard

dickless: don't forget 3 more

pregantante: they will be YOUR children NOT FUCKING MINE

dickless: technically if we talk about the branching you're the top mom out of everyone and it branches down to several members owning children which makes them the parent and even if i have 3 more kids into my collection you would still also have to take care of them because you're the leader

dodoism: cons of being the leader of 17 members

yeschengie <3: sad and tragic

moist furry: alexa play despacito

emo as fuck: turn that shit down before i snap your ass apart with a stick

ugly mineral: hey dont threaten my boyfriend

dolbitch: no

<3 small moomin <3: guys i want my cuddles where the fuck are they

moist furry: coming-

pregantante: ok at least no one died we are all good

gayhyun: wow

 

gayhyun has changed pregantante's name to overtaxed mother

 

overtaxed mother: at least this isnt that bad compared to my previous user

overtaxed mother: i still fucking cry

insatane: that name was great and it fit you

overtaxed mother: do you want me to call renjun to kill you again

<3 small moomin <3: bitch my shift just ended and i need cuddles

 

8:17 PM

 

dodoism: i smell something burning

yeschengie <3: oh that's the smell of my lines burning in hell

yutah <3: sicheng-

yeschengie <3: im throwing a petition for snakes to give me more lines or more screentime bECAUSE DAMN BITCH WHY RECRUIT ME IF YOURE NOT GOING TO BARELY USE ME

yutah <3: there there. do you want to rant?

yeschengie <3: mhm

gayhyun: i just walked in on dongyoung singing mine by bazzi with his microphone

horny flower: YOURE SO

insatane: OH HELL NO

dodoism: FUCKING

horny flower: PRECIOUS

dodoism: WHEN YOU

horny flower: SMILE

dodoism: HIT IT

horny flower: FROM THE

dodoism: BACK AND

horny flower: DRIVE YOU

dodoism: WILD

gayhyun: why

insatane: why the fuck

classic hoe: guys please its 8

 

classic hoe has changed his name to i need fucking beauty sleep

this is the SEO has changed i need fucking beauty sleep's name to prostitute t-rated

 

prostitute t-rated: bitch

horny flower: GIRL I LOSE MYSELF IN THOSE EYES

dodoism: I JUST HAD TO LET YOU KNOW YOU'RE MINE

horny flower: HANDS ON YOUR BODY I DONT WANNA WASTE NO TIME

horny flower: FEELS LIKE FOREVER EVEN IF FOREVER'S TONIGHT

dodoism: JUST LAY WITH ME WASTE THIS NIGHT AWAY WITH ME

dodoism: YOU'RE MINE I CANT LOOK AWAY I JUST GOTTA SAY

horny flower: IM SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU'RE ALIVE

horny flower: SWEAR TO GOD IM DOWN IF YOU'RE DOWN ALL YOU GOTTA SAY IS RIGHT

horny flower: GIRL ANYTHING I CAN DO JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL ALRIGHT

dodoism: OH I JUST HAD TO LET YOU KNOW YOU'RE FINE

dodoism: RUNNING CIRCLES ROUND MY MIND

dodoism: EVEN WHEN ITS RAINY ALL YOU EVER DO IS SHINE

horny flower: YOU ON FIRE

dodoism: YOU A STAR JUST LIKE

horny flower: MARIAH

horny flower: MAN THIS FEEL INCREDIBLE

dodoism: I'LL TURN YOU INTO A BRIDE YOU'RE MINE

horny flower: HANDS ON YOUR BODY

dodoism: I DONT WANAN WASTE NO TIME

dodoism: FEELS LIKE FOREVER EVEN IF FOREVER'S TONIGHT

horny flower: JUST LAY WITH ME

dodoism: WASTE THIS NIGHT AWAY WITH ME

horny flower: YOU'RE MINE

yutah<3:

dodoism: I CAN'T LOOK AWAY

horny flower: I JUST GOTTA SAY

insatane: im fucking leaving

 

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yutah <3: what the absolute hell is this 

yeschengie <3: my fucking phone is dinging nonstop

 

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insatane: fuck you

horny flower: :)

spicy cocktaeil: what the hell i just woke up

insatane: you know i never realized your user is getting a bit old

spicy cocktaeil: bi-

overtaxed mother: god damn it you shitheads do you want me to take your phones away

insatane: no

horny flower: no

 

insatane has changed spicy cocktaeil's name to ginger taeil

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ginger taeil: fucking shitass

 

3:44 AM

<3 small moomin <3 has created a group chat

<3 small moomin <3 has added insatane, moist furry, and ugly mineral into the group chat

<3 small moomin <3 has renamed the group chat to 00 LINERS

 

insatane: well isn't that nice

 

insatane has renamed the group chat to 3 AM Talk

insatane has renamed the group chat to 4 basic bitches

 

<3 small moomin <3: what the fuck donghyuck

insatane: the chat name was too boring and bland

moist furry: just why

<3 small moomin <3: im starting to become taeyong hyung and regret everything

ugly mineral: at least we have a group chat for us 00 liners

insatane: jazz hands

<3 small moomin <3: wtf

moist furry: i just stabbed myself with a toothbrush and im bleeding

ugly mineral: how the fuck i just looked away for a millisecond

insatane: i forgot that im in a group chat with homosexuals that have each other

<3 small moomin <3: then go get laid

<3 small moomin <3: what about mark

insatane: we donto ducking sepeaj of him

ugly mineral: i smell tea

moist furry: now i have a bloody toothbrush im crying

<3 small moomin <3: hyuck likes mark but he's a pining piece of shit and wont man up

insatane: AM NOT

insatane: I JUST DONT KNOW IF HE LIKES ME BACK

moist furry:

<3 small moomin <3:

ugly mineral:

moist furry: youre so dense

moist furry: he obviously likes you back he literally would always rant to one of us on how much he likes you in the practice room everytime you werent there

insatane: and you didnt even bother to tell me

ugly mineral: he threatened to lock us out if we did

<3 small moomin <3: tragic

moist furry: so yeah you better get his dick before someone else does (i doubt it)

insatane: bitch you're like the second version of jisung because he is a headass

<3 small moomin <3: hm i can see that because i experienced that once but with chenle

ugly mineral: should we devise a plan for markhyuck

<3 small moomin <3: HELL YEAH

moist furry: ^

insatane: oh hell no

<3 small moomin <3: oh yeah i just remembered something

ugly mineral: what

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

<3 small moomin <3 has changed dolbitch's name to cuntfuckphin

<3 small moomin <3 has added insatane into the group chat

 

cuntfuckphin: the hell hyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> taeil = ginger taeil  
> taeyong = overtaxed mother  
> chittaphon = prostitute t-rated  
> youngho = this is the SEO  
> yoonoh = gayhun  
> dongyoung= dodoism  
> yukhei = whipped pimp  
> jungwoo = leader uwu  
> yuta = yutah <3  
> kun = dickless  
> sicheng = yeschengie <3  
> mark = horny flower  
> renjun = <3 small moomin <3  
> donghyuck = insatane  
> jeno = moist furry  
> jaemin = ugly mineral  
> chenle = cuntfuckphin  
> jisung = emo as fuck


	14. nct 127 taking over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prostitute t-rated: pAPI
> 
> ginger taeil: wHAT THE FUCK
> 
> this is the SEO: what kind of kinky son of a bitch did i raise
> 
> emo as fuck: whats papi i cant spanish

**fucked up hell but not too fucked up**

 

horny flower: SHIT MY COMPUTER IS GLITCHING

this is the SEO: what did you do now

insatane: his dumbass thought it was smart to binge click websites and one site happened to have a virus

insatane: that popped up and he got the virus on his computer

prostitute t-rated: was he watching porn

yutah <3: fuckin nast11

yeschengie <3: im disappointed

horny flower: iT WASNT PORN I SWEAR IT WAS JUST A RANDOM WEBSITE

ginger taeil: that's what they all say

overtaxed mother: dammit i thought you were better than this mark

dodoism: arent you guys the ones influencing him by having sex 24/7 and be kinky sons of bitches

overtaxed mother: oh hell no thats only yuwin and johnten

yeschengie <3: bitch all we do is binge watch anime dO YOU SUSPECT US TO DO SINS

gayhyun: this isn't church

prostitute t-rated: church who we only know hell

prostitute t-rated: AND HEY WE DONT SEX 24/7 AND DO KINKY SHIT EVERYTIME

insatane: do you know how scarring it is to sit in the 127 dorm hearing it all

horny flower: ^and this is why and how we know sex

overtaxed mother: why in the fuck are we talking about sex this is HOLY HOURS

this is the SEO: thats long gone its now hell hours

gayhyun: ^

yutah <3: so mark did you get rid of the virus

horny flower: oh you were supposed to

ginger taeil: dumbass if you get rid of it then the glitch will be ridden of

insatane: he a dumbass

horny flower: sHUT THE FUCK UP

horny flower: ok i got rid of it

this is the SEO: congratulations

dodoism: wow im impressed

horny flower: oh yeah speaking of hell hours i found a fanfic where johnny was an incubus

prostitute t-rated: kinky

overtaxed mother:

horny flower: and you were also an incubus too

horny flower: and tried to fuck ten

overtaxed mother: eW

insatane: haha fuckers

this is the SEO: wait then who was i trying to fuck

horny flower: me

 

ginger taeil has left the group chat

insatane has left the group chat

 

dodoism: what kind of fanfics do you even read

yeschengie <3: that is some nasty shit right there

gayhyun: im concerned

horny flower: but it ok yukhei didnt try to fuck jungwoo he was protecting him

prostitute t-rated: boring

dodoism: as expected from soft couples

overtaxed mother: are we not going to add them back

yutah <3: no

gayhyun: well shit man

this is the SEO: mark where do you even find these stuff

horny flower: this thing called archive of our own

horny flower: which is where fans write fanfics of us all

horny flower: probably even the rookies when they debut

yeschengie <3: did i hear that correctly

prostitute t-rated: youre texting

yeschengie <3: your point

yutah <3:  **stop breaking the fourth wall you dumb piece of shit-**

horny flower: especially that they may also write what we do now i mean who knows

horny flower: what if our actions are being written down so it makes it as though we're doing them rn but we arent in reality

overtaxed mother: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING DRUGS ARE YOU ON STOP IT NOW YOU IMBECILE

this is the SEO: oh he had this thing called a trauma at an interview

 

gayhyun has ginger taeil and insatane into the group chat

 

insatane: whats up bitches

ginger taeil: no why that was my only escape from hell

dodoism: mark is now talking about fanfics and how someone might be writing about us right now

horny flower: i mEAN im not wrong since like what if im texting this right now but its being typed out by someone behind a screen and theyre the "author" of this book

yutah <3:  **sTOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL**

prostitute t-rated: im sorry what i just lost my last brain cell from that

insatane: ignore him he spits out dumb shit

ginger taeil: what the fu-

gayhyun: did you happen to give him your weed

insatane: im not giving him my weed you hoe

yeschengie <3: possessive much

insatane: yes because its my weed that i bought from the black market now shut the fuck up

this is the SEO: since when the fuck did you buy weeds

insatane: ever since i got put into the dream unit that are filled with crackasses in innocent disguises 

horny flower: didnt you do the same thing

insatane: sh

dodoism: im just concerned

overtaxed mother: welcome to my world

yutah <3: oh yeah cant you make fresh weeds

insatane: fresh weeds are better than store brought weeds because its fuckin fresh ugh

horny flower: hyuck stop doing weed

insatane: stop doing sin

horny flower: ok look-

horny flower: also should we add jungwoo to here?

prostitute t-rated: yay another person to suffer and burn in hell with us

 

overtaxed mother has added leader uwu into the group chat

 

leader uwu: hello

insatane: welcome to hell my friend

overtaxed mother: wait a fucking second

overtaxed mother: WHY THE FUCK IS TEN HERE

prostitute t-rated: fuck

yutah <3: you guys didnt realize 

insatane: *claps*

dodoism: im crying why is he here

 

gayhyun has banned prostitute t-rated from this group chat

 

this is the SEO: harsh much

ginger taeil: he deserves the ban than removal

leader uwu:

yeschengie <3: i feel bad for jungwoo

horny flower: my nose is running

insatane: then why the fuck are you eating flaming ramen

horny flower: im bored and i eat when im bored?

gayhyun: anyways should we do the ceremony for jungwoo?

yutah <3: i think we should

overtaxed mother: oh my fucking god

insatane: to become the official member of nct 127 you must watch this

insatane: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_zk--Iconw&t=89s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_zk--Iconw&t=89s)

leader uwu: okay

 

4:08 PM

  **dysfunctional hell**

 

whipped pimp: someone explain to me why jungwoo is locked up in his room watching teletubbies?

horny flower:

insatane:

overtaxed mother:

 

insatane has left the group chat

overtaxed mother has added insatane into the group chat

 

insatane: hell no i dont need to die again

leader uwu: teletubbies are amazing!! you guys should watch them!

prostitute t-rated: what the fuck did i just 

cuntfuckphin: what are teletubbies?

moist furry: monkey things that are in colors

whipped pimp: so donghyuck do you care to explain me why my boyfriend is watching teletubbies?

insatane: jaebitch suggested we do the ceremony 

gayhyun: hey no my suggestion couldve been denied if yuta didnt approve

yutah <3: excuse me bitch it was donghyuck's choice to send the link and he couldve turned the suggestion down despite my comment to your damn suggestion you ass swine

yeschengie <3: pls calm thyself

emo as fuck: calm down ya hoes im trying to nap

<3 small moomin <3: *cuddle chenle

emo as fuck: look here you midget shitass

<3 small moomin <3: you want me to burn your damn room down

emo as fuck:

<3 small moomin <3: thought so

whipped pimp: so

whipped pimp: how do i get jungwoo to stop watching teletubbies

dickless: that's your problem not ours

ugly mineral: sips popcorn

moist furry: are you ok

ugly mineral: no

overtaxed mother: meanwhile im stressed over this shitfest

ginger taeil: what about the comeback

overtaxed mother: fuckinghell pleaes i just want to stress over one thi

this is the SEO: lets not forget about being on jimmy's show

leader uwu: ooo

whipped pimp: jungwoo pls stop watching teletubbies or else

leader uwu: or else?

whipped pimp: i wont give you your daily hug dosages

leader uwu: !!!

leader uwu: anything but that! ( ͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒)

dodoism: harsh much

ginger taeil: damn even i felt that

cuntfuckphin: how cruel

leader uwu: i deleted my history please i want my hugs (*´；ェ；`*)

whipped pimp: ok

horny flower: off topic but our concept photos are great

moist furry: im starting to theorizing on why each two concept photos are black and white

ugly mineral: honey please maybe its just

moist furry: nO

moist furry: tHERE NEEDS TO BE A MEANING BEHIND IT

moist furry: WE ALL KNOW WHITE SYMBOLIZES YOUTH AND PURITY AND BLACK SYMBOLIZES THE OPPOSITE

moist furry: T MUST MEAN SOM4EHTING

emo as fuck: how about you calm down and

<3 small moomin <3: jeno i swear to fucks you better not theory rant a paragraph to us

insatane: well you said that too fucking soon my friend

<3 small moomin <3: GOD FUCKING

yeschengie <3: ???

yutah <3: .. never in my life have i been this confused

horny flower: i regret bringing this up

prostitute t-rated: you should regret it

gayhyun: *claps*

overtaxed mother: just like how i regret raising you shits

dickless: make sure to add 3 more to that

yeschengie <3: hey no the 3 rookies arent shits unlike us they are unshits

prostitute t-rated: then we gotta shit them and expose them to the gay

dodoism: what if they're-

ginger taeil: anyone who enters hell will be gay one way or another

ginger taeil: bisexual? gay

ginger taeil: pansexual? gay

ginger taeil: homosexual? gay

this is the SEO: asexual?

ginger taeil: ok look

emo as fuck: i would laugh my fucking ass off if one of them ends up being asexual

prostitute t-rated: you know that german guy

dickless: yeah

prostitute t-rated: he's gonna be gay

insatane: isnt anyone going to be gay anyways-

whipped pimp: facts though

leader uwu: uwu

horny flower: im assuming yall are done with the hugging fest

leader uwu: uwu

moist furry: im surprised how we moved on from teletubbies to talking about the rookies

cuntfuckphin: the magic of nct

dickless: only i can do magic hoes

insatane: you know what magic you can't do?

insatane: not getting dicks

dickless: you piece of shitstick

leader uwu: hey no violence in this household

overtaxed mother: my only favorite child is jungwoo fuck you guys

this is the SEO: isnt that incest

dodoism: ew

gayhyun: does that mean we have been doing incest this entire time

emo as fuck: what the fu

prostitute t-rated: i agree since we technically label ourselves as family and like some of us are dating each other and like-

dodoism: fucking stop right there i dont need to think about it 

<3 small moomin <3: i just choked on my saliva

yutah <3: sometimes im fucking done with this group chat

horny flower: welcome to my world

 

6:06 PM

 

emo as fuck: why does my left lung hurt when i try to breathe um

emo as fuck: also why the fuck are the other hyungs not on when i need them

insatane: surprised

moist furry: arent they busy recording

ugly mineral: they're busy fucking

<3 small moomin <3: watch your damn language you son of a bitch

horny flower: i grabbed a glass of water and i have to be stuck with you shitheads

insatane: yes now deal with it

cuntfuckphin: until he graduates lol

<3 small moomin <3: fUCKING STOP

ugly mineral: he's still raw and exposed to it

<3 small moomin <3: aND FUCKING EMOTIONAL

emo as fuck: is anyone gonna help me on why my lung hurts

insatane: also known as a collapsed lung, pneumothorax refers to the accumulation of air within the pleural space. chest pain on the affected side can range from very minor to quite severe. pleurisy. inflammation of the lining of the lungs and chest can result in pain when the individual takes a deep breath or coughs.

emo as fuck: oh my god im gonna fucking die

cuntfuckphin: i dont think youre going to die-

emo as fuck: iM GOING TO DEIO

<3 small moomin <3: chill your ass you wont die over some lung collapse

horny flower: im pretty sure its something minor ur lungs will be fine

ugly mineral: ^

ginger taeil: guess who's back bitches and what the fuck happened while we were gone

overtaxed mother: children please why do you guys not behave while we're gone

whipped pimp:

dodoism: who the hell is hogging the bathroom i need to piss

insatane: im busy doing my makeup bitch

dodoism: DONGHYUCK I NEED TO USE THE DAMN BATHROOM

gayhyun: he literally looks like he's about to piss

gayhyun: [attached video]

horny flower: hyuck wyd

emo as fuck: its 6 why do you-

this is the SEO: shhh leave him be

yutah <3: this is why sm needs to install another bathroom

yeschengie <3: snake needs to install us lines

dickless: at least you dont have like 0% lines like some idols do

ginger taeil: thats sad

moist furry: OW SHIT IM CHOGMGI

<3 small moomin <3: are you ok-

ugly mineral: no he's dying

leader uwu: shouldnt you guys

leader uwu: help him

overtaxed mother: at least i will only take care of 16

moist furry: fUCK YoU

insatane: ok done with my makeup

dodoism: mOVE BITCH

prostitute t-rated: wow f(x) are amazing

yutah <3: off topic much

whipped pimp: ^

this is the SEO: its not that off topic compared to the pink flamingo

insatane: LOOK

horny flower: no

insatane: fuck you

horny flower: that should be the other way around

 

insatane has left the group chat

 

emo as fuck: im fucking-

ginger taeil: oh my fucking shit

dickless: im clapping like a maniac

 

cuntfuckphin has added insatane into the group chat

 

cuntfuckphin: my ship radar

cuntfuckphin: is tingling

prostitute t-rated: pAPI

ginger taeil: wHAT THE FUCK

this is the SEO: what kind of kinky son of a bitch did i raise

emo as fuck: whats papi i cant spanish

yeschengie <3: why are we getting off topic again

overtaxed mother: welcome to hell my child

moist furry: doesnt papi mean daddy

ugly mineral:

 

ugly mineral has removed prostitute t-rated from this group chat

 

ugly mineral: now child please clean your mouth with soap

moist furry: but-

overtaxed mother: aren't i supposed to-

horny flower: this is normal

 

6:12 PM

 

yutah <3: guys help

prostitute t-rated: yes bitch

ugly mineral: i thought i removed you

yutah <3: so sicheng may or may not be crying rn

leader uwu: oh no, why is he crying? :c

yeschengie <3: i CANT FUCKIHN BELIEVE IT

yeschengie <3: mY BOYUFIRNED GOT MORE LINES AND SCREENTIME AND IM FUCKIJG-

<3 small moomin <3: oh yeaaah didnt they do two versions of regular one english and one korean?

cunfuckphin: yeah they did

emo as fuck: i recorded everything and im fucking crying like a proud mom

dodoism: that's not how it works um

gayhyun: shh let him be

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: [attached video]

emo as fuck: LOOK HOW MANY VIDEOS I HAVE 

emo as fuck: AND THATS NOT EVEN IT

ginger taeil: child pls

insatane: how the fuck jisung

moist furry: he actually has a computer full of the videos i-

yeschengie <3: IM STILL FUCKING CRYING

horny flower: and im crying at the comments

horny flower: "mark and taeyong ft backup dancers and singers"

overtaxed mother: i

dickless: *claps*

this is the SEO: to be fair they had most lines

ginger taeil: i woAAAAAAAAAAAOAAOAAOAAHed my way through im crying

dodoism: ^

whipped pimp: i shouldnt be laughing

dickless: yes bc thats rude

whipped pimp: ik but its not rude when i make fun of ur nonexistent lines

dickless: son of a bitch

gayhyun: alright guys calm down

insatane: no

cuntfuckphin: this is hell theres no calm or chill

cuntfuckphin: 420 blaze it bitches

 

**fucked up hell but not too fucked up**

 

horny flower: yall we taking over

overtaxed mother: im proud of you children im about to sob

yeschengie <3: IM BAWLING MY EYES OUT

yutah <3: there there

leader uwu: does anyone need tissues??

insatane: me because im crying over my own visual

dodoism: w o w

gayhyun: im not surprised

horny flower: i hope you choke on your own diamonds

insatane: si papi

this is the SEO: MARK WHAT

overtaxed mother: EXCUSE ME YOUNG MAN

dodoism: WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE KINKY PEOPLE ALL AROUND ME FUCK YOU GUYS

ginger taeil: kinky

dodoism: SHUT THE

yutah <3: guys why

horny flower: wHAT THE FUCK HYUCK

insatane: ;)

overtaxed mother: THAT IS NOT FUCKING PARENTAL GUIDANCE 13 RATED YOU MOTHER FUCKERs

overtaxed mother: yOUR'E FUCKING GORUNDED

leader uwu: what the hell did i come back to

ginger taeil: hell

this is the SEO: not surprised there

gayhyun: can i just say that mark isnt a daddy material

gayhyun: like

gayhyun: he's a baby material

insatane: rt

yeschengie <3: is it possible to have a bruise under your fingernail

yutah <3: bITCH WHAT

yutah <3: WHO HURT YOU

yeschengie <3: oh no im just asking-

dodoism: yeah its possible to get bruises under your fingernail. why?

yeschengie <3: well i may or may not have smacked my fingers against a glass table and uh

yutah <3:

yutah <3: brb im gonna need a hammer

overtaxed mother: YUTA NO HE JUST ONLY HURT HIS FINGER

yutah <3: jUST

yutah <3: hIS FINGERS ARE GODLY AND ANYTHING YTHAT HURTS IT WILL DIE

yeschengie <3: babe pls calm

yutah <3: :c

insatane: ew soft couples

ginger taeil: ew single

insatane: youre single too bithc

dodoism: sad

ginger taeil: no one asked for your opinions

horny flower: guys i just realized something

horny flower: jaehyun's part about cheese sounds like he's fucking with the cheese

this is the SEO: goddammit mark

dodoism: wow ok so i guess theres someone who has a cheese fetish????

gayhyun: no its not-

dodoism: kinky ass bitch 

dodoism:

gayhyun: did you just fucking used yourself as a meme

overtaxed mother: yes he did

gayhyun: i

insatane: WHAT THE FUCK MARK

yutah <3: why are we getting off topic all the time

ginger taeil: me when i first got added into the group chat

yeschengie <3: what did he do now

insatane: HE FUCKIGN

insatane: WE

insatane: I

horny flower: myfuckigngeyes

insatane: yOU MEAN OUR FUCKIG EYES

overtaxed mother: what did you guys do now

overtaxed mother: do i need to take your phones away

horny flower: IMCYFURING

insatane: THIS DUMBASS THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO SEARCH UP FANARTS

this is the SEO: and let me guess

this is the SEO: there were

ginger taeil: dont even finish that sentence please

overtaxed mother: what did you whores search up now im gonna check

insatane: BIYCH DELETE IT HURRY DELETE THE HISTORY SERACH

horny flower: I AM YOU HOE

 

11:27 PM

**dysfunctional hell**

 

<3 small moomin <3: my brain cells hurt

dickless: how do your brain cells hurt

yeschengie <3: im concerned?

<3 small moomin <3: idk everything just hurts lmao

dickless: hoe do i need to take you to the doctors

<3 small moomin <3: no im fmeasnbfhe3n36t#%^*(6

whipped pimp: what the fucketh

cuntfuckphin: i put him to sleep yw

yeschengie <3:

yeschengie <3: well then

dickless: control them on my behalf

yeschengie <3: no im tired

whipped pimp: im going to bed 

yeschengie <3: same

yeschengie <3: promoting regular is tiring

dickless: well

yeschengie <3: we're not gonna have this talk again bitch

dickless: i JUST BREATHED

insatane: ha bitch

dickless: im leaving this family i dont deserve this

cuntfuckpin: are you sure about that

dickless: do you want me to chop your balls off

 

cuntfuckphin has left the group chat

 

whipped pimp: i cant believe you just scared him off like that

 

whipped pimp has added cuntfuckphin into the group chat

 

yeschengie <3: i thought you were going to bed

whipped pimp: why are you not in bed

dickless:  **why are the both of you not in BED**

dodoism: FUCKING HELL GO TO SLEEP IM TRYING TO SLEEP

insatane: dw he's just pissy over jaehyun fucking cheese

dickless: excuse me

dodoism: BIITCH NO

overtaxed mother:  _all of you go to bed before i roast all of your dicks in a cauldron :)_

 

1:27 AM

 

insatane: damn im bored now

insatane: hmmmmmm

horny flower: why are you still up?

insatane: idk i cant sleep

horny flower: same lol

insatane:

insatane: so how's life

horny flower: p great ig hbu

insatane: decent ig?

horny flower: oof

insatane: fucking robloxian 

horny flower: i

insatane: ok but anyways

insatane: i have smth to tell you

horny flower: mhm

insatane: so

horny flower: mhm

insatane: uh

horny flower: mmhm

insatane: shut up u assfuck

insatane: anyways, i like you

horny flower: what?

insatane: *your hair

horny flower: oh

insatane: yeah

insatane: ..

horny flower: anyways, we should go to bed its late

insatane: we should

insatane: gn fucker

horny flower: what did i ever do to you hoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy jesus im so sorry for not updating
> 
> i've been busy (aka school agAIN and i've been pretty tired) so i hope you guys understand!! also sorry for the crappy chapter- i'll make a more interesting one next time :,)
> 
> hopefully i can post a chapter during halloween. btw regular both eng and korean version are amazing uwu


	15. a halloween with gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dodoism: why the hell are there cheese pack everywhere as if satan just shitted them everywhere after having hell burritos
> 
> ginger taeil: what kind of description is that
> 
> gayhyun:

**nct nightmare**

 

<3 small moomin <3: what the fuck @insatane

insatane: btich the fyck yow ant

 

<3 small moomin <3 has removed horny flower from this group chat

 

<3 small moomin <3: you fucker what kind of half assed confession was that yOU EVEN BACKFIRED IT

cuntfuckphin: why did you-

moist furry: *thinking emoji*

moist furry: he dense asf

emo as fuck: you think

emo as fuck: if i were happen to get a girlfriend for example

cuntfuckphin: BITCH

emo as fuck: CALM THE FUCK DOWN

emo as fuck: like if i were to get one he would think she's my friend from my school

ugly mineral: hell nah hes more dumb and oblivious than that

moist furry: agreed

insatane: imcfgryuign

<3 small moomin <3: i thought i fucking raised you to be a confident ass

insatane: yOU NEVER RAISED ME BTICH

<3 small moomin <3: SHIT UP BEFORE I WRENCH YOUR ASS

emo as fuck: im sorry but what the fuck

cuntfuckphin: this is normal i swear

insatane: CONTROL YOUR DAMN BOYFRIEND PELASE

ugly mineral: lmao hes trapped in my room in a cuddle fest so

<3 small moomin <3: youre damn lucky you son of a 

moist furry: anyways

moist furry: are we going to add mark back in

insatane: BITHC NO NOT YET

emo as fuck:

emo as fuck: can you actually man up and confess @ him i did it with chenle so u oughta need to do it

insatane: i want to but like :( ik he wont like me back

emo as fuck: do you want me to come over and slap back into your senses? he  _likes_ you and he's  _whipped_ now please, for the BELOVED of GOD

emo as fuck: CONFESS TO HIM BEFORE RENJUN ACTUALLY FUCKS YOUR ROOM UP

<3 small moomin <3: im about to bitch

insatane: ah fuck you guys fine

cuntfuckphin: u love us

ugly mineral: ^

moist furry: ^

insatane: ok add him back in

emo as fuck: when are you actually gonna

insatane: later i swear

<3 small moomin <3: bitch you better

 

<3 small moomin <3 has added horny flower into the group chat

 

horny flower: why the fuck was i kicked out-

emo as fuck: we were planning to sacrifice you

horny flower: wtf

cuntfuckphin: speaking of sacrificing

moist furry: oh god

insatane: BITCH I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING

insatane: TODAY IS OCTOBER

ugly mineral:

moist furry:

emo as fuck:

<3 small moomin <3:

cuntfuckphin:

horny flower:

horny flower: im disappointed

insatane: thanks hoe

 

**dysfunctional family**

 

whipped pimp: lmao whos gonna be what for halloween?

ginger taeil: last halloween i was belle

this is the SEO: i still cant fucking believe mark was the tin man 

insatane: im disappointed mark youre supposed to be a role model

horny flower: LOOK

insatane: no

<3 small moomin <3: i still get war flashbacks to the smurf costume

dickless: i still have a picture of you and youre so adorable

<3 small moomin <3: BITCH DELETE THAT

yeschengie <3: send that to me

dickless: ok

ugly mineral: and i was still the adorable loving jaemin <3

insatane: you know what you could've been?

<3 small moomin <3: he should've been this

<3 small moomin <3:

prostitute t-rated: are you saying he should be food

ugly mineral: aw

insatane: ew stop being soft

emo as fuck: well maybe if you could *coughs* stop being a pussy *coughs* then you wouldnt be like that

insatane: look here u btich

overtaxed mother: alright kids thats enough

horny flower: i just realized since its now getting colder the sunrise wont appear at 6 am yet

yutah <3: stop being high pls

gayhyun:

moist furry: so

moist furry: i may or may not have dozens of cats in the dorms

overtaxed mother: wHY THE FUCK YOU HAVE A DOZEN YOU ALREADY HAVE 3 CATS AT HOME YOURE ALLERGIC TO CATS JENO WYD WYD WYD 

dodoism: hes panicking again

cuntfuckphin: IS THAT WHY I KEPT HEARING MEOWINGS

ugly mineral: honestly i thought he was the one meowing being the furry he is

moist furry: I THOUGHT YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND??

ugly mineral: and who said i should defend 4 u

insatane: ew since when did you have a furry kink

moist furry: we're breaking up bitch

<3 small moomin <3: HEY NO BREAKING UP IN THIS HOUSEHOLD YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

ugly mineral: injun we were just joking-

cuntfuckphin: yOU MADE hIm cRy dO YoU waNT ME tO ROaST YoUR ASsESALiVe

insatane: dw he a sensitive hoe

<3 small moomin <3: :c

moist furry: we're sorry :c

<3 small moomin <3: its fine uwu i just thought you guys are actually breaking up-

ugly mineral: you know we would never

horny flower: theres a cat in my room

horny flower: we'll brb

emo as fuck: aight

overtaxed mother: finally those 7 shitheads are gone

prostitute t-rated: and we're still here to torture you

overtaxed mother: dammit

ginger taeil: can i just say

ginger taeil: that weekly idol episode was great

gayhyun: mark was right the rollercoaster dance was fun

yutah <3: ^

whipped pimp: speaking of which

whipped pimp: where's jungwoo?

leader uwu: oh sorry i was cleaning

whipped pimp: its fine

whipped pimp: also you seemed really nervous on weekly idol, you ok now? :(

leader uwu: yeah uwu

leader uwu: sorry for worrying you :c

dickless: aw

dickless: how soft

yeschengie <3: if donghyuck was here he would've ewed

this is the SEO: so does that mean i used all my luck in rock paper scissors

prostitute t-rated: baisically

prostitute t-rated: now you're gonna lose in every rock paper scissors for the rest of your life *claps*

this is the SEO: shut

ginger taeil: what time is it

leader uwu: um

leader uwu: 12 in the afternoon

dickless: wtf they've been gone for too long

dodoism: they have a dozen cats what do you expect

gayhyun: well

gayhyun: wouldn't it be easy if they use some food bait and lead them out

yutah <3: but what are they gonna do with all of the cats

leader uwu:

leader uwu: can we keep one or two?（*´▽`*)

overtaxed mother: sigh

overtaxed mother: ok

moist furry:

moist furry: LOOK HOW ADORABLE THEY ARE

moist furry: im gonna adopt them 

insatane: yOU ALREADY HAVE 3 JENO

emo as fuck: how the fuck were there dozens of them in the first place

horny flower: i ate some kind of lobster meat and im not sure if its raw or not

dickless: and they're here again

horny flower: i think i ate something raw

overtaxed mother: FOR FUCKING CHRIST'S SAKE MARK

leader uwu: jeno do you mind if we can keep some of them?

moist furry: yeah sure

moist furry: we have more anyways you can come over

leader uwu: :D

 

**4 basic bitches worth 0 cents**

 

<3 small moomin <3: ok so but like how the fuck were there cats in the first place how did-

moist furry: i took one home

moist furry: ... and another one home

insatane: those cats mustve been busy 

ugly mineral: im this tempted to kick you

<3 small moomin <3: THERE ARE FUCKING CHILDREN HERE

insatane: ;)

moist furry: but anyways yeah thats how that happened

<3 small moomin <3: im still questioning why i like your dumbass

ugly mineral: naw bc he's cute

ugly mineral: and spicy at the same time

<3 small moomin <3: you're not wrong

insatane: ew

insatane: disgust

<3 small moomin <3: how about try maning up hm?

insatane: stop becoming jisung you piece of shit

ugly mineral:

moist furry:

<3 small moomin <3: no problem sis <333333

insatane: fuck you

moist furry: *fuck mark

ugly mineral: you are uncultured

ugly mineral: *mark fucking me

<3 small moomin <3: i will kick your ass if yall dont stop

insatane: i hate you all wtf why am i in the same group as you hoes

ugly mineral: mean

ugly mineral: we're not gardening tools you bitch

insatane: and yet

moist furry: im gonna start giving them out

moist furry: how many do you guys want to keep?

<3 small moomin <3: i want one and name it moomin :D

ugly mineral: same but nana

moist furry: ok

moist furry: i'll have one named nono then

insatane: can i name one mark 

<3 small moomin <3: aw you miss him already?

insatane: shut the fuck up and smother your boyfriends

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

whipped pimp: my uwus got exploded

horny flower: arent you whipped

whipped pimp: im not your mirror hoe

horny flower: i-

this is the SEO: get clapped back

horny flower: :,)

<3 small moomin <3: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

moist furry: who else wants cats

leader uwu: UWU look yukhei we have 2 cats

leader uwu: what should we name them??

whipped pimp: lets name one woo and the other wong

leader uwu: uwu!!!

yutah <3: so do yall know how its sicheng and i's birthdays

yutah <3: i checked the comments and our fans think i think its our wedding

yeschengie <3: aw im not surprised

yutah <3: i wish it was though :((

prostitute t-rated: can yall like stop being soft like damn my tea is spoiling here

 

yuta lazily smiled, still happy and overjoyed when the 127 members threw a small ceremony for both his boyfriend and him since it was their birthdays. he was pretty much happy and content that he got to spend more time with the chinese boy, who was sitting across from him. the japanese boy shut his phone off and went over to cuddle with the other. sicheng almost got startled at the sudden contact but he relaxed, realizing it was just yuta.

"what's got you in such a good mood, prince?" sicheng giggled and reciprocated by cuddling yuta back. yuta's eyes seemed to sparkle with life as his lips curved up into a soft smile.

"it's just... i'm so glad you're my boyfriend and that we can spend time with each other. it would be great if today was our wedding," the peach haired boy tightened his grip around the light chestnut haired boy. his eyes started to water slightly followed by his cracked voice, "a-and i'm sorry for what i did to you back then. shit, i feel terrible.. i feel like i-i don't deserve you at all..."

sicheng patted his back slightly and his lips pursed into a small smile, "don't be, you should think of the present now because that's in the past."

 

**nct nightmare**

 

insatane: this ice cream is good

emo as fuck: what flavor

insatane: the souls of the dead

cuntfuckphin: the fuck-

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

horny flower: so like

horny flower: why does hyuck look dead inside while eating his ice cream

emo as fuck: MMMMMMM

<3 small moomin <3: idk how about you talk to him

insatane: this is how i look when i eat ice cream bitch

moist furry: oBJECTION

yutah <3: this isnt phoenix wright ace attorney what the fuck-

ugly mineral: im abandoning you imceryutjhn

prostitute t-rated: so like since its halloween what are we gonna dress up as

ginger taeil: idk everyone else are busy doing makeup for halloween as well as dressing up

yeschengie <3: WE SHOULD DO MATCHING FACE PAINT YUTA

yutah <3: thats a gooD IDEA

dodoism: why the hell are there cheese pack everywhere as if satan just shitted them everywhere after having hell burritos

ginger taeil: what kind of description is that

gayhyun:

dodoism: yoonoh

gayhyun:

dodoism: YOONOH

overtaxed mother: is that why i fucking smelled cheese

overtaxed mother: BITCH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE MAIN ROOM WHY ARE THERE CHEESE ONTHE DECORATIONS

 

everyone was preparing for their costume and doing their makeup by their stylists. despite their schedule, they were having fun. dongyoung was done with his makeup and he was in his costume. he was the first witness to enter the main room to discover packs of cheese everywhere and already knew it was from yoonoh because of his cheese addiction. he sighed and decided to wait for the others, not bothering with the cheese. eventually, everyone else came to the main room dressed up.

"woah, what the fuck yoonoh," youngho picked up a pack of cheese from the banners with his furry paw of tony the tiger. yoonoh shrugged and snatched the piece of cheese and ate it. chittaphon scrunched his nose in disgust because who knew how long the cheese was there for without being refrigerated. "how long has that even been there?"

"oh, like yesterday," yoonoh plopped down onto the couch with an oof. dongyoung finished googling on his phone if cheese can go bad unrefrigerated and looked up. "well i mean, the cheese might have shitty quality but it didn't go bad so like-"

"WHAT'S UP BITCHES!" chenle slid in and tripped over on his own red balloon for his pennywise costume, followed by renjun in his peter pan costume with a disappointed look on his face. everyone soon crowded the main room with various and unique costumes, chattering away for the night until it started to die down from the boredom engulfing them. donghyuck, who was in his michael jackson costume, had a brilliant ass idea for the night.

"i have an ide-"

"stop right there. every idea you come up with is shitty and terrible. and usually they make us regret living," taeyong was in distress while sipping his wine. donghyuck tsked slightly and pouted. "i was about to suggest that we should play truth or dare for the night-"

"is it parental guidance appropriate?"

the young boy started to get irritated after getting interrupted again, "STOP FUCKING INTERRUPTING ME AND YES IT IS- i think."

"that's not assuring at all?" mark interjected in a confusing tone. but since everyone was bored out of their minds, they decided to go with donghyuck's idea of truth or dare because there is nothing wrong with that game, or is it? after everyone positioned themselves in a circle in the main room, donghyuck grabbed an empty bottle and placed it on the wooden floor in the center of the circle. they had already decided who should go first by playing many rounds of rock, paper, and scissors. jisung was the victim and had to go first. his fingertips were touching the neck of the bottle and pushed it, making it spin and landing on taeil.

"oh god, why me?" taeil groaned, anticipating for jisung. the orange haired boy seemed to have thought out some good truth questions and dares when his lips pursed into an evil smirk. "truth or dare, hyung?"

the boy in a mailman started contemplating the choices.  _if i choose truth, he might ask me who i like? or even worse. but the dare is equally as bad as that- but the dare won't be as horrible because i don't have to tell who my crush is... right?_ the mailman boy started to overcomplicate it but he finally chose dare, thinking it won't be  _as_ bad. oh no, he was wrong. "dare..?"

the smirk on jisung's lips grew even wider. and that made taeil realize that he fucked himself up.

"i dare you to..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SJDFHSKDFHD im like 4-5 days late but happy birthday to our precious boys yuta and winwin!!!
> 
> i swear i can hear yuta thinking it's their marriage because he looked so happy uwuwuwuwuu also happy halloween even though its like november hssdhd i forgot to post this chapter :,)


	16. fuck off jisung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> horny flower: no
> 
> horny flower: fuck off jisung
> 
> emo as fuck: wh-
> 
> horny flower: and kindly return back into your father's sperm
> 
> overtaxed mother:

**nct nightmare**

 

insatane: i cANT RBETHE

insatane: JISUNG WHY

emo as fuck: lol

cuntfuckphin: THERES TEARS IN MY EYES 

cuntfuckphin: YOURE GONNA BE FUCKED IVER JISUGN I CANT

emo as fuck: not unless taeil hyung catches me alive

horny flower: BITHC DO YUO KNOW WHAT HES CAPABLE OF

horny flower: hE CAN BREAK IN ANY MOMENT AND FIND YOU AND TEAR YOUR ASS OVER THE FIRE

moist furry: isnt that a little exaggerated

ugly mineral: exactly

<3 small moomin <3: i just had a mental image and im

cuntfuckphin: bITCH WYD DONT INVADE MINE

insatane: EEWEWEWEW

emo as fuck: whta the fuck are you guys thinking about

ugly mineral: EW WHAT THE FUCK INJUN I THOUGHT YOU WERE PURE

<3 small moomin <3: HEY YOU GOT NO ROOM YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER

<3 small moomin <3: DONT THINK I DIDNT NOTICE YOU TAKING PICTURES OF ME IN MY BOXERS 

insatane: GET EXPOSED BITCH

ugly mineral: THEY WERE FOR SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES

horny flower: why the fuck are y'all nasty and unholy 

moist furry: im sorry but you're the one who needs church and jesus

moist furry: bitch you were also part of writing the drippin lyrics aND I KNOW IT'S ABOUT FUCKIN CUM 

insatane: ugh my voice has been tainted from singing that song smh

horny flower: THEN HOW THE FUCK YOU KNOW WHAT CUM IS BITCH??

moist furry:

<3 small moomin <3: am i the only one who didnt know what it was at first

cuntfuckphin: nah

emo as fuck:

emo as fuck: nah

ugly mineral: DID YOU JUST FUCKING HESITATE

ugly mineral: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PURE ANGEL BABY

ugly mineral: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YALL TAUGHT HIM

moist furry: no one is pure in this hell hole

horny flower: we're getting off topic again im cryugn

 

**fucked up hell but not too fucked up**

 

this is the SEO: im not ok

gayhyun: 'im not a furry' my ass

this is the SEO: LOOK

prostitute t-rated: and why the fuck am i dating a furry

prostitute t-rated: EW does that mean our babies will be half furries

dodoism: why are you here again

prostitute t-rated: why not

 

dodoism has kicked prostitute t-rated from this group chat

 

yeschengie <3: oh

yutah <3: can someone explain why mark is crying

insatane: oh no he was laughing and fell off the bed and ate salty chips and now hes both in physical and emotional pain and high from laughing

overtaxed mother: mark control yourself goddammit

horny flower: IM COKAY

this is the SEO: no you're not

gayhyun: mark we can literally hear you across several rooms

insatane: [attached video]

overtaxed mother: who the fuck gave him cocaine

insatane: hopefully no one

yutah <3: im concerned

yeschengie <3: ^

dodoism: hey guys have you seen taeil

gayhyun: uhhhhhhh no

this is the SEO: didn't he walk out with a shovel

leader uwu: a shovel..?

overtaxed mother: why a shovel

leader uwu: maybe he's going to plant flowers?

insatane: in the middle of fall

horny flower: hLSKFJW563'::...MDH

gayhyun: someone control him

dodoism: yeah but there are types of flowers in fall

insatane: look here smartass

dodoism: no

yeschengie <3: calm ya selves before i shove these sporks up your asses

this is the SEO: and where the fuck did you get those

yutah <3: dont question him

yutah <3: he's starting to collect sporks and im scared

overtaxed mother: no shit

overtaxed mother: sicheng what are you doing with those

yeschengie <3: to eat and love these sporks you uncultured swines

leader uwu:

leader uwu: well i must say this type of technology is very intellect

dodoism: it's just combining a spoon and a fork together what's so special about it

yeschengie <3: EXCUSE ME BITCH SPORKS MAKE YOUR LIVES EASIER

yeschengie <3: YOU CAN EAT SALADS WITH THESE

dodoism: ok but-

yutah <3: he will actually shove the sporks up your ass if you continue to-

overtaxed mother: ALRIGHT KIDS LET'S SETTLE DOWN BEFORE I WHIP YOU ALL

overtaxed mother: @insatane how's that little shithead doing

insatane: he's still crying and it's been an hour

this is the SEO: i cant

horny flower: IMF OSBIGNG IMNTOT COJSH

gayhyun:

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

overtaxed mother: someone PLEASE explain to me why mark is still dying

emo as fuck:

cuntfuckphin:

moist furry:

overtaxed mother: explain

moist furry: so like i told him a joke

<3 small moomin <3: noah fence but that joke was shitty and even lucas didn't laugh to that

moist furry: aRE yOu My bOyFriEnD OR NoT

insatane: i agree that joke was shitty

whipped pimp: oh is he still dying

insatane: YES HE JUST WIPED OUT 2 BOXES OF TISSUES AND HE'S COUGHING WHILE LAUGHING AND CRYING LIKE A MANIAC

dickless: what the fuck-

prostitute t-rated: so as we can tell he's not okay

this is the SEO: no shit

whipped pimp: how long has it been-

insatane: an hour and a half

ugly mineral: among the many possible medical ways that laughing too hard can kill you - - ruptured brain aneurysm, cardiac arrest, collapsed lung, strangulated hernia, gelastic seizures, stroke and asphyxiation.

yutah <3: sweetie what the fUCK

horny flower: hOW CNA FUU DEI FITKM SA;LUGHGJN

overtaxed mother: our main talent is scaring each other apparently

leader uwu: i heard crashing noises

insatane: oops

emo as fuck: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

horny flower: wHAT THE HELL THAT HURT

overtaxed mother: WHAt

gayhyun: let me guess

gayhyun: you threw a chair at him

insatane: yes

leader uwu: that must've hurt

whipped pimp: im sobbign

<3 small moomin <3: claps

dickless: im worried

yeschengie <3: OH

yeschengie <3: does anyone have sporks

dickless: why

prostitute t-rated: why

cuntfuckphin:

dodoism: dont question him

yutah <3: ^

cuntfuckphin: well i mean i have an unlimited edition spork-

emo as fuck: rich ass

cuntfuckphin: you want me to beat your ass

moist furry: hey that isn't very nice

ugly mineral: like you

moist furry: WHAT DID I DO

<3 small moomim <3: oh i know

<3 small moomin <3: exposing your fucking nips and abs to the entire world thats what bitch

insatane: keep your fucking gay to yourselves

yeschengie <3: can i have your spork

cuntfuckphin: **what do** **i** **get in return**

yeschengie <3: **unlimited edition** **jisung** **pictures**

cuntfuckphin: fucking deal

emo as fuck: WAIT WHAT UNLIMITED EDITION PICTURES

emo as fuck: I DONT REMEMBER SHOOTING FOR THEM

cuntfuckphin: who said it was

emo as fuck: IVE LEARNED CHINESE AND I KNOW I READ UNLIMITED EIDITION PICTURES

yeschengie <3: wow

yeschengie <3: thank taeyong uwu

emo as fuck: YOU BITCH @overtaxed mother

overtaxed mother: CALL ME THAT ONE MORE TIME AND IM GONNA GROUND YOUR PITY ASS

emo as fuck: WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE THEM

overtaxed mother: well

cuntfuckphin: shut i want this to be a surprise

cuntfuckphin: btw how many do you have

yeschengie <3: roughly 25

cuntfuckphin: oh shit they better be good

yeschengie <3: dw they are

yeschengie <3: especially baby photos that nctzens never got their hands on uwu

cuntfuckphin: FUCK YEAH

emo as fuck: FUCK NO

cuntfuckphin: jisuuuung~ i get to see your baby pictures (n ͡o ꒳ ͡o )n

<3 small moomin <3: aw

 

2:55 PM

 

prositute t-rated: what was i supposed to do again

gayhyun: hop off a bridge

prostitute t-rated: rude

overtaxed mother: im concerned where the fuck is taeil

yutah <3: didnt youngho say that he was outside shoveling

dickless: honey

dickless: no one shovels for that long

prostitute t-rated: is he possibly

prostitute t-rated: masturbating??

leader uwu: what

dodoism: EW WHAT THE FUCK TEN

emo as fuck: may i ask what the fuck that means

overtaxed mother: no

overtaxed mother: go play with chenle in the kiddie corner

cuntfuckphin: YEAH WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF ROLEPLAYING AND HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MR. FIN'S BEST FRIEND

cuntfuckphin: GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

gayhyun: damn ok

this is the SEO: ah

this is the SEO: dont we just love innocence

whipped pimp: and im sure as hell none of us have that

leader uwu: ??

whipped pimp: except you bc ur still pure

leader uwu: ???

overtaxed mother: arent the dreamies still innocent

this is the SEO: oh hell no

gayhyun: mark isnt innocent at all we all know that

yeschengie <3: and donghyuck

insatane: HEY DONT DRAG ME INTO THIS

<3 small moomin <3: they dont call me pure boy of nct dream for nothing

ugly mineral: um

<3 small moomin <3: nana :)

ugly mineral:

ugly mineral: im scared hold me

moist furry: no

horny flower: i accidentally choked on onion juice

whipped pimp: what the fuck

yutah <3: holy shit cells at work is good

yutah <3: and they say ANIME DOESN'T EDUCATE PEOPLE

yeschengie <3: what

yutah <3: its an anime about cells

dickless: interesting

dickless: so how do cells have sex

dodoism: that is not-

this is the SEO: dont cells just have sex

yutah <3: dont they just split

prostitute t-rated: but that isnt sex

prostitute t-rated: sex involves combining

 

horny flower has left the group chat

insatane has left the group chat

 

emo as fuck: i just checked my phone for a notification from twitter and this is what i get

 

emo as fuck has removed cuntfuckphin from this group chat

emo as fuck has left the group chat

ugly mineral has left the group chat

<3 small moomin <3 has left the group chat

moist furry has left the group chat

 

overtaxed mother: THANKS YOU SCARED THEM OFF

prostitute t-rated: np

leader uwu: why did they..?

gayhyun: no questions asked

dodoism: brb im gonna bleach my shirt and die from sniffing the bleach odor

dickless: have fun with that

whipped pimp: sometimes i think to myself if i regret joining nct

yeschengie <3: .. same

this is the SEO: this is normal and happens everyday

this is the SEO: get used to it like how i did

gayhyun: i cant believe you left america for this

this is the SEO: same

yutah <3: alexa play despacito

 

moist furry has joined the group chat

 

moist furry: i heard despacito

overtaxed mother: the fuck you doing here

moist furry: rood

moist furry: also im getting concerned bc where in the name of hell is taeil

this is the SEO: i just checked outside and he's not there-

dodoism: at least we will only have 17 members

yutah <3: i love how you say that as you eat a sandwich

prostitute t-rated: you scammer

prostitute t-rated: you didn't bleach your shit

prostitute t-rated: *shirt

dickless: same thing

overtaxed mother: ^

dodoism: that's because i wanted a sandwich you crack ass

yeschengie <3: did i hear that correctly?

yeschengie <3: taeil is gone?

this is the SEO: well i mean-

yeschengie <3: now i dont have to deal with 2 people trying to give me affection

yutah <3: hEY

yeschengie <3: <33

yutah <3: :c

moist furry: you know i regret joining back in i dont need no sappy gay

leader uwu: speak of yourself

whipped pimp: did he just

gayhyun: yes

gayhyun: yes he did

moist furry: lOOK

moist furry: we're not THAT sappy or smth

overtaxed mother: are you sure about that

moist furry: yes

overtaxed mother: alright

overtaxed mother: then what is renjun and jaemin doing now

moist furry:

moist furry: kissing rn

gayhyun: ew -donghyuck

yutah <3: why is-

gayhyun: i dropped my phone into the toilet -donghyuck

gayhyun: AND IT WAS MARK'S FAULT -donghyuck

gayhyun: HEY THAT WASNT MY FAULT -mark

dodoism: im confused as fuck what-

this is the SEO: im assuming they stole yoonoh's phone

overtaxed mother: probably

prostitute t-rated:

gayhyun: FUCK YOU YOU JUST FLUSHED MY PHONE DOWN THE TOIELKTJ -donghyuck

gayhyun: I WAS TRYING TO GET IT OUT -mark

gayhyun: [attached video]

 

moist furry has added emo as fuck, cuntfuckphin, and 3 more into the group chat

 

cuntfuckphin: what did i just-

leader uwu: wait then where's mark's phone if donghyuck's got flushed

gayhyun: oh its in his room but i locked it -donghyuck

gayhyun: i STILL CANT BELIEVE YOU -mark

overtaxed mother: im crying why are you shitheads a mess

gayhyun: bc we are duh -donghyuck

dickless: i come back from making a smoothie to witness all of this shit

gayhyun: yes -mark

whipped pimp: sips tea

emo as fuck: where can i disown myself

overtaxed mother: you cant

emo as fuck: then i can disown all of you

gayhyun: no you cant -mark

dodoism: no you cant

yutah <3: no you cant

dickless: no you cant

overtaxed mother: no you cant

whipped pimp: no you cant

leader uwu: no you cant

yeschengie <3: no you cant

cuntfuckphin: is that possible

emo as fuck: if you are a teenager, the legal way to disown your family is to become "emancipated" from them. this means you'll be legally treated as an adult with the right to make your own decisions, and your parents will no longer be your legal guardians. in most states, you have to be over 16 to pursue emancipation.

emo as fuck: BYE BITCHES

overtaxed mother: HELL NO

emo as fuck:

overtaxed mother: BITCH

cuntfuckphin: i

prostitute t-rated: ARE YOU ACTUALLY

this is the SEO:

gayhyun: PUT THAT DOWN YOU PIECE OF SHIT -mark

emo as fuck: :)

 

3:01 PM

 

horny flower: wow i finally got my phone fuck you

insatane: <3

insatane: thanks for buying me a new one

prostitute t-rated: can i just say

prostitute t-rated: how the fuck is  _your_ phone in  _my_ toilet

insatane: what the fuck

horny flower: thats intere%$%_4'hjk

insatane: mark u ok

insatane:

insatane: mark ?

overtaxed mother: good that little shit died

<3 small moomin <3: im concerned

emo as fuck: i am because if he died then jaemin is gonna be our new leader and hELL NO am i gonna have to put up with that

ugly mineral: jiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnggggggggggggggiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~

emo as fuck: i think it's time for me to take my leave

moist furry: here's a heads up

moist furry: he's literally heading to your room rn

emo as fuck: SHIT

dodoism: that would be a great horror movie

yutah <3: "park jisung lived a normal life as a high school student. that was until something- or someone lurked around and he felt like he was being followed. that's where his life turned upside down, where his life is now full of fear."

prostitute t-rated: holy shit that's actually a good synopsis 

moist furry: im crying why

<3 small moomin <3: if jaemin was in a horror movie he would kill anyone with fear before he throws his affection at them

insatane: btw

insatane: is taeil back yet

this is the SEO: yeah he said he was just buying groceries

dodoism: im pretty sure groceries dont take that long

yeschengie <3: oh no

horny flower: hi im alive

insatane: tf happened to you

horny flower: i choked on my sprite

dickless: not shocked

leader uwu: claps

whipped pimp: thats- wow

emo as fuck: i still cant believe you locked the suitcase into a case

overtaxed mother: thats what you get for trying to leave hell bitch

cuntfuckphin: shouldnt you be running for your life rn

emo as fuck: oh jaemin's busy with jeno

yutah <3: as in

emo as fuck: idk

<3 small moomin <3: my eyes burn

yutah <3: called it

emo as fuck: oh yeah mark

horny flower: no

emo as fuck: what

horny flower: no

horny flower: fuck off jisung

emo as fuck: wh-

horny flower: and kindly return back into your father's sperm

overtaxed mother:

overtaxed mother: i woULD like to SAY that is not nice-

insatane: mark u ok

prostitute t-rated: someone explain to me why mark is taped to the wall

this is the SEO: how's he able to type then

emo as fuck: wait a second

emo as fuck: is that u taeil

horny flower: no it's teletubby

emo as fuck: yup it's him

leader uwu: why did you tape mark to the wall

leader uwu: im concerned

<3 small moomin <3: sips tea and watches

cuntfuckphin: OH maybe he's still salty at what happened on halloween

 

_"i dare you to..."_

_taeil was anticipating for the dare because he knew he already fucked up for himself and since jisung was a shithead, he was definitely going to make him do something dumb—like maybe prank call someone or dance outside naked. oh but no, the next words that jisung said was far worse._

_"call your crush and you can't call in another room, it must be in here," the maknae's smirk grew even wider as he watched taeil's composed face morph into a panicked state. the older groaned and grabbed his phone out and hesitantly opened his contacts. he scrolled through it trying to find a specific name with everyone's eyes on him._

_"wait—taeil has a crush? HOW COME NO ONE INFORMED ME??" chenle shrieked with renjun slapping a hand to his mouth. renjun rolled his eyes as if the other was the stupidest person on earth. "if you actually paid attention, a little birdie told us the tea the other day."_

_"was it_ that  _tea?"_

_"obviously you dumbass."_

_by the time taeil scrolled down to the 't' section of his contacts, his finger hovered over a contact name. 'taeyong.' well shit, is he really going to do it? call him while everyone is in a circle in the main room, where everyone can hear his phone ring? he clicked on the contact name and before he got to click on the phone button, taeyong stood up._

_"i'm gonna go use the restroom, be right back," he dusted himself and youngho called out, "did you have too much juice?"_

_the boy in some sailor uniform snorted, "probably."_

_yes! now he can call him without anyone hearing his phone ring. perfect, taeil thought to himself. he confidently clicked on the call button and looked at jisung with a smug look. "by the way, do i have to have the person answer the call?"_

_and that's where his smug expression fell because the shithead was evil as ever. "of course, and make sure to put it on loud speaker," the younger crossed his arms in a cocky way. well, now taeil is fucked because they all will know. he pressed the microphone icon or whatever it was with the phone being on its third ring. the phone then picked up and it sounded as though the sink was running, but the person turned it off._

_"hyung? why are you calling me right now?"_

_wait a fucking second... jisung knew that voice sounded familiar. it's not like he knew WHO was taeil's crush but he received knowledge that taeil did in fact have a crush._

_"TAEYONG HYUNG??" the maknae blurted out and everyone's eyes widened—except for chittaphon's._

_"guys what the fuck, why am i being called right now in the bathroom?" taeyong sounded really lost on the other side of the phone, but he didn't know the reason why taeil called him. the boy in mailman costume sighed and whispered into the phone. "i'll talk to you later."_

_after hanging up, the older scowled at chittaphon who was eating a piece of cracker. "i can't believe i told you and you decided to slip it to everyone."_

_"honey, you know better than to not trust me because once i have tea, i spill it," chittaphon flipped his mona lisa wig in a sassy way that had youngho facepalm. taeyong came back from the bathroom and sat back down in the circle, giving taeil a weird look—which made him want to die in a hole. after a few more rounds of the game, everyone was practically ripping each other's throat by giving the most vicious truth or dares to the point few people get exposed._

 

_it was now one in the morning and everyone needed to go to bed._

_"so, who's cleaning with me?" taeyong picked up wrappers and empty glasses. since he had wonderful members, they all ditched him so he can clean all the mess and take off their costumes. the only person who was still there was taeil and he was nice enough to help him out. it took time to clean the mess that everyone left but the silence between them was comforting instead of awkward. taeil licked his lips, trying to come up with something to talk about. "um-_

_"what did you want to tell me two hours ago?" taeyong managed to speak first before the other got to. oh, that's right! he still needed to clear things up with the younger. "right..."_

_they sat on the couches after they cleaned everything until it was sparkling. the older twiddled with his fingers, finding the proper words to use. "okay, well, while you were in the bathroom, jisung dared me to call someone that i like-"_

_"oh! is that it? well you could've told me before—but thanks for calling me though, i like you too, hyung," the younger patted the other on the back with a smile on his face, "but you could've called someone else, you know. i almost dropped my phone into the toilet."_

_that's where taeil almost choked on his own spit._

_did he just get hyung-zoned?_

 

overtaxed mother: ?? but i dont see anything wrong calling someone you like

cuntfuckphin:  **look we found another oblivious hoe**

dickless:  **i cant believe this**

emo as fuck: im just gonna go facepalm rn

overtaxed mother: also at least get mark off the wall and give his phone back, hyung

horny flower: k

horny flower: brb

prostitute t-rated: why does it feel like he's gonna kill me

emo as fuck: you're not the only one

 

3:20 PM

 

horny flower: im alive

this is the SEO: wheres taeil-

ginger taeil: you called?

leader uwu: we were making sure you were alive!

ginger taeil: how thoughtful

emo as fuck: so

ginger taeil: no fuck off

emo as fuck: i WASNT TALKING TO YOU BITCH

emo as fuck: anyways, why is mark snorkeling dorito dust

moist furry: mARK STOP WHAT THE FUCL

whipped pimp: i can tell he wants to end himself

whipped pimp: dorito dusts are painful let me tell you that

leader uwu: and how do you know of this...?

whipped pimp: WELL

insatane: no

<3 small moomin <3: i have a question

insatane: mhm

<3 small moomin <3: shouldn't you stop mark from snorkeling any more dorito dust

insatane: mmmmmmmmm

horny flower: FUCK ME I SLINGSHOTTED A BOTTLE CAP INTO MY EYE

insatane: gladly

horny flower: what

insatane: what

dickless: YALL ARE 3 STOP

overtaxed mother: ^^^

cuntfuckphin: are you saying we're embryos then

yeschengie <3: no you guys are sperms

dodoism: facts

whipped pimp: ive been wondering why people are asking who's in the maknae line in nct dream when they all are the maknae line

prostitute t-rated: mind blown

gayhyun: is that sarcasm

prostitute t-rated: no that's your mom's ass

gayhyun: damn ok

 

**4 basic bitches worth 0 cents**

 

insatane: yall i need moral support

<3 small moomin <3: why are you fIna L lY confessing your UNDYING FUCKING LOVE to  _mark_??

insatane: shut the hell up i can always go to jisung

<3 small moomin <3: you can if you want because these 2 hoes are busy doing their business

insatane: ew

insatane: anyways help me bitch i can always depend on you even though you almost destroyed my room

<3 small moomin <3: well anyways make sure to not make your confession cheesy or sappy as fuck because idk who eveb like those kinds of shit

<3 small moomin <3: second be unique but not too unique

<3 small moomin <3: also you need to chill the fuck out and not panic if it doesnt look like it's going your way like i mean ik mark is a dumbass but he can't be more of a dumbass even though he's oblivious

<3 small moomin <3: but just remember that he also likes you too and don't doubt it- but he can also be a panicked gay

<3 small moomin <3: but yeah if you guys end up together (99.8%) pls dont be nasty and kiss anywher and anytime yall can bc that shit is disgusting

insatane: well damn

insatane: thanks though

<3 small moomin <3: np

<3 small moomin <3: even though you're an asshat, i love and care about you and want you to be happy with mark

<3 small moomin <3: if he's a dumbass again and hurts you dont hesitate to call me so i can beat the shit out of him uwu

insatane: ugh i know i could count on you

<3 small moomin <3: yeah yeah now go get em tiger

insatane: hsjddkd

 

**insatane, emo as fuck**

 

insatane: ok shut the fuck up but i got some moral support from renjun and i need some from you

emo as fuck: bitch are you actually

insatane: yes bitch

insatane: anything you wanna tell me b4 i actually do it

emo as fuck: mmm

emo as fuck: well

emo as fuck: all i can say is that if anything goes wrong you can come over to my room so we can watch a movie marathon

insatane: thanks

insatane: ok gotta go 

 

**insatane, horny flower**

 

insatane: yo bitch

insatane: i rarely pm you but this is important

horny flower: ??

horny flower: well before you do tell me i have smth more important to tell you

insatane: what hurry up bitch

horny flower: come to the cafeteria

insatane: mark im sorry but are you asking me to FUCKING GET OUT OF MY ROOM AND GO ON THE ELEVATOR TO THE CAFETERIA

horny flower: yes

insatane: fuck you hold on

 

donghyuck flopped out of bed and trudged out of his room, grumbling. he had something important to tell him but mark had other plans which involved  _him_ having to walk. by the time he got to the main lobby, he walked to the elevator, stepped in, and chose a floor. the door closed and the box moved down with the slightly tanned boy who casually whistled to the elevator music.  _wonder what's so important for me to go to the cafeteria. why can't we just text over our phones? eh, oh well,_ he thought.

the moving box came to a stop and a ding was heard. the elevator opened again and the boy stepped out, making his way to the cafeteria. ah, how he remembered when he watched the dreamies go hunting for their team managers.

when he got to the cafeteria, he saw mark's back facing him, and he assumed he was waiting for him. his heart skipped a beat. his palms slightly clammy. why was he feeling this way?  _snap out of it,_ donghyuck smacked himself but not too loud. his foot hesitantly stepped into the cafeteria and it looked like mark heard him enter because he turned around and smiled, waving for him to come and sit.  _okay, this is fucking weird_.

"mark, how can this possibly be important? you know how painful it was to get out of my room?" donghyuck put up his usual act and sat across from mark. the canadian grinned and rubbed the back of his nape. "sorry, man."

donghyuck's eyes drifted to the small medium-ish box that was in front of the other. the box looked... decorative? it was obvious because of the white wrappings and the red ribbon that was cutely tied into a bow, "anyways, what did you want to tell me?" he watched how the canadian fidgeted, playing with the ribbon.

"well, before i tell you, i want to clarify that we're still friends... right?" the canadian timidly asked, completely different from how he usually acted. the korean started to get more and more concerned because when and where the fuck has mark acted this nervous and timid? was this something serious?  _oh shit, does he have a boyfriend? girlfriend?_ "the fuck kind of question is that? of course!"

"okay, well, be open-minded about this but..."

donghyuck grew nervous and he tapped his foot lightly in an anxious manner.

"i like you- but not in that way. more of the like-like way, y'know?"

 _wait, what?_ donghyuck took a minute to process the information before it finally hit him. mark  _likes_ him. this can't be happening, it must be a dream right out of a fanfiction. but he wanted to make sure it's actually not a dream. "mark, stop joking. do you actually really like me?"

"why would i be joking, hyuck? does that mean you don't... like me? well i mean it's fine tho-"

"no, you shithead, i'm just making sure you're being serious because i like you too," the younger interrupted the older with tints spreading on his cheeks. both of them were quite in shock that they like each other back. suddenly, the older boy reached with his hand and held the younger's, his thumb rubbing on his knuckles. "i'm actually glad, because i didn't want to eat this cake by myself."

"you made that?"

"i guess? i wanted to make it special."

"you sure it's not poisoned or somethi-"

"appreciate my cooking skills for once, hyuck. by the way, what did you want to tell me?" mark chuckled in a way that made donghyuck swoon over. his chuckle sounded so beautiful. he was snapped out of his thoughts and immediately responded. "oh no, i already told you but originally i was supposed to be the one confessing to you."

the cafeteria was filled with the laughter of the two boys. they were both happy, indeed. after they cleared out everything, mark had unwrapped the box to reveal an average sized cake that was shaped into a heart. the frosting looked neat and to donghyuck, the cake looked amazing even though mark can barely cook eggs. he dipped his finger on the frosting and swiped it onto mark's nose, earning a small protest from him. the other did the same because donghyuck was brought to a surprise when he felt the cold frosting on his cheek, making him yelp a little.

"by the way, how long did it take you to make it?" the young boy looked at the older lovingly, admiring how dedicated he was to make a cake which probably took him forever. "uh, around two or three days because i kept messing up."

 

moments later, the cafeteria became silent again. a comfortable silence washed over them. oh, that's right! donghyuck was supposed to ask something important.

"hey, so, what does this make us?"

"um.. boyfriends?"

"boyfriends it is."


	17. cheese and secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyuckie kisses: i never asked for this
> 
> <3 small moomin <3: thats what happens when you date mark lee

**dysfunctional hell**

 

emo as fuck: damn

emo as fuck: school can go suck on my tootsie roll

prostitute t-rated: for a moment i thought he was gonna say dick

overtaxed mother: wash your unholy mind you whore

prostitute t-rated: excuse me

<3 small moomin <3: same here jisung

<3 small moomin <3: good thing i graduated

emo as fuck: shush

emo as fuck: school piles too much work and the projects are SHIT

emo as fuck: THE EXAMS ARE EVEN SHITTIER

emo as fuck: they just stress kids out honestly

cuntfuckphin: there there

emo as fuck: u-u

dickless: dawww

cuntfuckphin: i'll come and cuddle ok?

emo as fuck: pls

insatane: sips coca cola

<3 small moomin <3: THERE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE SHIT

<3 small moomin <3: CHECK THE GROUP CHAT

insatane: which

<3 small moomin <3: YOU DUMB FUCK THE 0 LINER ONE

insatane: who

<3 small moomin <3: BITCH

yeschengie <3: calm thyself

yutah <3: it's no use

leader uwu: sometimes..

leader uwu: im really worried for this group chat and everyone

this is the SEO: well get used to it buddy

this is the SEO: i left america for this

gayhyun: and left america to be a fucking orange furry from a cereal box brand

prostitute t-rated: im still fucking-

this is the SEO: LOOK I RAN OUT OF IDEAS-

dodoism: you and your american ass

ginger taeil: agreed

leader uwu:

leader uwu: im still concerned

whipped pimp: dont be

dickless: you're saying that and yet you do things that  _are_ concerning

whipped pimp: yes

dickless: fool

yeschengie <3: ahh, i hope the new china line members won't be dumbasses just like the one we have right now!

whipped pimp: HEY

dodoism: you know yangyang

overtaxed mother: yes

dodoism: i sometimes wonder how many mona lisa's he has

prostitute t-rated: i feel special

this is the SEO: nah

prostitute t-rated: shut the hell up you furry ass bitch

yutah <3: sometimes i cant believe you guys are dating

ginger taeil: ^

<3 small moomin <3: can someone get hyuck he's being an ass and wont get on our gc

leader uwu: use force

dickless: how about we dont

<3 small moomin <3: i have a mace ready so

overtaxed mother: oh hell no bitch

 

**4 basic bitches worth 0 cents**

 

<3 small moomin <3: get on you piece of shit

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

<3 small moomin <3: @insatane

insatane: FUCK YOU WHAT YOU WANT FROM MY GODLY EXISTENCE

<3 small moomin <3: for you to GET THE FUCK ON BECAUSE WE NEED THE TEA NOW BITCH

moist furry: ^jun filled us in what happened yesterday so we need to know what happened next

insatane: fuck yall

ugly mineral: are you sure about that

insatane: you're an ass

ugly mineral: but i have a pretty ass

<3 small moomin <3: can we not talk about asses

insatane: anyways

insatane: so apparently mark made me go to the cafeteria

moist furry: and then

insatane: he waited for me and he had cake with him- and did i mention he made the cake

ugly mineral: woah hold up

ugly mineral: did we ALL heard that correctly

moist furry: technically-

ugly mineral: shut your handsome face up

<3 small moomin <3: mark? made? a? cake?

<3 small moomin <3: BITCH GORDAN RAMSAY ROASTED HIS EGG COOKING SKILLS

<3 small moomin <3: AND HE CAN BARELY MAKE TOASTS WITHOUT SETTING THE TOASTER ON FIRE WHAT THE FUCK

moist furry: how long did that take him

insatane: 2-3 days and we ate the cake, it was actually good

insatane: btw he was the one who confessed first

ugly mineral: i call dedication right there

<3 small moomin <3: but did he even clean the kitchen

insatane: uh

moist furry: hey guys why are there egg shells on the ceiling

insatane: how the fuck-

insatane: this motherfucker i cant why am i dating him

<3 small moomin <3: SO YOU GUYS ARE OFFICIAL NOW???

insatane: we havent announced it to the others yet but somewhat yes ig

ugly mineral: should we tell mark that he forgot to clean the kitchen

insatane: mm

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

insatane: hey mark

insatane: mark

insatane: MARK

overtaxed mother: he's using the bathroom

insatane: no shit

ginger taeil: damn

yeschengie <3: is it considered being pregnant if your stomach hurts

dodoism: wtf 

dodoism: and no you're a guy

yeschengie <3: in fanfics they usually happen

dickless: sweetie

dickless: they're fanfics

dickless: fan fictions

dickless:  _fiction_

this is the SEO: alright kids let's learn the basics; the difference between nonfiction and fiction

yeschengie <3: stfu

yutah <3: sichengie, baby, you're not pregnant

yutah <3: maybe you have an upset stomach

<3 small moomin <3: what did i just

ginger taeil: i wouldve been fucking concerned if sicheng got pregnant

dickless: i wouldve chopped off someone's dick

yutah <3: WHY ARE YOU GLARING AT ME I DID NOTHING

ugly mineral: poor hyung

insatane: how sad

moist furry: alexa play mark's graduation

emo as fuck: that's too far you little bitch

whipped pimp: i even felt that the fuck

<3 small moomin <3: look what you did

moist furry: hey not my fault i was told to never mention despacito 

overtaxed mother: why despacito

overtaxed mother: why this

overtaxed mother: jaemin why are you dating this crackhead

ugly mineral: why not

dickles:  **sometimes i wonder why and how you're dating jeno**

<3 small moomin <3:  **same**

cuntfuckphin:  **are yall seriously-**

<3 small moomin <3:  **yes**

whipped pimp:  **where's mark**

prostitute t-rated: hELLO? KOREAN HERE??

insatane: get used to it /sigh/

leader uwu: i regret leaving this chat for a few minutes

whipped pimp: aw it's ok

whipped pimp: youll be adjusted to it

yeschengie <3: question is, will the rookies even adjust to it

dodoism: you know ive heard rumors that nomin will be put in nct china

moist furry: tf i can barely say hi in-

emo as fuck: we spoke chinese for an interview

emo as fuck: we sang and rapped in chinese for we go up

emo as fuck: is you DEAF

<3 small moomin <3:  **apparently**

moist furry: HEY

horny flower: hi i have risen from the bathroom break

insatane: yes hi

insatane: so 

insatane: mark

horny flower: ye

insatane: you forgot to clean the kitchen

horny flower:

overtaxed mother: isnt the kitchen clean the last time i checked

horny flower:

moist furry: i would like to clarify that there are egg shells on the ceiling

overtaxed mother:  _excuse me_

horny flower:

whipped pimp: mark's ass is busted PDFTF

overtaxed mother: my lovely, lovely child. what the fuck did you do to the kitchen?

horny flower:

horny flower: suddenly i remembered to go water my lines

yeschengie <3: at least give me some

 

horny flower has left the group chat

 

yeschengie <3: wow fuck you

overtaxed mother: MARK MOTHERFUCKING LEE

dodoism: not surprised you exposed him

insatane: c;

ginger taeil: i just walked into the kitchen to witness taeyong holding up a broom threateningly at mark as he's on top of the ceiling fan where the egg shells jeno mentioned are at

prostitute t-rated: MOVE OVER HOE I NEED TO RECORD THIS

leader uwu: every day you guys give me fucking anxiety

this is the SEO: i feel bad

gayhyun: you should

prostitute t-rated: [attached video]

prostitute t-rated: [attached video

emo as fuck: no wonder i heard screaming all the way from here

cuntfuckphin: sad

emo as fuck: stfu and cuddle me bitch

yutah <3: young love

dodoism: ^

dickless: cant relate

ginger taeil: CANT  _RELATE_

emo as fuck: that's sad

dickless: u motherfucker stfU

ginger taeil: shut the hell up you mushroom head

emo as fuck: THAT WAS AGES AGO

ginger taeil: THAT WAS 2 YEARS AGO

4:09 PM

 

overtaxed mother: you're honestly fucking grounded u little bitch ass

horny flower: BUT IT WAS WORTH IT RIGHT HYUCK

insatane: the cake actually tasted good

this is the SEO: why tf didnt you invite us 

cuntfuckphin: I WANTED CAKE

<3 small moomin <3: wouldnt want to get food poisoning

ugly mineral: ^

moist furry: ^

emo as fuck: ^

prostitute t-rated: damn now i want cake fuck you

overtaxed mother:

overtaxed mother: what do you mean by cake

ginger taeil: wait a fucking-

leader uwu: GASP

cuntfuckphin:

cuntfuckphin:  **GASP**

cuntfuckphin:  **BITCH HOES MY RADAR IS GOING OFF**

yeschengie <3:  **BITCH WHERE**

gayhyun: mark is growing up i cant believe it

insatane:

horny flower:

horny flower: u caught us we're official now

overtaxed mother: BITCH WHAT

ginger taeil: BITCH WHAT

cuntfuckphin: WHAT

yeschengie <3: WHaT

dodoism:  W HA T

leader uwu: did you just expose yourself

this is the SEO: MARK WHAT

whipped pimp: yes he did, yes he did.

gayhyun: WE WERENT FUCKINH SERIOUS BUT ARE YOU SEIROUS

this is the SEO: DOES IT LOOK LIKE HE IS SERIOUS YES

insatane: aight

cuntfuckphin: HELL YEAH HOES MARKHYUCL IS ALIVE AND SAILING

<3 small moomin <3: after so many years

emo as fuck: of  _pining_

insatane: look here u little midget chanyeol copy short ass bitch

emo as fuck: im taller than you fucking dumbass

horny flower: what a sad life

yutah <3: lmao he's taller than you too mark

horny flower: i knew that u swine

whipped pimp: hey no you once stated you were tall but ur like a midget compared to me

horny flower: thats because you decided to grow 2 fucking long ass stick legs and be a fUkiNg 6 foot

moist furry: sad life you got there mark

dodoism: i have taught my son well

overtaxed mother: excuse me he's my son

dodoism: no he's my son

prostitute t-rated: both of yall are his parents ok stfu im having my spa break

ginger taeil: i wanna join i cant deal with this mess

yutah <3: also let me get this straight

dickless: pFT

yutah <3: mark and donghyuck are dating?

yeschengie <3: excuse me but where tf were you while it happened

this is the SEO: he was busy crying over a drama

yutah <3: stfu i was collecting my mangas ok

dickless: youre such a weeb

yutah <3: well i cant be a weeb if im japanese myself u shit eating face

dickless: fair point

cuntfuckphin: can you be a westernaboo 

this is the SEO: actually

gayhyun: i never thought of that

ugly mineral: **what's up guys im american and i lOVVve starbucks like they're so like delicious like**

this is the SEO: my american ears hurt

<3 small moomin <3: damn i never knew my boyfriend was a westernaboo smh *shakes head*

moist furry: im so disappointed im actually crying

insatane: i just sat here for 5 minutes and realized since we're official

insatane: we havent eVEN KISSED YET

horny flower: shit u right

yeschengie <3: you just- you just realized that

cuntfuckphin: shouldnt yall like

cuntfuckphin: do the cermony where you have couple usernames

insatane: me knowing mark for 69 years, he's probably gonna come up with a cheesy user

gayhyun: cheese?

dodoism: gtfo yoonoh no cheese for you until i say so

gayhyun: >:(

overtaxed mother: wow dont you just love couple's quarrel

dodoism: we're not even dating do you want me to shove my microphone up your ass bitch

overtaxed mother: i'll strangle you with a spatula before you even get to

whipped pimp: yall stop fighting for once we're focusing on markhyuck here

leader uwu: why do you guys- im not even gonna bother

dickless: get used to it honey we're out of the basement now and u oughta need to experience the fresh air

<3 small moomin <3: thats filled with gay chaos

emo as fuck: i hate how you're not wrong

insatane: someone give me username suggestions bc like my brain cells are fucking dead

this is the SEO: no

insatane: i didnt ask you

ugly mineral: how about markiepoo

prostitute t-rated: the first thing i see when i get back on my phone from the spa

this is the SEO: you actually went to a spa

ginger taeil: i felt the cringe in that user that i almost fell 

yutah <3: "help i have mcfallen"

moist furry: im sorry but why thats just

insatane: hell no i wouldnt even call him that

 

horny flower has changed insatane's name to hyuckie kisses

 

hyuckie kisses: mark what the fuck

horny flower: np

overtaxed mother: i thought you were my favorite child

horny flower: YOU NEVER HAD ME AS YOUR FAVORITE CHILD

overtaxed mother: it is time to disown you

dickless: release him into the wild

emo as fuck: no we need marlk i dont want jaemin to be the next leader pls he's the only one who keeps me sane from the unit

cuntfuckphin: r u saying i dont-

emo as fuck: nO u do much more

cuntfuckphin: ;-; im sofg

hyuckie kisses: honestly 

hyuckie kisses: i never asked for this

<3 small moomin <3: thats what happens when you date mark lee

hyuckie kisses: no shit

 

hyuckie kisses has changed horny flower's name to markle sparkle

 

ugly mineral: you should've gone for markiepoo

hyuckie kisses: im not that cringy jaemin

ugly mineral: want me to pull up all of your love rants about mark

markle sparkle: wait what

hyuckie kisses: BITCH I DARE YOU I'LL BRING UP ABOUT HOW YOU WERE OBSESSING OVER RENJUN'S BABY PHOTOS AND YOU KEPT RANTING ABOUT JENO'S BODY

moist furry: what

<3 small moomin <3:

overtaxed mother: alright kids calm yourselves

ginger taeil: ten can we just go back to the spa i dont wanna deal with this

prostitute t-rated: no suffer

this is the SEO: wow

gayhyun: guys

gayhyun: guys

gayhyun: dont tell anyone but im playing neomice

leader uwu: is it a mouse game??

leader uwu: i used to play that!!

yutah <3: tf is neomice

gayhyun: another version of a mouse game where you have unlimited coins and strawberries

emo as fuck: hyung

emo as fuck: you do realize you just messaged here where dongyoung hyung can see right

gayhyun: oh wait

gayhyun: SHIT

dodoism: yoonoh

 

gayhyun has left the group chat

dodoism has added gayhyun into the group chat

 

dodoism: YOONOH

whipped pimp: pass me the popcorn mark

markle sparkle: no get your own im cuddling hyuck

yeschengie <3: is that why yall were quiet

cuntfuckphin: GSDJKGDFKOLSJGOWEIR0EUTWIFK3490-68930-=]

cuntfuckphin: mY SHIOP IS SIALGIN

moist furry: christ may compell us all from this sin that we have been committed with

hyuckie kisses: YOU DIDNT HAVE TO EXPOSE US LIKE THAT

markle sparkle: just like how ur a power bottom

gayhyun: yLAL HELP HES TRYIMNG YO KILL ME

dodoism: IM BANNING YOU FROM ANY CHEESE RELATED THINGS

whipped pimp: yall are special

leader uwu: they are,,

moist furry: whats a power bottom

<3 small moomin <3:

hyuckie kisses: FOR YOUR INFORMATION WE BOTH ARE SWITCH

dickless: dont mean to interrupt yall but CAN YALL STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS

this is the SEO: are u jealous

dickless: NO

dickless: IM TRYING TO EAT MY SALAD HERE AND ITS BEEN RUINED

<3 small moomin <3: suffer

moist furry: but whats a power bottom

ugly mineral: youll know one day

moist furry: but

overtaxed mother: no now stfu and eat your lunchables

moist furry: :,)

markle sparkle: WE HAVE LUNCHABLES

markle sparkle: HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME

markle sparkle: I WAS LOOKING FOR THEM EVERYWHERE

overtaxed mother: thats bc i banned you from the kitchen

emo as fuck: can i get one as well

overtaxed mother: no

overtaxed mother: go eat your baby food

emo as fuck: IM NOT A FUCKIGJM BABY

cuntfuckphin: but ur my baby in my eyes uwu

emo as fuck: i

<3 small moomin <3: THAT WAS UWU WORTHY

leader uwu: uwu?!

yeschengie <3: UWU!!!!!!!!!

prostitute t-rated: oh god not this again

ginger taeil: wikihow to speak in uwu

hyuckie kisses: i can hear jisung crying in soft

emo as fuck: THATS BECAYSE I AM

cuntfuckphin: uWU UWU U W U UUWUWUWU OWO uWU!!!

<3 small moomin <3: UWU U W U UWU U W U UWU U W U UWU

cuntfuckphin: uwu. uwu. uwu. uwu. UWU.

leader uwu: uwu,,,

yeschengie <3: uwu uwu unu uwu uwu owo uwu

overtaxed mother: what the fuck 

prostitute t-rated: WHAT ARE THEY EVEN SAYING

dickless: nct.exe has stopped working

hyuckie kisses: i think chenle is saying he's suffocating

cuntfuckphin: UwU uwU  _UWU_

ugly mineral: jisung what are you doing to chenle

emo as fuck: gIVING MY FUCKING AFFECTIONS

moist furry: he's actually sobbing as he's hugging chenle and patting his head and chenle looks like he's dying from the affection overload

ginger taeil: is it possible to die from affection overload

yeschengie <3: uwu

yutah <3: i think he said yes

<3 small moomin <3: owo

leader uwu: uwu,,,, uwu owo?

gayhyun: hi im back and dead

gayhyun: also wtf someone translate all that uwu above

this is the SEO: noNE OF US SPEAK UWU

markle sparkle: hyuck only picked some part of it

hyuckie kisses: im uwu worthy

<3 small moomin <3: uwu u w u

hyuckie kisses: BITCH YES I AM

dickless:

dodoism: ok im tired im going to bed

moist furry: but it's 4-

dodoism: no i need my rest

overtaxed mother: then go sleep bitch

dodoism: bitch i will

this is the SEO: when can yall go one day without fighting

yeschengie <3: they shouldve been tom and jerry

ginger taeil: ^

dodoism: oh hell no im not gonna be the tom to his jerry

gayhyun: whO EVEN SAIF YOU WOULD BE AJDSNFJ

whipped pimp: question mark question mark??

markle sparkle: eye emoji

dodoism: if yall think im gay for that piece of shit you thought wrong

gayhyun: im cheesesexual

prostitute t-rated: lmao i thought you were gaysexual

dickless: he's gay everyone's gay so

ugly mineral: true true 

moist furry: remember how mark once proclaimed himself as a fucking heterosexual

prostitute t-rated: i fucking cRIED when he said he was a HET 

prostitute t-rated: I FELT HIS GAY AURA LIKE BITCH WHY YOU LYING

markle sparkle: LOOK

markle sparkle: I LIKED GIRLS OK I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT KISSING BOYS

ugly mineral: im so disappointed smh why are you our leader in the first place

hyuckie kisses: ^snake entertainment obviously 

<3 small moomin <3: you're not wrong lmfao

leader uwu: snake entertainment? dont you mean sm-

<3 small moomin <3: yes but deep down they're bunch of snakes

whipped pimp: sicheng can agree on that

yeschengie <3: hell yeah i would

yeschengie <3: im a salty motherfucker

this is the SEO: i mean you are

dickless: yall let me tell you a story

dickless: when i first joined sm

dickless: i saw sicheng and he looked like an innocent boy

yeschengie <3: i am

dickless: but i was wrong when he debuted in nct u and 127

dickless: and this group chat

ginger taeil: remember when he was foreign to korean

ginger taeil: dawww

overtaxed mother: remember when i helped him with korean

yutah <3: AWW

yutah ><3: remember when i gave him all of my love and affection 

yeschengie <3: uwu!!

cuntfuckphin: yall are too soft it hurts my soft existence

hyuckie kisses: yall

emo as fuck: no

this is the SEO: they should make a debut of nct uwu and put every uwu members in that unit

hyuckie kisses: watch mark get added into that unit

markle sparkle: bitch i will cry

moist furry: will nct uwu just have soft soft concepts for every songs

overtaxed mother: hopefully because i dont want that unit to FUCKING COMMIT NCT DREAM

gayhyun: i see you're not over it

overtaxed mother: NO SHIT

dodoism: QUIT SPAMMING MY PHONE

overtaxed mother: FUCK OFF AND LET ME CRY IN MOTHER LANGUAGE

<3 small moomin <3: pls bc my heart cant take another sudden change of concept

emo as fuck: im still crying chenle can't do his dolphin shriek anymore :(((((

overtaxed mother: BITCH WHAT

dickless: chenle please stop growing and turn back into a dolphin baby

cuntfuckphin: no im growing up

whipped pimp: renjun used to complain to me about the noise issue when he would always shriek across the hallway in the middle of 4 am

<3 small moomin <3: i almost clogged him with toilet paper

leader uwu: everyone's growing up too fast :(

markle sparkle: time flies quickly

markle sparkle: :,) i remembered when i rose the shitheads on my back

moist furry: aight stop making me emo

emo as fuck: inserts username

this is the SEO: can we stop being emo

prostitute t-rated: you're the one to talk

this is the SEO: OK LOOK

ginger taeil: we stan a legend

ginger taeil: but not you

yutah <3l: HWRFEXHWJJEJZE

yutah <3: that hurt when i snorted my noodles

yeschengie <3: why

emo as fuck: FUCK

emo as fuck: i just thought back to when we were used to be on mickey mouse club

hyuckie kisses: dont remind me

hyuckie kisses: i was a salty ass hoe when people shipped mark with some girl

markle sparkle: she's nice even tho she scares me

ugly mineral: DID I EVER MENTIONED HYUCK WAS SO SALTY HE ACTUALLY CHUCKED SALT INTO HIS COFFEE

moist furry: IM STILL CRYING

overtaxed mother: YOU DID WHAT NOW

markle sparkle: IS THAT WHY MARK HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM WHEN WE WERE BUSY TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING FEW YEARS AGO

hyuckie kisses: yes

markle sparkle: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME

hyuckie kisses: that was back then bc ur het ass was showing

<3 small moomin <3:

cuntfuckphin: :c i wish i couldve been there but gege and i were back at china

<3 small moomin <3: i was busy being vandalized with makeup- it was great lol

emo as fuck: all those memories were great

dodoism: this is just a wholesome content im sniffling

gayhyun: but you're not-

dodoism: stfu

dickless: so we may or may not be running out of tissues because sicheng is using them all

yeschengie <3: YOU CANT STOP ME FROM CRYING

yeschengie <3: I STILL RE,MEMBERED WHEN I NOGUHT SOURVNEIORS FOR RENJUN AND CHENLE

overtaxed mother: CAN YOU ALL NOT IM GONNA CRY

ginger taeil: shhhhhh i have tissue packs and blankets

whipped pimp: meanwhile

yutah <3: yeah meanwhile you were stuck in that basement

this is the SEO: wow im glad i was freed

this is the SEO: do you know how dark it is in there

this is the SEO: i had to sleep on a broken couch and live off with horrible internet connection

 

<3 small moomin <3 has left the group chat

 

overtaxed mother: bITCH WHAT

dickless:  **chenle what the fuck is happening over there**

cuntfuckphin:  **I DONT KNOW IM TALKING TO HIM IN PMS RN**

dickless:  **make sure he's alright ok**

yeschengie <3: my mother senses can smell the calamity 

whipped pimp: aight

dodoism: we were fine a minute ago-

ugly mineral: hey did something happen to injun? :(

 

moist furry has added <3 small moomin <3 into the group chat

<3 small moomin <3 has left the group chat

 

moist furry: um

 

**cuntfuckphin, <3 small moomin <3**

 

cuntfuckphin **: gege stop overthinking**

<3 small moomin <3:  **i cant**

<3 small moomin <3:  **it's hard not to**

<3 small moomin <3:  **what if-**

cuntfuckphin:  **stop overthinking!**

<3 small moomin <3:  **but what if i joined sm late wouldnt they be dating already i mean i know we are now in a relationship- but if we were to come to korea not so soon**

<3 small moomin <3:  **wouldnt they feel better off being together instead**

<3 small moomin <3:  **i mean they knew each other longer than they do with me?**

cuntfuckphin:  **just bc they knew each other longer doesnt mean you can just assume they would ebe better off as a couple duo**

<3 small moomin <3:  **but don't they look happy together**

cuntfuckphin:  **oh my god, they would't be as happy if they didnt have you at all**

<3 small moomin <3: 

<3 small moomin <3:  **well that's debateable im just a flower wall**

cuntfuckphin:  **no you arent shut up**

cuntfuckphin:  **gege**

cuntfuckphin:  **is this what you do everyday? overthink and overcomplicate all the possibilites?**

cuntfuckphin:  **dont you trust them that they love you**

<3 small moomin <3:  **yeah but i just dont trust myself?**

cuntfuckphin:  **well i mean you should,,**

cuntfuckphin:  **and i know what you're thinking once we're done talking about this**

cuntfuckphin:  **you're going to resort to cutting again**

<3 small moomin <3: ...

cuntfuckphin:  **life's tough but im sure like 100% they love you, you're just thinking on the negative side**

<3 small moomin <3: **i cant really help it**

<3 small moomin <3:  **i wish i can just make it stop.**

cuntfuckphin:  **do you want me to come over and hug you?**

<3 small moomin <3:  **..please**

 

after the conversation they had in private messages, renjun threw his phone at a nearby cushion and collapsed back onto his bed. he covered his eyes with his arms and started to think over the conversation. it's not his fault he can't stop thinking of these things. he was used to having low hopes and being brought to disappointment after having high hopes. it's only been a few years since he cut himself, to which the pain gradually grew numb. he felt alive ever since he came to sm, where he met the two boys. he remembered how he watched them smile and joke around, smacking each other. he was just a flower wall, who caught feelings for the both of them. he watched how they were happy and content with each other.

all the thoughts ran across his mind of how he should just let go or he shouldn't bring his hopes up. luckily, chenle was there for him ever since nct dream's debut.

the very main reason why he started cutting was that he wanted to get rid of the pain. the pain from having to experience hardships and heartbreaks. the disappointment in life. feeling useless to the world. he knew well that it wouldn't solve all his problems based on the internet. it would only hurt himself even more. the unbearable pain was still there inside his heart despite the deep cuts he placed in areas where no one would see. the chinese boy was smart enough and placed light cuts around the upper arm that can fade away. to him, he was very much content in having both jeno and jaemin but he felt as though he was intruding in on them. was he being selfish? were they just only pretending for his sake? do they love them?

a knock on the door was heard which made the boy get up from his bed and open the door. the light brunette stepped in and carefully locked the door so no one could interrupt their conversation. " **gege?** "

" **i'm sorry,** " the darker brunette blurted out, making the other raise an eyebrow in a questioning manner. " **why are you sorry?** "

" **it's just, i feel like i'm acting like a burden to you.** "

they finally settled on renjun's bed, facing each other. renjun was holding onto his moomin plushie, his lower face nuzzling against the head of the plushie. chenle watched him with concern stretched across his face. he didn't like to see the older like this, at all. it just made him feel sad and want to hug the life out of him, spilling all the truth replacing with the lies the older makes up that brought all the pain. " **gege, you're not a burden at all. you can always talk to me. but just to let you know, i'll** **always be there for you but you have to stop hurting yourself...** "

the older only nodded, avoiding eye contact. he slightly winced when the younger gently held onto his scarred arm that. they were still healing but still painful to touch.

" **you're really worrying me, this isn't good for you and you know that. i know that you're... insecure about being in a relationship with jeno and jaemin, but you're doubting their love for you,** " chenle softly spoke compared to the usual loud voice he spoke in. renjun hated to worry him, but he was his only person who would personally understand him, someone who can comfort him no matter how much pain he'd be in. he nodded once again. chenle was right, this wasn't good for him, at all.

renjun looked at the cuts he placed on his arms. they looked horrendous. it was difficult to stop once he started, but he promised to himself that he would stop eventually. he shouldn't be doubting the love he's receiving, it's his insecurity that's getting in the way. he sighed and embraced the other chinese boy into a hug after putting his moomin plushie aside.

 

" **i know. i promise i'll try to stop.** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my school's canceled so i just thought "HEY LET'S POST A NEW CHAPTER" and luckily i finally did. i havent been getting proper sleep because i've been doing all nighters 3 times in a row from stressing over homework and tests skjaksdk enjoy this chapter!!
> 
> usernames:  
> taeil = ginger taeil  
> taeyong = overtaxed mother  
> chittaphon = prostitute t-rated  
> youngho = this is the SEO  
> yoonoh = gayhun  
> dongyoung= dodoism  
> yukhei = whipped pimp  
> jungwoo = leader uwu  
> yuta = yutah <3  
> kun = dickless  
> sicheng = yeschengie <3  
> mark = markle sparkle  
> renjun = <3 small moomin <3  
> donghyuck = hyuckie kisses  
> jeno = moist furry  
> jaemin = ugly mineral  
> chenle = cuntfuckphin  
> jisung = emo as fuck


	18. short thanksgiving special + chenle's birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a normal thanksgiving with a soft couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> technically yesterday was chenle's birthday but i wanted to write this chapter of thanksgiving and his birthday combined uwu this precious boy deserves everything honestly sdjkfkdf anyways, i hope you guys will have a happy thanksgiving and wish for the dolphin a happy birthday!!!
> 
> also this will be short and sweet for chensung ft the rest of nct!

"alright guys, what are you all thankful for?" taeyong started.

"can't we just eat already?" donghyuck's stomach growled as he eyed at the turkey he received a tsk from the older boy. "alright since you spoke, you go first."

donghyuck rolled his eyes and the dreamies cackled at him, earning a glare. the boy settled himself, straightened his back, hands folded on the table, and spoke in the most high pitched voice, "i'm very thankful for having this  _wonderful_ family and this shithead over here who's my boyfriend."

"how sweet," mark wiped a fake tear in the most sarcastic way ever. taeyong only sighed, just wanting a normal family on a normal thanks fucking giving. after everyone has said what they're thankful for, they began to eat and chatter about different topics.

"are we saving the cake for dessert?" jisung questioned as he ate a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

"of course! we're saving the best for last for our birthday boy," taeyong grinned and cut more of turkey onto his plate. meanwhile, sicheng was sobbing at how chenle was growing up and yuta trying to peel him away from the younger. all in all, this was a normal family event with chenle's birthday being celebrated. renjun was sitting at chenle's left, muttering how his dolphin has grown up, especially losing his dolphin voice gradually and slowly. despite him wanting to choke the younger chinese boy to death, he loves him with all of his uwus because he's like his younger brother to look after. both jeno and jaemin comforted the small boy who's being all emo at a seventeen-year-old boy.

"y'all i appreciate this, but i'm only seventeen it's not like i'm gonna be sent out into the sea.." chenle awkwardly spoke up and watched the two chinese boys sob and gloom over him. the other older members continued eating, casually ignoring the fact sicheng is about to drown the table with his unstable as fuck tears.

"ah, this might be out of the blue but i wish i have a boyfriend," dongyoung said and stuck a fork in peas and ate them like a bunny. taeyong side glanced him with "the look," receiving a rolling eye.

"oh but maybe you should wish you can notice some indication and not be dense nor oblivious," the mullet boy replied. dongyoung scoffed and pointed his fork at him. "yeah but guess what, i haven't seen any."

jungwoo sighed at their usual antics. he gave yoonoh a look and mouthed a 'sorry.' however, he sometimes wonder how the fuck he had gotten into nct 127. at first, he thought those two were chill but they were actually the definition of tom and jerry. "guys stop fucking fighting it's thanksgiving for christ's sake!" he dramatically placed a hand to his chest and made a facial expression as if he was about to faint from their antics. yukhei, being the pda monster, he slung an arm around the uwu boy and kissed his temple, somewhat making him feel better (he actually feels a whole lot better).

"ew, stop displaying affection in public," donghyuck complained but the two continued to be uwus.

"this is a mess, a whole mess, why am i dealing with you all?" youngho sighed overdramatically and scrolled through his phone to check their nct channels' statuses. chittaphon was peeking over at his phone screen but the other didn't mind because he was used to his shit. kun was quietly eating his food until he thought of something. "you know, this would be more chaotic once we have over forty members."

"ah shit, you're right, i'm getting a headache just thinking about it," taeil sipped his wine just from the thought of it. more ships, more gays.

 

once everyone was finished, taeyong collected the plates and washed them at the sink with the help of taeil. everyone, especially the dreamies, was hyped to sing for chenle's birthday. donghyuck already vanished from his spot at the table to go get a megaphone to dramatically sing the birthday song like how he did with yuwin's birthday last month. once the dishes were cleaned, the lights were turned off and everyone surrounded the table with chenle being the only one to sit. jisung had already placed a dolphin birthday hat on top of chenle's head. there were dim lights from candles being lit and chenle was excited.

the lit cake was being carried by taeyong and as he carried it to the table, everyone started singing happy birthday to chenle. once the cake was placed in front of the chinese boy, everyone finished singing and chenle made a wish to himself before blowing out the candles. everyone cheered as the lights were back on and taeyong came back with plates and a knife.

"i can't believe he's growing up," kun sighed and patted sicheng with tissues in his hands with everyone chuckling. after everyone had slices of cake and washed their face, chenle had already taken off the birthday hat and felt a hand holding his wrist. he looked up and saw his boyfriend. "sungie?"

"lele, would you mind if i take you somewhere?" jisung asked and looked him in the eye, almost getting lost into them. chenle was confused because it was nine pm but he only nodded. it looked like it was a good choice because there was a bright grin plastered across the younger's face which made his heart flutter softly.

both of them changed into warm outfits and wore caps and face mask, in case if a fan saw them. jisung basically dragged chenle out of the dorm, out of the building. the cold air hit them and chilled them, but not too cold for an autumn night. both of the boys were walking calmly in the cool night, now hand in hand which was the only warmth they can share.

"where are we going? are you sure this is a good idea?" the chinese boy softly whispered to the korean but the other nodded, giving him a reassuring look. the chinese slumped and wondered where they're heading off to because they have been walking for about five to eight minutes. once they have walked far enough, there was a nearby grassy hill with the autumn colored tree there. chenle tilted his head slightly, wondering why they're at a hill. before he managed to grasp onto their surroundings, jisung dragged his boyfriend again with him to the hill. both of them sat down against the tree next to each other, the silence engulfing him. peaceful silence.

jisung took a glance at the sky and nudged the other by the arm gently, "sorry if this isn't the um... best present you have seen," his confidence gradually going down. chenle looked at him with one of his eyebrows raised because to him, any presents that are from his shy baby will always be the best presents. his eyes wandered around and met the clear, black sky that held millions of stars and constellations. it was so beautiful it made the chinese gasp softly at the starry sky. the stars were bright and clear and he swore he saw galaxies in the sky. 

"jisung... what are you even talking about? this is the best and most beautiful present ever," he held the other's hand into his and continued stargazing in awe. the taller felt proud that his present wasn't shitty than he had expected and he wished he could've done something more to leave the shorter completely speechless. completely. they stargazed together until it started to get even more late with the stars shining and twinkling brighter than before contrasted to the darkness of the sky.

they enjoyed both of their presence. they enjoyed the warmth they shared. they enjoyed being together, like this. and they most definitely enjoyed being each other's significant. a few shuffling was heard and when the brunette looked to his right, he saw the lighter brunette positioned to face him. "i have something to tell you."

"go ahead."

after chenle replied, jisung felt uneasy and it was pretty nerve-wracking to give a long ass speech. he breathed and began, "lele, i really love you. with every inch of my life and existence and i wouldn't ever trade you for anything because you mean the world to me- you mean very much to me and i love to love you every day. i hope this isn't as corny as confession i did, but you're beautiful, amazing, funny, adorable, and so on and i want to spend the rest of my life with you and just hug you to death. even if you're breathing, you make me feel as though everything will be okay."

jisung inwardly cringed at what he had said but it's love that's being influenced by chenle- in a good way. chenle said nothing and only stared intently into his orbs which made the younger worry that he may have fucked up. suddenly, two hands cupped his face and before he knew it, he felt a pair of soft lips against his after his face mask was pulled down, including chenle's. they pulled away after a minute of a soft, gentle kiss and chenle looked at him with heartwarming eyes and tinted cheeks.

 

"thank you, jisung. i love you too, like so much... you don't know how much i would die for you."

the chinese boy looked at him in the eyes again, seemed to be addicted to his pretty orbs. he knew jisung held a more beautiful galaxy anyone can ever find compared to what the world has. nothing can ever beat it.


	19. holiday spirits brought to you by chenle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dickless: for the last fucking time
> 
> dickless: ITS NOT CHRISTMAS
> 
> cuntfuckphin: BUT ITS DECEMBER

**dysfunctional hell**

 

hyuckie kisses: hey look it's december

moist furry: im still worried for jun he hasn't come out of his room :(

ugly mineral: yall please tell us he's ok he looks like a kicked puppy rn

whipped pimp:  **didnt chenle go talk to renjun?**

dickless:  **yeah im pretty sure things went well**

 

cuntfuckphin has added <3 small moomin <3 into the group chat

 

yeschengie <3: mY BABY ARE YOU OKAY

yutah <3: im pretty sure he's ok-

overtaxed mother: welcome back renjun!

moist furry: iNJUNDJFJDLSFJ

ugly mineral: BITCH MY BABY OUR BABY OUR SMALL BABY ARE YOU OKAY

<3 small moomin <3: yeah im okay uwu

<3 small moomin <3: also is jeno crying rn

ugly mineral: yes

moist furry: nO IMD NOT

<3 small moomin <3: awww

cuntfuckphin: now all of u cuddle

ugly mineral: will do

markle sparkles: so anyone wanna explain what happened to him?

cuntfuckphin: MMMMMM let's just say he hasn't been feeling well

yeschengie <3: :(

cuntfuckphin: but he's ok tho it's all good

yeschengie <3: :(

dickless: sicheng it's not like he has terminal cancer

yeschengie <3: doNT PULL THAT SHIT ON ME

dickless: @yutah <3 control your boyfriend thx

yutah <3: i was busy looking for some anime to watch

yutah <3: bc we already finished cells at work under 24 hours

ginger taeil: not shocked

gayhyun: when are you ever

dodoism: ^

emo as fuck: guys why is it suddenly cold here i dont like cold im gonna get sick gUYS

overtaxed mother: honey

overtaxed mother: you wont get sick from cold temperature

emo as fuck: TECHNICALLY

dodoism: in terms of infectious illnesses, germs make you sick, not cold ****weather itself. you have to come in contact with rhinoviruses to catch a cold. and you need to be infected with influenza viruses to contract the flu. rhinoviruses peak in spring and fall, and influenza viruses peak in winter.

emo as fuck: excuse me what the fuck is influenza and rhinoviruses

whipped pimp: ARE WE GOING TO DIE DID THE GOVERNMENT RELEASE NEW VIRUSES TO KILL US ALL

leader uwu: i-

this is the SEO: ok im pretty sure they're just flu and cold-

emo as fuck: WE'RE GONNA DIE IM PACKING MY SHIT AND MOVING TO CANADA

markle sparkles: can i come with you

hyuckie kisses: no

hyuckie kisses: im gonna keep your ass here with me

cuntfuckphin: do u want blankets

emo as fuck: no i want u

cuntfuckphin:

cuntfuckphin: ok

<3 small moomin <3: yall are dumbasses

<3 small moomin <3: rhinoviruses are viral infections where it causes common cold to everyone AKA A COLD and it got its name bc it's found in the nose which it's called rhinovirus and influenza is basically flu your average flu

emo as fuck: THEN WHY DOES IT SAY YOU CAN DIE FROM INFLUENZA

whipped pimp: GEAR UP KIDS WINTER IS COMING

<3 small moomin <3: you can only die from influenza if it's severe

prostitute t-rated: im sorry this isn't science class and i dont need my brain cells to be burnt again

dodoism: you never had one

prostitute t-rated: YOU BITCH ASS HOE

this is the SEO: you shits stop fighting i just want my cereal

gayhyun: with some milk

markle sparkles: i jUST WaNt SOmE MilK

markle sparkles: bE quIET doNt cRy

gayhyun: LET ME L I V E

markle sparkles: nO

dodoism: just watch osmosis jones then bam your brain cells are educated

leader uwu: osmosis jones?

overtaxed mother: isn't it where its a movie to show what happens when frank ate the egg off the ground when it was in the monkey's mouth and adds in animation

ginger taeil: that shit was weird and who eats eggs off the ground

dickless: i mean

yutah <3: sorry but yukhei would most likely to do that

whipped pimp: like hell im gonna get red death because of that

prostitute t-rated: i mean he would most likely to get the red death virus

whipped pimp: STOP GANGING UP ON ME

leader uwu: you know it's true

whipped pimp: how could you betray me

emo as fuck: can i say that movie is shitty

<3 small moomin <3: it's somewhat educational but

moist furry: JAEMIN AND I WATCHED THAT AND I CRIED BECAUSE DRIX WAS T E M P O R  A R Y

ugly mineral: he soaked through 2 of my fucking shirts

ugly mineral: never in my life have i met this crybaby

moist furry: hEY

markle sparkles: oh is that why i wasnt able to sleep AT 2 IN THE DAMN MORNING 2 YEARS AGO

emo as fuck: basically

emo as fuck: we had to watch it to learn shit

<3 small moomin <3: sucks to be you mark but you wont have that issue because of your graduated ass :)

cuntfuckphin: stop attacking us like this gege

whipped pimp: wait why are we talking about science again

this is the SEO: idk im just eating

yeschengie <3: i heard screaming at the dream's dorm all the way over here

hyuckie kisses: oh dw that was just jisung

emo as fuck:

emo as fuck: mayhaps i have regretted that

yutah <3: what did you do now 

emo as fuck: so like

emo as fuck: some people ship osmosis and thrax

 

cuntfuckphin has left the group chat

 

moist furry: im jumping off

<3 small moomin <3: BITCH NO

overtaxed mother: im banning your phone privileges

emo as fuck: NO

ginger taeil:

prostitute t-rated: is it sad i find all of this normal

this is the SEO: no youve seen worse

prostitute t-rated: youre right

dodoism: now my brain is infiltrated with these images

yeschengie <3: good thing im busy and dont have to deal with this

<3 small moomin <3: youre lucky

yeschengie <3: the rookies are nice uwu

cuntfuckphin: I WANT TO MEET THEM

ginger taeil: but didnt you-

cuntfuckphin: iN pErSoN

 

9:01 AM

 

cuntfuckphin: does anyone have any mistletoes???????

emo as fuck: why

cuntfuckphin: bc

dickless: dont tell me-

leader uwu: why do you need mistetoes? they're only used on christmas

gayhyun: i dont like where this is going

cuntfuckphin: anyways does anyone have a n y mistletoes

<3 small moomin <3: no

<3 small moomin <3: it's too early for this

cutfuckphin: ITS NEVER TOO EARLY

<3 small moomin <3: BITCH IVE BEEN HEARING CHRISTMAS CAROLS EVER SINCE THANKS FUCKING GIVING

<3 small moomin <3: WE'RE BARELY NEAR CHRISTMAS

cuntfuckphin: "tIMe FlIes wE FlY"

ugly mineral: i heard my line

yeschengie <3: cant relate

yutah <3: :c

markle sparkles: i wanna go to canada

whipped pimp: isnt it freezing over there

markle sparkles: nah man i can walk butt naked and it isnt even that cold

ovrtaxed mother: mark what kind of sick homo sapien are you

prostitute t-rated: I JUST SAID NO MORE SCIENCE

dodoism: too bad bitch

hyuckie kisses: life is made of science we're gonna learn that shit anyway

prostitute t-rated: but why the fuck do we need to learn how cells have sex i mean its the same thing with humans

emo as fuck:

emo as fuck: since when do cells have sex?

overtaxed mother: THERES A FUCKING KID HERE

prostitute t-rated: oops

dodoism: there is cell division where a cell splits itself into 2

this is the SEO: my head hurts

whipped pimp: how is cell division equivalent to cell sex

dickless: ????? cell division is basically CELL SEX yukhei

whipped pimp: but

leader uwu: wait so cell division is basically a cell spliting into two and that... then the process repeats...

leader uwu: oh i see it now!! cell division is that but its different from how people reproduce

moist furry: then why do wamen have to shove the baby out of their body instead of-

ugly mineral: did you just say wamen

overtaxed mother: iM soRrY WHy arE wE TalKiNg abOuT thIS

emo as fuck: hyung was it that painful to shove all 17 of us out of your ass

overtaxed mother: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A FUCKING VAGINA AND A UTERUS

dodoism: you act like you do

overtaxed mother: shouldnt that be you

dodoism: no

<3 small moomin <3: what the fuck is a wamen

whipped pimp: since when can you act like you have a uterus

ginger taeil: women get period

ginger taeil: some get pissy

ginger taeil: what he's saying is taeyong is pissy

overtaxed mother: uh huh and im not even that pissy

emo as fuck: youre a pissy mom

overtaxed mother: SINCE WHEN THE FUCK-

dickless: lets vote now who is the most pissiest

leader uwu: on my official records i dont know whos pissy and whos not

hyuckie kisses: theres renjun

<3 small moomin <3: hey dont drag me into this

yeschengie <3: baby

yeschengie <3: you almost killed him one time

<3 small moomin <3: HE STOLE MY MOOMIN BITCH YOU WANT HIM TO STAIN MY PLUSHIE

ugly mineral: bABy cALm yOURSeLf

cuntfuckphin: sometimes i wonder if god and santa have left us

prostitute t-rated: 

yutah <3: dont you dare

prostitute t-rated: santa isn't real chenle

cuntfuckphin:

markle sparkles: i-

moist furry: ARE YOU SAYING OUR JOLLY SANTA WHO LOVES COOKIES DOESN'T EXIST

whipped pimp: TF YOU MEAN WHERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE THAT HE DOESNT EXIST

hyuckie kisses: im-

gayhyun:

overtaxed mother: please tell me why i have to take care of you all

this is the SEO: idk

cuntfuckphin: if he isn't real tHEN WHY DO WE GET PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE

prostitute t-rated: THATS BECAUSE PEOPLE BUY PRESENTS AND PUT IT UNDER THE TREE AT NIGHT

moist furry: we must go to north pole to bring in the evidence

overtaxed mother: BITCH PLEASE ITS COLD OUTSIDE

dodoism: guys he isn't even real you can even use cameras and see who puts the presents under the tree

cuntfuckphin: nO YOU'RE DELUSIONAL

cuntfuckphin: SANTA IS REAL RIGHT JISUNG

emo as fuck:

cuntfuckphin: j IS  u N G?

emo as fuck: jaemin told me that when i was 14, lele

moist furry: HOW COULD YOU

ugly mineral: ITS TRUE THOUGH YOU WONT FIND ANY SANTA IN THE NORTH POLE

ugly mineral: ALL YOU'LL FIND IS JUST ICE AND SOME POLAR BEARS

yeschengie <3: im getting a headache

markle sparkles: arent we all,,

cuntfuckphin: THATS BECAUSE WE HAVENT TRAVELED FAR YET

<3 small moomin <3: you fool

<3 small moomin <3: it's official that santa isnt real

whipped pimp: tHANKs FoR CrushInG mY dREamS

hyuckie kisses: thats nct dream for ya

gayhyun: i cant tell if i should clap or slap

this is the SEO: more like you should slap mark he's laughing all over the place from the rhyme scheme

markle sparkles: IT WAS FUNNY OK

moist furry: you have terrible humor

emo as fuck: dont point fingers thats rude when you yourself have bad humor

moist furry:

moist furry: anyways

moist furry: santa isn't real??

cuntfuckphin: apparently :c

whipped pimp: :')

leader uwu: even if santa isn't real, we still get gifts especially for each other!

prostitute t-rated: im just gonna sit here and wait until someone gets a dildo for christmas

dodoism: why the fuck-

prostitute t-rated: trust me

prostitute t-rated: i have experienced a wild christmas back in thailand

yutah <3:

yutah <3: no wonder

ginger taeil: im concerned

ginger taeil: very concerned

cuntfuckphin: oh well since yall broke my dreams

cuntfuckphin: IM GONNA GO DECORATE AND CHOP A TREE

overtaxed mother: how about no

cuntfuckphin: how about YES

<3 small moomin <3: CHENLE NO

cuntfuckphin: CHENLE YES

gayhyun: WHAT THE FUCK

dickless: remember last time you almost chopped someone's head off

whipped pimp: unfortunately i was the victim

dodoism: oh thats too bad

whipped pimp: heY

ugly mineral: sit ur ass down we aint decorating yet its not even christmas

dickless: ^

cuntfuckphin: HEY HYE WE SANG JOY IN OUR NCT DREAM SHOW AND WE DRESSED UP YOU CANT TELL ME OTHERWISE BITCH

moist furry: are you dumb or are you du m b

yeschengie <3: id say both

cuntfuckphin: anways time to chop a tree down

emo as fuck: lele no youre gonna hurt yourself

emo as fuck: we can always buy a fake tree

hyuckie kisses: i think our manager wouldnt give a shit

overtaxed mother: i can fucking see that

yutah <3: the hell did you do

markle sparkles: these asscracks did crazy shit and our manager gave up on us

moist furry: just like how injun gave up on jenga

<3 small moomin <3: we do not fucking speka of that

dickless: is anyone gonna stop chenle like he's getting an axe and about to go tree hunting

emo as fuck: CHENLE WHAT DID I TELL YOU

cuntfuckphin: tRY ME BITCH

leader uwu: guys please-

gayhyun: i'll just go get a small fake tree-

cuntfuckphin: THANK YOU HYUNG I KNEW I CAN COUNT ON YOU

prostitute t-rated: its called giving up on you

cuntfuckphin: no you

dickless: how the fuck are there christmas decorations in the main room

ginger taeil: why are there christmas lights in my toilet

this is the SEO: 

this is the SEO: so im assuming its chenle

cuntfuckphin: yall blind i was decorating everything ever since december 1st

dickless: chenle it isnt christmas yet

cuntfuckphin: its december isnt it

dickless:

dickless: yeah but christmas is ON THE 31ST

yeschengie <3: just give up he's gonna be like this until christmas-

leader uwu: ah, im debating if i should leave and hide

this is the SEO: the basement is all yours

whipped pimp: i have a question

overtaxed mother: yes child

whipped pimp: why is christmas called christmas

dodoism: for your information kun christmas is actually on the 25th

dickless: i lost sense of time a long time ag taking care of my children shut the fuck up and go shove a microphone up your ass <3

gayhyun: damn ok dont mess with kun

overtaxed mother: you have no place to say that

cuntfuckphin: guys can someone help me get this tree into the door

overtaxed mother: CHENLE

markle sparkles: oH MY SHDGOD HE ACTYAULY CUT ODWN A  TERE

ugly mineral: wouldnt that take a while to chop a tree down im-

yutah <3: christmas spirit is no joke

prostitute t-rated: NO SHIT

prostitute t-rated: PUT THAT SHIT DOWN YOU HOE

hyuckie kisses: IM TEARING STOP

<3 small moomin <3: i give up on chenle who wants to adopt him

whipped pimp: not me

this is the SEO: i dont think anyone wants to

ginger taeil: ^

cuntfuckphin: GUYS HELP

emo as fuck: sigh

hyuckie kisses: whipped

emo as fuck: I FUCKING BREATHED

moist furry: just like how youre whipped for mark

ginger taeil: youre not wrong there

ginger taeil: do you know how many times i have to see them being disgustingly sappy and whipped in our dorm

emo as fuck: no 

moist furry: wouldnt want to anyways

yeschengie <3: you guys are such

leader uwu: hypocrites

overtaxed mother: actually all of you are hypocrites yall are whipped for one another 

<3 small moomin <3: shit you right

 

1:00 PM

 

cuntfuckphin: ok the christmas tree is up and decorated

moist furry: wow she's bright

yutah <3: ARE YOU ASSUMING ITS GENDER

dodoism: bold oof you to assume its and it

whipped pimp: but you just-

this is the SEO: did you just oofed

markle sparkles: OOF

moist furry: OOF

ugly mineral: why am i dating this shit

<3 small moomin <3: i have to deal with the both of you stfu

emo as fuck: no more roblox p le a se

whipped pimp: no-oof

yeschengie <3: whats oof

leader uwu: according to jisung its something roblox related

yeschengie <3: but i never played roblox

gayhyun: YOU UNCULTURED SWINE

dodoism: *of

hyuckie kisses: its too late

cuntfuckphin: wow what a wonderful christmas

cuntfuckphin: ok lets start decorating outside of sm building

dickless: for the last fucking time

dickless: ITS NOT CHRISTMAS

cuntfuckphin: BUT ITS DECEMBER

overtaxed mother: HOW ARE YOU GONNA DECORATE THE OUTSIDE OF THE COMPANY WHEN ITS 68754394564738290 FEET TALL

cuntfuckphin: dw i hired some of my private decoraters

<3 small moomin <3: rich ass bitch

hyuckie kisses: rich ass bitch

ugly mineral: i only have a penny in my fucking wallet wtf

emo as fuck: im a broke graduated highschooler

leader uwu: arent we all

markle sparkles: jokes on you

markle sparkles: im not completely broke-

ugly mineral: im physically broke and crippled please honey

ugly mineral: try doing 3 units, graduating from 1 unit and getting added into another unit sweetie

gayhyun: break it up ladies

ugly mineral: do we have fucking boobs

ugly mineral: no

dodoism: technically you do but its built boobs and has muscles not fat

overtaxed mother: guys pleas e

prostitute t-rated: why the fuck you whores talking in straight language we dont mention boobs unless they're men boobs

emo as fuck: I HAVE BOOBS WHAT

<3 small moomin <3: jisung no you have a chest thats flat and doesnt have fat in them

yeschengie <3: its time to take my leave

this is the SEO: we never voted whos the pissiest member

<3 small moomin <3: NO ONE EVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION

moist furry: wamen is a pronunciation of the word "women" popularized by youtuber pewdiepie in jokes referencing the "respect women" meme.

whipped pimp: PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWDIEPIE

dickless: since when do you watch pewdiepie yukhei

whipped pimp: ever since i was born

moist furry: we're gonna be great best friends

leader uwu: is that why you take a long time in the bathroom

ginger taeil: what

leader uwu: he always takes 2 hours to get out of the bathroom- and yes i count time

gayhyun: im so-

this is the SEO: that sounds normal

ugly mineral: of course it is im pretty sure you witnessed someone fucking another person as their head is in the toilet 

this is the SEO: at a night club once

overtaxed mother: WHAT THE FUCK

markle sparkles: how do i unsee

hyuckie kisses: you dont

yutah <3: isnt anyone concerned why jaemin knows these stuff

cuntfuckphin: fanfics, hyung

cuntfuckphin: fanfics

cuntfuckphin: ALSO UPDATE: THE COMPANY IS DECORATED

dickless: what else did you decorate

cuntfuckphin: other groups' dorms

yeschengie <3: why

yeschengie <3: WHY

leader uwu: wheres jisung when you need him

emo as fuck: chenle locked me out of my room with ribbons

cuntfuckphin: iT WAS BY ACCIDENT

emo as fuck: sure th i n g

<3 small moomin <3: well anyways

<3 small moomin <3: im cold as fuck and i hate winter

hyuckie kisses: its not winter yet?

<3 small moomin <3: exactly

dickless: is it just me or is this fall colder than the last

dodoism: mm probably

dodoism: christ my throat feels scratchy

gayhyun: you ok?

dodoism: ig

dodoism: im gonna hibernate jfc

overtaxed mother: all of us are probably going to hibernate

ginger taeil: but dont we still have promotions and schedules

dodoism: damn it

 

**nct nightmare**

 

cuntfuckphin: so

<3 small moomin <3: no

ugly mineral: no

moist furry: no

emo as fuck: no

markle sparkles: no

hyuckie kisses: no

cuntfuckphin: I BREATHED

cuntfuckphin: anyways so i was thinking

cuntfuckphin: lets start setting up some ships bc i can see tension

emo as fuck: how do you-

<3 small moomin <3: dont question him

markle sparkles: not surprised, anyways continue

cuntfuckphin: i was thinking we should set up taeil and taeyong

ugly mineral: uhhhhh dont most fans ship taeyong with yoonoh

cuntfuckphin: well yeah

cuntfuckphin: but remember halloween

emo as fuck: OHHH

moist furry: taeil still wants to kill you

emo as fuck: but not as much <3

cuntfuckphin: yeah there's obvious tension happening so i was thinking we should set him up

hyuckie kisses: what if smth goes wrong

cuntfuckphin: it wont i promise

<3 small moomin <3: yeah i don't trust that

markle sparkles: ^

cuntfuckphin: how bout this

cuntfuckphin: we just give them a little push

ugly mineral: right ok

cuntfuckphin: but first im gonna contact a professional

markle sparkles: a professional?

cuntfuckphin: did i fucking stutter

emo as fuck: damn

hyuckie kisses: im clapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school is pretty eventful and s t r e ss fu l  
> i have a lot of stuff to do even though they're not due yet but yknow i like to finish early and yeah :') this is how i suffer
> 
> i havent drank coffee yet but i probably might  
> and i also have been struggling what i'll do in the future even though im only in middle school oOPS- but for now ill just relax and do what i normally do :)
> 
> by the way!!! in 3 days im gonna go to a dance (we have it for each end of the trimesters) so i miiiiiight update if im not tired uwu i prob might sneak my laptop into the school and just work on my fanfics. i have a lot of things planned out especially new fanfics, one is norenmin and another is mainly nct dream so be on the look out for them


	20. taeil isn't funny and everyone needs their shit being put together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyuckie kisses: KEN YOU FUCKING NOT WITH THE VENT PUNS
> 
> emo as fuck: SPEAK OF YOURSELF YOU HYPOCRITE

**dysfunctional hell**

 

<3 small moomin <3: uwu

cuntfuckphin: UWU!!!1!11

markle sparkles: why is renjun uwuing im scared

emo as fuck: im gonna collect my child now

cuntfuckphin: im a free man you slave holder

dickless: i thought we were over with slavery-

dodoism: there are still some countries that hold slavery bc of their lazy asses

ginger taeil: how and where the fuck does this conversation is taking us to

this is the SEO: i remember when i had to learn about slavery and fuCKiNg civil war oVER AND OVER AGAIN

emo as fuck: i mean at least now you know what it is right-

this is the SEO: no im a dumbass so i forgot

dodoism: how

dodoism: thats the easiest thing ever

this is the SEO: you can go commit no brain

moist furry: roblox memes be like 👌

ugly mineral: do you want me to disown you as a boyfriend bc i will-

moist furry: no pls ;(

dodoism: i feel offended

this is the SEO: you should be

<3 small moomin <3: uwu

overtaxed mother: what am i witnessing like what even is this

hyuckie kisses: mmmmm

hyuckie kisses: hell

overtaxed mother: no shit

markle sparkles: are we still not gonna question why renjun is

emo as fuck: yes

whipped pimp: mom im scared

dickless: p e r h a p s it has something to do with the station with yeri

ugly mineral: oH I REMEMBER

ugly mineral: JENO JENO JENO

ugly mineral: REMEMBER HOW YERI WAS DISGUSTED WITH OUR GAY ENERGY

yeschengie <3: she's gay herself so

dodoism: pretty sure the gay energy was bigger than hers

hyuckie kisses: LMAO

hyuckie kisses: i can see why bc she complained to me how you guys were pdaing

<3 small moomin <3: LOOK WHO'S TALKING

whipped pimp: ok he stopped uwuing-

emo as fuck: i have collected my kid

cuntfuckphin: you're an embryo you retard

hyuckie kisses: LOOK AT LEAST WE DO STUFF LITERALLY IN PUBLIC

leader uwu: actually i would like to object

hyuckie kisses: no stfu

ginger taeil: i mean he isn't wrong you guys pda a lot-

prostitute t-rated: and im surprised myself

hyuckie kisses: WE DONT

markle sparkles: actually we do-

hyuckie kisses:

hyuckie kisses: THIS IS BETRAYAL

yutah <3: top 10 anime betrayals AJAHSJSHSDJH

 

5:55 pm

 

dodoism: who the hell stuck tampons on my microphone

dodoism: wait

dodoism: WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE TAMPONS

ginger taeil: what the fucl

overtaxed mother: this is where i take my leave to pour myself some sparkling water

ginger taeil: can you pour me some

overtaxed mother: no get ur own

ginger taeil: bitch

dodoism: iSNT ANYONE GONNA ANSWER MY QUESTION

this is the SEO: what question

dodoism: wHY ARe ThEre TamPoNS on my MicRoPhoNe

yutah <3: damn never knew you were into that kind of stuff

dodoism: IM NOT

dodoism: IM TRYING TO FIND THE CULPRIT

leader uwu: when was the last time you seen your microphone untouched 🤔

dodoism: since yesterday

dickless: who has the room closest to you

dodoism: i dont fucking check

dodoism: the suspects are currently any nct 127 members

gayhyun: does that include-

dodoism: yes those 2 shitheads are included

yutah <3: tHEYRE LIKE 5 WHAT DO YOU MEAN SJFDJDH

overtaxed mother: they're 7 now after the birds and the bees

this is te SEO: and why would you include tampons into the talk it's just a talk about dicks

prostitute t-rated: but didn't they already knew what dicks are

yeschengie <3: what

overtaxed mother: wHY THE FUCK WOULD I TALK ABOUT PERIODS INTO THE TALK I DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT THOSE

leader uwu: anyways who do you think is suspicious

dodoism: probably taeyong bc he's a piece of shit

dodoism: probably ten

dodoism: uh

prostitute t-rated: HEY just because im gay doesn't mean i need fucking tampons up my ass or even stick one onto your microphone

this is the SEO: i don't think anyone wants to touch his microphone

dickless: no shit

yeschengie <3: watch yourself

dickless: im older than you

ginger taeil: oh yeah where's mark and donghyuck

gayhyun: they died

overtaxed mother: i wish

whipped pimp: that isn't nice

overtaxed mother: at least i can take care of 15 members now instead of 17

yutah <3: should we feel offended

overtaxed mother: yes i don't want you shits on my back

prostitute t-rated: and you still care for us

overtaxed mother: stfu

this is the SEO: oh they just came into the dorm

this is the SEO: why do they look disheveled

markle sparkles: FUCK YOU

hyuckie kisses: NO FUCK YOU

dodoism: guys what the hell

markle sparkles: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS

hyuckie kisses: YOU HID MY FUCKING MICHAEL JACKSON POSTER YOU IMBECILE BITCH

markle sparkles: BUT THAT WASN'T ME

hyuckie kisses: YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON TO BE IN M Y FUCKING ROOM

overtaxed mother: you shits better calm down before i shove these wine bottles up your asses

this is the SEO: damn don't traumatize them

yutah <3: better than shades of grey

dickless: stop that

markle sparkles: BUT I NEVER TOUCHED YOUR POSTER-

prostitute t-rated: kssh we have more crimes being detected

leader uwu: kssh we've been knew

leader uwu: alright you shits we have to solve 2 cases now

dodoism: I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO STUCK TAMPONS ON MY MICROPHONE

dodoism: AND IT'S SUPER GLUED

hyuckie kisses: the fuck are tampons

hyuckie kisses: AND DON'T LIE BITCH JUST BECAUSE WE'RE DATING DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T KICK YOUR ASS

whipped pimp: mark this is why you need to be in boyfriend in training

markle sparkles: IM A GOOD BOYFRIEND BUT THIS HEADASS DOESN'T BELIEVE ME THAT I DIDN'T TOUCH HIS MICHAEL JACKSON POSTER

yutah <3: im getting a headache

gayhyun: aren't we all

gayhyun: and muting this damn chat doesn't even work i can feel the phone dinging every 2.5 seconds even if it's muted

dickless: im crying on the floor

ginger taeil: damn that's me ever since i joined nct

whipped pimp: offended 

whipped pimp: it's not that bad

ginger taeil: that's because you haven't made a comeback yet and have to deal with these lunatics

whipped pimp: i

yeschengie <3: 👏👏👏👏

dodoism: everyone is suspects because you all doNT APPRECIATE MY VROOM VROOM TALK SHOW

yutah <3: don't you have milllions of microphones? why not throw it out and replace it-

dodoism: EXCUSE ME

this is the SEO: wrong move yuta wrong m o v e

dodoism: THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER MICROPHONE EVER SINCE NCT LIFE AND YOU CANT FUCKING TELL ME TO THROW IT OUT BECAUSE IT'S A PRIZED POSSESSION TO ME AND IT REMINDS ME OF THE OLD DAYS WHEN I WAS STILL EMPLOYED AS THE MC OF VROOM VROOM TALK SHOW YOU LITTLE SHIT

gayhyun: calm down-

dodoism: nO

yeschengie <3: so sad

dodoism: now you're one of the SUSPICIOUS suspect for telling me to REPLACE this MICROPHONE

yutah <3: IT'S JUST A MICROPHONE

dodoism: OH DO YOU WANT ME TO BURN YOUR PHOTO ALBUM OF SICHENG AND YOU

yutah <3: DON'T YOU DARE YOU WHORE

dodoism: EXACTLY

overtaxed mother: im leaving catch me being drunk on sparkling water

 

overtaxed mother has left the group chat

 

this is the SEO: did he just

ginger taeil: yes he did you blind ass

leader uwu: we still haven't even solved the mystery yet im-

whipped pimp: well let's think about it

whipped pimp: who hates donyoung and would want to stick tampons on his microphone

gayhyun: first of all

gayhyun: who has tampons in their room

dickless: is someone on their period

markle sparkles: hey guys why are there a box of white sticks with string in my room

dodoism: MARK YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU'RE DEAD

markle sparkles: WHAT DID I FUCKING DO

prostitute t-rated: now we can't jump into conclusions because he probably is stupid enough to know what tampons are

yeschengie <3: and how do you know of this

prostitute t-rated: story to short a girl had to explain what it is when someone shoved them up their noses when they had a nosebleed at my school

ginger taeil: well isn't that interesting

hyuckie kisses: you disgust me mark

markle sparkles: man i hate you

hyuckie kisses: but you love me

markle sparkles: :')

dodoism: IT'S STILL IN HIS ROOM

markle sparkles: OR IM GETTING FRAMED

this is the SEO: ah my poor mark

markle sparkles: THIS IS CYBERBULLYING AND I DONT APPRECIATE THAT

hyuckie kisses: oh poor you

leader uwu: but who originally had the tampons

 

gayhyun has added overtaxed mother into the group chat

 

overtaxed mother: oh no

dodoism: welcome back hoe

overtaxed mother: oh yeah by the way i found super glue in the freezer for some reason

dodoism: HM

markle sparkles: i swEAR IM NOT PART OF THIS

yutah <3: we know you're too much of a dumbass

markle sparkles: STOP BULLYING ME

prostitute t-rated: this is child abuse at its finest 🍵

leader uwu: mmm mark's out of the list, yukhei's off the list, kun can't possibly be since he never went over to the 127 dorm unless he's invited, hyuck no..

overtaxed mother: and im pretty sure i should be off the list

dodoism: sure thing honey

this is the SEO: including me i nevrr wanted to touch that thing

ginger taeil: i was eating so

gayhyun: i was busy muting this hell hole

dodoism: ok what about yuwin

yutah <3: are you accusing us

dodoism: basically

prostitute t-rated: that's sad

yeschengie <3: i dont even know what tampons are..

hyuckie kisses: i mean he thought they were cheese sticks

whipped pimp:

whipped pimp: how

this is the SEO: im sorry but that's sad

yeschengie <3: >:(

dickless: dont be mean to my child

dodoism: if it's none of you THEN WHO THE FUCK IS IT

ginger taeil: are you sure it isnt you

dodoism: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT TO MY OWN MICROPHONE

overtaxed mother: alright it's settled that it was no one who did it

dodoism: BUT BUT BUT

gayhyun: we can always try to take the tampons off

dodoism: ugh

hyuckie kisses: now can we move on to my CASE BECAUSE MY MOST PRIZED POSSESSION POSTER IS STOLEN

hyuckie kisses: AND ITS PROBABLY ANY OF YOU BECAUSE YOU HATE ME

yutah <3: nah we love you

yutah <3: i think

prostitute t-rated: PFTFYDFTDY

hyuckie kisses: i see how it is 😤

this is the SEO: ok but seriously i dont think any of us stole and hid your poster

hyuckie kisses: hOW ARE YOU SO SURE OF THAT

overtaxed mother: fOR FUCKS SAKE DONGHYUCK IM PRETTY SURE YOU MISPLACED IT

hyuckie kisses: BITCH I HAVE IT HUNG UP IN MY ROOM AND IM CERTAIN I HAVE NEVER MISPLACED IT

yeschengie <3: jesus christ

gayhyun: why can't i sit here and calmly enjoying my peace

dodoism: there's no such thing as peace, kid

 

7:56 pm

 

emo as fuck: what the fuck did i just read

hyuckie kisses: hell with old gays

<3 small moomin <3: that's sad

markle sparkles: it was torture

ugly mineral: yeah i can see that

emo as fuck: and what are tampons like they kept talking about tampons

overtaxed mother: it's nothing child

emo as fuck: but

overtaxed mother:  _it's nothing child_

emo as fuck:

cuntfuckphin: ok that was eventful

hyuckie kisses: IM STILL PISSED MY POSTER WENT MISSING

dodoism: maybe it'll come back

hyuckie kisses: when exactly

dickless: probably never

moist furry: eh

most furry: you can always buy a new one

hyuckie kisses: you see

hyuckie kisses: im lazy

hyuckie kisses: and a lazy bitch like me will probably order one until decades have passed

yutah <3: he's just painting his nails with clear nail polish and wearing gucci high heels

hyuckie kisses: don't expose me like that

prostitute t-rated: is he on his diva tantrum again

ginger taeil: yes

hyuckie kisses: no

gayhyun: yes

hyuckie kisses: NO

moist furry: guys i have an important question

whipped pimp: i almost broke my arm

yeschengie <3: yes go on

moist furry: is it just me or are the dorms colder than before

this is the SEO: now that you mention it

markle sparkles: hmmmmmm i see no difference

emo as fuck: YOU'RE WEARING SHORTS AND A TANK TOP WHAT THE FUCK

this is the SEO: he's been at canada ever since he was a baby what do you think

overtaxed mother: now that you mention it its actually fucking cold and im wearing a sweatshirt

dodoism: who broke the vents

ginger taeil: well that must be unconVENTional

this is the SEO: did you just

<3 small moomin <3: he did not just

leader uwu: bye

 

leader uwu has left the group chat

dodoism has left the group chat

this is the SEO has left the group chat

emo as fuck has left the group chat

 

prostitute t-rated: that's sad

overtaxed mother: im tired of this shit 

hyuckie kisses: someone add them back im lazy

 

yutah <3 has added leader uwu, dodoism, and 2 others into the group chat

 

ginger taeil: welcome back

prostitute t-rated: whalecum

this is the SEO: where can i debunk my life insurance

emo as fuck: take me with you please

dodoism: ok but LIKE WHO THE FUCK BROKE THE VENTS BECAUSE THATS WHY IT'S COLD HERE

dickless: why would someone intentionally break them like-

cuntfuckphin: pretty sure that's none of us right

ginger taeil: maybe eVENTually the vents will be fixed so it'll be fine

hyuckie kisses: KEN YOU FUCKING NOT WITH THE VENT PUNS

emo as fuck: SPEAK OF YOURSELF YOU HYPOCRITE

hyuckie kisses: FUCK OFF

 

hyuckie kisses has changed ginger taeil's name to unfunny

 

ugly mineral: ok at least they're not dad jokes they're the worst-

gayhyun: taeil- can someone control him pLEASE DONGYOUNG IS ABOUT TO SHOVE A LAMP UP HIS ASS

dodoism: AND IM ABOUT TO

whipped pimp: IM ACTUALLY CRYING

yeschengie <3: i want to leave

overtaxed mother: you're not alone

markle sparkles: we are a happy family am i right or am i right

emo as fuck: you're wrong

prostitute t-rated: @hyuckie kisses who the fuck is ken

hyuckie kisses:

<3 small moomin <3: he's one ugly fucker right there

hyuckie kisses:

hyuckie kisses: he gets worse

moist furry: no shit

unfunny: that reminds me of someone- the first pic

whipped pimp: who

leader uwu: who

unfunny: mark

unfunny: except a more tragic bowl haircut

markle sparkles: CAN YOU NOT BULLY ME WHAT DID I DO TO YOU ALL

this is the SEO: i have fallen and now im crying

cuntfuckphin: omg i remember

cuntfuckphin:

markle sparkles: NO STOP WHAT ARE YOU OINDG

ugly mineral:

markle sparkles: STOP IT IV EALREADY SEEN MEMES OF THOSE SOTIOPT

leader uwu: you guys are mean

leader uwu: but at least he doesnt look like dora

leader uwu:

gayhyun: wow apparently its national abuse mark day

markle sparkles: YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN

markle sparkles: IM LEAVING YOU ALL

hyuckie kisses: he crashed into my room

hyuckie kisses: now he's suffocating me

hyuckie kisses: h e l p

overtaxed mother: no

whipped pimp: let the boy love you man

hyuckie kisses: hES LITERALLY SUFFOCATING ME

dodoism: guys im still cold and idk whO THE FUCK IS GONNA FIX THE VENTS

dickless: then go get more blankets

cuntfuckphin: guys guys

cuntfuckphin: you know what this means

unfunny: what

cuntfuckphin: CUDDLE FEST

dickless: my single ass can't handle that

yeschengie <3: I GOT THE BLANKETS

yutah <3: you can join us if you want we're gonna binge watch anime

dickless: ig

<3 small moomin <3: aw how soft

moist furry:

moist furry: are you crying-

<3 small moomin <3: no im not

cuntfuckphin: he's crying isn't he i can smell it all the way from jisung's room

whipped pimp: ^

prostitute t-rated: ew you gays are being even more gayer than me

this is the SEO: we're being gay so its ok

unfunny: right so im assuming everyone is cuddling each other

overtaxed mother: ya

overtaxed mother: i got an empty space on my bed so you can come over if you want

unfunny: no it's fine

yutah <3:  **take the offer you bitch**

unfunny: what

yutah <3: i said you should go over to taeyong's he's probably freezing his ass off

unfunny:

unfunny: ok i guess-

 

**dodoism, gayhyun**

 

dodoism: hey you dont mind if i come over to your room right

gayhyun: no i wont mind

dodoism: thanks im actually freezing my ass off

gayhyun: then come over and cuddle you hoe i have extra blankets

dodoism: ok fuck you

gayhyun: <3

dodoism: god why do you make me fall in lo|

dodoism: god why do y|

dodoism: god|

dodoism: god i can't even handle you sometimes

 

"you're such a dumbass, now we're responsible for the vent damages," the dark brunette slapped the chestnut hair boy who winced and scratched his nape sheepishly. the dark brunette then looked at the other boy, practically stabbing daggers into the other. "and you, why the hell do you have a michael jackson poster?"

"i thought maybe we can take it and use it as our surprise you know- hey! don't look at me like that, you never said we weren't allowed to take some stuff," the black haired boy pouted and held the poster of which it belonged to donghyuck, "by the way, i managed to super glue tampons onto the microphone."

"and where did you even place them?"

"mark's room? and i panicked and threw the super glue into the freezer."

"wait, why are there even tampons in here in the first place?" the chestnut haired boy piped up. the dark brunette only sighed and facepalmed. originally, they were supposed to leave gifts for the members anonymously for their surprise appearances but the two others thought it was boring and left pranks. well not exactly pranks.

they somehow managed to find a pack of abandoned tampons and somehow stole a poster and about to return it AND broke the vents which they now have to fix.

oh well, at least the plan was somewhat working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:
> 
> Taeil = unfunny  
> Taeyong = overtaxed mother  
> Chittaphon = prostitute t-rated  
> Youngho = this is the SEO  
> Yoonoh = gayhyun  
> Dongyoung = dodoism  
> Yukhei = whipped pimp  
> Jungwoo = leader uwu  
> Yuta = yutah <3  
> Kun = dickless  
> Sicheng = yeschengie <3  
> Mark = markle sparkles  
> Renjun = <3 small moomin <3  
> Donghyuck = hyuckie kisses  
> Jeno = moist furry  
> Jaemin = ugly mineral  
> Chenle = cuntfuckphin  
> Jisung = emo as fuck


	21. chaotic christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> overtaxed mother: congratulations you didnt burn my kitchen down
> 
> yutah <3: is that supposed to be a praise

**dysfunctional hell**

 

cuntfuckphin: BITCHES AND GALS

cuntfuckphin: IT IS TIME

unfunny: oh no

moist furry: is it time for mark to graduate

markle sparkles: rude

moist furry:

overtaxed mother: who taught this kid memes

dickless: the fuck are memes

this is the SEO: im not guilty

emo as fuck: please explain why jeno pulled up an image of a green uno reverse card

whipped pimp: DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE DOS NOW

cuntfuckphin: ANYWAYS

yutah <3: oh really

yutah <3: isnt that just like a copy to uno except now there's two and you have to be down to two

dodoism: i wouldn't see any point in that unless you make an entirely different game but with same concept

whipped pimp: thats what they're doing-

dodoism: technically

cuntfuckphin: A N Y W A Y S

<3 small moomin <3: why are we talking about uno

cuntfuckphin: BITCH

cuntfuckphin: ANY FUCKING WAYS

cuntfuckphin: guess what today is :D

prostitute t-rated: december

overtaxed mother: is it national kick my kids out of the building day

cuntfuckphin: no

cuntfuckphin: IT'S CHRISTMAS

yeschengie <3: christmas??

leader uwu: C

leader uwu: H

leader uwu: R

leader uwu: I

leader uwu: S

leader uwu: T

leader uwu: M

leader uwu: A

leader uwu: S

leader uwu: !!!

prostitute t-rated: hoe hoe hoe

hyuckie kisses: honk honk honk

gayhyun: speaking of which

gayhyun: did we even hang the christmas tree up-

unfunny: uh i dont think so

cuntfuckphin: you people disappoint me

moist furry: we can just easily get it from the basement and hang it up

overtaxed mother: anyone wanna volunteer i dont want to get trapped in there again

dodoism: im sorry do you guys mean put up the christmas tree

whipped pimp: isnt it hang up

ugly mineral: no it's put up

yutah <3: how the fuck would you hang a christmas tree up

emo as fuck: science

leader uwu: has my life been a lie

this is the SEO: im getting a headache

dickless: guys

dickless: why is mark on the couch chewing on a yarn ball stressfully and why the fuck is chenle tied up in ribbons

<3 small moomin <3: story to short he wanted to help with decorating the tree and found the ribbons on the top shelf and you know what happened next

yeschengie <3: yuta yuta yuta can we bake christmas cookies??

yutah <3: well if taeyong allows us

unfunny: you people are making my heart squeeze

markle sparkles: is that supposed to be a compliment

this is the SEO: mark stop eating the yarn ball-

gayhyun: and this is where hope left the chat

emo as fuck: who the hell is playing christmas music with airhorns

ugly mineral: i apologize for my boyfriend

hyuckie kisses: which one

<3 small moomin <3: i have all the brain cells so you can guess who it is

leader uwu: wHERe arE tHE pREsEnTs

unfunny: we dont have any

whipped pimp: THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS WITHOUT ANY PRESENTS

prostitute t-rated: we can just buy christmas presents and do secret santa

cuntfuckphin: YES BITCH

cuntfuckphin: but do we go now or

emo as fuck: don't we need to hang up the tree and decorate first-

dodoism: taeyong are you still gonna let them in the kitchen

overtaxed mother: I DONT TRUST ANYONE WITH MY GODDAMN KITCHEN EVER SINCE MARK RUINED IT

markle sparkles: WHY ARE YOU THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS

overtaxed mother: haVE YOU FORGOTTEN

hyuckie kisses: oops

gayhyun: donghyuck is the real bus thrower

unfunny: is that what you call it

moist furry: i think

 

11:45 am

 

overtaxed mother: are we done putting up the christmas tree

<3 small moomin <3: pretty certainly

yeschengie <3: look at our cookies!!

yeschengie <3:

 

overtaxed mother: congratulations you didnt burn my kitchen down

yutah <3: is that supposed to be a praise

cuntfuckphin: JHSHDSDJFBSDJFN THE CHRISTMAS TREE IS UP

cuntfuckphin:

this is the SEO: ok let's go christmas shopping now

prostitute t-rated: it's 11 and i'm too tired

cuntfuckphin: THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS IT'S TOO EARLY FOR CHRISTMAS

overtaxed mother: im getting a migraine

markle sparkles: let's get this over with

whipped pimp: i feel like we're forgetting something

yeschengie <3: ?

whipped pimp: where's kun and jungwoo

dodoism: weren't they here an hour ago

emo as fuck: i thought they were doing smth i mean i overheard jungwoo asking kun for help on somethin

moist furry: 🤔

leader uwu: oh sorry i needed help with the toilet because it was locked

unfunny: how do you lock a toilet im-

hyuckie kisses: aren't there such thing as toilet locks

hyuckie kisses:

dickless: i need one of those to lock the shit out of every toilets 

gayhyun: and why is that

dickless: yukhei keeps falling in the toilets or even lose shit in the toilet bc he's a clumsy fool

moist furry: im not surprised

markle sparkles: same

<3 small moomin <3: hyung can i also get one for jisung and jeno

moist furry: WHY ME

ugly mineral: because you're our baby

moist furry: rEvErSE C aRd

emo as fuck: i don't fall into toilets wtfym

yeschengie <3: oh wait should we keep these cookies in the fridge

overtaxed mother: wouldn't want them to go to waste but you can put a mesh food cover over it which is in the cabinet somewhere

yeschengie <3: okok

whipped pimp: what kun said is unfortunately sad and true

leader uwu: baby why

prostitute t-rated: hey google where can you get a non crackass boyfriend

this is the SEO: im sorry but all of us are crackasses that act high 24/7 and you're one as well

dodoism: im the only sane one here tf you mean

<3 small moomin <3: you can't forget about me

gayhyun: that's pretty debatable

unfunny: are you asking for a death wish of getting a carrot shoved up your ass

yutah <3: what the hell

moist furry: what abt me aren't i sane

dodoism: even though you're my son

dodoism: you're not sane

emo as fuck: and this is where i should be aborted on the day of christmas

ugly mineral: HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT YOUR MOCHI ASS SKIN

markle sparkles:

dickless: fucking christ

 

 

**nct nightmare**

 

cuntfuckphin: @hyuckie kisses

cuntfuckphin: hYunG i heard you got hurt during practice

hyuckie kisses: yeah but it's fine i can rest 

ugly mineral: are you okay? well now at least?

hyuckie kisses: jsdj yep and im in my cast so it should be fine

<3 small moomin <3: yOU LITTLE SHIT DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED WE WERE

<3 small moomin <3: ESPECIALLY MARK HE'S BEEN WORRIED EVER SINCE YOU GOT YOUR INJURY

hyuckie kisses: i can see that bc he's smothering me rn

moist furry: please feel better :(

emo as fuck: ^

emo as fuck: when we heard abt the news mark could barely sleep at night so i suggest you rest so he won't be as worried

hyuckie kisses: thanks smartass

emo as fuck: stfu

emo as fuck: but seriously you're a good friend and hyung to me and i would also be worried sick okay

cuntfuckphin: why are we getting sentimental stop that imgonnacyr

<3 small moomin <3: you're a crybaby

cuntfuckphin:  **are we gonna forget the fact kun exposed your ass for crying the most**

<3 small moomin <3:  **shut the fuck up you deformed dolphin 💕**

hyuckie kisses: korean please thank you

hyuckie kisses: well anyways, thanks though and you guys really don't have to worry about me i'll be fine and recover. although im disappointed that i won't be able to participate in schedules and activities with the hyungs :(

markle sparkles: nO SHuT tHe fUCk uP YoU'Re GonnA TakE A BrEAK WHEtHeR YoU liKe It oR nOt

ugly mineral: sis has snapped

hyuckie kisses: lmao but it's ok bc i can make fun of you shits as i sip my hawaiian drink 

moist furry: ok now i take it back

hyuckie kisses: bitch

 

5:04 pm

 

"alright, kids. let's split up the money- wait how much money do we need?" taeyong mumbled to himself before doing the math in his head. the members had finished their business and whatnots and it was time to commence their secret santa shopping. everyone else was gathered into the main room and getting ready to do some christmas shopping for secret santa. on the couch, donghyuck was gathering sheets of paper and had a black sharpie in his hand to write everyone's name down for their secret santa raffle.

"well first off, we probably might need to be under the budget," taeil piped up and counting the members in the room.

"how about under thirty dollars? so then that would mean we would need five hundred and forty dollars..." the leader continued mumbling and pacing around, holding his phone, "but that would be a lot of money, how about under twenty-five dollars?"

"either way, there's eighteen of us and it's still going to be a lot of money to split it," renjun shrugged and sat on the arm of the couch in a cute way that made jeno and jaemin busted a major uwu, causing donghyuck to chuck a dead marker he had found at them for being "too whipped."

after everyone had discussed their money budget—with the help of dongyoung's chart he had drew on the dry erase board—they stuck with twenty-five dollars and thought it would be a good challenge to get the best gift for their secret santa under their low budget. their manager was surprisingly okay with it and gave them the money they needed which taeyong then distributed money to each member. donghyuck finished writing everyone's names on separate sheets of paper that are now folded and placed them in a wooden cup, not without shaking it a little so they're mixed. once everyone had picked out their paper, they read who they got and donghyuck was the last one to pick out the last paper from the cup. he unfolded it and saw that he got mark, meaning he'll be getting his own boyfriend a gift.

"uh, do we get to go into pairs?" kun asked before folding his paper into squares and tucking it into his back pocket of his jeans.

"no one said we aren't allowed to," yuta grinned and hooked arms with sicheng who got flustered by the action and yukhei sending a smug look to him. kun sighed and shook his head.

everything was settled and everyone managed to get into pairs which were mostly couples and there were three of three pairs which were renjun, jeno, and jaemin and youngho, chittaphon, and mark, and yuta, sicheng, and kun. aside from the trio, sicheng didn't want kun to get lost while mark had to be with a pair since donghyuck was still in his cast and didn't want to worsen his injury.

taeyong had finished counting all of the members and fished out his phone, "make sure to keep your phones on and unmuted in case if anything happens. we can always stay connected into the group chat if we all are separated in different stores and such. by the way, donghyuck will you be okay to stay here? do you want any of us to buy something for your special person?"

the younger chuckled and waved him off, "no it's fine, i can manage anyways. and i don't really need to buy anything, i'll make something myself because i'm a creative shit."

the elder nodded, handing everyone face masks and caps after they have dressed up warmly. chittaphon had been complaining how it was already hot to wear anything more as jungwoo looked at him in a questioning manner, which he didn't bother to be concerned. the boy in a cast grabbed the youngest boy, jisung's attention that made him walk over to him and away from chenle.

"can you take me to hyungs' dorm?" donghyuck muttered. "specifically my room."

"sure," replied jisung and he immediately escorted the older to his room as chenle silently watched the two go to the older members' dorms. renjun poked him to grab his attention and mouthing a 'what's wrong?' in chinese. the dolphin boy smiled and shook it off, saying he was just worried for his hyung and such which he actually is. with a bit of struggling—donghyuck basically leaning his entire weight on him to walk—they have finally reached to the dorms and are now searching for his room. along the way, they chatted about many things that made the both of them laugh. the others—except chenle—haven't noticed their disappearance due to their discussion at the last minute but it's mainly taeyong in his stressed mother mode and being afraid that his children will get lost. donghyuck had given jisung the directions to his room and once they arrived, donghyuck opened his room and walking in with the help of the other. he then sat down on his bed.

"thanks. by the way, who did you get?" questioned the older boy in a cast, getting comfortable in his own bed with the bed creeking slightly. jisung, on the other hand, almost choked at the sudden question. well, it wouldn't hurt to tell his friend and it's not like anyone will know.

"i got chenle hyung- and you better not tell anyone i swear!" he slightly rose his voice from being flustered and it got donghyuck cackling.

"don't worry, i won't," donghyuck winked teasingly at him before shooing the younger out of his room. "now go before you get your ass dragged."

"gee, thanks."

after the young brunette left his room, the lone boy sighed to himself and laid back on his bed. what could he possibly do now that the others are going on christmas shopping? it's not like he can buy anything as a gift but he can always make something as a gift- wait he isn't even good at crafting.  _well fuck._

he sighed again and racked through his brain for any gift ideas. he has few hours to himself to come up with something or just chill by himself in his cold room. he threw the blanket over his nose and turned his phone on. it was cold without mark's warmth, he was basically his human heater but he was alone. but it's fine because there was one thing that he thought of. a gift idea to be exact.

 

6:57 pm

**dysfunctional hell**

 

emo as fuck: mayhaps im lost

cuntfuckphin: YOU WERE RIGHT BEHIND ME WHAT

overtaxed mother: WHERE EVEN ARE YOU

emo as fuck: NEAR A TRASH CAN

cuntfuckphin: yOU RETARD THERE'S OVER MILLIONS OF TRASH CANS IN THE MALL

emo as fuck: BUT IM NOT IN ANY STORES IM OUT IN THE OPEN

markle sparkles: there's millions of people you dumbass-

emo as fuck: STFU

emo as fuck: im on the second floor

<3 small moomin <3: jesus fucking christ guys stop getting lost

prostitute t-rated: easier said than done

dickless: ok let's not get lost despite being separated

gayhyun: challenge failed

<3 small moomin <3: oh shit where's jeno and jaemin

ugly mineral:

ugly mineral: im blaming jeno

hyuckie kisses: what the actual fucking hell

moist furry: IT'S NOT MY FAULT I LOST THE BALLOONs AND WANDERED OFF

ugly mineral: AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED THE BALLOONS

moist furry: THEY'RE MY FRIENDS I WOULDN'T ABANDON THEM

dodoism: let's calm the FUCK DOWN 

dodoism: now who here is lost and away from their partner(s)

emo as fuck: im still lost and those two shits are as well

prostitute t-rated: this hoe here

overtaxed mother: oh my god THIS IS HARDER THAN I EXPECTED

this is the SEO: that's what she said

overtaxed mother: SHUT THE FUCK UP

cuntfuckphin: what's that-

dickless: it's nothing

unfunny: it's nothing

yeschengie <3: >:( i can't find this certain store

whipped pimp: may the odds be in your favor

unfunny: why are we referencing hunger games

yutah <3: which store?

yeschengie <3: this food store and there's three levels in the mall and it'll take a while to find :c

leader uwu: oh! i passed that and it's on the second floor next to the bookstore

yeschengie <3: uwu thank you

hyuckie kisses: can you hear my uwus

whipped pimp: time to use google map

this is the SEO: can you actually use google map in the mall

moist furry: shouldn't that be possible

emo as fuck: IS NO ONE GOING TO FIND ME

overtaxed mother: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

emo as fuck: ON THE SECOND FLOOR NEAR THE TRASH CAN AND IM WITH ELDERLY PEOPLE AND THERES A HUGE ASS PLANT 

unfunny: wtf kid

yutah <3:

cuntfuckphin: JISUNG PA R RK

<3 small moomin <3: i heard a dying dolphin all the way from the third floor

markle sparkles: pretty sure that's chenle right there

this is the SEO: oh hey i see him from the other side of the third floor

this is the SEO: oh he fell down the stairs-

unfunny: taeyong is still in distress and im following him to the second floor

hyuckie kisses: what the fuck is happening over there

dodoism: hell is happening my child

gayhyun: we're just around the corner and we can see taeyong aggressively going up the escalator

yeschengie <3: we have calmly reached to the food store

cuntfuckphin: IM OK I DIDN'T DIE

cuntfuckphin: WHERE ARE YOU ON THE SECOND FLOOR???

emo as fuck: I JUST SAID IT

emo as fuck: OK WHERE'S THE STAIRS YOU FELL FROM

cuntfuckphin: IN THE CORNER

emo as fuck: OK THEN IM TO YOUR RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF THE FLOOR

whipped pimp: i still can't find the directions-

markle sparkles: why am i friends with you again

unfunny: so far we're on the second floor now and heading to jisung

unfunny: also we saw chenle mad dashing through the crowds

ugly mineral: festive

prostitute t-rated: hey guys im around the corner to your right i think and i need to use the bathroom-

this is the SEO: uhhhh

this is the SEO: oh ok

dickless: don't tell me you almost forgot your left and right

dodoism: disappointed but not surprised

dodoism: oh yeah i got my gift and yoonoh is still getting his

hyuckie kisses: isn't that lovely

emo as fuck: lELE IM OVER HE RE

 

7:21 pm

 

hyuckie kisses: r u guys done shopping now

overtaxed mother: yuta is still trying to find a gift so we're almost done

unfunny: uh

unfunny: google how do you find a gift in the mall

leader uwu: i-

<3 small moomin <3: where tf is sicheng hyung

yutah <3: he said he's using the br

whipped pimp: 

this is the SEO: oh yeah yukhei why is your bag big

this is the SEO: bigger than you

whipped pimp: you see-

dickless: why do i feel like we're missing someone

overtaxed mother: for the beloved of god

overtaxed mother: there should be 15 of us excluding yuta and sicheng

whipped pimp: i feel disrespected

ugly mineral: don't we all

emo as fuck: guys where's chenle

overtaxed mother:

gayhyun: im standing right next to him and i can hear him cursing the living shit out of chenle

cuntfuckphin: perhaps  i got myself lost on the escalator

<3 small moomin <3: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU-

dodoism: we don't question it under any circumstances

<3 small moomin <3: i'll go get him i have a tracker on him anyways jfc

moist furry: you have a what now

cuntfuckphin: SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE ON E ON ME WHAT

<3 small moomin <3: STAY WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AND LET ME COME GET YOU

yeschengie <3: what's happening i just got back and now going to the store where yuta's at

markle sparkles: everything is happening i can't tell a n y m o r e 

hyuckie kisses:

hyuckie kisses: it's better not to question any of the shit that has happened over there w you guys jesus christ what the hell is wrong with you all

leader uwu: ^

leader uwu: and i have learned the lesson

prostitute t-rated: haven't we all

overtaxed mother: ok 

overtaxed mother: ok

overtaxed mother: as long as no one dies we're fine

unfunny: that's great

yutah <3: ok i got what i needed

overtaxed mother: sAFELY GET HERE P LE  ASE

<3 small moomin <3: ok i have retrieved the dolphin meat back

cuntfuckphin: i-

dickless: amazing

whipped pimp: my arms are dying im cr ying

gayhyun: wtf did you even buy

whipped pimp: a gift

markle sparkles: that happened to be

hyuckie kisses: larger than your size?

ugly mineral: can you guys not and keep your couple stuff to urselves thx

emo as fuck: hypocrite smh

unfunny: damn

moist furry: where can i go to hell

 

8:50 pm

 

"jesus christ, hopefully they come back safe and sound," donghyuck muttered to himself as he was already settled in the main room on the couch right after he had dragged his sluggish ass out of his warm bed. it took centuries and surprisingly the others weren't back yet. he checked the time on the clock and sighed. "damn, they're taking a while."

he started to relax in the empty room, taking in the peaceful silence without any ruckus or noise. it was too bad that he was injured. he could've joined with the others in shopping for gifts at the mall but at the same time, he didn't want to deal with any more chaos than he already had.

after a few more minutes of waiting, he had finally heard the sound of the members coming in which meant they're back. everything happened quickly and all donghyuck could remember were the smiles and laughter from the younger and older members and it made his heart warm up inside. it was a mushy kind where it feels like some sort of happy family.

"QUICK!! OPEN YOUR PRESENT FROM YOUR SECRET SANTA!!" chenle shrieked in his dolphin voice as jisung was sighing and opening the wrappers of the present.

everyone watched in amusement and enjoyed themselves and each others' companies.

donghyuck, on the other hand, had opened his secret santa gift which was a michael jackson album and he appreciated for whoever bought it for him. speaking of which, his michael jackson poster was strangely returned and back in his room as if the theft never happened? anyway, he still had a big, golden ribbon on the top of his head after throwing himself at mark as his secret santa gift which made the canadian flustered as hell and everyone laughing and teasing. it was a great year for them and a great holiday.

the boy looked out of the window. it was dark outside and he saw white flurries falling down from the sky gently and in a graceful way. his eyes followed the few detailed snowflakes that had fluttered down. donghyuck smiled to himself. despite having a crazy and full of cracks in his "family" or what everyone calls it, he was grateful that he had these people in his life.

truly grateful.

 

"aw, did you see that?? they're all getting along!!"

"jesus christ, i didn't know you were much of a fanboy."

"don't be mean!"

"rude."

"god, i want to join in but-"

"maybe some time?"

"i guess? but hey we can celebrate christmas with just the three of us!"

"oh no-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas guys! enjoy your holiday pls even though some of our winter breaks are almost over- HDJKFJ


	22. refresher and gay breakdowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> <3 small moomin <3: i want to unbreathe
> 
> moist furry: rENJUN NO-

**dysfunctional hell**

 

hyuckie kisses: my fellas

hyuckie kisses: how was your christmas

overtaxed mother: it's almost the end of december and it's like 5 days after christmas-

hyuckie kisses: shhhhh

<3 small moomin <3: whoever got me ballet shoes i love them

cuntfuckphin: iM OSBBBING WHO GOT ME A MATCHING BRACELT

<3 small moomin <3: you're dumb check your charms

cuntfuckphin: it's a chick

<3 small moomin <3: now who has the dolphin charm

cuntfuckphin:

emo as fuck:

cuntfuckphin: 

ugly mineral: oh god don't tell me he's crying

overtaxed mother: i just fucking woke up and this happens

dodoism: basically

overtaxed mother: can i ever get a break

prostitute t-rated: no

overtaxed mother: was i talking to you

overtaxed mother: no

dickless: damn

markle sparkles: im still traumatized

hyuckie kisses: love you too boo <3

unfunny: disgusting

emo as fuck: d i s g u s t i n g 

hyuckie kisses: speak of yourself

hyuckie kisses: and you're just jealous

unfunny: jealous my ass

whipped pimp: calm urselves-

moist furry: no

yeschengie <3: amazing way to start off our morning ain't it

dickless: i just want sleep

markle sparkles: i need 4 minutes of sleep

hyuckie kisses: baby-

emo as fuck: dis gust ing

hyuckie kisses: ok stfu you little grown ass baby

leader uwu: not to side with anyone but u were like that b4 you had mark :/

dodoism: i mean he isn't wrong

hyuckie kisses: this is betrayal 😥

gayhyun: sucks to be you

hyuckie kisses: sucks to not have your milk you asked for decades ago doesn't it hun

dodoism: that needs a pound of ice damn-

markle sparkles: are some others still somewhat asleep

whipped pimp: no we're awoke

prostitute t-rated: can we proceed

prostitute t-rated: and like fill ourselves in what the fuck happened last night bc i surely don't remember

overtaxed mother: didn't you get drunk on apple juice

whipped pimp: the apple juice was good

yutah <3: well let's see

yutah <3: who was sober last night

unfunny: except for the babies i'm pretty sure taeyong, myself, yoonoh, jungwoo, kun, and sicheng were still sober

this is the SEO: oh is that why my head felt like nicki minaj just kicked my head

dodoism: i don't remember getting drunk

unfunny: that's because you were drunk-

cuntfuckphin: who's nicki minaj?

dickless: and i see you finished crying

cuntfuckphin: yeah

emo as fuck: there's so many tissues and my shirt is a puddle i can't

hyuckie kisses: ok let's backtrack

 

_after jisung had opened his present by carefully unwrapping the wrappers because he didn't want to ruin it. they were chick patterned and it was purple! he set the wrappers and curly bows aside and opened the white rectangular box and saw several—extremely cute—chick plushes varying in different sizes from large, medium, small, and even tiny ones that looked portable. he took the medium sized chick with glasses and blushes on its cheek and caressed its fluffiness. it was surprisingly soft. the action made chenle shriek again but in uwus and that made most of the people in the room cover their ears. the young brunette looked through in the box again and pulled out a packaged chick phone keychain and was planning to attach it to his phone tomorrow morning. dongyoung had crossed his name on the list of who opened their present because there are too many people to keep track and it would be easier anyway. there was also a card inside the box which he didn't notice in the first place and he opened it, reading the message that was signed by the one and only jaemin who was his secret santa._

_"jesus, this is going to take a long time," donghyuck sighed dramatically as he was sitting on mark's lap. the canadian still looked traumatized after what the korean had done which was surprise him by throwing himself onto the canadian. and apparently he was his present but he wasn't wrong though because he really loved his present—donghyuck—but he didn't want to admit it out loud. at least it earned good laughs from everyone in the room after stressful weekends. "by the way, how many of these shits opened their present i don't keep track."_

_"well, i mean so far we have three people who got their presents?" taeil shrugged and looked at his medium-sized present that was on his lap. it wrapped in black with gold stripes wrapping paper with a big gold bow on it. maybe he should save the wrapping and the bow to reuse it in some way because they look pretty to him. "maybe we can make it easier and whoever opened their present from their secret santa, the secret santa goes next to opening theirs and so on. just a thought."_

_"we should've done that in the first place," taeyong sighed and turned to the older and smiled at him, "but good idea though."_

_this strangely earned a blush from the eldest but the younger didn't notice his red ears and cheeks. yukhei was lowkey teasing the shit out of him but got smacked in return. and so the chain started from jisung and right after jisung was jaemin because he was his secret santa which wasn't much of a surprise._ _jaemin started to unwrap the peach patterned wrapping paper that later revealed a small box. it was a black fancy box and he wondered what was inside that was worth at least twenty-five dollars. maybe it was a jewelry of some sort just like how he gave a matching couple bracelet to renjun who stopped wearing it. the thought made him pout slightly._

_"hurry up and open it you shit stain," the brunette turned towards donghyuck and rolled his eyes. yuta sighed and shook his head. he sipped his tea and wondered when will the antics within the group can die down—but it didn't look like it'll die down any time. rest in peace._

_"sorry your majesty, i was going to open it," he jokingly said and proceeded to open the fuzzy, black leather box. he was careful in opening it because the last time he opened this type of box, he accidentally hurt his finger when it snapped close on him. the anticipation filled him, why did he feel nervous? it's just opening a damn box. it felt like it was some kind of unexpected proposal but the box was rectangular, not a square._  wow, aren't you stupid,  _he thought to himself. the_ _box then revealed a silver necklace. it had his initials carved into the small rectangular charm that was attached and he gasped. it looked expensive. did his secret santa perhaps went over budget? his thoughts were cut off when he heard chittaphon whistle._

_"damn, aren't you a lucky one. why can't you be like that to me, john?" youngho lightly smacked him on the thigh from the cringy nickname and the fact he made jaemin's face go red from his comment. in jaemin's honest opinion, it felt like it was either jeno or renjun who bought him the matching necklace. but didn't he already buy renjun a matching bracelet? so it must be jeno._

_donghyuck sighed and watched. in the corner of his eyes, he saw jeno scooting closer to the younger and took the box from his hand. he saw how the brunette's eyes widen when he saw the same matching necklace on the older's neck. huh, they were disgustingly acting so cute and it was unbearable for donghyuck but at the same time, it made him internally coo. jeno grabbed the necklace out of its box and clipped it around jaemin's neck. on the other hand, renjun was still seated on the arm of the couch and intensely squealing silently to the point chenle looked at him with a weird look. but unfortunately, he became his victim and was shaken repeatedly. jisung looked over with a worried look. after the fluff fest, jeno was next to open his present—which was in a large back and it was rather big for a present—and it was difficult because there were three separate things in the bag. after unwrapping all of them, his face lit up so brightly that you needed two pairs of sunglasses._

_all three of them were three different kinds of cat plushes in different colors. they were laying down and are stackable and two of them had their eyes opened and one had its eyes closed. they were adorable and looked very cuddleable. the smile on his face didn't falter and it only became brighter_ and  _brighter when he read the card, now knowing that yoonoh was his secret santa._

_"yoonoh hyung, you really didn't need to buy all three," he turned to the said boy who was smiling back._

_"oh, shut up. i know you wanted these ever since forever," yoonoh embraced the younger who tackled him into a hug. after they exchanged hugs, yoonoh opened his present that seemed a little flat and rectangular, also probably solid. once finished unwrapping, he gently picked up his present which was an iu album._

_"you can't be serious," yoonoh was beyond shocked and he knew that these cost over the budget. he was focused on the album that he didn't notice a certain boy was looking at him with adoration. "_

_"technically, no one said we weren't allowed to go over budget," sicheng shrugged._

_"but these cost over-"_

_"shush, as long as you love the present then the budget doesn't matter," dongyoung interrupted the younger out of nowhere. realizing what he did, his face flushed beet red and he covered his mouth._

_"i- did you actually buy this? for me?" yoonoh tilted his head a little and looked at the older who was flustered._

_"i guess- just don't take it the wrong way!" he huffed in response and crossed his arms. taeyong nudged and teased him and dongyoung hushed him as well as smacked him on the arm out of his pissed manner. well, it was his normal thing to do when around the leader who really_ loved  _to tease the fuck out of him. as that was happening, yoonoh looked at the album and back at the bunny boy before giving him a warm and genuine smile as in a 'thank you.' now you can guess how the other's heart is trying not to rip itself out of his chest._

_"moving on, we don't need any more mushy shit," the thai boy clapped his hands so they can proceed to open presents. dongyoung sighed and looked at his small presents. he cautiously opened them and saw that he got a scented candle and a... condom? dongyoung immediately looked at chittaphon knowing that it was probably him who gave him these._

_"why the fuck did i get a condom? i mean thanks for the scented candle but really?" the boy held up the pack of clear condom. yuta had choked on his warm tea and sicheng patted his back and kun covering the dreamie's eyes including mark and donghyuck's._

_"you know, just in case," chittaphon winked and looked at yoonoh who blushed aggressively._

 

prostitute t-rated: it's too fucking long why can't we get to the good part besides opening presents

unfunny: haha how about we dont

dodoism: I STILL FUCKING HATE YOU FOR GIVING ME A CONDOM

dodoism: actually i hate you as a fucking person

gayhyun: aw

emo as fuck: what's a condom though?

markle sparkles: are they flavored

dodoism: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I DON'T FUCKING EAT CONDOMS

prostitute t-rated: can you taste flavored condoms if you give someone a blowjob when someone is wearing it

prostitute t-rated: but yeah it's flavored

overtaxed mother: THERE ARE FUCKING KIDS HERE

<3 small moomin <3: i want to unbreathe

moist furry: rENJUN NO-

cuntfuckphin: is he trying to suffocate himself in moomin again

hyuckie kisses: more likely 

yeschengie <3: sigh

whipped pimp: wait but how do you know if it's flavored or not

prostitute t-rated: it says it on the pack

prostitute t-rated: and you'd know if you taste it

whipped pimp: but i don't-

markle sparkles:

markle sparkles: yeah you're right he doesn't

dodoism: FUCKIN FRUIT LOOPS WHY

dickless: can we not

emo as fuck: NO ONE HASN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION

gayhyun: wait but why does he need condom

unfunny: ^it's not like he's gonna fuck someone i mean

emo as fuck: i-

overtaxed mother: THERE ARE FUCKING KIDS HERE

prostitute t-rated: ok sweetie a condom is basically for yourkwjhsavkl v;dv/d.v

dickless: you're welcome

leader uwu: 🙏🙏

leader uwu: we shalln't have the innocence be tainted

this is the SEO: why are we talking about condoms

this is the SEO: and i told you to stop giving ppl condoms even flavored ones

yutah <3: im actually reconsidering if there are any innocence within the group

prostitute t-rated: sorry fAThEr they're rare flavors ok

markle sparkles: aren't they-

prostitute t-rated: IN MY FUCKING EYES THEY ARE I NEVER FOUND ANY IN THAILAND

cuntfuckphin: i don't understand

emo ad fuck: can we cuddle pls and ignore these people

cuntfuckphin: uwu

leader uwu: !!!! soft hours!!

hyuckie kisses: anyways let's proceed-

ugly mineral: let's get to the good part that i have no clue what we're talking about

emo as fuck: ?? what exactly happened after we slept

markle sparkles: shit happened

hyuckie kisses: bet you it involved taeil and taeyong hyung

unfunny: no stfu

unfunny: you wouldn't know bc you were sleeping

hyuckie kisses: i got mark

prostitute t-rated: 👀

markle sparkles: but i was drunk-

hyuckie kisses: OK THEN I HAVE THE SOBER HYUNGS 

 

_after dongyoung had opened his present, the others got to open their presents as well. chittaphon had gotten a book, "i'm not a hoe" by jungwoo, jungwoo got a stuffed snoopy from yukhei, yukhei then got an nct dream album—and perhaps cried—by kun who got a magician set from taeil. after that, taeil opened his present and received a handmade nct memory album that had polaroid pictures in them from taeyong. taeyong got at least four packages of febreze from youngho. this earned a complaint from donghyuck who said the elder already had cans of febreze overfilling the cabinets back in the dorms. this proceeded with youngho opening his present from mark which was a book full of saxophone lessons. since the canadian already went, they skipped to donghyuck. he got a pack of pork belly and a get better card which he appreciated it. ("aw, how sweet of you, yuta hyung!" sicheng clapped and smiled at his boyfriend who was flushed pink at the praise. donghyuck snorted and earned a word from jisung who said it was surprising that someone cared for him jokingly. chenle had gently slapped him by the shoulder. but who was he kidding? donghyuck is a sun and who wouldn't care for him?)_

_yuta, who was donghyuck's secret santa, got several mangas that he never got the chance to buy after unwrapping and opening his present. and somehow, he knew it was his boyfriend who bought them for him and this resulted in him hugging the chinese boy in an affectionate way. sicheng pushed him off and giggled when the older pouted at him, but he needed to open his present. it was a thoughtful gift because it was a cookbook from renjun and he had always wanted to improve with his cooking ever since nct life._

_the last two remaining boys were renjun and chenle which meant chenle was his secret santa. they opened theirs at the same time and renjun gaped at his ballet necessities. he had always complained to chenle that he barely has anything to practice his ballet and resorted to using his shoes and tried not to break a bone. for chenle, he got a matching bracelet since he got a chick charm on his. it was from jisung but he was oblivious so he didn't know it was from his own boyfriend._

_"ge, do you know who gave this to me?" the dolphin boy showed the bracelet that he already wore on his wrist. before renjun get to answer or jisung piping up that it was him, they were interrupted_

_"alright, kids. it's your bedtime now," taeyong clapped his hands and pointed at the clock which was eleven at night. the dreamies in the room groaned and chenle sighed, not getting the chance to know who his secret santa is. time flew by fast because it was eight a moment ago and after they opened their presents—which somehow took over three hours—it was already eleven._

_"oh, come on! i'm apart of your unit so technically i have the privileges," donghyuck whined and wanted to stay to see the action that might happen._

_"oh, shush. you're going to bed whether you like it or not," retorted renjun. jeno had given donghyuck a piggy back ride as the eldest of the dreamies led them back to their dorms despite the protests and whines that they wanted to stay. after they were gone, yukhei had gotten up to go to the kitchen._

_"so what are we gonna do now?" kun calmly asked while yuta was refilling his tea._

_"well, it's obvious why we made the kids go to bed," yoonoh responded and leaned back into the couch._

_he was right though, aside from sending the dreamies to bed on their bedtime, they were going to have the best night of their life on christmas which was getting drunk and maybe sober. yukhei had come back with three bottles of "apple juice" which is what they would call it and set it on the table along with shot glasses for everyone. everyone adjusted and gathered around so they can reach over to their shot glass. the chinese opened one bottle of "apple juice" and began pouring on every shot glasses._

_chittaphon had come up with an idea to make the night more fun and smirked, "hoes, i have a great game suggestion we should do."_

_"and what is that?" taeil raised an eyebrow and was conflicted to feel worried or not of what the thai boy will suggest._

_"if you guys want this to be more fun, we should play would you rather with a twist. if someone answers a question from the person who asks them, they have to do what they chose for the question and if they refuse to do either of them, then they have to take a shot every time."_

_there were two types of people; the ones that seem interested in the suggestion and the ones who just groan and contemplate their choices. well, at least it was better than sitting around being bored and getting drunk. everyone agreed to the idea, but they were missing something._

_"don't we need a bottle or something so it'll be easier?" yuta questioned. luckily, chittaphon had an empty spare bottle in his hand so his question was answered. they all sat in a big circle with the empty bottle in the center. however, sicheng looked the most confused but he decided to keep quiet and watch how the game worked. the first one to go was chittaphon since he wanted to go first and he was the one to suggest the game. he spun the bottle and it landed on the poor bunny._

_"okay, would you rather dance and slut drop to sunmi's heroine or speak in english for the entire game?" if looks can kill, the thai boy would be dead by now because dongyoung was basically glaring into his soul. he was decent in english and have covered english songs but he wasn't as fluent as youngho, mark, chittaphon, and yoonoh. plus, his english pronunciations were off and still had an accent to it. but to avoid having to suffer he had to dance to heroine but he will embarass himself in front of yoonoh and he didn't want that. if he took a shot then he wouldn't have to do either of them but it would mean he's the first one to do so._

_"fuck you this is why i hate you," dongyoung scowled and stood up, preparing himself. everyone cheered and whistled, knowing that he chose to dance to heroine. youngho grabbed his phone out and went on youtube to play heroine. after finding the video, he turned the volume to maximum. honestly, dongyoung hadn't practiced much on the choreography but he had seen it on tv before so it should be fine. but no, he was wrong. he realized the choreography involved with a chair. seeing his panicked expression, the thai's smirk grew darker._

_"let's not forget the chair."_

_and this was the downfall of kim dongyoung. once the song started, it was immediate chaos. in the beginning, he sat down on the chair and tried to copy the dance moves around the chair which didn't work out well. mark was cracking up and laughing hysterically while slapping youngho on the arm multiple times because apparently he found the older suffering was funny. jungwoo was a postive ball and cheered on dongyoung no matter how much he's suffering, of course, yuta was calmly watching and recording it for possible blackmail along with chittaphon, and yoonoh was aggressively blushing when the older tried to act somewhat sexy._

_"i honestly hate you all," the dancing boy glared at everyone as he dropped to the floor at the specific part of the song, "and i'm going to strangle you all if you're using this as blackmail."_

_at this point, mark was crying endless tears and he fell on the floor and clutching his stomach with youngho and taeyong looking at the canadian boy in concern. after the song ended, dongyoung kicked the chair across the room and sat back down, still glaring at everyone, and spun the bottle. this continued when mark had to take about three shots._

_"would you rather steal renjun's moomin plush or flirt with the manager?" one shot._

_"would you rather get a wedgie or eat ketchup and mustard mixed together?" another shot._

_"would you rathe-" and another shot._

_poor mark, he's already drunk from three shots while everyone was sober or close to being drunk. it was a big mess while the dreamies were sleeping. the canadian passed out from the "apple juice" on top of yukhei who was also drunk and passed out on the floor. sicheng continued and spun the bottle, letting it land on taeil._

_"do a handstand for one turn or um... confess to your crush?" sicheng said. yuta drunkingly swung his arm around the chinese and patted him on the arm and the boys in the room cheered and chanted for the eldest to confess. taeil only blushed and decided to do a handstand against the wall and the boys booed at him._

_"you're- hic! no fu- hic!" the drunk japanese hiccuped at the korean who was doing his handstand. sicheng sighed and let his boyfriend rest his head on his shoulder. he was really cuddly, basically having both his arms wrapped around his waist and nuzzling his head into his shoulder. donghyuck would've morphed his face into disgust from the pda but the little shit was asleep so. taeyong continued on taeil's turn and spun the bottle, soon landing on jungwoo._

_"wear high heels and dance to regular or draw on yukhei's face?" the leader asked and jungwoo grinned cutely, grabbing a washable marker out. who thought the boy was also mischievous. he proceeded to go over to the passed out body and drew cute doodles on his face because he wasn't_ that  _evil. by the time he finished, all the drunk boys; youngho, chittaphon, yuta, and dongyoung—who was cuddling into yoonoh's chest—were all passed out. the remaining boys were sober and they all agreed to end the game since the devil was now asleep soundly. kun had put away the empty bottle, jungwoo tried to get yukhei and mark's body on the couch, yoonoh carried dongyoung bridal style to their dorm as sicheng followed him and tried to drag yuta. now it was only taeil and taeyong left who decided to help each other and carry the shot glasses and remaining bottles of alcohol to the kitchen. taeil placed the bottles back into the cabinets while taeyong was cleaning the shot glasses with his washing gloves on. the elder found himself leaning against the wall at the opening of the kitchen and staring at the younger's back who was washing the glasses. he looked breathtaking._ _by the time the younger finished washing the glasses and took his gloves off, he found the other boy staring at him._

_"earth to taeil hyung?" taeyong waved his hand in front of taeil who snapped out of his trance and redness spread across his cheeks._

_"s-sorry," he apologized and earned a chuckle from the other which he thought was attractive._

_"let's go back to the dorms and get ready to go to bed, yeah?"_

_"mm."_

 

unfunny: alright let's end it there

hyuckie kisses: BUT THE GOOD PART

unfunny: there wasn't any good part bc you guys were asleep and the others were passed out 👀

prostitute t-rated: what if there is

dodoism: oh so that happened

dodoism: i hate you for that

prostitute t-rated: ;)

prostitute t-rated: at least you made someone almost nut

<3 small moomin <3: tf is that supposed to mean

overtaxed mother: it's nothing-

dodoism: also yoonoh wy the ufck did you leave me alone in mY BED

gayhyun: bc i had to go to my own room-

dodoism: BUT I HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM AND I HAD A HEADACHE AND I COULD BARELY WALK AND NO ONE WAS THERE

yeschengie <3: aw :(

leader uwu: :c

markle sparkles: did i actually laugh that much

moist furry: no wonder i couldn't sleep last night

moist furry: you people were loud >:(

ugly mineral: awwwww

dodoism: all of you are fake ass hoes except for the children and jungwoo

overtaxed mother: WHAT DID I DO

dodoism: everything

 

dodoism has changed gayhyun's name to jaehoe

dodoism has changed prostitute t-rated's name to real hoe

 

dickless: damn

this is the SEO: so sad

jaehoe: i can feel the love from over here 

real hoe: im offended im the most holy kid

unfunny: bitch where

yutah <3: oh yeah i was wondering who placed the mistletoe right at the kitchen bc i had to get rid of it after christmas

hyuckie kisses:

hyuckie kisses: OH?

 

unfunny has removed hyuckie kisses from this group chat

markle sparkles has added hyuckie kisses into the group chat

unfunny has removed hyuckie kisses from this group chat

hyuckie kisses has joined the group chat

 

unfunny: what the fu

hyuckie kisses: you can't stop a diva

emo as fuck: and now we learn that mark hyung is whipped

markle sparkles: speak of yourself

whipped pimp: 👀

 

7:21 pm

 

dodoism: INHALE

 

dodoism has removed jaehoe from this group chat

 

dodoism: guys h e l p

overtaxed mother: wow surprising that you're asking for help from us

dodoism: do you want me to break your face in

overtaxed mother: end my suffering thx

leader uwu: i hear someone is in distress

real hoe: and it's that bitch right there

dodoism: that's me

dodoism: anyways i need help

this is the SEO: help on what

leader uwu: wait why did you kick yoonoh out though

dodoism: well let's just say

dodoism: i like someone and now im gay panicking after remembering the other night

hyuckie kisses: TEA

markle sparkles: stfu and let him finish

yutah <3: ok so you like someone

leader uwu: what did you exactly remember 

dodoism: oh you know i was extra touchy when i was drunk and uh

yeschengie <3: and why are you panicking exactly-

dodoism: bECAUSE WHAT IF HE WAS WEIRDED OUT

unfunny: 

unfunny: damn aren't you oblivious

moist furry: i heard

unfunny: i mean you should've seen him he was a blushing mess so im pretty sure he wasn't weirded out

hyuckie kisses: who exactly are we talking about

cuntfuckphin: look who he kicked out

hyuckie kisses: oh-

dodoism: OK SO NOW WHAT SHOULD I DO

leader uwu: try to relax yourself and not overthink things

leader uwu: yknow you have probably pined enough so how about it's time to confess?

dodoism: hmm

dodoism: not yet

dodoism: i dont know if im ready or not

leader uwu: take your time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:
> 
> Taeil = unfunny  
> Taeyong = overtaxed mother  
> Chittaphon = real hoe  
> Youngho = this is the SEO  
> Yoonoh = jaehoe  
> Dongyoung = thy coward  
> Yukhei = whipped pimp  
> Jungwoo = leader uwu  
> Yuta = yutah <3  
> Kun = dickless  
> Sicheng = yeschengie <3  
> Mark = markle sparkles  
> Renjun = <3 small moomin <3  
> Donghyuck = hyuckie kisses  
> Jeno = moist furry  
> Jaemin = ugly mineral  
> Chenle = cuntfuckphin  
> Jisung = emo as fuck


	23. new years + kun day special (high school! au)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> l.mark: what the fuck did i get myself into
> 
> l.mark: i just wanted the textbook pages

oh bloody hell.

mark had dozed off in math class out of exhaustion from staying up at three in the morning to finish his math homework and writing his music composition for music class. and he had to doze off at the perfect day where the teacher had assigned them textbook pages for the upcoming test. and obviously, he was stressed and ran a hand through his hair. he had a few minutes left to ask someone for the textbook pages before math class ends so he used all his brain power to find someone who looked smart enough. mark roamed around class, passing by a few students who were chattering about their day until he found himself at the front desk where a small boy sat. he tapped his shoulder and the boy turned around, giving him a look with his raised eyebrow.

"do you perhaps- uh, know the textbook pages?" the canadian sheepishly asked the boy.

"did you even pay attention in class?" the boy he asked talked in fluent korean with a bit of accent. it was safe to assume he wasn't korean. he looked cute but he seemed sassy contrasting to his appearance that screamed out "pure boy."

"i accidentally fell asleep. but seriously, i need the textbook pages-"

mark was interrupted by the bell ringing, meaning that class was over and it was time for the next class which was science. he groaned in distress, already thinking of his doom. the boy who was packing up his things noticed his distress, so he was generous and kind enough to peel a muji sticky note and write down something on it. he poked the canadian which caught his attention before slapping the sticky note on his chest.

"have my number and contact me after school. and don't try pranking me or else i'll slit you- also i gotta go, i have art class right now," the dark brunette grabbed his bag and hurried out the door, leaving mark dumbfounded. he hadn't even gotten his name.

 

◗◖

003******

 

is this the correct person?  _read ✓_

hello?  _read✓_

 _????_ read✓

003******: who the hell are you

003******: i'm gonna block you if this is a prank

WTF NO IT'S ME FROM MATH CLASS

003******: oh

003******: right, it's you the one who didn't pay attention in class

sassy much?

003******: ig but i have other friends who are sassier lol

003******: anyway you wanted the txtbk pages right

yeah

003******: well i have to go do the dishes so maybe i'll tell you later

and how long does it take to do the dishes

003******: i'm efficient so maybe a few minutes. anyways, i'll see you in a bit

ok  _read✓_

 

4:02 pm

 

003******: hello!!

? you already finished whatever you were doing?

003******: wym? do you mean ge? he's currently doing the dishes

who's ge-

003******: hsjdjfh he's my cousin, his name is renjun

right

so who are you then?

003******: i'm chenle but who are you and why do you have his #

i was gonna ask him for the textbook pages?

by the way i'm mark

003******: 🤔🤔🤔 are you international?

yeah, from canada

anyways

can i know the textbook pages-

003******: oh sorry i don't know the textbook pages i'm not in your class

003******: but i have friends who might know!! but they're on a different app

i may have the app of whatever you're talking about

003******: ooh ok i'll add you then!!

 

◗◖

**BRAIN CELL EJACULATION**

h.renjun has added l.mark into the group chat

 

p.jisung: hooray another idiot to our collection

l.taeyong: chenle why the fuck did you add in a stranger 

h.renjun: nOT MY FAULT RENJUN GE LEFT HIS PHONE AND I WAS CURIOUS

h.renjun: HE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE NAMED MARK AND HE'S CANADIAN

q.kun: that's a first

l.mark:

k.dongyoung: i can smell his uneasiness

l.mark: i

l.mark: why is the name of the group chat-

m.taeil: we don't question it

n.yuta: i still cry sometimes like how does one have one word autocorrected into three words

w.yukhei: we don't question i t

w.kunhang: i would like to clarify that technically if a cell can make sexual reproduction by making a bridge to transfer its dna into another it's basically ejaculation except it's a cell ejaculation so if the brain cells can reproduce then they are ejaculating from one another to reproduce

x.dejun: please stfu i already had to struggle with science

j.yoonoh: oh look we have another foreign kid

s.youngho: welcome to hell kid now who are you

l.mark: uh

l.mark: i'm in high school and i happened to be in the same class as the boy named 'renjun'

l.mark: and i still haven't gotten the textbook pages

l.jeno: mood

h.renjun: CHENLE YOU LITTLE SHIT

z.chenle: :'D

h.renjun: great now he's gonna be with us

l.yangyang: that's not nice

k.jungwoo: ^

l.chittaphon: so mark kid, what brings you here

l.mark: i need textbook pages bc i have an upcoming math test

l.chittaphon: oh

l.chittaphon: well you see, most of us are in college (which we aren't thriving) so try asking the younger ones

l.mark: and who exactly are..

p.jisung: there's me, lele, norenmin hyungs, donghyuck hyung, and the three that had transferred in six months ago

n.jaemin: i heard my name

l.yangyang: which period do you have for math?

l.mark: fourth

l.jeno: oooo us 00 liners are in the same math class

n.jaemin: huh how come i haven't seen u

l.donghyuck: oh ew i have to be stuck with a music nerd

l.mark: stfu

l.mark: can anyone tell me the textbook pages

k.jungwoo: um guys

k.jungwoo: the kitchen is burning

l.taeyong: WHAT

l.taeyong: I TOLD SOMEONE TO WATCH IT OVER 

n.yuta: yeah about that

j.yoonoh: oh no

n.yuta: iN MY DEFENSE

n.yuta: I FELL ASLEEP BECAUSE I WAS TIRED FROM STUDYING

k.dongyoung: JESUS FUCKS SOMEONE GET ME CLOTH AND A FAN

d.sicheng: i think we need more than that

w.kunhang: im worried-

q.kun: this is normal

w.yukhei: im so

l.mark: im concerned

l.mark: very very concerned

l.mark: and wondering how you guys met

m.taeil: STORYTIME

z.chenle: your stories are boring

m.taeil: i-

h.renjun: since i have the brain cells here i'll explain

h.renjun: basically myself and the other young shits met in the same school and we formed a friend group

h.renjun: and since chenle and i know sicheng hyung, he knows the other hyungs which made us form a separate friend group for ppl from china or somewhere around there and since yukhei hyung knows jungwoo hyung, jungwoo hyung knows the rest of the hyungs which is how all of us met and became friends and made a group chat

l.donghyuck: perhaps my brain died

l.chittaphon: didn't think you would have one

x.dejun: DAMN

x.dejun: but yeah basically

l.mark:

l.mark: well isn't that nice

k.dongyoung: AEVH UFKC THE CLOTH IS ON FIRE

l.taeyong: WHAT THE FUCK

d.sicheng: gET THE WATER

s.johnny: im just gonna not step out of my room

q.kun: you can go do that while we are burning alive

m.taeil: the love

n.jaemin: oh yeah since mark is now apart of us

n.jaemin: let's meet him tomorrow!

h.renjun: and why would we do that

l.jeno: seems like a logical thing i mean i dont think none of us have interacted with him at school

p.jisung: now that just sounds sad

l.yangyang: imcrying

w.yukhei: so we managed to put out the fire

j.yoonoh: we have a burnt pan now and taeyong is gonna be pissed

l.chittaphon: HE WOULDN'T BE IF YOU DIDN'T MENTION IT

l.taeyong: BITCH THAT WAS A LIMITED EDITION PAN

l.mark: what the fuck did i get myself into

l.mark: i just wanted the textbook pages

h.renjun: oh right

h.renjun: the pages are 415-500

l.mark:

l.mark: there goes my sleep

 

◗◖

 

another tiring day for mark lee, hooray. he managed to cram all the textbook pages in the middle of five am which is the time he usually would wake up- oh wait he didn't get any sleep. sucks to be him. anyway, yesterday was something pretty interesting that happened because he got to talk to people and some were even at his school. while he was doing his homework, the boy named donghyuck planned to have a meeting at lunch in the very far corner. according to him, they were the 'loners squad' even though they were popular amongst the girls and even boys. mark didn't know why but he felt nervous? he did meet renjun during math class but he never paid attention to the others so it was basically his first time interacting with them and he didn't want to make a fool of himself even though he probably did in front of renjun. time passed by quicker than he expected—he was excited and stressed with the first meet up—but he didn't mind since it was now lunch period. normally, he had nothing to look forward to but now it was the opposite.

the canadian grabbed his lunch from his locker—it was a decent meal that he made himself—and started going to the cafeteria, trying to remember where they're going to meet. when he got to the cafeteria, he started looking for a specific table in a far corner. it took a while since there were many students and it was difficult to see even in his contacts. when he got closer to the table, he could see nine boys sitting there who were excitedly talking and laughing. he wasn't five feet in and he can already hear a dolphin shriek that busted his eardrums.

"LOOK! IT'S MERK!!" he saw a blonde boy getting up from his seat and shrieked again that made everyone at the table cover their ears.

"how would you even know it's mark, he never revealed his face-" another boy who had chestnut brown hair had never looked so confused in his life which made mark feel bad. finally, he had made his appearance and was currently standing rather awkwardly in front of the table.

"uh, i'm mark?" the brunette responded, sounding more like a question.

"welcome, child. i'm donghyuck and these are shitheads over there," the sun-kissed boy gestured towards the other boys. "come sit down."

after mark had sat down which he was next to renjun, everyone started to introduce themselves. he found out the three boys who sat together across from him are dejun, kunhang, and yangyang. the two older boys sometimes are referred to as xiaojun and hendery which they didn't mind at all. the boys who were next to renjun were jeno and jaemin. he also had to keep a note in the back of his brain that jaemin is very touchy and flirty. the blonde boy who had screamed was chenle and he sat next to a tall looking boy named jisung and he was the youngest of them all. it was interesting, to say the least.

at first, mark felt awkward sitting at the table but he eventually got comfortable with them because they were a bunch of hooligan teenagers who were still youthful to this day. it was pretty hilarious because they sometimes argued over small things or even roast each other which was apparently normal within their group. he had participated apart of the conversation and somehow went from talking about donghyuck's drama life to cactus sexuality.

lunch break had ended and kids were going back to classes and it was temporarily the end of the group meet up because they refused to  _not_ find more ways to hang out with all ten of them together this time. so instead, they have gone through everyone's schedule to see if they all have the same classes together to get to chat and have been planning several hangouts including whose house they will crash to. mainly, chenle's house was the main victim because it was big and spacious as kunhang would say. well, after all, the dolphin boy was rich so he wouldn't be surprised if he owned maids.

"alright, we can arrange a hang out at chenle's mansion," donghyuck declared. with the young chinese boy protesting.

"my house isn't even cleaned yet- and it's not a mANSION!" mark, who was near him, had to cover his ears from the high-pitched voice crack.

"your house is the size of a mansion, lele," jisung sighed.

 

◗◖

 

"ALRIGHT HOES AND BITCHES, WE HAVE A MEETING TO DISCUSS," the diva boy spanked the wooden floor of the dolphin's room with a durable fan, emitting a loud smacking noise.

"what now," jisung sighed and rolled his eyes, already tired of dealing with the older boy.

"SO SINCE IT'S THE FIRST OF JANUARY-"

"are we invited to hang out with hyungs??" yangyang interrupted him as he was jumping up and down from the floor, looking like a hyper and an excited puppy. the scene made both dejun and kunhang uwu.

"ye-"

"THEN THAT MEANS WE NEED TO GET READY!!" chenle shrieked, interrupting poor donghyuck. he went over to his mega closet and started choosing warm attires for the weather which was a little windy.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE LET ME FUCKING FINISH," donghyuck snapped and afterward huffed, making mark gulp. "anyway, yeah they're picking us up around four and they already know we're at chenle's big ass house."

"festive~ where will we be going, though?" jaemin tapped his chin.

dejun had thought about it for a few minutes before answering the younger's question, "probably an arcade or somewhere to eat?"

after chenle had found warm attires for the boys, they all changed out of their school uniform because who would want to wear it for the whole afternoon? by the time they finished and zipped their jackets and coats up, they heard a ding from downstairs, meaning that the older boys have arrived. they went downstairs from chenle's room with jeno almost falling down the stairs and wearing their shoes before going out. they saw the eleven older boys waiting for them at the door and mark had noticed a specific boy wearing a birthday hat. he had assumed it was kun.

"uhhh, where's the car?" kunhang looked around for any vehicles but there weren't any.

"this headass thought it was a great idea to walk all the way from here after collecting everyone at the college dorms. when it was FUCKING FORTY DEGREES OUTSIDE," the short boy pointed at the redhead.

"oh, i'm sorry. it wasn't my fault i thought maybe it would be good for our bodies since walking IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH," the redhead glared at the smaller before rolling his eyes. mark and the others had stayed silent, watching the two boys having an internal fight.

a dirty blonde boy sighed before slapping his leg due to having it sore from walking miles and miles. he seemed the most collected one out of everyone and he happened to have a question, "by the way, i suppose you're mark?"

mark nodded slowly.

"you know, it would've been easier if you posted a picture of yourself so we wouldn't have to keep introducing you or ourselves," renjun muttered next to him and he jabbed an elbow into his rib, earning a kick to his calf.

luckily, no one died. after taeyong, the redhead, and the others have introduced themselves to mark, they began walking to the arcade because they wanted to have some fun. after all, the younger boys needed it after stressful weeks of work. it was windy and chilly outside but not too much to the point they would freeze to death, but chittaphon, the short boy who fought with taeyong, still was against walking. plus, the car had the heater but they would need at least two or three cars to fit everyone in. they have safely arrived at the arcade but it happened to be closed because of new years.

"you can't be fucking with me," chittaphon groaned.

"well, i guess we can go to the restaurant now?" kun replied to his defeated comment as he linked arms with yuta and sicheng for warmth.

"it's a mile away, we should be fine" dongyoung looked at his phone and shrugged, earning another groan from the thai boy.

and so, they walked another mile to burn their calories off to the restaurant. the restaurant they went to was simple and elegant, but not too fancy to make them feel overwhelmed. after they booked a table- or two, they sat down after combining two tables and half of them sat on chairs and the others sat on the booths. taeil stretched his legs and sighed in content. walking was a pain in the ass for all of the boys because they basically walked six miles while the older boys walked ten miles since they walked to chenle's house. when the menus arrived, they started to look through the food option.

"what do you guys want to get?" kun continued to read through the menu and had abandoned his birthday hat. he thought the hat was really embarrassing to wear anyway.

"as long as we can eat the cake for dessert for your birthday," replied sicheng before pecking his flushed cheek from the cold. it became more flushed red when kun got flustered at the sudden peck from the younger and it turned even redder when he felt yuta intertwining their hands together. the china line—including ten—basically fanboyed and talked frantically in chinese while everyone else looked at them, pretending to understand them. mark mostly "understood" what they were saying but he really didn't. after everyone had ordered that they wanted, they waited for their food as yuwinkun were displaying their affection in public.

jungwoo rested his cheek on his palm, staring at mark, "tell me about yourself."

mark, who was drinking his water, almost choked when the soft boy suddenly talked to him.

"m-me?" he pointed at himself and tried to recover from his choking. 

"ah, don't worry man. woo is always like this, wanting to know more about new people he meets," yukhei reassured him which kind of helped the poor boy.

"oh yeah, we haven't known much about you except for your origin, age, and such," yoonoh grinned and leaned in a little while youngho was drinking water. "maybe you can share more about yourself while we're waiting for our food?"

"well, i don't mind i guess?" mark sheepishly rubbed the back of his nape. "aside coming from canada and being a highschooler, i have interest in music writing and composition. guess you can say i'm decent with those? i'm still improving. i can somewhat rap, i've been practicing..."

he continued listing off things and rambling, not noticing that everyone was listening intently. once he had finished rambling, he had noticed and his face flushed red. "o-oh, sorry for rambling-"

"it's fine! you seem interesting," jungwoo, who at first had a serious face, now had a cute smile plastered on his face. "hopefully, we can become close because you seem like a nice kid."

"you can always join in our foreign swaggers squad," youngho shrugged and had a small grin on his face, making mark feel comfortable and also smile.

by the time their food arrived, everyone began eating and talking to each other, getting to know more about each other but mostly mark and mark absorbing information into his brain. but also probably replacing school information with those because his brain cells could barely contain information in the form of education. the canadian was eating his fries and he looked up from his plate to see everyone smiling and laughing at something they're talking about. he saw how the japanese and chinese gave lots of affection and skinship to the already flustered birthday boy and it made him soft inside. man, he was missing out on a lot of shit, wasn't he? 

but he was glad he got to meet these people all just because he needed the textbook pages for his assignment. his thoughts were interrupted when he heard the same dolphin voice gasping in an excited tone. wait, weren't they eating just now? he looked down at his plate but realized it was already gone because the waiter had collected the plates from everyone. time flew by fast for him when he's thinking to himself.

his nostrils smelled something sweet and he saw a cake being placed in front of kun with the candles lit up and his name written on it. he could probably guess that taeyong had planned the waiter to give them cake after they finished their meals and paid extra money without kun knowing. mark found himself singing along with everyone for kun's birthday.

to kun, it was the best birthday he ever had. he used to celebrate his birthday with his parents and sometimes with himself or not celebrate it at all because they were busy and he never got the time to. he looked at the others who looked happy as they sang the happy birthday song. his lips pursed up into a smile and his body reacted on its own and held both yuta and sicheng's hands, feeling their warmth in both of his hands. once everyone finished singing happy birthday—not too loudly—he heard taeyong.

"make your wish," the redhead smiled. "and have an amazing birthday."

the birthday boy sighed and grinned. he looked at the lit candles, flames dancing at small air movements. ever since mark was an additional member to the friend group, they all have gotten close and grew a liking to the seagull boy. everything just seemed perfect. and he didn't want it to be ruined. he had wished for all of them to remain as friends and for fate to give good fortune to them with no bad lucks.

he blew the candles out.

 

◗◖

**BRAIN CELL EJACULATION**

 

l.yangyang: HSJKDJ YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN KUN HYUNG

l.yangyang: hE WAS CRYING AND I CRIED

h.renjun: damn i felt that 

q.kun: i didn't cry

q.kun: my eyes were sensitive to the candles

n.yuta: aw baby it's ok to cry on birthdays

q.kun: i didnt c r y 

l.chittaphon: this is denial smh

w.yukhei: aDMIT IT

m.taeil: he was feeling the sentiments

q.kun: no

l.taeyong: it's ok kun

q.kun: no stfu

l.mark: tell me im not the only one who uwued

l.jeno: well

l.mark: stfu

j.yoonoh: pff

d.sicheng: our baby cried im so-

l.dognhyuck: control your damn uwus

p.jisung: you're just salty you're single hahahahaha

l.donghyuck: you acted the same so stfu you got no rights

p.jisung: ;(

s.youngho: anyway how was today

m.taeil: did everyone get home safely 

z.chenle: i think

k.dongyoung: you think

n.jaemin: ya we did

l.mark: ok but like im deadass tired and i still have homework to do

x.dejun: ...

x.dejun: mark, it'll be the weekends

k.jungwoo: ??? it's new years??

w.kunhang: dumbass hwjfh we're gonna have school tomorrow

x.dejun: OH SHIT I DIDN'T DO MY HOMEWORK

h.renjun: youll be fine youre one of the top students?

x.dejun: oh wait i dont have any homework

l.mark: WHY DO I HAVE HOMEWORK TF BITCH

m.taeil: this reminds me of the old days

l.chittaphon: lmao old man

m.taeil: stfu

w.yukhei: so sad

q.kun: how do you even forget you have school i

x.dejun: hey at least i didn't cry after blowing out the candles

q.kun: I DIDN'T FUCKING CRY

x.dejun: bet

k.dongyoung: anyone wanna bet he's gonna get his ass beaten

n.jaemin: 5 dollars

l.jeno: 10 dollars

l.chittaphon: stop making my colleague ass feel poor

l.mark: can and can't relate

l.donghyuck: i can barely afford a penny

p.jisung: but-

l.donghyuck: exactly

k.jungwoo: you people disappoint me

l.taeyong: i should be saying that

q.kun: anyways

x.dejun: u still cried lmao

q.kun: yOU KNoW WHat

q.kun: it was my first time spending my bday w bunch of friends who i consider as my family

q.kun: and uh i really honestly don't cry that often

d.sicheng: you barely cry tf

h.renjun: we can confirm it smh

q.kun: yeah while you cry the most

n.jaemi: AWWWWW

h.renjun: DONT EXPOSE MY NAKED ASS LIKE THAT

l.mark: THEN COVER YOUR ASS

j.yoonoh: there's no such thing as common sense in this chat

l.mark: i lost mine when i met you guys

m.taeil: no shit

h.renjun: ^ did i mention that when he first talked to me

h.renjun: he asked me for the pgs bc he didn't pay attention in class

z.chenle: mood

p.jisung: mood

l.yangyang: FATASS MOOD

l.donghyuck: IF THAT AINT ME

l.mark: CAN YOU NOT-

l.chittaphon: its ok

l.taeyong: i have no faith in anyone in this chat

n.yuta: no one does you're not special honey

q.kun: sassy

k.dongyoung: i can feel my intelligence get tainted with stupidity

w.yukhei: sad life right there :/

k.dongyoung: you got no room to say that anyway

k.jungwoo: he's right

w.yukhei: :'(

l.jeno: hhh im tired im going to bed

p.jisung: it's only 8 you weak ass

l.jeno: im a proper homo sapien and i sleep like a proper one

l.jeno: wouldn't wanna end up like mark

l.mark: HEY

d.sicheng: aren't you feeling the love

l.mark: yeah totally

l.donghyuck: get used to it bitch

l.mark: no

l.taeyong: ok kids time to go to bed including you mark

l.mark: dont throw me under the bus the fuck

l.mark: NOT MY FAULY I HAVE WORK

l.jeno: what if you dont

w.yukhei: exactly

x.dejun: it's a possibility

l.taeyong: gO TO BED

w.kunhang: im a bad bitch

q.kun: stop referencing vines before i shove this stick up your ass

w.kunhang: "that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

l.jeno: IMCYRIGN

l.taeyong: gO THE FUCK TO SLEEP BEFORE I FORCE YOU WE HAVE SHIT TON OF WORK TOMORROW

l.mark: 😔

 

after seeing the last text which was from mark in the chat, kun had exited out and shut his phone off, putting it on his bedstand. he focused on his two boyfriends who he's cuddling with on his bed. they were extra affectionate today since it was his birthday, but it wasn't like they're gonna stop being affectionate. every time they do small things such as holding hands or giving small pecks, it still made him flustered and all red which he ended up stuttering a little. 

"isn't it great to have your birthday on new years?" sicheng asked softly, nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck. "because it turns into a brand new year as you turn one year older as if it's a special thing. did you know, technically people are celebrating your birthday on new years??"

both kun and yuta continued listening to the younger's rambling, often chuckling at the cuteness from sicheng.

"yeah, it's great. but you know what else is great?" both the japanese and chinese looked at him.

"hm?" they both responded at the same time.

"having you guys," kun smiled softly and cuddled them even more if that's possible. yuta cooed at him while sicheng cringed at the cheesiness but still cuddled anyway because he still love him. since they have had lots of times on their hands such as the winter break and today, they got to cuddle and hug and exchange kisses. it was amazing between the three and they loved it. they continued to share each others' warmth in a peaceful silence until they felt tired and drowsy. sicheng yawned and nuzzled into kun's neck again and smelling a hint of cinnamon and home, his favorite scent. he also wrapped his arm around yuta closer to him, enjoying his comforting warmth.

"by the next few years... do you think we will still be together..?" the brunette asked in a soft, quiet voice but the two heard him clearly. he felt the arms around his waist tighten and a hand, which was yuta's, intertwining with his.

"why are you questioning it? of course, we'll still be together. things may happen but it won't be strong enough to break us apart..." the white blonde boy whispered softly and rubbed circles into the younger's back.

"i don't know. i mean, i love you and yuta hyung and you guys love each other, of course, we'll be fine. but maybe i might be overthinking? i mean it's a new year after all and some things may happen and i'm just wor-"

"sheesh, stop rambling, sichengie. you're overthinking this. do you think our relationship is that fragile?" the dirty blonde to his left cut his rambling off. he felt a hand carding through his soft, brown locks.

"no-"

"okay, then that means we'll still be together."

kun watched as yuta comforted sicheng who was probably in a brain overdrive from overthinking about their relationship. it was normal for the younger to, he was just worried and cautious so he wouldn't get hurt again. not to be damaged again. the same thing goes for him, but he didn't want to overthink about it because he was certain they will be still together. however, the question made him think about it. life is life, anything can happen. maybe by the next day, poof, his boyfriends will be gone from his life and he will be-

"oh, don't tell me you're thinking about it too," kun snapped out from his thoughts and turned his head to his right, seeing eyes from yuta piercing into his. his dark brown eyes were sharp and looked beautiful. it made him get lost into them from how much beauty it held. to other people, it may look like it held ice in them but they were warm, very warm. he then heard the other chuckle slightly and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "both of you stop overthinking, alright? we need to sleep for tomorrow."

"i guess," kun chuckled. he turned the lamp on his bedstand off, leaving the three in complete darkness. silence washed over them in a comfortable way.

they shifted around in a different position. sicheng had his head now resting in the crook of yuta's neck with kun's arm around his waist, reaching over to hold yuta's warm hand. this was perfect. perfect for the three of them. they shared the equal amount of warmth as their hearts swelled in satisfaction. they exchanged 'i love you's to each other and some sweet words for comfort before the three boys fell into a slumber that felt like home in each other's presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO KIDS i have provided you content for new years and our precious king, kun and his birthday!! (and mine but that aint important-) but also including mark's graduation ;(
> 
> i have tried to tie in mark's pov and kun's at the end??? if that worked but i tried uwu
> 
> you might be curious but unfortunately this isn't connected to the actual plot, it's just a special chapter!! also i have decided doing a high school au-ish since i sat here for a few minutes and decided to do smth new like a different alternative universe where they aren't idols owo!!
> 
> anyways, enjoy this special chapter that i have posted at 10:54 pm jsdfhjshf sorrY FOR THE LONG NOTE HEDH


	24. another year, more children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> overtaxed mother: this is why i drink all my problems away

**the vision w/o renle**

 

dickless:  **it is finally official**

yeschengie <3:  **since when did the group chat name change-**

dickless:  **wayv is debuting my children**

<3 small moomin <3:  **whY AReNT WE iN iT**

whipped pimp:  **i don't think we need another world war vii**

cuntfuckphin **: is that roman numeral**

<3 small moomin <3:  **it's fucking pasta dumbass**

cuntfuckphin **: but-**

<3 small moomin <3:  **SARCASM**

yeschengie <3: **this is why we can't have nice things**

dickless:  **no shit**

dickless:  **plus you would go on a strangling streak and cause ruckus in the dorms**

<3 small moomin <3:  **ITS NOT ONLY ME**

cuntfuckphin:  **are you sure about that ge**

<3 small moomin <3:  **you wanna fucking die**

dickless:  **anyway**

whipped pimp:  **shouldn't we add the others by now**

dickless: **im doing that rn**

 

dickless has added real hoe, yangyang, kunhang, and dejun into the group chat

 

<3 small moomin <3:  **since when the fuck is hyung in-**

real hoe: WHAT'S UP BITCHES

dickless: i regret i regret

yeschengie <3: we only speak chinese in this GODDAMN GROUP CHAT

yangyang:  _ **is this what a group chat is like?**_

kunhang: **you're talking in german again**

whipped pimp: im confused  **do we talk in korean or** chinesebecause  **everyone is** -

dejun:  **my head already hurts**

dickless:  **welcome to my world**

cuntfuckphin **: WELCOME TO MY PLAYGROUND**

<3 small moomin <3:  **stop**

yangyang:  **may i ask why everyone has weird usernames**

real hoe:

real hoe:  **before you were birthed we have the main group chat and you can imagine how that went**

kunhang:  **im not surprised?**

whipped pimp:  **you shouldnt be**

yangyang:  **also when will we be added??**

dickless:  **until wayv debuts they already did it w us when we debuted in nct u**

yangyang:  **:0**

yeschengie <3:  **i have a feeling that he's the only precious child in here**

cuntfuckphin **: i**

yeschengie <3:  **i abandoned your asses**

real hoe:  **top 10 anime betrayals**

dejun:  **this is saddening**

whipped pimp:  **also if you wanna change your user i think you press the arrow above the gc and it shows the mmebers and click on urself or someone if u wanna change ur or someone else's user**

yangyang:  **uh**

yangyang:  **help**

<3 small moomin <3:  **there's the gc name and in the top right corner theres the arrow**

yangyang:  **OH**

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

overtaxed mother: so i heard we have 3 new members

dickless: TECHNICALLY we haven't debuted yet but you will

overtaxed mother: i think the fuck not

thy coward: should we go back to the tree branch diagram

hyuckie kisses: no please my brain cells

moist furry: you never had any to begin with

hyuckie kisses: says the one who poked his eye with a fucking straw at a pizzeria

moist furry: BITCH LOOK HERE

leader uwu: woah no nO cALM YOURSELVES

emo as fuck: this is living hell what the fuck

real hoe: i feel fucking deprived

this is the SEO: good

real hoe: is this how you treat yOUr FUCKing BOYfRieND

this is the SEO: yes

yutah <3: oh-

real hoe: at least i'll have more lines than you

jaehoe: ok how about we don't rip at each other's throats

unfunny: i wanna watch

markle sparkles: and where did i go wrong to even join the same company as you plebians 

cuntfuckphin: just bc you're salty doesn't mean you have to watch a couple suffer hyung smh

unfunny: IM NOT SALTY

markle sparkles: i wanna go back to canada

hyuckie kisses: you're in korea deal with it bitch

markle sparkles: oh really i thought this was antarctica 

overtaxed mother: im this close to abandoning you all

emo as fuck: and why haven't you done it yet

overtaxed mother: you wanna die kid

yeschengie <3: an overgrown kid

emo as fuck: this is abuse

leader uwu: domestic abuse?

jaehoe: so they're married

real hoe: eW SINCE WHEN THE FUCJ

emo as fuck: for your information im not into old guys

dickless: what the fuck is going on

overtaxed mother: IM NOT THAT OLD

unfunny: well you're like 20 or smth

overtaxed mother: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S THE OLDEST

unfunny: and i look young and fresh

ugly mineral: this ain't it...

<3 small moomin <3: wait what were we supposed to talk about again

this is the SEO: well i mean taeyong had mentioned about the rookies and we got off track

yutah <3: yeah no shit

yeschengie <3: OH

yeschengie <3: in the group chat we have yUkhEI DIDN'T KNOW WHO DEJUN AND KUNHANG WERE

whipped pimp: IT'S NOT MY FAULT THEIR STAGE NAMES WEREN'T REAL NAMES GIVE ME A BREAK

markle sparkles: right and who's yukhei

 

whipped pimp has left the group chat

 

thy coward: you made him run away how could you

dickless: he actually went to my room and started cussing the shit out of mark in chinese

markle sparkles: i feel loved

jaehoe: yeah ok sure

hyuckie kisses: you know what's sad

<3 small moomin <3: my small will to live

cuntfuckphin: ^just like yourself

<3 small moomin <3: you wanna die bitch i'll spank you with these flip flops

ugly mineral: aw babe i never knew you were into that kind of stuff

real hoe: spank or be spanked

unfunny: i don't think taeyong would appreciate this if he sees this-

dickless: nah it's fine

leader uwu: yeah and mark never graduated from nct dream

cuntfuckphin: im sorry can you not

emo as fuck: c A N Y O U N O T ? ? ?

overtaxed mother: what did i come back to why did yukhei leave what the fuck

overtaxed mother: AND FOR THE LAST TIME NO KINKY TALKS

ugly mineral: i only asked if injunnie was into to hurting people with flip flops :c

hyuckie kisses: technically chittaphon hyung made it sound kinky so

real hoe: you didn't have to expose me like that

thy coward: ok let's stop all of this together please-

unfunny: i just want my smoothie damn

 

7:33 am

 

markle sparkles: i just realized we actually never discussed why wayv isn't apart of nct under the umbrella term

markle sparkles: usually the unit would have nct in it

moist furry: now you mentioned it

dickless: well it's because wayv will mostly promote in china since it's chinese members or members who speak chinese like chittaphon and idk why it isn't under the nct umbrella term maybe bc of political shit don't ask me

yutah <3: huh i was hoping they can join a unit that's under the umbrella term 

leader uwu: same :((

jaehoe: well will they be in the company somewhere in the nct dorms?

dickless: good question

unfunny: perhaps they might move in but wont be in the dorms that much bc yknow

whipped pimp: who knows

cuntfuckphin: buzzfeed unsolved mystery

moist furry: who was using the kitchen

moist furry: who was even cooking in here

markle sparkles: for sure it isn't me

emo as fuck: obviously

moist furry: like why are there bowls everywhere and wooden spoons and everything everywhere

<3 small moomin <3: oh so that's why i woke up with a headache

overtaxed mother: dont tell me you-

<3 small moomin <3: 

cuntfuckphin: why-

<3 small moomin <3: I WAS THIRSTY AT 3 IN THE MORNING AND DRANK APPLE JUICE

this is the SEO: and why the fuck do you guys have "apple juice" in your dorms

ugly mineral: so that explains why i heard noises in the kitchen

markle sparkles: i?

yeschengie <3: can i leave already

yutah <3: you already left cause you're with wayv ;(

markle sparkles: come back pls i beg of you taeil hyung keeps harassing me

unfunny: im love deprived ;(

overtaxed mother:

overtaxed mother: good luck with that

leader uwu: is no one not gonna add yukhei back?

thy coward: i forgot he was here

moist furry: ouch i felt that

 

dickless has added whipped pimp into the group chat

 

whipped pimp: wow finally

dickless: most of everyone here forgot abt you so

whipped pimp:

whipped pimp: thanks guys :')

real hoe: np

whipped pimp: what did i miss anyway

markle sparkles: everything basically

yutah <3: that's sad

hyuckie kisses: just like your obsession with sicheng hyung

cuntfuckphin:

dickless: i can't believe i have to take care of you

<3 small moomin <3: what do you expect though

emo as fuck: as his boyfriend i gave up on him a long time ago

ugly mineral: 😔

overtaxed mother: this is why i drink all my problems away

jaehoe: this is off topic but i wanna see the rookies

this is the SEO: sorry man we gotta stick to our policies

jaehoe: sigh

leader uwu: it's not that bad, they'll debut around january!!

real hoe: that's right bitch

hyuckie kisses: don't get yourself ahead hon

real hoe: no

hyuckie kisses: :)

moist furry: ok

emo as fuck:

emo as fuck: the group chat has been dead lately

unfunny: we're busy getting ready for our 127 tour

unfunny: as well as wayv getting ready to debut

unfunny: and u guys are filming things for nct daily and stay updated for the fans

emo as fuck: point taken

 

**nct nightmare**

 

<3 small moomin <3: did i ever mention how salty i am that my own tWO boYfRieNDs didn't invite me to their pIZZErIa date >:(

cuntfuckphin: aw

ugly mineral: WE'RE SORRY INJUNNIE WE DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU SO WE ALREADY WENT ;((

hyuckie kisses: tbh it's better to not be there with them liKE BITCH THEY'RE A MESS

hyuckie kisses: 1. jaemin's english 2. jaemin  thinking arugula was cola on TOP OF THE DAMN PIZZA 3. them pouring cola in their glasses 4. jaemin making a mess 5. jeno stabbing the shit out of the bread 6. jeno stabbing his eye with the straw

ugly mineral: 1. MY ENGLISH IS GETTING BETTER 2. I MISHEARD IT OK

hyuckie kisses: says the one who thought christmas was on november 25th

ugly mineral: lET iT diE

moist furry: where's mark

cuntfuckphin: probably kicked out by his own boyfriend 

emo as fuck: wow

hyuckie kisses: i mean he graduated so mind as well kick him out lmao

<3 small moomin <3: true though

cuntfuckphin: does that mean you're gonna kick yourselves out once you guys turn 20?

<3 small moomin <3: basically

emo as fuck: :( that means it'll be only chenle and i

hyuckie kisses: oh shit you right

moist furry: uHHHH then what will happen to nct dream-

ugly mineral: o h

ugly mineral: hopefully sm can find more members right-

emo as fuck: welp

emo as fuck: time to dwell in my own sadness

cuntfuckphin: yoU'RE ALREADY EMO ENOUGH S TOP

<3 small moomin <3: sigh

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

overtaxed mother: is it just me or do i hear a baby in distress

emo as fuck: that's me right here

leader uwu: why??

hyuckie kisses: this is why mark shouldn't have chewed bubblegum with us since 2016

markle sparkles: what-

hyuckie kisses: wHAT IM SAYING IS JISUNG'S CRYING o K

markle sparkles: BUT WHY

thy coward: how about get it through your thick skull and think about it

yutah <3: im emo now thanks

whipped pimp: 😔

unfunny: they should've made every units fixed tbh including 127 since technically jungwoo was added

jaehoe: true

this is the SEO: dont we all though

markle sparkles: YOU'RE SAYING YOU WANT TO KILL ME

dickless: yes

yeschengie <3: yes

real hoe: yes

thy coward: basically

overtaxed mother: on the bright note i wont have to take care of 20 children

markle sparkles: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

 

"should we tell them?" yangyang looked at his black screen phone after turning the device off.

"i mean, should we? probably not, we would get killed before we get to debut," kunhang chuckled before wrapping an arm around the younger's waist, pulling him closer. dejun, on the other hand, rolled his eyes at the sudden pda.

he had no room to be complaining since he scooched over to yangyang's other side on the bed and interlocked his hands with his. oh right, they haven't really debuted yet so they have a room to themselves as the others were probably busy keeping up with nct.

"we wouldn't get killed if we don't get caught," dejun responded also as he scrolled through his phone with his free hand.

the youngest yawned in exhaustion from filming for their unit, wayv. he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, "hey guys?"

he received small hums from the two boys and he continued on, "i have a plan, it involves hooking people up together."

"i don't like the sound of that," the oldest sounded paranoid of what he will do. he had done many insane things he could think of but this one will probably be the worst one of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i just realized i have to choose my high school classes uH-  
> as well as being busy af like honestly how could you throw research paper and argumentative speech at me why me-
> 
> also today is saltykyun's birthday so wish her a happy birthday uwu
> 
> AND SORRY IF THIS IS SHORT?? iM LIKE BUSY SJJJDJSJ IM TRYING TO UPDATE MY OTHER FANFICS AND IT ISNT GOING WELL HSHSH


	25. productivity and yukhei: -69 part i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whipped pimp: we have an issue and i feel unproductive
> 
> markle sparkles: same
> 
> overtaxed mother: cant fUCKING RELATE

**dysfunctional hell**

 

whipped pimp: i would like to officially announce 

whipped pimp: that wayv has debuted 😔✊✊

hyuckie kisses: bout time

<3 small moomin <3: im still salty

hyuckie kisses: good

<3 small moomin <3: stfu

overtaxed mother: that's so a m a z i n g

dickless: it's ok 

dickless: they're not that bad

overtaxed mother: is that supposed to reassure me

yeschengie <3: it's kun hyung we're talking abt here

leader uwu: that's fair though

markle sparkles: i sAW THE MV AND IT MADE ME

jaehoe: bust an uwu?

moist furry: yall out there thriving aren'tcha

emo as fuck: who allowed him-

ugly mineral: 👀

thy coward: can we stop being a mess for ONE FUCKING DAY

yutah <3: that's scientifically impossible

thy coward: tHIS ISN'T SCIENCE RELATED

real hoe: technically humans are related to science and we have the minds of our own and our minds and personalities and how we act are the product of our society, environment, and nature

cuntfuckphin: ew i didnt need that information science hurts my head

unfunny: then how will you know where you came from

this is the SEO: you dont

unfunny: it involves sperm and egg they combine and evolve into an embryo and grow into a fetus and then when they grow big enough they're a baby

whipped pimp: can we add them now-

ugly mineral: ah poor yukhei hyung  😔

overtaxed mother: go ahead not like i wanna be a functional normal idol anymore :')

 

whipped pimp has added dejun, kunhang, and yangyang into the group chat

 

yangyang: _**MOIN**_

real hoe: im sorry but korean only here 

yangyang: this is racist

overtaxed mother: and i can feel my headache coming

dejun:

dejun: hi?

leader uwu: we have a normal person shall we add him into our cult

thy coward: should we

this is the SEO: no you're scaring him

moist furry: welcome to the cult

kunhang: take me back i dont want to be here im petrified, mother

dickless: no

whipped pimp: can we do the ceremony

leader uwu: wE M U S T

leader uwu: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsMQOtnZuw0>

yangyang: aRE THOSE TELETUBBIES

yangyang: BITCH IM IN LOVE

kunhang: m o t h e r t a k e m e b a c k

yutah <3: welcome to hell enjoy your stay

dejun: i-

yeschengie <3: i have a feeling you guys will ruin them 

hyuckie kisses: i mean what do you expect

jaehoe: that's fair

unfunny: sigh

unfunny: anyway

emo as fuck: my head hurts

overtaxed mother: go get painkillers

cuntfuckphin: go rest bby uwu

moist furry: what did u even do 

emo as fuck: idk

leader uwu: you should go rest then

markle sparkles: i mean thats what i do when i have headaches or smth

thy coward: you poor poor soul

ugly mineral: i have a feeling it's sarcasm

<3 small moomin <3: it probably is

real hoe: gays

real hoe: you know what i noticed

jaehoe: what

whipped pimp: what

real hoe: we havent given these 3 some shit names yet

hyuckie kisses: cAN I BE IN CHARGE OF THAT

dejun: WAIT WHAT

kunhang: M O M

leader uwu: you poor souls

real hoe: no fuck off

 

real hoe has changed kunhang's name to long and thin

real hoe has changed yangyang's name to mcqueen

real hoe has changed dejun's name to shark boy

 

shark boy: why am i shark boy tf

dickless: i wonder who's your lava girl

shark boy: bold of you to assume

mcqueen:

long and thin:

markle sparkles: exposed

cuntfuckphin: who's the lava girl and that boy

mcqueen: why not make me lava girl when i have queen in my user 🙄

yutah <3: aight you're right

overtaxed mother: oh yeah kun, how's it going with wayv?

dickless: it's going good and-

yutah <3:  **i still shed a single tear bc of your debut and i cant relate bc of the amount of lines i have and sicheng's**

real hoe: what did he say i cant japanese i can korean thai and chinese not that shit

this is the SEO: something around the lines part

real hoe: yeah im too lazy to even translate anyway

 

4:44 pm

 

whipped pimp: we have an issue and i feel unproductive

markle sparkles: same

overtaxed mother: cant fUCKING RELATE

dickless: oh poor you

whipped pimp: can i just sit on the couch and like not do anything but be a potato couch

jaehoe: a tall one to be exact

moist furry: are u sad again that jungwoo hyung is busy

yutah <3: perhaps i mean they are always attached anyway

whipped pimp: he's never been tHAT busy before :(( we never got our daily cuddles

shark boy: that's unfortunate

this is the SEO: it really is

unfunny: eh

unfunny: right ok

whipped pimp: but why is everyone dead lately like tf

thy coward: just because you're on a break from your promotions doesn't mean you can expect us to be free all the time

thy coward: go do something to kill time

dickless: yeah and plus the rest of us are busy with personal stuff so

whipped pimp: oh ok

 

yukhei sighed and put his phone down, laying on the soft mattress and his back at ease. the group chat had few discussions before an hour later, it became dead. specifically, deader as each second passed. he looked over at the black ticking clock for every second that had passed. it was rather quiet and boring in his own room. wayv should be on a break by now but it felt like he was the only one who's on break... what are the others even doing? he wondered and wondered until he got tired of thinking. maybe he should sleep.

but he didn't try to sleep. he felt rather restless despite finally having the time to rest after promotions and other schedules he had. he wasn't physically tired, but he was mentally tired. he sighed and stuffed his face with a pillow that was near him, letting out his frustration and rubbing it onto the pillow. he basically had no one to talk to or text to because they sounded busy as if they shouldn't be bothered, he didn't want to seem like an annoying shit. but it's okay, he can play some card games to kill time and maybe read books or watch chinese dramas. but who's he kidding? it's boring without a company or two to do the same shit he comes up with. to be honest, it's been like this ever since wayv debuted and it was... wow, frustrating. everyone, like basically everyone including his boyfriend, was busy doing "things" which he didn't know of but he assumed it was something that must've kept them all busy like all crammed up. he looked out of the window after sitting up from his bed, looking at the golden afternoon rays as he thought over dongyoung's texts. he's right though, maybe he was expecting the other members had breaks and only thought about himself.  _do i seem selfish? but i sounded selfish? is that how selfish people act?_ the feeling of guilt rose to his chest, making it twist in a painful way each second and the more he thought about it. he had a train of thought running along through his mind nonstop as if it was a playing video clip. he shook his head and covered the curtains, letting no light seep through into his already dark room and collapsed back on the bed, but wrapped up in a baby blue blanket.

he was cuddle deprived but lonely as well and he didn't like it.

at least he had come across a website about tips on how to kill time by accident. he saw that one of the steps was to just sleep and hope to kill time.

although, he couldn't sleep. he can always try to sleep and not do shit since there wasn't any point anyway, and he was mentally exhausted so he thought the best thing he could do is rest. yukhei shifted around on his bed and wrapped himself completely in the blankets, making him into a cocoon shape with his head sticking out of the cocoon hole. oh well, this might be the best option for him anyway.

_wait, what should i eat after i wake up? wait, no, i'd be too tired._

 

**hay day bday**

 

overtaxed mother: alright where's the fucking cake

moist furry: i xANT BELIEVE YOU DESTROYED HIM LIKE THAT

thy coward: IM SORRY

emo as fuck: way to make him sad amirite

jaehoe: shouldnt you be sleeping

emo as fuck: no 

overtaxed mother: ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTION

unfunny: damn ok

real hoe: isn't it in the kitchen

overtaxed mother: no it isnt

real hoe: yes

overtaxed mother: [attached image]

this is the SEO: uhhhhh

overtaxed mother: WHERE THE F U C K IS THE C A K E

dickless: this is a fucking mess

mcqueen: i found it and it's under a table

<3 small moomin <3: who put that there i swear

<3 small moomin <3: what if someoe accidentally ruins it god damn it

markle sparkles: 😔

yutah <3: god damn it mark

markle sparkles: SHUT UP

shark boy: ok we have the decorations ready

long and thin: do we though it looks empty

emo as fuck: like me

real hoe: sad

emo as fuck: least i dont have an empty brain

jaehoe: no time for dissing this is yukhei's birthday we're planning on

mcqueen: i feel bad that we have to lie we're busy and barely talk or text him

yeschengie <3: ah my heart is in pain

leader uwu: i should be the one saying that i never gave him our daily cuddles :((

hyuckie kisses: sorry get your nasty sappy stuff outta here

thy coward: deal with it

unfunny: deal with it

overtaxed mother: the cake looks done now we need utensils and plates or smth

dickless: he's gonna beat us when he finds out it's an act and a half lie half truth

markle sparkles: technically you're lying but telling a truth

ugly mineral: holy shit i feel high

cuntfuckphin: you haven't even had anything

overtaxed mother: i had beer and wanna die

this is the SEO: cant relate

<3 small moomin <3: unfortunately i cant do so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI THERE MATE  
> today is our dear yukhei's birthday who is a fluffy tall piece of the laugh making ball and my only excuse for not updating for over chittaphon+ days was bc of my stupID!!11! research paper and i was trying to make progress with my lifeguard owo and im still plotting for the 1st chapter of dream class SKSKSKKS on top of that my laptop stopped working bc my battery burned out and like :') i almost d i e d
> 
> which is why im doing this on the computer in the living room so yeah im t h r i v i n g 😔😔😔😔😔😔 btw have some sort of filler(?) chapter ill be planning smth uwu DONT WORRY NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO THE BABY TRUST ME PLS and its purposely short B)
> 
> ALSO STREAM WAYV UWU SUPPORT THEM AND THE 3 ADDITIONAL KIDS INTO THE FAMILY i honestly love them so much wtf i wanna see them with the rest of nct JDLKFDMF
> 
> usernames:
> 
> Taeil = unfunny  
> Taeyong = overtaxed mother  
> Chittaphon = real hoe  
> Youngho = this is the SEO  
> Yoonoh = jaehoe  
> Dongyoung = thy coward  
> Yukhei = whipped pimp  
> Jungwoo = leader uwu  
> Yuta = yutah <3  
> Kun = dickless  
> Sicheng = yeschengie <3  
> Mark = markle sparkles  
> Renjun = <3 small moomin <3  
> Donghyuck = hyuckie kisses  
> Jeno = moist furry  
> Jaemin = ugly mineral  
> Chenle = cuntfuckphin  
> Jisung = emo as fuck  
> Dejun = shark boy  
> Yangyang = mcqueen  
> Kunhang = long and thin


	26. february at its finest (special chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a special day, well, hopefully it is.

  **dysfunctional hell**

 

thy coward: yall didnt have to do this

overtaxed mother: stfu i worked hard on the cake NOW FUCKING EAT IT YOU FUCKING TWAT

overtaxed mother: don't even get me STARTED when MARK wanted to C O O K

markle sparkles: bUT I JUST WANTED TO COOK aND HELP

leader uwu: you literally destroyed the kitchen last time, how do you expect him to trust you again

real hoe: facts

dickless: ah true true

<3 small moomin <3: oh man i cried when the eggshell incident happened

overtaxed mother: don't even

overtaxed mother: d o n ' t e v e n

mcqueen: so mind explaining what this "eggshell" incident is

yeschengie <3: 

yeschengie <3: well you see it was 1 or 2 months ago that happened

this is the SEO: so basically markhyuck decided to go on a date in the cafeteria and mark baked a cake for the two of them and like

this is the SEO: left a mess in the kitchen

mcqueen: ohhh

markle sparkles: it was worth it

hyuckie kisses: i mean it was. the cake was good

whipped pimp: are you sure it wasn't poisoned

markle sparkles: IM A DECENT COOK

jaehoe: can you be sure of that

markle sparkles: THIS IS BULLYING!!!

emo as fuck: haha w o w

mcqueen: oh and what is markhyuck?

shark boy: we've been talking about this before we debuted you should know

mcqueen: but

yutah <3: you are an uneducated soul

cuntfuckphin: I SHOULD BE SAYING THAT

thy coward: well anyway thanks for the cake really and the presents :))

moist furry: uwu

unfunny: oh yeah

unfunny: happy birthday jisung @emo as fuck

emo as fuck: but

ugly mineral: HUSH CHILD your birthday is close with dongyoung hyung's

this is the SEO: what about mine it's also 4 days away-

real hoe: you guys hear something

this is the SEO: this is fucking discrimination

emo as fuck:

long and thin: what the

cuntfuckphin: THATS RIGHT WHY NOT CELEBRATE ALL THREE IN ONE

emo as fuck: i dont think-

ugly mineral: GREAT IDEA

long and thin: oh lord give me strength

dickless: i pray for everyone

overtaxed mother: you're not though

dickless: exactly

unfunny: how evil

hyuckie kisses: make sure to give jisung lots of love

cuntfuckphin: :)

emo as fuck: um i think the fuck not-

real hoe: yOUnGHO wHERE aRe YoU

whipped pimp: rest in peace everyone

jaehoe: ^

yeschengie <3: ^

moist furry: let them be in their own natural habitats

mcqueen: they have habitats?

overtaxed mother: of course what did you think this was?

overtaxed mother: a normal human civilization?

overtaxed mother: because you have thought wrong 

dickless: child, chenle is a dolphin, jisung is the chicken, ten is the gardening hoe, and youngho is a sewer rat

mcqueen: hoes aren't animals

real hoe: you're right

real hoe: im not an animal

real hoe: but i'm an animal in bed ;)

emo as fuck: THAT WAS UNNECESSARY

shark boy: our poor eyes

<3 small moomin <3: bitch who let this imp in this hell can we kick him out now

yutah <3: i don't think he'd appreciate it since he moved from bangkok just to come here

thy coward: oh the struggles

thy coward: how sad

thy coward: just like your predebut self in a show called teen superstar

markle sparkles: IM OSOBGI

real hoe: can we fucking not talk about that

unfunny: nice haircut hAHDHD

moist furry: im

moist furry: his hair is wild

hyuckie kisses: more blackmail for me

real hoe: NO

hyuckie kisses: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esMmOS-9YXM>

dickless: there's actual tears

whipped pimp: YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE A SUPERSTAR BEFORE DEBUT

leader uwu: oh my-

long and thin: what has god done to you

shark boy: god isn't in our dictionary anymore, kunhang.

long and thin: you're right

overtaxed mother: whoever is screaming or choking cAN YOU TONE IT DOWN

yutah <3: im pretty sure that's chenle

cuntfuckphin: WHAT EVN IS THIS

<3 small moomin <3: 1 down, 20 to go

yeschengie <3: you do realize you included yourself in there-

<3 small moomin <3: yes

<3 small moomin <3: i want to end my misery

moist furry: and leave us? :(

jaehoe: i didn't know you were this cold renjun

unfunny: in the arms

unfunny: of

unfunny: an angel

markle sparkles: did you just

leader uwu: yes he did

overtaxed mother: OH FUCK 

overtaxed mother: WE HAVE TO GO BUY SHIT

real hoe: can you buy me condoms

this is the SEO: WHAT THE FUcK

yutah <3: xl sized condoms?

yeschengie <3: isn't that your size

ugly mineral: AND HOW DO YOU KNOW OF THIs

shark boy: cover your ears children

dickless: but you're a child the fuck you mean-

yeschengie <3: oh

yeschengie <3: uh

<3 small moomin <3: don't tell me-

whipped pimp: DID THEY DO THE DOODOO

unfunny: i mean it's a possibility

yutah <3: WHAT NO HE WALKED IN ON ME NAKED ONE TIME

 

emo as fuck has left the group chat

cuntfuckphin has left the group chat

long and thin has left the group chat

mcqueen has left the group chat

moist furry has left the group chat

ugly mineral has left the group chat

<3 small moomin <3 has left the group chat

 

overtaxed mother: LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE

overtaxed mother: AND WHY THE FUCJ DO YOU NEED CONDOMS TEN

real hoe: isn't it oBVIOUS

thy coward: KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF YOU NASTY ASS BITCH

hyuckie kisses: wow

hyuckie kisses: anyway who's gonna add them back im lazy

leader uwu: sigh

 

leader uwu has added mcqueen and 6 others into the group chat

 

<3 small moomin <3: no get me out of here

long and thin: just as i thought i could escape

overtaxed mother: welcome to my world

overtaxed mother: anyway, who wants to go shopping with me

thy coward: im too tired

jaehoe: i can stay with him

yeschengie <3: do we only just buy groceries?

overtaxed mother: basically. now pack up kids

emo as fuck: don't tell me hyuck hyung is gonna stay with us

hyuckie kisses: YUP

real hoe: yo bitch come to my room

this is the SEO: why yours but not mine-

real hoe: YOURE FUCKING FAR AWAY

yutah <3: ig theyre staying as well

 

"we'll be going out now so are you sure you want to stay?" taeyong looked back at dongyoung who was sitting by the dinner table with his plate of sliced cake. a small proportion of the cake the older had baked while he was asleep.

"yeah, i don't feel like going out anyway. it's cold outside," dongyoung ate a small piece of the cake, letting the creamy frosting melt into his mouth. "also, are you kids going with him?"

"he is, not me. and i'm not a kid," donghyuck crossed his arms from his wheelchair, "i'm somewhat an adult now."

"technically you're still kids," he responded, scooping another piece of cake into his mouth.

both mark and donghyuck sighed, looking gloomy at the fact they will still be seen as kids even if they're in their thirties and it's not exaggerated. after their small talk ended with a comfortable silence, taeyong started shooing the 127 members out the door not before bidding the male at the table a "bye" and "stay safe and don't do illegal shit, please." once the door was shut closed, donghyuck had maneuvered back to the dream's dorm in peace. but before he did, the older stopped him to ask him a question.

"hey, hyuck. shouldn't you be back home? you don't have to visit every time for any special occasions," dongyoung glanced at the younger boy who looked back at him.

"well, it's not like i'm injuring my injury even more just by visiting. and it's my choice anyway, and i want to visit you guys especially on birthdays," donghyuck positioned his wheelchair so it's actually facing the older male. he folded his hands on his lap and grinned smugly, "and you can't exactly force me to go back home. after all, february is currently crowded with birthdays and yours and jisung's happened to be close but just by four days difference."

dongyoung sighed and shook his head at the boy. "i'm just worried for you and your injury."

"aw, you care for me?"

the younger cooed, making the older sigh. after the boy had turned his wheelchair and head to the dream's dorm, he continued to eat his cake while reading a book he had picked out from his room. it was about a sappy romance between the main character and the side character who happened to be in love with the other main character. and to say the least, he was really engrossed with this specific book he picked out and he's been reading it for over two to three days and he's only on chapter forty-three.

after dongyoung was done with the cake, he closed his book by inserting the bookmark so he didn't lose his page count and grabbed the plate. he stood up from his seat, pushing the chair back a little and made his way to the sink and placed the plate in the sink. he wore yellow rubber gloves on and turned the faucet on, letting the water splash onto the dirty dishes and he knew that he's gonna have to clean a lot of dishes because of certain shitheads. his rubber-gloved hand grabbed the sponge and put dish soap on it, then picked up a bowl and started cleaning the living shit out of it. when he was in the middle of rinsing the soap foams with the water, he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist and a small weight on his right shoulder. just by the sudden contact, he jumped a little and he could've sworn that he almost flung the bowl he was busy washing to the ceiling and possibly shatter it into millions of pieces.

"what the fuck yoonoh, i almost died because of you!" the black haired male grumbled, not having to turn around to know who it was. he heard a small chuckle eliciting from the other male near his ear and he wouldn't be lying if he said it sounded very melodious.

"sorry, dodo. i just wanted to say hi to my birthday boy," the other male, yoonoh, tightened his arms around the other's waist. he smiled as he watched his boyfriend continuing to wash the dishes. he buried his nose into his shoulder, smelling the sweet fragrance of the older male.

"yeah, by startling me to death."

"i didn't mean to~"

 

 

after hours and hours of waiting, dongyoung was finally done with doing the dishes, neatly putting them away in the cabinets above. yoonoh had obviously given up standing there with his boyfriend after half an hour had passed so he decided to pour himself a glass of milk, sit down on a chair, and continue watching him from behind, admiring his overall being. he used to imagine what his lips would feel like against his, how soft his hair would be if he ran a hand through it, and how it would feel like to cuddle with dongyoung. but he didn't have to anymore, because now he's his. he remembered the first time they've kissed. it was electrifying and so foreign to him, making him want more. but that was only a few months ago.

dongyoung looked at him who was lost in thought so he waved a hand in front of his face to get his attention. "hey, earth to yoonoh?"

yoonoh snapped out of his trance and saw the slim hand waving in front of his face, trying to get his attention. once he realized the older's attention was now on him, he instantly flushed pink and grabbed his untouched glass of milk and sipped it out of embarrassment. well, maybe an excuse to hide his pink dusted cheeks. he set the glass of milk back on the table and looked at his boyfriend. "so, uh, what do you want to do?"

"something... suggestive?" the black haired male leaned closer to the other with his arm resting on the table. it came out almost a whisper at the end, making the dark brown haired male choke on his own saliva. he then laughed at the reaction he received. "just kidding, let's go to your room and watch movies... well unless you want to do  _it_."

"hyung, stop being dirty!" the boy whined and got up from the chair, "anyway, you can choose a movie because it's your birthday after all."

"how sweet of you," the older smiled and picked up his book, grabbing the other by his wrist and leading him to the younger's room in the 127 dorms.

once they arrived at yoonoh's room, they crash into his room and closed the door. dongyoung safely put away his book near the tv before he stood in front of the huge ass movie cabinet, opening it and skimming through the types of movies that the younger could possibly have. yoonoh watched him from his bed, smiling at the thought that he got to spend the entire day with his boyfriend because it was uncommon for them to be able to spend time together because of their 127 schedules. at least he can savor the moment he's sharing with his boyfriend right now before they turn to their schedules again.

"baby, why the hell do you even have a huge movie collection?" yoonoh chuckled at the tall boy who had difficulties in deciding which movie to choose, by the looks of him holding two dvd cases.

"let's watch train to busan, we can cry together on your birthday, hm?" he had suggested.

"i don't need to cry anymore from that fucking sad shit. let's just binge watch a drama-"

yoonoh stood up from his comfortable bed and went over to him, looking through the third shelf of the cabinet and picked out a random american movie. specifically, a horror movie. "or let's just watch an american movie with korean subtitles?"

"IT'S A HORROR MOVIE, YOONOH."

in the end, they had unfortunately agreed on the american horror movie since both of them couldn't decide anyway. the disc was inserted and the tv was switched on with the two males sitting comfortably on the bed not without turning off the lights. ("it's effective to make the mood when watching a horror movie," the younger cheekily said.) the big blanket covered both of them since it was a bit chilly in the dorms but dongyoung was still shivering a little so he shifted closer to yoonoh who tightened his arm around his waist, exchanging warmth. to his surprise, he wasn't even paying attention to the movie or its jump scares. he was more focused on yoonoh's side profile.

he looked so flawless with his sharp jawline and smooth skin, the tv screen reflecting against his eyes, everything about him was so ethereal. how was it possible? yoonoh had noticed the pair of eyes staring at him and he turned around to see the other boy staring at him, spaced out. "are you done staring, dodo?"

what he didn't expect was a pair of lips connecting to his, pulling them into a short but sweet kiss. of course, he was thrown off-guard at the sudden kiss and it felt like an eternity when in reality it was only twenty seconds. the first to pull away was dongyoung who had started it first, but he was now staring deeply into his dark brown orbs as he heaved small breaths. no words were exchanged but the younger knew the older male was embarrassed for what he did just by the way he shifts even closer, burying his head in his chest.

"sorry. i couldn't... uh, resist kissing you," the voice muffled against the cotton material of a shirt.

"hmm, i don't mind though. but perhaps i can give you something more since it's your birthday after all."

 

-

 

"jisungie! let's cuddle for the rest of the day," chenle tackle hugged jisung onto the bed, eliciting an 'oof' from him.

"but lele, are you sure you don't want to do anything else besides cuddling? i mean... we've been cuddling here and there ever since we started dating?" jisung ran a hand through the blonde hair that belonged to the shorter boy.

"stupid, it's cold outside and i'll die out there if i stand out there for a second."

"it's not even that cold..."

"but it is! come on sungie, cuddling is the best thing ever to exist. plus, it's your birthday."

after he said that, he snuggled his head in the crook of the taller boy's neck and the arms immediately wrapped around him by the torso. both of the boys stayed in that position before jisung had to shift in a comfortable position for the both of them; jisung spooning chenle with the blankets almost covering their entire face but not entirely. of course, it was their way of trying to warm up and possibly save warmth inside the blanket so they "don't have to freeze to death," credits to chenle. even though they've been doing this multiple times, both of their hearts still couldn't stop beating rapidly inside their ribcages, almost ready to burst out.

the younger had tightened his hold on the older's torso, bringing his back closer to his chest so there's no space in between of them. just the way he liked it. he nuzzled his face into the soft bundles of the blonde locks, giving off a fruity scent that made him wonder what kind of shampoo he used because he was sure that there weren't any kind of shampoos to be on sale. but it's zhong chenle, who was he kidding. his own thoughts made him chuckle softly, making the older boy who was being spooned become curious.

"did something funny happen, sungie?" the chinese boy questioned in his surprisingly soft voice. it made the korean melt in softness and puddles of uwu. he was mainly used to the loud shrieking voice that almost resembled a dolphin, but sometimes he would still be surprised at the soft voice even if it's used when they're alone together—or when he was tired.

"nothing, i was just thinking about your shampoo," he smiled softly, a hand going up to the rich locks and playing with it.

"mhm."

it was a simple hum in response and by the sound of it, chenle was about to doze off to sleep. perhaps, he was too energetic that he had drained all of his energy for the rest of the day. heck, he even prepared a small choco pie cake with candles stuck into the four cake with frosting on it just for him when he woke up. to be honest, he felt overjoyed and happy that chenle treated him extra special—or extra  _extra_ special. but he shouldn't be though, his birthday wasn't that special and his birthday was a four-day difference between dongyoung's and youngho's birthdays. earlier, he tried protesting against his boyfriend that he should just sleep since it was really early in the morning when he celebrated his birthday.

there was a sad smile replacing his normal smile he had on a minute ago. was he really doubting himself now? he shouldn't be though.

"but although... now that you've mentioned about it earlier, maybe we can do something more than cuddling," the chinese's voice filled up the silent room, "like something special for your birthday. maybe a park?"

chenle waited for his response, but all he heard were small hiccups. his eyes widened and he quickly sat up and turned around to see what happened to his precious boyfriend. jisung's face was tinted with soft red pigments as tears built up in his eyes, each huge drop falling out of his eyes and sliding down sideways, wetting the pillow underneath his head. he covered his face with his arms, not caring if his tears will soak the sleeves of his shirt, he didn't want chenle to see him vulnerable.

"sungie, did i say something wrong? what's wrong?" chenle moved closer to the crying boy and gently held his arms, pushing them away to reveal the flushed face with tear built up eyes. the sight broke his delicate heart into pieces. "sungie..."

jisung sat up too quickly and started rubbing the tears away from his eyes. "it's... it's nothing. i'm just— _hic!_ —overthinking."

"don't lie, please. did something happen?"

"i'm s-sorry," jisung sniffled and looked away to avoid making eye contact with the person who's sitting in front of him. "i'm just... doubting myself. why you're celebrating my birthday and make it sound special."

"park jisung! why are you thinking those kinds of stuff and why doubt yourself? you know that i love you and i will always do whatever i can to make you happy and a special baby chick. the other hyungs also love you too and your birthday is just as special!" chenle lightly slapped him on the arm. he sighed and shook his head before leaning in and planting a soft kiss on the boy's forehead after gently moving the brown locks.

the small sniffles subsided but brown haired boy felt embarrassed and humiliated that he had to cry in front of his boyfriend. it was normal for people to cry, but he didn't know why he cried because normal people wouldn't cry in this kind of situation, right? he watched as the blonde boy grab a box of tissues, getting a piece out of the box and lightly dab it on his eyes to absorb the tears. he kissed both of his cheeks and pecked him on the lips after he finished cleaning his tears away, and it pretty much made him feel better again, the heavy feeling in his heart slowly fading away.

the blonde had smiled at the change of his mood, back to his calm and composed self. "so, do you want to go to the park to make you feel better?"

"sure," the brunette smiled widely.

 

-

 

what did he signed himself up to.

they were currently watching a  _fucking_ porn in youngho's room because chittaphon thought it was an amazing idea to.

"please tell me why we're doing this again?" youngho inhaled and exhaled as he massaged his right temple.

"it's for stimulating?" he replied, almost questioning.

"stimulating what exactly?"

"your hormones."

"woah, okay. if you're suggesting or implying we'll be fucking on my birthday i think the fuck not," youngho protested and crossed his arms.

chittaphon huffed and paused the porn on the tv with the remote control. "damn it. you're no fun! you should be a hormonal boyfriend, wanting to fuck the living shit out of their partner!"

"that's in your dreams. anyway, there are still kids here and they wouldn't appreciated it including the other members who are being told they've heard us fucking!"

even if he was a party pooper, he still didn't want the kids to lose their innocence. yet. but his own boyfriend was practically trying to get him to fuck him as in a birthday present for his birthday. okay, basically, a birthday sex but that wasn't gonna happen anytime soon anyway.

"fine, that failed. what do you wanna do now on your birthday?" chittaphon got up to get the disc out.

"i don't know, maybe have some quality time together as boyfriends instead of fucking?" the older male rolled his eyes.

"well that's boring though," he felt a burning stare at his crotch and youngho noticed that  he was looking at his fucking dick. "AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN HARD WHAT THE HELL!"

"and why can't we ever have a normal CIVILIZED talk-"

 

 

"damn, y'all were wilding, huh?" donghyuck faced the two males as he chewed on his crackers.

"i wish but this dipshit didn't agree on it," chittaphon jabbed a finger at the tall male.

"sorry to break it to you but we're not like dongyoung and yoonoh," youngho sighed for the nth time and went to the fridge to look for some milk.

"wait, what do you mean by that?" the youngest out of the three in the kitchen stopped munching on his crackers.

suddenly, there was a sound of a bed banging against the floorboards. the sound was faint but loud enough for donghyuck to hear and his poor innocent virgin ears had to suffer. prpbably bleed as well.

"oh."

"welcome to the world of the whiplash unit," the american male poured himself a glass of milk, looking unfazed. he drank it and looked at the younger, "and this is where you either taint or get tainted.

"bold of you to assume he was pure to begin with," the thai male snorted and then smacked the table, "and WHY CAN'T WE BE LIKE THEM, BEING HORNY SHITS!"

"i'm just gonna go now..." the korean rolled his wheelchair back to the dream's dorm to avoid any more weird conversations or anything to further damage his unholy soul.

after he left, the kitchen was silent and the only thing that was heard was the sound of breathing. it wasn't any some sort of tension or sexual tension the thai has anticipated, but rather a peaceful silence. he sighed and sat down on a chair, leaning his upper body on the table and basically moped. besides the cake, he was absolutely bummed out because he had no other plans to do shit with youngho on his birthday.

the american looked over at the shortie who was laying on top of the table and grinned to himself. he put the now empty glass of milk into the sink and walked over towards the thai. he leaned down and pecked him on the cheek, earning a body jolting up from the sudden sensation on his cheek.

"i appreciated your efforts for trying to do stuff for my birthday, but how about we go eat something? the others will he home soon."

"but my ass is lazy."

"and its my _birthday_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yALL i wasnt feeling well for the past 2 weeks :')


	27. yukhei's surprise part ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was eventful than yukhei had expected?

**hay day bday**

 

leader uwu: are we somewhat ready

overtaxed mother: i feel like we're missing something and its STRESSING THE FUCK OUT OF ME

yeschengie <3: ??? don't we have everything though

markle sparkles: i mean hopefully-

unfunny: idk

leader uwu: i'll take that as a yes??

thy coward: sure

emo as fuck: hmmmmm

mcqueen:

mcqueen: um

mcqueen: so where are his presents

dickless: OH FUCK

overtaxed mother: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

leader uwu: WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME

leader uwu: ohgodoHGODOHGODOHGOD

shark boy: evERYOne caLm dOWn

shark boy: wE CAN JUST GO BUY IT AT A MALL REAL QUICK

long and thin: you do realize we can't do that or else yukhei will suspect something

real hoe: no shit

long and thin: i feel attacked i just breathed-

jaehoe: lovely day we're having

<3 small moomin <3: brb

this is the SEO: uh where do we hide the cake though

jaehoe: the fridge

overtaxed mother: he's gonna find it if he wants to look through the fridge you idiot

yutah <3: well we can't do much??? let's just put it in someone's room

cuntfuckphin: what if he snoops around i mean-

overtaxed mother: fOR GODS SAKE

hyuckie kisses: we're a mess and i love it

moist furry: unfortunately

mcqueen: im worried what's renjun doing

dickless: probably doing some illegal shit who knows

unfunny: and you're saying that in such a calm tone

dickless: im used to this already like how taeyong's used to 20 of us

real hoe: that just sounds sad if you put it that way

emo as fuck: ^

ugly mineral: ^

 

it was currently five in the afternoon once renjun had checked the time on his phone. he quickly turned it off after sending a message to the group chat, putting it on his moomin bean bag before skipping to yukhei's room. it's not like he was plotting something, but he  _was_ plotting something and it involved a lock and yukhei. it was a long walk all the way from the dream's dorm to wayv's dorm since it was the farthest out of the four units in nct. once he reached the wayv dorm, he saw the sign that indicated it was wayv's dorm so he was relieved.

he ventured further in the hallways and turned left to where yukhei's room should be. and to his guesses, he was right. to his right, yukhei's room was beside him with the name label on the door and it looked like the door wasn't fully closed. it was awfully quiet in the room so the small chinese boy tiptoed to the door, pushing the door open a little so he can pop his head through. fortunately, the door wasn't squeaky and didn't make any noises.

his eyes scanned around the room from the shelves to the closet and to the bed. it was a little messy with the clothes laying on a chair and socks lying around on the floor, but not too messy. he sighed and rolled his eyes at the older's messiness, he's gonna have to tell kun about it later. aside from that, when he peered his head through the door more, he saw the giant body on the bed, snoring away. it was obvious to renjun that it was yukhei, but he usually doesn't sleep at this time. instead, he would be playing on his phone or doing something to keep himself busy.

he evilly smirked and retracted his head through the door and carefully closed the door as gently and softly as possible. the wooden door was all the way in closed and renjun proceeded to twist the lock, locking the door from the outside. once the soft click was heard, he dusted off his hands and smiled in satisfaction before going back to his room.

 

overtaxed mother: fuck it, we'll be going to the mall to buy shit for him

thy coward: then don't we need someone to stay back in the dorms while all of us go out

yutah <3: oh well he won't find out anyway right

emo as fuck: wait wait wait w a i t

emo as fuck: why are we going to the mall again

emo as fuck: the M A L L that we went on CHRISTMAS

overtaxed mother: oh lord don't even fucking remind me

long and thin: ?? what exactly happened

long and thin: did you guys get kicked out or smth

yeschengie <3: oh it was worse than that

dickless: everyone kept getting lost and chenle was lost on the escalator 

cuntfuckphin: DONT POINT FINGERS AT ME

cuntfuckphin: I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT LOST IN THE MALL

thy coward: well i mean jisung started it

emo as fuck: excuse ME?

ugly mineral: well you're not wrong

emo as fuck: EXCUSE M E ?

ugly mineral: damn it jeno

moist furry: WHAT DID I DO

hyuckie kisses: you guys are unbelievable. 

unfunny: and since when do you punctuate your sentence

hyuckie kisses: since now?

jaehoe: christ

markle sparkles: where the fuck is renjun im getting worried

overtaxed mother: i should be the one getting w o r r i e d

dickless: excuse you he's my kid

yeschengie <3: our kid

yutah <3: w a i t-

yeschengie <3: im not cheating on you jfc yuta

<3 small moomin <3: (○’ω’○)

dickless: RENJUN WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO

real hoe: probably some illegal shit

hyuckie kisses: i mean i wont be surprised

ugly mineral: baby what did you d o-

<3 small moomin <3: so like i did you guys a favor and locked yukhei's door from the outside 

emo as fuck: was he sleeping though

this is the SEO: then why else would he lock the door

emo as fuck: true

cuntfuckphin: basic knowledge

emo as fuck: -which you don't have

markle sparkles: JHSKSSKSJ B U R N

leader uwu: wait

leader uwu: you locked him i n

<3 small moomin <3: yes

<3 small moomin <3: SO NOW WE CAN GO TO THE MALL

hyuckie kisses: unfortunately i can't 😔

shark boy: you can make happy birthday cards?

hyuckie kisses: bITCH I CANT EVEN PHYSICALLY GO WITH YOU GUYS??

leader uwu: well you can make something like knitting?

hyuckie kisses: im not a granny-

mcqueen: you can make stuff out of yarn i mean im sure we have a lot of yarns

overtaxed mother: oh yeah they're in the cabinets in the kitchen

overtaxed mother: the lower ones

jaehoe: so should we go now?

thy coward: obviously

unfunny: hopefully none of us get lost

long and thin: well fingers crossed bc we practically jinxed ourselves

 

donghyuck turned off his phone and stuffed it in his pocket. he rolled his wheelchair to the kitchen, on the search for a shit ton of yarn and knitting needles because the other members had thought it was a great idea for him to knit shit but he never had the knitting experiences. he looked around in the kitchen and already saw that everyone left to go to the mall so he could have some alone time to himself.

"goddamnit, this is gonna be a pain in the ass," he muttered and opened the lower cabinet while trying not to fall out of his wheelchair. he saw a basket full of yarn with knitting needles and picked it up, placing it on his lap. he used his foot to close the cabinet and then moved to the kitchen table, putting the basket of yarn balls down and grabbing his phone out to watch a tutorial on how to knit.

donghyuck tilted his phone so it was kind of standing up and played a knitting tutorial video as he set up his knitting materials across the table. well, it should be easy since he'll be making a yarn puppy, a small one of course. it shouldn't be a problem for a newbie like him but oh boy was he wrong. after the tutorial video was playing, the boy grabbed the two knitting needles and a piece of beige colored yarn from the basket, trying to follow the instructions. although the video was going slow, it felt like it was going too fast for the poor boy. one minute in, he already stabbed himself in the finger with a knitting needle and he hadn't noticed how sharp it was.

"what the fucking hell," he hissed and looked at the small spot of blood coming out from his finger. he reached over for a box of bandaids on the table and ripped the bandaid open, gently wrapping it around his injured finger. he sighed and picked the knitting needles once again and continued to learn the basics of knitting with yarns which probably took him about two hours, but it was okay. because now he got the basics down and could knit a small circle as a practice.

he threw the knitted circle to the side and clicked on a different video that showed a tutorial on how to knit a puppy. he reached over to the basic to grab multiple shades of brown and white, taking the base color, beige, and attempting to knit a three-dimensional circular thing that's the size of his palm. he might've pricked himself multiple times but he was able to make a three-dimensional object for the head of the puppy. next, the ears were easy since they were two small demented ovals. donghyuck took the brown yarn and unraveled it from the pile of itself, attaching his knitting needles and began the knitting process. the two ears took him an hour, not wanting to prick himself or mess up and he placed them aside with the head. the boy stretched and yawned, looking at the time and he had already wasted four to five hours just knitting his life away. 

by the time he finished knitting all the pieces of a puppy, he started to sew them together after he grabbed a sewing kit from the same cabinet. as he was stitching the legs to the body together, he heard a sharp bang that made him jump from his wheelchair.

 

 

strange. it was quiet, really quiet throughout the whole nct dorm. yukhei had just woken up and he was on his phone, playing some games and relistening to dream launch. after he was done with playing games, kind of getting bored, he turned off his phone and looked at the door. he expected for kun or any member to come into his room and either check up on him or borrowing his computer to play pc games on it. unfortunately, no one came into his room at this time of the day and it was strange. matter of fact, the wayv dorm wasn't usually as quiet since the members would make noises or be rowdy in general. the tall chinese boy sighed, pushing himself off from his bed and was ready to leave his room to grab some small snacks. when he had his hand on the doorknob, he tried to open it like how he usually does but the door wouldn't budge open.

"is this door stuck?" he scratched his head in confusion and tugged at the doorknob again. of course, it didn't budge like he had expected it to. but then it struck him. did someone lock him inside his room? wait, but why would they lock him in? and that's when he realized something. "holy shit."

yukhei aggressively banged at the door, trying to open it by force because what if there's a possibility someone is in the building trying to rob shit? maybe the others are still asleep and couldn't hear his desperate attempts to knock the living shit out of the door. he was certainly in his panic mode and at times like these, his one brain cell would be active which wasn't a surprise. after a few more bashing at the door, he gave up and resorted to going on his phone.

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

whipped pimp: so like there's a possibility that there's a robber in the dorms

markle sparkles: why do you think so

whipped pimp: my door is l o c k e d from the outside???

whipped pimp: and everyone is probably asleep or smth

thy coward: yukhei we dont have time for jokes

whipped pimp: BITCH I SWEAR I HEARD SOMETHING FROM THE KITCHEN

whipped pimp: [attached video]

overtaxed mother: maybe you're just hearing things

hyuckie kisses: ^ yeah and idk how you can even hear shit from the kitchen when you're all the way in the wayv dorms

mcqueen: strange

cuntfuckphin: does he have super hearings??

whipped pimp: ANYWAY

whipped pimp: whAT DO I DO

whipped pimp: I CANT GET OUT OF MY ROOM AND SOMEONE IS ROBBING OUR STUFF

dickless: sweetie you're hearing things

whipped pimp: nO IM NOT

dickless: s w e e t i e

leader uwu: how about you take a nice nap-

whipped pimp: n O

real hoe:  **this is entertaining to watch LMAO**

whipped pimp: but can anyone unlock my door

hyuckie kisses: no

emo as fuck: no

yeschengie <3: no

<3 small moomin <3: no

whipped pimp: BUT WHY

shark boy: we're busy?

unfunny: ^

whipped pimp: to the other members its understandable bUT WHY CANT YOU GUYS DO IT WE'RE IN THE SAME DORMS

yeschengie <3: i mean i would but my door is locked as well

whipped pimp: w H A T

whipped pimp: KUN??

dickless: it's locked too

long and thin: same it wont budge open

moist furry: well that's uh unfortunate

 

yukhei sighed, collapsing his body back onto the comfortable bed, putting his phone to the side.

well, it's not like a robber would want any of their stuff anyway besides food and clothes or other expensive stuff the members have brought. the boy rubbed his face and stayed in his bed until he fell back to sleep once again, possibly tired and exhausted from the total shitheads he's stuck with for the rest of his life until he dies.

 

**hay day bday**

 

jaehoe: i almost feel bad for him

hyuckie kisses: i don't

<3 small moomin <3: you dipshit what were you even doing in the kitchen

hyuckie kisses: i dropped some stuff so STFU

markle sparkles: i raised you better than this

hyuckie kisses: you never raised me you TRAITOR

overtaxed mother: ok anyway, do you shits have your gifts yet

shark boy: i lost yangyang

dickless: GODDAMMIT YANGYANG

mcqueen: LISTEN

mcqueen: I FOUND SOME GOOD ASS SCHOKOKUSS

thy coward: and what the fuck is that

unfunny: well im assuming it's a german related food or smth

mcqueen: ^

mcqueen: cAN I BUY THESE MOM

dickless: THIS IS FOR YUKHEI'S BIRTHDAY

mcqueen: BUT I CAN GIVE SOME TO HIM???

mcqueen: :(

emo as fuck: you just made him sad-

real hoe: i thought you were better than this kun

dickless: i

dickless: ok ykw FINE

mcqueen: :)

overtaxed mother: YOU GUYS DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION????

emo as fuck: o

emo as fuck: im p sure everyone did besides yy who needs to get his shit

overtaxed mother: OK great now let's not get lost like last time and we should be fine

shark boy: wait where are you though

mcqueen: to your left w the black building sign thing

yeschengie <3: ok once you get your thing we'll be going

unfunny: perfect

unfunny: no illegal shit committed

<3 small moomin <3: you wouldn't know that would you

real hoe: please for the belove of god

 

5:56 pm

 

hyuckie kisses: hey yall can you hurry up

jaehoe: we are

this is the SEO: wait why what happened

hyuckie kisses: so i assumed that yukhei woke up and now hes trying to destroy the door and i have my gifts ready but idk where the f UCK im gonna hide

ugly mineral: uhhhh did you clean everything up

hyuckie kisses: yeah i even have my gifts wrapped

hyuckie kisses: bUT SERIOUSLY HURRY UP HES ABOUT TO BREAK THE DOOR D O W N

dickless: question is what the FUCK is he doing

long and thin: i do remember he had dumbbells in his room

shark boy:

shark boy: well fuck

yutah <3: cANT YOU DRIVE ANY FASTER

unfunny: BITCH DO YOU WANT US TO GET ARRESTED

unfunny: EXACTLY NOW SHUT UP

hyuckie kisses: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU DRIVING AND TEXTING

thy coward: DID YOU JUST RUN OVER A DUCK

moist furry: mom im scared

real hoe: there's tears

markle sparkles: let's pray we will live

overtaxed mother: probably not but its ok im done with lviing

leader uwu:

leader uwu: may the odds ever be in your favor

hyuckie kisses: oh yeah

hyuckie kisses: when you guys come home make sure to open the door quietly pls

 

6:03 pm

 

donghyuck had successfully hidden his gifts behind all the mess on the table and put away the knitting supplies into the cabinets. the aggressive banging of the door still continued and he sighed, brainstorming where he should hide with his obvious wheelchair. maybe he should barricade the door, but it would be very obvious that he's here. okay, resorting to hiding. after sending his last message in the group chat, he put his phone in his pocket.

 

 

when the company building started to appear in the distance, taeil started to speed up by a bit, not over the speed limit. as the building grew larger and larger, they were almost there. the kids in the far back were playing games and being rowdy in the back while the adults were either napping or on their phone, doing their own thing.

"okay guys, wake up and get your presents. we'll be parking now," the oldest out of everyone announced before driving into the parking lot around the perimeter of the building. he continued driving, eventually slowing down and tried looking for the farthest parking spots.

after doing so, he carefully steered the wheel and managed to park safely into the spot and taking his keys out, turning off the engine. once some of the members woke up from their nap, they got their bags and everyone got out of the large car that somehow fit everyone. they came out in an organized line and stretched their numb limbs.

"do you think donghyuck is doing fine?" yoonoh rubbed his eyes, still a little sleepy from his nap. he leaned slightly against dongyoung who blushed lightly, pretending to not mind.

"i mean, if we don't hurry up then no," jungwoo hauled his bags on his shoulders and huffed in determination, "now let's go!"

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

yutah <3: actually have you ever heard of an anime and this dude ate panties without knowing

long and thin: .. and we didn't need to know that

yeschengie <3: i didn't know underwears were edible...

unfunny: they SHOULDN'T be???

whipped pimp: wtf are you guys even talking about

whipped pimp: oW THAT HURT

cuntfuckphin: r u ok

whipped pimp: i dropped a dumbbell and im in tears

dickless: child what are you-

whipped pimp: trying to open the door?

emo as fuck: you're going to destroy the poor door 

ugly mineral: the easiest solution is to call for help

this is the SEO: he would've done that by now

whipped pimp: ^

whipped pimp: anyway are u guys not as busy and help me

overtaxed mother: just a sec we just have to do something

whipped pimp: pls im starving

shark boy: did you even eat anything-

long and thin: ofc not he was locked in

markle sparkles: wait where's your room

hyuckie kisses: shouldn't be somewhere to the left

<3 small moomin <3: uhhh turn left and it should be to your right

markle sparkles: OH OK

 

after waiting and waiting this entire time, yukhei heard a click on his door, meaning that it's been unlocked. he sighed in relief, and put away his dumbbells and went to the door to open it. the strange thing was after he opened the door, it was quite dark and he was pretty sure the lights were on before he went to his room to sleep. he shrugged it off and walked out of his room, looking around in the dark. the others should be here by now but maybe they were waiting for him in the kitchen?

the tall boy carefully made his way from the wayv dorm to the kitchen, surprisingly without tripping on something or bump into a wall. it was silent and he scratched his head, holding onto the edge of a table. "hello?"

silence.

"uh, hello? is anybody here?" yukhei called out again. he grew uncertain, maybe they weren't here yet. "i guess i'll go ba-"

all of a sudden, the lights flickered on that blinded his eyes slightly and the sound of confetti poppers went off that made him startled. his eyes adjusted to the lighting and he blinked his eyes. yukhei saw everyone standing in the kitchen with him with their confetti poppers in their hands, confetti strips falling after being launched into the air. some even managed to land onto his shoulders and hair, small glitter and tiny pieces of papers resting on his tuft of hair. he was beyond confused, what was going on? he blinked in confusion and his eyebrows arching. taeyong set his confetti popper on the table that was covered by confetti and brought out a cake that was on its plate, covered by a plastic cake dome. it still looked fresh even after resting under the table for several hours.

"wait- what's going on?" the confused boy looked around feverishly and his brain went haywire from the amount of confusion he was experiencing.

"it's your birthday, you silly," he suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and another body leaning into his back. he knew that voice- was it jungwoo?

"can't you obviously tell by the birthday cake?" mark grinned and swatted a long strip of confetti off his shoulder. "we were getting presents from the mall and prepared this after renjun locked you in your room."

so was that why the door wouldn't budge open? maybe it was locked when he was asleep. the sudden pout painted over his face, "why would you do that? you know i got worried! and did you guys intend for me to  _starve_ in my own room?"

"i mean, we couldn't help it. we didn't want to ruin the plan and we resorted to locking you in while donghyuck stayed," renjun shrugged as he got out his bag that was hidden under the table, "also we got you some presents- and yangyang got some german sweets for you."

at the very moment, he felt emotionally overwhelmed. his bandmates- no, friends, took the time to prepare him a surprise and he didn't prepare anything to offer them after what they've done to show that he's grateful. he stared at the cake taeyong was holding after he got rid of the cover. it looked delicious and it had red and pink frosting, written in a "happy birthday yukhei" in chinese. his word was caught in his throat and his heart thumped.

dongyoung, on the other hand, helped with lighting the candles with a lighter. after he lit all of the small candles on the cake, he looked up and saw yukhei, staring at the cake and there were tears in the corner of his eyes. his whole body shook but not too visible and even jungwoo behind him noticed. "yukhei?"

everyone turned to look at him and his face was flushed as tears streamed down his face.

"baby? what's wrong?" jungwoo unwrapped his arms and held him by the arm, gently whispering. "do you... not like it?"

the chinese continued to sniffle and rub the tears away, inhaling and exhaling for air through his nose, "no, it's just- it's just i didn't think you guys would..."

his voice trailed off and he felt a warm body hug at his side with a hand rubbing circles into his back, soothing him. everyone watched and silently cooed at the couple. once he finished crying, he blew out the candles and his usual happy grin was back on his face. he wiped his tear stained cheeks and whispered a small "thank you."

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

whipped pimp: i honestly hate you all

moist furry: we did nothing to you-

whipped pimp: i hate y o u a l l

dickless: aw i even got pictures of you crying like an overgrown baby

whipped pimp: DLEETEIT

<3 small moomin <3: AWW I WANNA SEE

cuntfuckphin: ME TOO

mcqueen: question is did we go overboard- alSO DID YOU LIKE THE GERMAN SWEET I BOUGHT

whipped pimp: YEAH it was good

thy coward: i just want to say that im so s o r r y ifihurtyouinanywaybutihadto

whipped pimp: oh no its fine!!

leader uwu: did you like the surprise???? :)

yeschengie <3: ofc he did

unfunny: the cake was actually good

whipped pimp: oh yeah @hyuckie kisses i like the knitted puppy!

hyuckie kisses: good to know someone appreciates MY EFFORT

markle sparkles: is that why you have bandaids on your fingers

hyuckie kisses: no i was COOKING

markle sparkles: oh then you should've shared

ugly mineral: are you dumb or are you dumb

emo as fuck: how about dumber

jaehoe: lmao thats mean

jaehoe: he's dumber than dumb

markle sparkles: THIS IS ASSAULT

overtaxed mother: good

long and thin: right so do you like our presents yukhei?

whipped pimp: why wouldnt i smh

shark boy: obviously

this is the SEO: glad to hear- but that was a pain cleaning up the mess from the total of 20 confetti poppers jesus fuckign christ

yutah <3: aight that's fine we can recycle and use it

moist furry: wait can you recharge confetti poppers?

overtaxed mother: ok anyway anyway

overtaxed mother: i hope you had a good birthday yukhei

overtaxed mother: after all we put effort into it and worked our asses off

whipped pimp: i mean tbh this is one of the best birthday i've ever had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so that didn't work out too w e l l since school didnt give me a break with work :( and therefore that equals less activity from me
> 
> however i hope u enjoyed this very late (imsosorry) second bday chapter
> 
> i'll update some more and maybe on my other ffs before i die in the hands of education uwu


	28. baking disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ugly mineral: i think i got some chocolate in my eyeball
> 
> hyuckie kisses: what the fuck
> 
> ugly mineral: it's good

**dysfunctional hell**

 

mcqueen: HAPPY HEARTS MONTH

real hoe: dude its march

mcqueen: 

dickless:

dickless: how do you-

mcqueen: im not smart ok

<3 small moomin <3: understandable

mcqueen: WOW THANKS

overtaxed mother: please don't tell me i have to buy you guys shit

overtaxed mother: even if it's not february

jaehoe: we never asked

cuntfuckphin: WAIT REALLY

cuntfuckphin: I WANT MORE CHOCOLATE

moist furry: chenle no we already had enough when we did our asmr like back in feb

cuntfuckphin: CHOCOLATE

ugly mineral: war flashbacks...

unfunny: i honestly expected today to be a normal NORMAL day but ig not

markle sparkles: haha

markle sparkles: last night was so _w o w_ that i was up all night :D

emo as fuck: and what do you mean by that

hyuckie kisses: woah were you CHEATING on ME MARK LEE???

markle sparkles: NO

markle sparkles: anyway you see

markle sparkles: SOME people were having some fun time at 3 IN THE FUKCING MORNING AND I WANTED MY SLEEP BACK but i guess we cant always get what we want DO WE N O W

this is the SEO: im not guilty

overtaxed mother: no one ever said you were unless-?

real hoe: well yeah we fucked with condoms so it's fine got no std's transmitted

emo as fuck: please oh p l e a s e my E A R S and E Y E S

ugly mineral: you didn't have to do my kid the dirty like that

dickless: ok anyway

yutah <3: don't we have like 3 birthdays to catch up with

thy coward: in fact, we do

<3 small moomin <3: what about mine-

leader uwu: i heard birthdays??

jaehoe: yeah it's our birthdays

real hoe: what shall we do on this fine day

long and thin: please no destruction and world domination involved

real hoe: my son, how bold of you to assume i'll take my precious time just to dominate the world

this is the SEO: i mean think about it you can overtake trump and rule thailand and the world

real hoe: isn't that too much work like damn being an idol is enough

hyuckie kisses: i mean it's true sadly

markle sparkles: according to wikipedia

unfunny: wait but what are we gonna do though

unfunny: we already did hefty work with yukhei's

yeschengie <3: well i mean since you guys were talking about chocolate-

leader uwu: CAN WE MAKE CHOCOLATE

overtaxed mother: actually we can even bake for the rest of the day

real hoe: and why would i do that

yutah <3: well you can make your own sweet?

real hoe: but we can always buy chocolate

<3 small moomin <3: GASP it's more fun to BAKE, you can even burn CALORIES while doing so and you can put your heart and soul into your production! i think we should bake

cuntfuckphin: since when were you passionate

moist furry: one time he burnt himself and he screamed louder than chenle

<3 small moomin <3: OH IM SORRY NOT MY FAULT SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO SHOW THEIR AFFECTION PHYSICALLY WHILE I WAS BAKING

ugly mineral: suddenly i feel like someone's pointing fingers at me

yeschengie <3: that's because he is

jaehoe: damn

jaehoe: anyway should we get to baking now?

this is the SEO: i have a feeling this won't go well

unfunny: the fact we're sharing the huge ass kitchen to the kids and to anyone who can't cook for life

markle sparkles: hey woAH i can BAKE

hyuckie kisses: who knows maybe this time you'll fuck up and end up poisoning someone

whipped pimp: relationship goals man

mcqueen: do we have any ingredients for all 21 of us

emo as fuck: there should be

emo as fuck: didn't taeyong go on heavy shoplifting

overtaxed mother: actually i did and i have a handful in these cabinets- but they'll be gone once you hoes touch them

dickless: offended?

overtaxed mother: except you and for anyone who can cook decent ass meals and bake without exploding the oven

leader uwu: should we split into 3 groups of 7

thy coward: doesn't sound too bad 

thy coward: now who's gonna be with who

cuntfuckphin: obviously we'll be together and that includes you mark

markle sparkles: but-

cuntfuckphin: and that includes you **mark**

markle sparkles: ok-

cuntfuckphin: uwu

dickless: good job, continue to assert yourself

emo as fuck: he's already BEEN asserted

overtaxed mother: a n y w a y

overtaxed mother: i guess taeil, youngho, yuta, dongyoung, yoonoh, jungwoo, and i will be together which leaves with kun, yukhei, sicheng, chittaphon, dejun, yangyang, and kunhang together

dickless: spare me i dont want to be with these kids

whipped pimp: wHO ARE YOU CALLING A KID

mcqueen: i feel hurt like damn what did i do i just wanted lightning mcqueen crocs bUT NO

emo as fuck: and i can tell you guys are getting along so well

yeschengie <3: ah it's painful

yutah <3: hOW COULD YOU SEPARATE US LIKE THAT

yutah <3: lIKE eXcUSe ME yOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO DO THAT

real hoe: dude we'll be using the same kitchen

yutah <3: STILL

hyuckie kisses: christ

overtaxed mother: dear g o d ill just go prepare the kitchen

 

10:00 am

 

leader uwu: i have a question

overtaxed mother: yeah

leader uwu: what is this

moist furry: isn't that a peeler-

overtaxed mother: jUNGWOO DONT TOIFUYUJFWNG

emo as fuck: ok what the f u c k happened

hyuckie kisses: i mean by the looks of it someone probably already hurt themselves even though we haven't started cooking yet

leader uwu:

leader uwu: ow

whipped pimp: iM GRABBING THE BANDAIDS WHERE ARE THE BANDAIDS

markle sparkles: cHILL HE ISNT DYING

jaehoe: yeah so like a pool of blood is totally not him dying rn from blood loss

dickless: BITCH WHAT

unfunny: how the FU-

long and thin: where can i take my leave

ugly mineral: you dont

this is the SEO: we're off to a great start ladies

<3 small moomin <3: who you calling a lady

<3 small moomin <3: ill have you know i didn't come out of my mOM JUST TO BE CALLEd a laDy bY a stREET RAT

real hoe: ouch

cuntfuckphin: can we cook now-

yeschengie <3: well i mean jungwoo is currently bleeding to death rn

whipped pimp: i GOT THE AID KIT

leader uwu: u couldve just gotten me a bandaid

whipped pimp: NO SHSUH

thy coward: cant relate

yutah <3: so who's cleaning the blood puddle

shark boy: excuse me

shark boy: how much did he bled-

yutah <3: i'd say a solid 1 pound of blood

emo as fuck: i-

<3 small moomin <3: can we bake now

overtaxed mother: mother of god

overtaxed mother: ok let's just- just go to your stations

overtaxed mother: now let's not act in an animalistic way and bake like a regular split family

mcqueen: there's no such thing but ok

real hoe: ok jungwoo is ok now so we can bake

 

**nct nightmare**

 

hyuckie kisses: ew i forgot you're still here

markle sparkles: damn is this what love is

<3 small moomin <3: hA can't relate

moist furry: but aren't you-

emo as fuck: gUYS FOCUS

emo as fuck: anwway

emo as fuck: what should we bake

hyuckie kisses: i mean the others are probably gonna make smth amazing

cuntfuckphin: true true

ugly mineral: chocolate macarons?

hyuckie kisses: too simple

ugly mineral: but-

cuntfuckphin: how about chocolate balls?

hyuckie kisses: yeah sure and let's add the dick

<3 small moomin <3: THIS IS THE PG ZONE 

emo as fuck: we're not babies-

ugly mineral: yes YOU ARE

markle sparkles: ok wait

markle sparkles: how about we make a chocolate dessert that has all of our cultures combined

moist furry: that sounds like a bad idea

emo as fuck: i mean that does sound like a bad idea itself

hyuckie kisses: i like it

<3 small moomin <3: ok but how are you able to combine the chinese korean and canadian culture into one dessert

cuntfuckphin: don't we just combine different ingredients together

ugly mineral: that's not how it works-?

markle sparkles: dw guys this will be a good idea

emo as fuck: this is why we kicked you out in the first place

markle sparkles: OK ANYWAY maybe we can make nanaimo bars with fish shaped bread and chinese tart

<3 small moomin <3: ok so you're telling me you want to put nanaimo bars in the bread and- wait how do you even incorporate it with tart?

cuntfuckphin: instead of tart how about pudding as the side dessert?

ugly mineral: doesn't sound too bad but it's burning my brain cells

<3 small moomin <3: get used to it

ugly mineral: mean

moist furry: wait so what do we need exactly 

markle sparkles:

markle sparkles: well fuck

 

**not safe for whiplash**

 

thy coward: ok how about we do something simple

yutah <3: like mochi?? chocolate mochi??

thy coward: yeah like that

this is the SEO: but isn't that too simple

yutah <3: we're making this by hand

leader uwu: how do you make mochi?

jaehoe: ill just go get the ingredients 

overtaxed mother: we should make around 5-7 and yuta can lead us through

yutah <3: WOOO

unfunny: hey guys is it just me or do i hear screaming

unfunny: and surprisingly it's not from the dreamies

thy coward: are you saying it's from the china line

unfunny: no im talking about the birds and the bees busy screaming

this is the SEO: hA

unfunny: and we don't need any of your insights of chicago 

this is the SEO: america is perverted don't blame me

yutah <3: you didn't choose to not be influenced 👀

this is the SEO: says the one that watches hentai

yutah <3:

jaehoe: back

jaehoe: nvm i'll go keep looking for the ingredients

overtaxed mother: no give me the ingredients

leader uwu: sigh

leader uwu: ALRIGHT 

leader uwu: yuta how long does it take to make the mochi

yutah <3: idk it depends how long itll take to guide you guys through

yutah <3: i'll go cook the sweet rice

this is the SEO: so then after that we can like-

yutah <3: yeah basically

jaehoe: while he's doing that

jaehoe: let's talk about life

thy coward: i dont have a life

jaehoe: i didn't ask you

leader uwu: technically you did

unfunny: my life?

unfunny: it's currently burning

overtaxed mother: excuse me im in charge of YOU all

overtaxed mother: so zip your lips

thy coward: i'll just get the chocolate like damn i feel attacked today

this is the SEO: this is already turning into a mess

this is the SEO: and i mean it already is it's even at the point where i can smell smoke

overtaxed mother:

overtaxed mother: smoke?

overtaxed mother: did you just say  _smoke_?

this is the SEO: yeah why

yutah <3: hey guys

yutah <3: we have a problem-

overtaxed mother: OH MY FUCKING GOD YUTA

overtaxed mother: WHAT DID YOU DO

yutah <3: I DID NOTHING I JUST TURNED THE STOVE ON 

thy coward: WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT IT OUT NOW

unfunny: i got the bucket of water-

yutah <3: nO THE RICE IS STILL IN THERE

overtaxed mother: BITCH IT'S ALREADY BURNT BY NOW 

overtaxed mother: TAEIL PUT IT OUT

unfunny: I DID STOP FUCKING SCREAMING

leader uwu: i walked out to get a drink

leader uwu: a drink.

yutah <3: mY RiCE

this is the SEO: are there any more

yutah <3: NO

leader uwu:

leader uwu: i can just go buy more?

overtaxed mother: mY BeAUTIFUL pRISTINE SToVE

leader uwu: ok im buying more sweet rice

this is the SEO: you can go do that-

thy coward: since we're waiting for him to get more sweet rice should we just skip to the chocolate

jaehoe: good idea

jaehoe: maybe we should also add fruits

unfunny: i mean fruits and chocolate sounds good together

unfunny: i can melt the chocolate while you guys can cut the fruits

overtaxed mother: dONT DESTROY MY MICROWAVE PLEASE

unfunny: then ill just heat up water-

overtaxed mother: my S T O V E

unfunny:

 

**the vision w/o renle**

 

dickless: chittaphon

dickless: WE ARE NOT

real hoe: YES WE ARE

dickless: WE ARE NOT GOING TO FUCKING MAKE A DICK SHAPED DESSERT IN A MELTABLE CHOCOLATE BALL

real hoe: WE'RE GONNA FUCKING DO IT

long and thin: where can i LEAVE

whipped pimp: you don't

yeschengie <3: i knew being with you guys was a bad idea

whipped pimp: ik i miss my jungwoo ;(

yeschengie <3: w o w t h a n k s

mcqueen: so are we doing the dick shaped thing or uh

dickless: NO WE'RE NOT

real hoe: YES WE ARE

dickless: NO

real hoe: YES

dickless: NO

real hoe: YES

dickless: NO

real hoe: YES

dickless: NO

real hoe: YES

shark boy: maybe we can do cake

dickless: SHUT THE FUCK UP DEJUN

real hoe: SHUT THE FUCK UP DEJUN

shark boy: i-

mcqueen: that's brutal o w

shark boy: :')

whipped pimp: yall chill your asses

yeschengie <3: please i just want to start

real hoe: we're going to GO BY MY IDEA END OF DISCUSSION

dickless:

dickless: ykw FINE

dickless: damn you if i can disown you

real hoe: jokes on you im a grown ADULT

long and thin: sadly

real hoe: excuse me

long and thin: nothing-

real hoe: that's what i thought

 

12:09 pm 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

ugly mineral: i think i got some chocolate in my eyeball

hyuckie kisses: what the fuck

ugly mineral: it's good

<3 small moomin <3: are you ok i

overtaxed mother: and what the hell is even going on over there

long and thin: i would like to say that shit is happening from my left to my right from up to down and diagonally by 90 degrees and 360 divided by 180 degrees

dickless: sweetie that's not how you measure the cups of sugar

yeschengie <3: r u ok my child

long and thin: yes

shark boy: nah he's traumatized but that's normal

unfunny: excuse me

this is the SEO: actually this isn't new to me 

thy coward: yeah bc like world war 3 is probably happening over at your home

this is the SEO: ok that's unless the orange head decides to kill us all

moist furry: oh

emo as fuck: well that's too bad

leader uwu: is everyone doing alright??

cuntfuckphin: if making a big blob counts as alright then yes-

jaehoe:

jaehoe: what the hell is that

ugly mineral: this is why i dont leave any of you in charge of cooking

ugly mineral: i got chocolate flinged into my E Y E 

yutah <3: i kinda destroyed the stove but like that's ok

markle sparkles: is it ok though

overtaxed mother: OF COURSE NOT

overtaxed mother: I JUST HAD IT REPAIRED

overtaxed mother: BUT NO

real hoe: lmao

jaehoe: and i thought today was gonna be not as insane but ig i was wrong

thy coward: when are you never wrong

leader uwu: hey don't be mean

leader uwu: anyway!! is everyone almost done?

hyuckie kisses: somewhat sure

shark boy: yangyang broke tHE FUCKING MIXER

mcqueen: IM SOrRyu

overtaxed mother: HOW DO YOU-

dickless: im so sorry i can pay-

yutah <3: now he's crying in the corner

yutah <3: oh yeah and ig we're done now right

jaehoe: ig

thy coward: wait don't we need to make something else

moist furry: oH I ALMOST FORGOT

unfunny: hey jungwoo can you go to the store and get us some more brown sugar with yoonoh

leader uwu: ??? ok

dickless: shithead mind if you can buy us chocolate we kinda ran out

real hoe: rude

 

after the three of them left to go buy things from the store, everyone gathered around after finishing their desserts.

"wait, so you're telling me we have to make three separate cakes?" donghyuck crossed his legs on his wheelchair. "you do realize we don't have much time to make three right-"

"no you DIPSHIT. we'll make one whole cake for all three of them," renjun hit him on the head with his fist, but not too hard.

"okay so we're on a budget-"

"no."

taeyong sighed and massaged his temple to get rid of the aching headache away. "okay, how about i just put the finished desserts on the counter and we can work on the cake quickly we have about an hour since the store is not too close to here?"

everyone in the kitchen eventually came to an agreement and immediately go through the process of splitting roles for making a simple but not so simple cake when there's eighteen of them in one kitchen. it was basically split with the dream unit making whipped cream, the 127 unit making the cake batter, and half of wayv making icing while the other half helped with the cake batter and setting the oven.

donghyuck was currently sitting while watching the others on his team dealing with difficult work and he had finished with pouring heavy whipping cream and other ingredients into the bowl for mark to whisk and probably killing his poor arm. he relaxed in his wheelchair and continued to watch and maybe specifically watch renjun. and that was until he remembered something.

when the chinese boy was near his range, he tugged at the sleeve of his shirt, earning his attention. the boy looked confused and walked closer to him. "did you need anything?"

"why did you stick with us i mean you could've at least pretend  _not_ to know about the cake surprise?" he frowned slightly.

"oh no, it's fine. baking with you guys is good enough for me, i don't really care about the cake," renjun smiled, "and i don't think i need any more sweets as of right now."

"oh, okay."

maybe he had already told the others about it? i mean why else would they only throw a cake surprise for the three? well, it's very typical for the older to do that and he shouldn't be as shocked or surprised at this point. in fact, he was quite stubborn when it came to his birthday. he usually avoided receiving too many things or something overwhelmingly valuable. he continued to think to himself after dismissing renjun back to what he was doing. what he didn't know was there were two specific people eavesdropping into the conversation, by accident.

 

"you know, this cake doesn't look too bad," kun inspected the "unique" cake that was split into three flavors by the icing- but it looked somewhat messy.

"who was even in charge with the frosting and icing it looks like a kid did it," yuta sighed, "and don't we have that thing to smooth it out or what?"

"excuse me, i did my best here in my FUCKING WHEELCHAIR," donghyuck was about to swing but he still had to sit in his wheelchair and he couldn't use his legs properly, with his injury recovering. "at least be grateful i came up with the idea of splitting the surface by three different colors."

everyone chuckled at the sun-kissed boy's remark, very much used to his sassy attitude. since they were finished with the cake with the help of jeno nearly almost burning his hands off after forgetting to wear mittens to get the cake out, sicheng cutting the cake to make a flat surface, and jisung and chenle decorating the cake after donghyuck frosted it, they had some spare time left before the three; jungwoo, chittaphon, and yoonoh come back. although the cake was a messy attempt and they were in the hurry and didn't chill the cake before frosting it and such, it still looked okay besides the cake crumbs over the place. there was neat handwriting with icing of a happy birthday message with the three names listed down.

but out of nowhere, jungwoo was the first one to come back and they didn't expect him to come back before they planned to surprise them. he stuck his head in the kitchen and looked at everyone who was crowding around something on the table.

"we're back with brown sugar and chocolate!" he held out the bag with the bought supplies from the store, "sorry that we took long, hope you don't mind."

"oh no, it's fine," taeil gave him a reassuring smile and uncrossed his arms, "you can put them on the counter next to the finished desserts."

after being told what to do, jungwoo walked over to the counter and set the grocery bag on it while both yoonoh and chittaphon also walked in, obviously looking exhausted. probably because of walking.

"what is up my hoes, your best bitch is here," chittaphon yawned slightly and leaned against the ledge of the sink. "man, that was tiring."

"getting brown sugar and chocolate isn't that hard?" sicheng raised an eyebrow.

"nah it's just i'm tired of walking. oh yeah, by the way, what are you guys crowding around?"

yoonoh had noticed jaemin nudging at jisung and he was about to wonder why until the youngest out of everyone turned around to pick something up. when he turned around once again, he walked out the swarm of crackheads and held the cake they had taken the time making, messily but not too much.

"wait a second- is that cake? with our names on it?" the thai boy's eyes widened and eyed at the cake, "did you guys seriously made us do errands just to make a  _cake_?"

"well yeah, it's our birthdays after all," yoonoh shrugged before smiling, ruffling jisung's hair who then grinned.

meanwhile, jungwoo was plain out an emotional mess but there weren't any tears. oh no, there were a bunch of tears. it was like back in the boss era, that's where he debuted and finally got his stage which resulted to him crying and at this moment, it was the same except he was surprised that the members took the time to make a cake for the three of them while they were gone. 

he grabbed a tissue that was offered by yukhei who had a box of it and wiped his tears, "guys, you didn't... have to make a cake for us."

"oh hell nah, you think we were gonna skip the opportunity? sweetie, no," donghyuck rolled his wheelchair to jungwoo and patted his arm, "we wanted to make your birthdays special even if we did bake together today."

"aw, how wholesome," chittaphon dipped his finger into the frosting and tasted it that earned a small shriek from jisung, "now i feel like i'm loved and not hated by you shits."

"wow, after all we've done for you," taeyong rolled his eyes.

well, to say the least, everyone celebrated their birthday by giving them gifts that were bought beforehand and including renjun who received gifts even though he didn't want too much of it. jungwoo was very much happy and snuggled against yukhei on the couch once everyone moved to the living room to chill and open the gifts. chittaphon kept making comments for each gift he received and especially slapped youngho when he got him the wrong flavored condom. and for yoonoh? let's just say he noticed when dongyoung was blushing for a split second when he opened his gift. but in general, everyone had fun and spent a generous amount of time together after catching up to their birthdays since they were dead and busy all the time.

 

once it was over, everyone went back to doing their own thing like going back to their rooms and donghyuck rolling his wheelchair to chill in his own room in the dream dorms since it was the nearest to him. and of course, they went back to talking to each other in the messy hell group chat that was active.

renjun had taken his opened gifts to his room to hang some up and put some on his shelf and desk. mainly, they were moomin related things and some useful and actually helpful gifts that can assist him in the future. another gift that made him satisfied was an alien book since he's been interested in aliens lately ever since the weekly idol episode he confessed about believing in aliens. he flopped down onto his bed and on his stomach, taking out his phone and going onto the group chat. he was currently on the main screen but he noticed that he got notifications from jeno's text that he sent in his private messages just now.

 

**moist furry, <3 small moomin <3**

 

moist furry: hey

moist furry: injunnie

moist furry: come to my room

moist furry: i swear this isn't shady stuff-

<3 small moomin <3: uh why

moist furry: just come

<3 small moomin <3: but? why???

_read_

<3 small moomin <3: jENO

_read_

<3 small moomin <3: fine

 

he heaved a sigh before getting up from his bed, turning his phone off, and made his journey to jeno's room. he didn't know why the younger told him to come to his room unless it's either something important or if it was just another cuddling session from a deprived puppy. and maybe another deprived puppy. once renjun found himself standing in front of the familiar door, he was about to open it until the door opened by itself abruptly and a hand grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him in. he yelped in shock and didn't get the chance to see whose face it was.

his twig body was then thrown onto a soft mattress of what he had assumed to be a bed. he opened his eyes that he hadn't realized that he closed them, he took in his surroundings. the room was dim with candles lit to set some kind of "mood." they were scented candles and smelled like faint roses. speaking of which, he noticed that the bed was covered in a few rose petals but not too much. renjun tried to sit up but he was pinned down against the bed. he looked up and saw jaemin's face and he was somewhat shocked, he didn't really know he would also be in jeno's room since jeno would usually say that he would come or be with them for their cuddling session or something else.

"j-jaemin?" the brunette's voice was quiet as he stuttered, a blush forming on his cheeks.

"hey, darling~" the boy above him purred seductively, his eyes twinkling in the dim lights. it made him gulp.

"w-where's jeno...?" renjun became instantly flustered in the sedative gaze and he turned his head, becoming really interested at the nightstand. he felt cold fingers grip his jaw and turned his head back to meet the powerful gaze, sending shivers down his spine.

"you shouldn't worry about him. moreover, you should worry how i will steal you whole," he licked his lips, "just like how you stole my heart, naughty injunnie."

his voice was an octave low and slightly husky which made renjun's heart accelerate at a fast pace. his breath hitched when he felt a pair of soft but chapped lips kiss his neck and some other sensitive areas on there. it stopped when the door from the very back of the room opened and jaemin lifted his head from his neck.

"jaemin what the hell-" jeno nearly choked after walking in on the both of them in their position. wait, what was going on?

the lighter brunette chuckled and crawled off renjun and sat normally on the edge of the bed, "i was just messing around with him, don't worry~"

"that wasn't apart of the plan!" the older huffed and looked like an annoyed puppy and jaemin cooed.

the oldest of the three sat up and looked at the both of them, his brain malfunctioning from an overdrive. his face was of course still flushed but not as much but he was confused with what his boyfriends are talking about. "uh... what plan exactly?"

jeno looked at him before walking over to ruffle his hair affectionately, "it was originally gonna be us three cuddling while watching your moomin show as your birthday gift, but  _somebody_ decided to not follow through."

"ah, it was tempting to mess around with him. he looked so cute when flustered!"

the two bickered lightly as renjun watched them. was this their gift for him? they didn't really have to set the whole room to rose theme and such, making it appear as something else. he picked a petal up. "i'm assuming half of this was jaemin's idea?"

"mhm!" jaemin grinned and squished his cheeks lovingly, "hope you're not too mad at me."

"i'm very much angry with you- you just, like, ugh," at this point his brain melted into a puddle and his face flushed again and out of his shy habit he leaned into jaemin to hide his face. his face grew redder when he cooed at him.

however, in the end, it all worked out with the three of them cuddling on jeno's bed with the television on of moomin. renjun was comfortable between the two and he felt warm, really warm. he smiled in content, too happy being with his two most loved ones who also love him back. it was a good feeling he was able to feel after a long time. very long time.

they, of course, shared pecks and kisses and sweet words to each other but mainly towards renjun since it was his day. it felt like they completely stole his little frozen heart and melted it with soothing words and loving affection that he felt like he didn't deserve. well, it was fair though. jaemin was right, he's a thief. he specifically stole both his and jeno's heart.


	29. freedom rights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> american slave: do i need to beat someone's ass up
> 
> markle sparkles: you don't have to-
> 
> wig snatcher: so that's a yes
> 
> markle sparkles: nO-

**dysfunctional hell**

 

ugly mineral: im dead 

ugly mineral: guys

ugly mineral: pls

ugly mineral: i need friends

ugly mineral: my amigos :,(

markle sparkles: do not ever do that again

jaehoe: since when do you spanish

emo as fuck: dude didn't he one time duet-ed with jeno on despacito

mcqueen: ???

mcqueen: are we missing something here

yeschengie <3: yes and you should be glad you werent here 

dickless: i've witnessed war

long and thin: fun

unfunny: im sorry im tyrig to fuckijng sleep

ugly mineral: oop

real hoe: first of all

real hoe: that drama you were in

real hoe: you were shit

ugly mineral: EXCUSE M E

whipped pimp: i think he meant you did great-

overtaxed mother: watch your FUCKING language

real hoe: says yOU?

thy coward: shUT tHE fUCk uP

yutah <3: i mean it was kinda disappointing that you didn't get your actual kiss scene yk

emo as fuck: i cringed and cried

emo as fuck: why do we have to grow up so fast

emo as fuck: i dont wanna grow up

ugly mineral: aww baby

shark boy: kun forced us to watch it but it was good

real hoe: hMM

long and thin: my stomach hurts brb

mcqueen: let's kick him out

overtaxed mother: how about you dont

hyuckie kisses: ok but like you should've seen renjun's faC e hE WAS FUCKING ON A RAMPAGE

moist furry: and i gained nothing from trying to prevent him from breaking the tv

moist furry: i got a bruised arm-

<3 small moomin <3: for your information i was just judging ok

cuntfuckphin: yeah more like preparing to beat jaemin once he comes home

markle sparkles: i was so fucking s c a r e d when i entered the dorms to check up on them on a regular daily basis

this is the SEO: you should've hung up a poster saying welcome home cheater

ugly mineral: IM NO CHEATER

ugly mineral: plus the actress was vvvv nice uwu shes like my mom :(((

cuntfuckphin: are you cheating on taeyong

overtaxed mother: i feel offended but glad i dont need to take care of an extra child

ugly mineral: HEY

mcqueen: wait do yall got tea

shark boy: what the hell is tea again

leader uwu: yOu DonT knOW

real hoe: oh sweetie it's basically some interesting drama that needs to be spilled

real hoe: thank me for teaching yangyang

dickless: lol no

mcqueen: i need the TEA

yeschengie <3: uhh ppl are starting to ship me with chittaphon ever since our choreo cover of lovely by billie and khalid?

yutah <3: WAIT WHAT

yutah <3: DO I NEED TO BEAT SOMEONE

unfunny: QUIT SPAMIPKMIG GODMA UT

whipped pimp: i dont think u need to he already as youngho/??

real hoe: yeah u right i dont wanna date a fucking bendable stick

yeschengie <3: offended

yeschengie <3: also dw yuta you don't have to do anything

hyuckie kisses: i can hear his thoughts mARK BRING ME THE JESUS WATER

emo as fuck: woah woah???? this is the pg zone??

yutah <3: listEN HERe kID yOU DONT KNOW THE FEELING OF HAVING SOMEONE BEING AWAY FOR THAT LONG TO THE POINT YOU GeT SEXUALLY frUStrATED buT EMOtIonAlLY mISs THEm oK

overtaxed mother: HES A FUCKING KID YUTA

yutah <3: YOUR POINT

markle sparkles: COUHG

markle sparkles: anyway

markle sparkles: im glad hyuck is back and is able to be with us as we're going on a tour

long and thin: back- oh where are you guys going?

markle sparkles: we're in america rn

<3 small moomin <3: ew american air

this is the SEO: i smell it 24/7 stfu

whipped pimp: american air..

 

real hoe has changed this is the SEO's name to american slave

 

unfunny: honestly it was chaotic

cuntfuckphin: lemme guess

cuntfuckphin: yall got swarmed

thy coward: yes

jaehoe: the smell of america hit me like a truck

real hoe: how does it smell

yutah <3: very american not to my liking

unfunny: can i go back to korea thanks

hyuckie kisses: there's some nice people here

moist furry: some

shark boy: s o m e

hyuckie kisses: listen

hyuckie kisses: i am not social

ugly mineral: that's a fat ass lie right there kiddos

leader uwu: SHH watch your language!!

ugly mineral: :c

hyuckie kisses: hahaha suck my dick

yangyang: yo that ain't pg

ugly mineral: get mark to do that

markle sparkles: I JUST WANT TO BREATHE

dickless: you know what's weird

dickless: stress can cause acid reflux

overtaxed mother: i guess im gonna die soon 

long and thin: wait what-

thy coward: ok but i just wanna say

thy coward: its been so long ever since we came to america for the first time

american slave: makes me tear up WE'RE GOING TO CHICAGO

yeschengie <3: wait so that means you guys will be in america for a while?

overtaxed mother: basically

whipped pimp: guys i have something important to discuss about

dickless: what

whipped pimp: can we talk about how jungwoo is like WOW snatching wigs everywhere plucking them off several scalps

long and thin: wait everyone is wearing wigs?

hyuckie kisses: yes everyone was born with wigs

long and thin: WHAT

unfunny:

unfunny: oh poor him

leader uwu: wig?

hyuckie kisses: SNATCHED

moist furry: hotel

ugly mineral: trivago ;)

<3 small moomin <3: i still dont get the joke

cuntfuckphin: ur living a sad life

 

leader uwu has changed his name to wig snatcher

 

wig snatcher: that's not nice

unfunny: there's no such thing as nice in this hell hole

thy coward: true true

long and thin: WAIT WHAT IS EVERYONE WEARING WIGS RIGHT NOW

dickless: sweetie-

whipped pimp: how about experimenting

whipped pimp: OW I DIDNT MEAN TO DO IT ON ME STOP PULLING ON MY HAIR

shark boy:

american slave: damn

markle sparkles: oof

hyuckie kisses: baby why did you fUCKING OOF

mcqueen: i smell tea coming

real hoe: get the teacups

<3 small moomin <3: mark you ok?

markle sparkles: yeah it's just that i remembered smth thats all

american slave: **is something going on?**

markle sparkles:  **idk maybe**

jaehoe: **you can always tell us or smth**

mcqueen: YEAH TELL US

overtaxed mother: wait you understand what they're talking about

mcqueen: ofc i can speak in multiple languages

mcqueen: anyway TELL US

emo as fuck: ??

markle sparkles: uhh

markle sparkles: i mean im still somewhat upset over the whole thing happening when we reached to america?

markle sparkles: like when we all got to america prolly in new york or smth ppl were swarming us and asking us if we were another kpop group 

markle sparkles: n then someone called me and gave me a middle finger :,)

hyuckie kisses: 

hyuckie kisses: WHO DO I NEED TO HURT

moist furry: wh-

overtaxed mother: EXCUSE ME

unfunny: BITCH WHO

whipped pimp: im ready to fight

markle sparkles: :') it's fine though

american slave: do i need to beat someone's ass up

markle sparkles: you don't have to-

wig snatcher: so that's a yes

markle sparkles: nO-

<3 small moomin <3: hey baby where's my knife

ugly mineral: you are not killing someone today

<3 small moomin <3: tomorrow?

ugly mineral: NO

yeschengie <3: if i was there i could've kicked THEIR ASS

yeschengie <3: that's honestly fucking disrespectful

yeschengie <3: honestly those shits are only uncultured and not bother to acknowledge other groups AND flipping someone off especially to mark for example is pretty much rude

yutah <3: woah pop off

overtaxed mother: im pretty pissed like even if i don't understand english i sort of understood what they were saying

overtaxed mother: mark im so sorry i should've been responsible for it

real hoe: goddamn don't get emotional

real hoe: taeyong even though you're a bitch and all we're all in this together even if we aren't physically together and you shouldn't feel like it's your fault it happened to mark

american slave: yeah people can be shit sometimes and you didn't expect it anyway you aren't superhuman and have mind power to predict the future of all the bad stuff

cuntfuckphin: someone hold me im crying

jaehoe: i just realized the pun

mcqueen: oh wow i'm really sorry that happened

hyuckie kisses: i swear to god mark lee i'll kill them for you

hyuckie kisses: don't mind them they don't know us anyway, we've come this far and made big accomplishments and we shouldn't be affected by small toxic things

markle sparkles: thanks :,)

overtaxed mother: are you at least feeling better? and thanks youngho i really appreciate that

dickless: can we move on to another subject it's getting emotional

yutah <3: uhhh 

markle sparkles: yeah a bit better since hyuck is in my room rn

emo as fuck: ew

markle sparkles: says you

cuntfuckphin: what should we talk abt now

hyuckie kisses: how my leg finally healed-?

<3 small moomin <3: nah

moist furry: wait we haven't talked much about jaemin's drama

wig snatcher: !!! i wanna listen

ugly mineral: i mean there isn't much to talk about 

shark boy: behind the scenes??

ugly mineral: OO

ugly mineral: ok so jeein the one i was paired up w yk

ugly mineral: i showed her my lockscreen of my boyfriends and asked me if we've done it b4

american slave: and what do you mean by it

ugly mineral: it?

overtaxed mother:

 

overtaxed mother has removed cuntfuckphin and emo as fuck from this group chat

 

markle sparkles: oh no

overtaxed mother: sweetie

overtaxed mother: by it

overtaxed mother: she probably meant 👉👌

thy coward: wE ARE NOT-

yutah <3: no they're too young

<3 small moomin <3: we already fUCKING HAD OUR TALK

 

long and thin has left the group chat

 

mcqueen: YALL TRAUMATIZED HIM

hyuckie kisses: what am i witnessing

unfunny: yall it isnt like they're gonna bang they are still at the first step of relationship

moist furry: we have been dating for a few months-

jaehoe: ok how about we don't talk about sex-

ugly mineral: nah im sure she meant if we've ever been on a date

dickless: wait

dickless:  **RENJUN YOU GUYS HAVEN'T BEEN ON DATES YET**

<3 small moomin <3:  **NOT PROPER ONES??**

cuntfuckphin:  **I CANT BELIEVE YOU**

cuntfuckphin:  **HOW CAN YOU n OT-**

real hoe: that's some sad shit right there

moist furry: wait but have we ever been on one

whipped pimp: i mean i dont think so

 

shark boy has added long and thin into the group chat

 

long and thin: no please that was my only escape

yeschengie <3: welcome to my world

long and thin: i dont wanna be in your world psl

thy coward: so shouldn't we set the three of them on a date or smth

unfunny: ofc

overtaxed mother: if you guys are going out make sure to use protection

emo as fuck: WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY FUCK IN PUBLIC

wig snatcher: at least do it somewhere private, it's ok guys i support you

<3 small moomin <3: that's not-

long and thin: mOM WHERE ARE THE EARPLUGS

dickless: we ran out of them sorry kid

american slave: ha

hyuckie kisses: ok anyway

hyuckie kisses: i'm still wondering when we are gonna have a comeback

<3 small moomin <3: ik sm won't let us do one yet until your world tour is gone

yutah <3: obviously unless sm wants their dick to be chopped off by the fans

mcqueen: are they that wild-

markle sparkles: yes

markle sparkles: and yes

markle sparkles: they're also scary as FUCK

ugly mineral: scary grasses

american slave:

jaehoe: ok now that's actually scary

jaehoe: like imagine walking through some grassy field at the middle of the night with your dying flashlight

jaehoe: and suddenly

cuntfuckphin: a teletubby appears

shark boy: shouldn't it be slendertubbies 

yeschengie <3: OH they are much more scarier

emo as fuck: good luck having nightmares

unfunny: tragic

wig snatcher: and here i thought he was gonna keep on a long streak of not saying tragic but ig not :,(

moist furry: i didn't even realize that

real hoe: woah

long and thin: hey guys one question

overtaxed mother: ??

long and thin: how come sm made 3 separate summer vacation kits 

dickless: sweetie

dickless: they're trying to make the grasses go poor

markle sparkles: the poor grasses :((

hyuckie kisses: why am i your boyfriend again

markle sparkles: bc you love me :)

thy coward: ew we dont need any more of this

hyuckie kisses: sucks to be you that you're on a world tour with us 

cuntfuckphin: pda everywhere it be like that sometimes....

yeschengie <3: look who's talking

mcqueen: aND LOOK WHO'S TALkING

mcqueen: BeiNG alL "i Miss YuTa :(" wiTh Us 24/7 lIke GoddAmn lEt mE eAt mY chEeriOs

jaehoe: EXPOSED

unfunny: damn sicheng 

yutah <3:

yutah <3: aww i knew missed me bc i miss you too 😍😍😘😘😘❤

cuntfuckphin: ggggggggross

american slave: we're so off topic this is so sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit the woah my friends  
>    
> nct usernames
> 
> Taeil = unfunny  
> Youngho = american slave  
> Taeyong = overtaxed mother  
> Yuta = yutah <3  
> Kun = dickless  
> Dongyoung = thy coward  
> Chittaphon: real hoe  
> Yoonoh = jaehoe  
> Sicheng = yeschengie <3  
> Jungwoo = wig snatcher  
> Yukhei = whipped pimp  
> Mark = markle sparkles  
> Dejun = shark boy  
> Kunhang = long and thin  
> Renjun = <3 small moomin <3  
> Jeno = moist furry  
> Donghyuck = hyuckie kisses  
> Jaemin = ugly mineral  
> Yangyang = mcqueen  
> Chenle = cuntfuckphin  
> Jisung = emo as fuck


	30. the baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you're such a big baby," jaemin cooed at the older boy who huffed.
> 
> "but i'm your big baby," jeno pouted unconsciously.

it was a busy day for jeno. after all, he had uploaded his jsmr videos for the fans in order to "feed them content" as they would say—but he had also done save nct dream live broadcasts on puff app and if he were to be honest, it was quite fun at the fact they got to interact with fans by having nctzens picking choices and such. and let's not forget about the "amazing" acting they had excelled at for their broadcast's concept. yet again, he was tired, like dead tired from all of his schedules and he just wanted to sleep but he didn't let it show. it would've been a hassle anyway.

once the dreamies had settled back in their dorms and were relaxing, preparing for their next event on their schedule plans, jeno had wandered off to his room in the other hallway, away from the others and he must've mixed his room up with another member's since the door looked different. but did he care? no, he just wanted to sleep on a bed and never wake up. the dark haired boy yawned before painfully sneezing that caused him to groan, followed by an annoying, dull itch. he finally opened the door and didn't even bother to close it, maybe just pushing it by a bit with his foot and he crashed onto the bed. 

the sudden soft feeling of the bedsheets and the thick blanket made him drowsy by the slightest and he closed his eyes, allowing sleep to engulf him into a soft embrace and ignoring his warm temperature and shivering body.

 

**nct nightmare**

 

cuntfuckphin: have y'all seen jeno

hyuckie kisses: i thought he said he'd be resting in his room

cuntfuckphin: really? he never told us

hyuckie kisses: o

ugly mineral: lmao it's fine let him rest he must be tired

<3 small moomin <3: what are we gonna do in the meantime

emo as fuck: we're not that busy so we can watch a movie or play games

cuntfuckphin: I CALL DIBS ON THE BLACK WII REMOTE

<3 small moomin <3: NO IT'S MINE

cuntfuckphin: it'S MINE NOW AHJAHAJAHA

emo as fuck: oh my god

ugly mineral: i guess i'll go set up the wii console 

hyuckie kisses: without me?? ;( wow is this what betrayal feels like?

ugly mineral: that's your fault for going on the tour with 127

hyuckie kisses: listen-

cuntfuckphin: I gOt THE REMOTEJSKDLF:FNBGJKDLFB&^EYHBGN M87

emo as fuck: what the fuck

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

yeschengie <3: and who the hell thought it was a good idea to stick gum between my drill lock set of my door bc now i cant get out

yutah <3: you know what else will be stuck in between you ;)

emo ad fuck: EW WHAT THE FUCK

overtaxed mother: HEY THAT'S NSFW

dickless: oh my poor children

american slave: it's sad how im the only one who isn't affected by this

markle sparkles: 

thy coward: well yeah you came from fucking america??

unfunny: yuta, never- like just never do that again there are c h i l d r e n here

american slave: LISTEN IT'S NOT MY FAULT-

thy coward: hM

wig snatcher: what did i miss

dickless: don't scroll up

wig snatcher: why

mcqueen: eh?????

emo as fuck: i want to buy my innocence back

cuntfuckphin: sorry we don't sell any in the black market

emo as fuck: i wasn't asking you

real hoe: well damn

dickless: oh yeah how is the world tour going for you guys?

jaehoe: it's going pretty well

yutah <3: OMG

yutah <3: I SAW ONE FAN WITH A PIN THAT HAD MY FACE ON IT

american slave: lmao you looked so shocked as if this was your first time seeing it

shark boy: they have pins??

long and thin: i mean there's everything with us on it it's fine

thy coward: i still have my mark poster

markle sparkles: pls take that shit off

thy coward: never

<3 small moomin <3: YOU FUCKING BITCH

cuntfuckphin: AHAHHAAHAH

whipped pimp: wtf is going on-

<3 small moomin <3: THIS FUCKER USEd THE BLUE SHELL ON ME

unfunny: i am so concerned..

overtaxed mother: now you know how i feel

overtaxed mother:

overtaxed mother: wait a second

yeschengie <3: ?

overtaxed mother: WHO'S GONNA WATCH OVER THE CHILDREN WE'RE ALL AWAY

ugly mineral: omg i just realized that

hyuckie kisses: oh well let them do whatever they want

emo as fuck: it's time to rebel

wig snatcher: i don't think it's a good idea 

overtaxed mother: park jisung i will GROUND you

emo as fuck: in the next few months hahahahaah

cuntfuckphin: y'all i found mark's stash 

markle sparkles: WHAT I THOUGHT I TOOK THEM WITH ME

jaehoe: m a r k 

emo as fuck: oh no we're going through everyone's rooms rn after we just played mario kart

<3 small moomin <3: FUCK YOU DONGFUCK

hyuckie kisses: WHAT DID I DO

<3 small moomin <3: I FOUND MY FUCKING MOOMIN KEYCHAIN THAT YOU HID IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWERS

hyuckie kisses: oh i forgot about that

long and thin: you w h a t

real hoe: story to short he somehow managed to steal his keychain before the whole destruction happened over the moomin plush

yeschengie <3: it was horrific holy shit

thy coward: world war 3 right there ladies and gentleman

whipped pimp: and jungwoo ended up being one of the victim :,(

wig snatcher: ???

wig snatcher: i mean i just woke up and suddenly found myself in a mess

ugly mineral: and thats me when you sum up my life

american slave: isn't that everyone though

emo as fuck: im surprised none of y'all asked what mark's stash was

shark boy: wait what's his stash

mcqueen: i bet they're porn collections

markle sparkles: i am a CHRISTIAN boy and i am under god's protecti-

cuntfuckphin: i mean i was expecting them to be weed but they're just all polaroid pictures of nastyhyuck

hyuckie kisses: aww mark you shouldn't have,,

 

markle sparkles has left the group chat

 

mcqueen: lol coward

whipped pimp: he's just embarrassed dw

 

yutah <3 has added markle sparkles into the group chat

 

markle sparkles: let me go d i e 

<3 small moomin <3: i didn't know you were such a coward

unfunny: what are the polaroid pictures

ugly mineral: AWWW THEY'RE SO CUTE

ugly mineral: why can't my boyfriends do that like god :((

emo as fuck: lol you wish

jaehoe: my armpits hurt

american slave: did you even use the shaver correctly

jaehoe: it bit me

long and thin: how the-

overtaxed mother:

overtaxed mother: where's my water

real hoe: i think you meant beer

overtaxed mother: no vodka

thy coward: oh yeah where is jeno? shouldn't he be texting here like by the past 45 minutes ago?

emo as fuck: oh he's sleeping

hyuckie kisses: surprisingly 

markle sparkles: but he usually doesn't sleep at the time when the group chat is alive????

yeschengie <3: you're just overthinking abt it too much

dickless: ^

yutah <3: ^

yutah <3: i mean he must be  _that_ tired to sleep through everything

overtaxed mother: IS MY BABY OK

thy coward: HE'S MINE

unfunny: break it up you two pls

ugly mineral: uhhh

ugly mineral: now that you mentioned it he's been sneezing a lot lately

jaehoe: does he have a cold?

mcqueen: hopefully he didn't overwork himself

cuntfuckphin: he looked fine to me tbh

markle sparkles:

markle sparkles: well ok at least check up on him from time to time

yeschengie <3: hey guys we've been talking for a long time and i still haven't gotten out of my room

dickless: oops

 

**over 20 and free**

 

<3 small moomin <3: yk i just remembered our scheduled date was supposed to be today at 6 

hyuckie kisses: sucks to be you

ugly mineral: and im surprised this group chat is alive again

<3 small moomin <3: it was never alive ever since some IDIOT decided to fracture his shinbone 

hyuckie kisses: listen-

hyuckie kisses: AT LEAST IM FINE NOW

<3 small moomin <3: yeah and that doesn't mean you can michael jackson yourself out into outer space what if you hurt yourself again you're gonna get us worried and i will have to cut my moomin time to TAKE YOU THE FUCK TO BED

ugly mineral: pop off much babe?

hyuckie kisses: stop being nasty while im here thanks

hyuckie kisses: anyway about your date

hyuckie kisses: you should go see if jeno is feeling well to go on the date y'all planned for

hyuckie kisses: you can always reschedule if like he is dying

<3 small moomin <3: mm ok

 

renjun turned his phone off and looked at his hand that was intertwined with another hand before his eyes trailed up to the sleeve of the black sweater, up to the chest, then the perfect jawline. and let's not forget about the face, the beautiful,  _beautiful_ face that belonged to the one and only, jaemin. his skin was so flawless and it made him jealous but also made him want to shower kisses onto those cheekbones and anywhere to show the skin some love. his eyes traveled further until it stopped and it stared at the dark brown eyes that held the entire galaxy in those small orbs. he felt intoxicated when those eyes looked back at him with the same intensity. his heart was beating at a rapid speed, blood rushing in his veins as the familiar buzzing sensation spread through around him.

without knowing, he leaned in close to the boy and whispered softly, "let's go check up on jeno, hm?"

jaemin smiled and kissed his cute button nose and captured his lips into a sweet and soft kiss, "sure thing, injunnie."

after they both broke away from each other, they got up with renjun leading jaemin to their boyfriend's room which wasn't far from renjun's room they were chilling in. after the chinese boy opened the door to their respective boyfriend's, he didn't see the expected body that should be resting on his bed. plus, the bed looked like it wasn't touched. jaemin looked over his shoulder and saw the exact same thing.

"injunnie, where is he?" renjun looked at him and noticed that his eyebrows were slightly furrowed in worry and he cracked a small smile to assure him.

"okay, maybe he's in another room thinking it was his? it may be a possibility."

 

**dysfunctional hell**

 

<3 small moomin <3: y'all happened to know where jeno would most likely could've gone

hyuckie kisses: excuse me

overtaxed mother: WHAT

thy coward: WHAT

ugly mineral: we didn't find him in his room

jaehoe: um ok let's access into this situation before hell breaks loose

jaehoe: now OBVIOUSLY he should be still in the dream dorms

real hoe: no shit

american slave: maybe he went into someone's room by accident and died

<3 small moomin <3: i mean that's what exactly what i thought of

<3 small moomin <3: eh let's go check the empty room that mark used to be in

cuntfuckphin: now i'm sad :,(

 

renjun turned his phone off once again and huffed in determination. he grabbed his boyfriend by the hand and yanked him with him as they head for the only empty room that wasn't occupied and which it originally belonged to mark when he was still in the unit before graduating. surprisingly, the door to the bland and undecorated room was closed but there was an obvious gap that was by two inches in width wise, meaning that jeno must've entered. jaemin took the initiative and opened the door wider to reveal a shivering jeno who was sweating a lot in his sleep. his eyebrows were creased in discomfort.

both of them gave each other glances of worry and they immediately attended by their sleeping boyfriend's side with the oldest boy to grab tissues from his pocket and wiping the sweat away from his forehead that had strands of hair sticking to it. after properly wiping his sweat, renjun gently placed a hand on the dark haired boy's forehead after moving his bangs and felt how hot it was.

the younger shifted the sleeping boy into a more comfortable position once renjun retracted his hand, "so how is he?"

"he's burning up, like real bad," the light brunette crumpled the used up tissues and threw them into the trash bin near the nightstand. "and who knows how long he's been in those clothes, it's best if you start undressing him and i can go get a change of clothes."

the darker brunette hummed in response and obliged to unbutton the white dress shirt. he was focused on the first button close to the collar until the soft voice renjun spoke up again, filling up the silent room once again.

"i'll be looking for a thermometer for his temperature and some medicine, call me if you need me," renjun instructed to jaemin before waltzing out the room to go look for a thermometer and clothes from jeno's room.

after he had left, now it was just only the two of them alone in the room. jeno was asleep like a baby and stirred occasionally here and there whenever jaemin would accidentally brush his fingertips on the exposed skin while in the process of unbuttoning the shirt, working down until he was on the last button to the shirt. the very last button was unbuttoned and jaemin had to lift the big body up to fully peel the shirt off and then neatly folding it on the vacant side of the bed.

 

<3 small moomin <3: yo shitheads where do you keep the thermometer

markle sparkles: the last time i checked it was in the bathroom along with some medicine

<3 small moomin <3: i found medicine but not the thermometer?

mcqueen: where tf do you guys even put stuff

yeschengie <3: it's them not us

unfunny: just go buy a new one if there aint any

<3 small moomin <3: jeno is S I C K do you t hink iM GoNNA TakE mY DiDdly dArn TIME TO GET AnOtHeR TherMoMETER

cuntfuckphin: CHILL 

emo as fuck: if it helps it probably might be in the kitchen

hyuckie kisses: why the kitchen

overtaxed mother: yeah why the kitchen i need some explanation here

emo as fuck: i think that already explained enough

<3 small moomin <3: oh well thanks

 

twenty minutes had passed and jaemin was beyond done in stripping jeno out of his clothes and down to his boxers. before he would get cold, he laid him back down and pulled the blankets to cover jeno until it was up to his chin. he sat there for a few minutes in silence, watching the peaceful boy sleeping. he looked so ethereal, and he really meant it. he knew him ever since they were in school and they were close, possibly attached from hip to hip. yet, the downside of that is jaemin wasn't able to resist his "best friend's" charms from his pretty face, luscious but soft hair, lean body, and his adorable eye smiles. and look where that got him. but that was also okay for the younger, he really loved being by his side even as boyfriends because he truly did love the older a lot that he wouldn't hesitate to rip his heart and just hand it to him. okay, maybe that was a bit exaggerating.

the dark brunette had been thinking too much while staring at the sleeping face under the span of two minutes and he quickly snapped out of it. he really didn't know what to do, but his body knew what to do. his hand slowly reached out until it came into contact with the soft, dark locks belonging to jeno. it was  _super_ soft but still a little moist from the sweat earlier but it wasn't too icky for him. how can the older still look so charming, so pretty, casting him into a horrible spell that made him fall in love deeper and deeper?

deciding that renjun was taking a long ass time, he stood up from his kneeling position on the bed and was about to go grab a plastic bowl and fill it up with cool water and a towel until he felt a grip on his wrist. he was pulled back and turned to see that jeno was awake.

"stay," jeno muttered in his soft, hoarse voice that almost made the dark brunette blush and possibly squeal on how adorable and small he sounded. the grip on his wrist loosened and jeno was as close to drifting off to sleep again due to exhaustion, and the younger could tell that he wasn't having the greatest time down there with a fever. he smiled softly and pet his hair.

"you're such a big baby," jaemin cooed at the older boy who huffed, trying to appear annoyed but it didn't work obviously.

"but i'm your big baby," jeno pouted unconsciously.

the door suddenly opened to reveal a small boy with his hands overfilled with a basin filled with water and a small white towel soaked in it. on his other hand were the thermometer and medicine for fever and the boy wore an annoyed look. "alright lovebirds, quit flirting and jaemin your ass better help me."

the said boy chuckled followed by the sick boy to smile, getting comfortable under the warm blankets. they watched the chinese boy put everything on the nightstand, grabbing the soaked towel and squeezing it to get rid of excess water before handing it over to the youngest who gladly took it. he delicately placed the cool towel on jeno's forehead once his bangs were pushed to the side, patting the bundle of fluff on top of his head that earned a loving gaze.

"uh..." jeno averted his gaze from his two boyfriends who were nursing him. the awkward silence he had created started to slowly eat him. renjun rose an eyebrow as he brought over the thermometer. "what about our date?"

moments of silence later, renjun had stuck the thermometer into his mouth, waiting for the usual 'beep.' jaemin glanced at jeno and checked his watch, "i mean, we can always reschedule however we like depending on your fever."

"of course, and if it's  _that_ bad then we can just netflix and chill," the oldest shrugged but then glared at the youngest who had a dirty smug on his face, "and no jaemin, i didn't mean it like that."

"but that's exactly what you m-" the beeping sound of the temperature interrupted the dark brunette and the lighter took the thermometer away from jeno's mouth and checked the temperature. his eyes grew into two, huge saucer plates which made the other concerned and jaemin having to check over his shoulder.

"holy shit, one hundred and four degrees fahrenheight," the smaller repeated the numbers on the device in his hand, "nana, can you go make some soup while i take care of nono?"

"not even a please? wow, the things i do for you."

the fake scoff followed by the soft click of the door being closed resonated in the room.

 

mcqueen: my bangs are poking into my eyes help

american slave: lol idk what youre talking about

thy coward: shut it you emo ass

american slave: a t t a c k e d

markle sparkles: at least he had a regular ass hair

cuntfuckphin: how s a d

<3 small moomin <3: hey guys what do you do when youre in a room with someone but they're dying and you dont know what to do because you can't socialize in real life for shit ??

yeschengie <3: excuse me

unfunny: then you socialize

overtaxed mother: wait whO IS DYING

<3 small moomin <3: nah it's just jeno

thy coward: TELL MY BABY THAT I HOPE HE FEELS BETTER SOON

yutah <3: such rare occasions where he acts normal and nice for once to someone

thy coward: the fuck you say bitch

yutah <3: see

wig snatcher:

wig snatcher: ?

emo as fuck: lmao how did jeno even get sick

hyuckie kisses: didn't y'all talk in the group chat the other day that y'all were gonna cook shit

cuntfuckphin: let's not talk about that

hyuckie kisses: and y'all even forced jeno to try some

cuntfuckphin: l e t s n o t t a l k a b o u t t h a t

 

after jaemin came back with a bowl of soup in his hand, renjun's ears perked when he heard the door open. he looked up from his phone and immediately left jeno's side to grab the medicine from the nightstand. jeno carefully sat up, occasionally complaining about his nauseatic head. jaemin pulled the nearest chair with his socked foot and set it in front of jeno's bed and sat down, the hot soup eventually cooling down by a bit which was less burns on his fingers.

"so as we were saying, are you guys fine with netflix or something?" jeno fiddled with the blanket that was resting by his low mid-drift as there was a comfortable silence. 

renjun stopped what he was doing, the pill container in his hand and he looked over from the nightstand, "i mean unless you're asking to get even sicker," he shrugged and continued to twist the cap open and grabbed a spoon. this earned soft waves of laughter from jaemin.

"listen- it's just," jeno rubbed the back of his nape and looked down at his blanket as if it was the most interesting thing ever in the entire world, "i was just expecting us- or me to take you guys to a fancy date that involved outdoors. not here where you guys are taking care of me and that means you guys have to stay inside all day."

the unconscious pout made his way on his lips that made the two other boys notice and smile.

"like we said, it's fine and it doesn't really matter. as long as we're together and all then i still consider it as a date," the dark brunette scooped some soup into the spoon and brought it to his lips, gently blowing on it to cool it down before he carefully put it out in front of the other, "now say ah."

"ah," as he said so, the warm, savory liquid filled his mouth and he closed his mouth, cautiously swallowing the soup. he wanted to savor the flavors and just by the first spoon, his body felt better. after he drank down the soup, he received an unexpected kiss on the cheek by jaemin that made him blush by a hundred shades of red and renjun only sighed at their cute moment.

 

 

"alright, now time for your medicine nono," after jaemin left the room  _again_ to clean the empty bowl that jeno managed to drink all of the content inside, renjun was left in charge to give him medicine. the said boy looked at the silverware of a spoon holding the evil substance that was called "medicine" on it and was held by the older. he quickly shook his head and hid under the covers.

through the covers, he could hear the older sigh and mutter something. his ears listened through the covers and heard the sound of the spoon clink against a surface but he didn't know what he was gonna do. he held onto the sheets tightly over his head and only feel the warm breath of his inside the blanket den. before he knew it, he felt a body jump onto his bed and purposely land on top of him that knocked the airs out of his lungs. after the first attack, the second became a tug of war with the blanket. the smaller boy trying to rip the blanket off and the other latching onto it as if it's his lifeline.

"goddammit jeno, take your medicine before i force you," the boy on top of him cursed, tugging violently at the blanket that refused to uncover the body underneath. he smacked at a bumped area on the blanket of what he had assumed to be the shoulder multiple times.

"i'm your boyfriend and you can't make me drink that nasty shit!" jeno's voice was muffled from the thick blanket that acted as a barrier between the two. by the sound of it, he really didn't want to drink medicine even if it'll make him feel better and not too sick.

renjun stopped tugging at the blanket and clicked his tongue, "do you want to stay sick and not be able to kiss either of us?"

"indirect kisses exist."

"well i guess you don't want to get any kisses then."

the short boy got off the bed and trotted off to the nightstand to retrieve the medicine and pour the liquid from the spoon back into its container. on the other hand, the younger boy sighed and finally took the covers off from his head and it revealed the messy hair after the strength battle and the mop of hair making contact to the bed. renjun turned around to meet eyes with him and if he were to be honest, he'd be lying if he said the other boy didn't look cute with the ruffled up hair with some strands sticking in all directions. his face was pouty and his eyes shined at him.

"c'mon, please? i want kisses- i'll take the medicine but give me kisses," jeno pouted. renjun in return, sighed and shook his head, refilling the spoon with medicine and walking over to the pouty boy with it after leaving the container on the nightstand.

"fine," he held the spoon to his lips, "drink it before i change my mind and make you suffer."

once jeno drank all of the medicine in one shot, his face twisted from the bitter taste left on his tongue and complaining lowly how he hated the medicine and will never take it unless he'll get something out of it- but mainly the liquid being disgusting that came straight from hell. meanwhile, the brunette put away the spoon and capped the medicine and continued to reward his sick boyfriend with showers of kisses here and there—on the forehead, cheeks, jaws, chin, nose, then on the lips that earned a delighted noise and an arm wrapping around his waist to pull him closer and on his lap.

as small and cute pecks were exchanged, it grew into a kiss that was more affectionate that was indescribable for the two who were experiencing euphoric-like feelings. jeno was mainly focused on trying to get as many kisses as possible out of renjun while at the same time avoiding him to get sick and renjun trying to provide the kisses and soft caresses in between, showing and letting him feel that he's got him and their other boyfriend with him, for him. and only him.

the two were too immersed into each other, trying to mold into each other as one that they didn't notice the door opening, indicating that the youngest of the three has come back and now is witnessing them kissing in front of him—without him included! he let out a loud, dramatic gasp that caught their attention, breaking the two flushed boys apart and looked at him with agape expressions.

jaemin ran a hand through his hair and approached them slowly, "i can't believe you guys you didn't invite me into your session! i'm your boyfriend here and you  _dare_ to leave me out? na jaemin?"

jeno suddenly grew embarrassed once again but renjun was giggling. the latter then said, "well it's your fault for being slow. now come on and join us, don't we need to show how much we love our birthday boy?"

the smirk on younger's lips grew sinister, "of course, it's our birthday boy's time to find out what presents we got for him after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo im bARely getting free time bc of graduation and school and sleep oOp--
> 
> but yeah i originally was gonna upload this like at least a d a y after jeno's birthday like 2 months ago but that didnt go as planned bc of the finals and testings and njslas which was a month ago and i was like stress stressing :,))
> 
> however ig i'll make this as like a double update to upload for jeno's belated bday from me and another update for donghyuck's birthday!! (well hopefully) and i already have my projects due and im dying as well as possibly being sick again. i'll be updating as much as possible before tomorrow since i'll be at a carnival and have plans so enjoy the updates uwu


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